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Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love: Solving the Mystery of Attraction

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 Allan and Barbara Pease, the international bestsell­ing authors of Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps, deliver their most exciting book yet.   Will men and women ever see eye-to-eye about love and sex? How will relationships ever be rewarding if men only want to rush into bed and women want to rush to the altar? In this practical, witty and down-to-earth guide, co  Allan and Barbara Pease, the international bestsell­ing authors of Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps, deliver their most exciting book yet.   Will men and women ever see eye-to-eye about love and sex? How will relationships ever be rewarding if men only want to rush into bed and women want to rush to the altar? In this practical, witty and down-to-earth guide, couples experts Allan and Barbara Pease reveal the truth about how men and women can really get along. By translating science and cutting edge research into a powerful yet highly entertaining read, you’ll learn how to find true happiness and compatibility with the opposite sex.   REVEALED IN THIS BOOK: *   The seven types of love *   The top five things women want from men    *   What to do when the chemistry is wrong *   What turns men and women on – and off! *   The most common “New Relationship” mistakes and how to avoid them *   How to decode “manspeak” If you want to get the most satisfaction from your relationship, or are single and looking for the right person, then you must read this book for the answer to Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love.


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 Allan and Barbara Pease, the international bestsell­ing authors of Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps, deliver their most exciting book yet.   Will men and women ever see eye-to-eye about love and sex? How will relationships ever be rewarding if men only want to rush into bed and women want to rush to the altar? In this practical, witty and down-to-earth guide, co  Allan and Barbara Pease, the international bestsell­ing authors of Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps, deliver their most exciting book yet.   Will men and women ever see eye-to-eye about love and sex? How will relationships ever be rewarding if men only want to rush into bed and women want to rush to the altar? In this practical, witty and down-to-earth guide, couples experts Allan and Barbara Pease reveal the truth about how men and women can really get along. By translating science and cutting edge research into a powerful yet highly entertaining read, you’ll learn how to find true happiness and compatibility with the opposite sex.   REVEALED IN THIS BOOK: *   The seven types of love *   The top five things women want from men    *   What to do when the chemistry is wrong *   What turns men and women on – and off! *   The most common “New Relationship” mistakes and how to avoid them *   How to decode “manspeak” If you want to get the most satisfaction from your relationship, or are single and looking for the right person, then you must read this book for the answer to Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love.

30 review for Why Men Want Sex and Women Need Love: Solving the Mystery of Attraction

  1. 5 out of 5

    Rocio

    I think this is an essentialist worthless book and an epic piece of trash. Simply repackages stereotypes that are palatable to "traditional" Western values. Tries to prove through pseudoscience (aka bad evolutionary psychology) how ALL men are horndogs who are always ready for sex, and how women who actually enjoy casual sex must be damaged (have self-esteem issues) or been masculine (have high testosterone) and how men ONLY do *anything* for women ever as brownie points for sex, and how women are I think this is an essentialist worthless book and an epic piece of trash. Simply repackages stereotypes that are palatable to "traditional" Western values. Tries to prove through pseudoscience (aka bad evolutionary psychology) how ALL men are horndogs who are always ready for sex, and how women who actually enjoy casual sex must be damaged (have self-esteem issues) or been masculine (have high testosterone) and how men ONLY do *anything* for women ever as brownie points for sex, and how women are only interested their entire lives in long-term relationships and don't "really" enjoy sex for its own sake. Made many dubious claims which many of which were quite easy to debunk with a few minutes of internet research. (Such as their claim that there is a universal male preference for a certain hip to waist ratio but there are studies that show that in isolated societies (those not exposed to global media) there actually different preferences (so def no universal here). And its argumentation and logic was just awful, I remember one quote about women that said "But you know deep down inside its true!" No, that's not how science or logic proves anything, that's not any sort of an argument, just an appeal to emotion and prejudice. Also amazing how they simplistic attribute all this behavior to genetics and not at all to socialization. Also loved the part where they trashed those who criticize them as being "politically motivated". Got news for them, defending the status quo is just as politically motivated as anything else and probably even MORE politically motivated. This book was one of the most insulting things I've ever read claimed about human beings, as if we're not complex adaptable creatures who have wide range of variation and instead ONLY ruled by our genitals. This is so stuck in a black and white gender essentialist Western Christian framework, they probably sold so many books because they told people what they wanted to hear rather than what a sex researcher will probably tell you, something like "there is a very wide range of sexual human behavior and practices" throughout different cultures and times. Perfect example of when our prejudices get all wrapped up in scientific clothing but really don't hold to rigor at all. Or how the authority of science is used to try to uphold our prejudices (reminds of how 19th century sciences tried to "prove" the genetic inferiority of other races). Good question one of the critics of "men are horndogs and women are just emotional" line of interpretation of evolutionary psychology said was that if females just aren't that interested in non-monogamous sex than why did so many societies put so much energy into regulating their sexual habits through all of human history?

  2. 4 out of 5

    Mike Smith

    According to the authors, our attitudes towards sex and love are strongly influenced by our basic evolutionary history and biological needs. Men can't be sure that any given baby is theirs (the book says that studies show that about 10% of children born to married couples are not the husbands' biological children), so they are driven to have sex with as many women as possible to have a reasonable chance of fathering children. Women, on the other hand, know exactly which babies are theirs since t According to the authors, our attitudes towards sex and love are strongly influenced by our basic evolutionary history and biological needs. Men can't be sure that any given baby is theirs (the book says that studies show that about 10% of children born to married couples are not the husbands' biological children), so they are driven to have sex with as many women as possible to have a reasonable chance of fathering children. Women, on the other hand, know exactly which babies are theirs since they carried and delivered them. What they need is a man who will be willing to provide food, shelter, and security during and after pregnancy. The authors don't suggest that either attitude is right or wrong, although they do apologize to feminists for stating their thesis so plainly. They do say that by better understanding what drives the opposite sex, we can make our relationships better. The book is written in an engaging and straightforward style, with very little scientific jargon, although it cites a large number of scientific and sociological studies of sexual behaviour and attitudes. A few cartoons and jokes are scattered throughout the book to lighten the mood a bit, but the underlying research is serious stuff. Based on my own experience, I would say that most of what the authors say is credible and sensible. I recommend this book to anyone in a relationship or thinking of entering into one.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Alex

    Just in the style of its title, the book establishes its theme in a very simple and direct manner. It stresses repeatedly that the two sexes behave almost completely differently, due to their biological and psychological "hard wiring", which has not changed from primitive humans to civilized ones. Since the authors are not formally trained scholars (not much reputation is at risk), one obvious question is how much this book can be trusted. As I only listened to the audio book I could not see the Just in the style of its title, the book establishes its theme in a very simple and direct manner. It stresses repeatedly that the two sexes behave almost completely differently, due to their biological and psychological "hard wiring", which has not changed from primitive humans to civilized ones. Since the authors are not formally trained scholars (not much reputation is at risk), one obvious question is how much this book can be trusted. As I only listened to the audio book I could not see the bibliography at the end; assuming the bibliography is good and matches the quotes in the text, which form the most of it, then I think this book is surprisingly quite scholarly--the authors compiled results mostly from university researchers. On the other hand, there is no survey of the research history in this field, no mentioning of any academic debates or opposing results, which then make the book not very scholarly.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Anintya Novitasari

    Unfortunately, this book contain the 'west people' point of view. So there are several things that different with the condition in Indonesia and it can't be applied. Unfortunately, this book contain the 'west people' point of view. So there are several things that different with the condition in Indonesia and it can't be applied.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Jess

    Took a longer time to finish this book because it is not the usual genre I read. I like the book though. Although it is criticized for only analyzing love from the aspect of science and not a bit from the aspect of emotion, I think it is a good read. The facts are really based on scientific research and papers. There's nothing wrong to learn a little bit more. Plus the comics and little jokes in the book are cute and funny. Just don't take it too seriously and you will find yourself reading a ve Took a longer time to finish this book because it is not the usual genre I read. I like the book though. Although it is criticized for only analyzing love from the aspect of science and not a bit from the aspect of emotion, I think it is a good read. The facts are really based on scientific research and papers. There's nothing wrong to learn a little bit more. Plus the comics and little jokes in the book are cute and funny. Just don't take it too seriously and you will find yourself reading a very entertaining book.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Karen Jackson

    This is an incredible book on relationships! I check it out from the library and after reading it, decided I need to purchase my own copy. It is still interesting the second time around.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Nermy

    I liked and enjoyed reading it. It focused on The scientific and biological basis of human relations; love, attraction, sex, ... How: our brains and hormones act and interact inside and reflected outside in our actions. Very interesting. Though, I don't like the way it covers human relations in a very practical way ignoring but even bluntly denying that mystical relation that turns on flame. I believe, the issue is spiritually followed by chemical then biological Interactions. Also, I believe th I liked and enjoyed reading it. It focused on The scientific and biological basis of human relations; love, attraction, sex, ... How: our brains and hormones act and interact inside and reflected outside in our actions. Very interesting. Though, I don't like the way it covers human relations in a very practical way ignoring but even bluntly denying that mystical relation that turns on flame. I believe, the issue is spiritually followed by chemical then biological Interactions. Also, I believe there exists, many exceptions. Rules can't be generalized in evaluation, prioritizing, reacting among men and women.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Void lon iXaarii

    It certainly is a delightfully politically incorrect book, with each chapter told alternatively from the male/female perspective, it is probably a hard to digest book for many, but for those who can take it there's some really good info in there. Also as a bonus there's a shocking amount of surprisingly subtle humor (even to unexpectedly rare social points). It certainly is a delightfully politically incorrect book, with each chapter told alternatively from the male/female perspective, it is probably a hard to digest book for many, but for those who can take it there's some really good info in there. Also as a bonus there's a shocking amount of surprisingly subtle humor (even to unexpectedly rare social points).

  9. 5 out of 5

    Araceli

    If stereotypes upset you, definitely not a book I would recommend (also very not politically correct ) :D I enjoyed reading the book, laughed out loud, got frustrated some other times finding myself reflected in the descriptions. A pleasant light reading that made me think, and where I found that love at first sight truly exists (though not how romance books usually picture it).

  10. 5 out of 5

    Nahla Magdy

    Informative and page-turner. It's not cliche as most books, it's rather scientific and statistically-based. Every chapter is captivating that makes you go from one page to another.You should definitely broaden your knowledge by reading this one. Informative and page-turner. It's not cliche as most books, it's rather scientific and statistically-based. Every chapter is captivating that makes you go from one page to another.You should definitely broaden your knowledge by reading this one.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Choki Gyeltshen

    The authors of the International Bestseller Book ‘Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps’, Allan & Barbara Pease has again written a New International Bestselling book ‘Why Men Want Sex & Women Need Love’. The book distinguishes the sexual desires between the opposite sexes with scientific research and facts. Accentuating the sex in the relationships, it reveals what men and women really want from love and sex and how to have a happy future. Most men whether married or single think of sex e The authors of the International Bestseller Book ‘Why Men Don’t Listen & Women Can’t Read Maps’, Allan & Barbara Pease has again written a New International Bestselling book ‘Why Men Want Sex & Women Need Love’. The book distinguishes the sexual desires between the opposite sexes with scientific research and facts. Accentuating the sex in the relationships, it reveals what men and women really want from love and sex and how to have a happy future. Most men whether married or single think of sex every minute, wherever they are and whenever they see women. Conversely, most women think of love since, for women love and sex are emotionally attached unlike men. Men’s brain is compounded to do one thing at one time whereas women can do many things at a time. In most cases men’s brain can differentiate between sex and love. For men sex is sex and love is love. Sex is hardwired into the men’s brain since the primitive age, where men used to hunt and women used to nurture their children and cook. Sex is hardwired into men’s brain so that, men can spread his gene as wide as possible, to maintain his DNA flow. Men have higher testosterone levels than women and women have higher levels of oestrogen compared to men, these hormones distinguish the sexual drives in human species. Because women wanted to attract men, there are many cosmetic industries and fashion magazines in the world. When women tend to attract, they have a list of criteria which depends on men’s ability to gather resources and ability to love. Men too have criteria in choosing partner for them that is sex! Most men choose their long term and short term partners depending on their different criterion for short term and long term relationships. For short term relation obviously it is sex and for long term relation, men needs a decent, motherly, caring, loving woman who can satisfy them on bed. Women need love and resources from men. It is very important for women to understand men and handle him accordingly and it is equally important for men not to understand women but show love and handle accordingly. The biggest turn on for women isn't the sex but the sight of a man cooking dinner, doing the dishes, feeding the kids and putting his dirty clothes in the laundry. To have a good relationship, discuss problems somewhere neutral at agreed time and understand the differences of men and women. Men and women are different. Not better, not worse, just different.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Madlyn

    This book was everything I expected it to be.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Wil Roese

    This book is a little shallow in that it only looks at the biological aspects of love and totally ignores the spiritual aspects. It also downplays friendship. While friendship is mentioned as one of the seven types of love, it is not mentioned in the three phases of love. This may be the way a most relationships actually happen but it is also the problem with most relationships. When there in no real friendship in the beginning than there is nothing remaining after the passion is gone. I did, how This book is a little shallow in that it only looks at the biological aspects of love and totally ignores the spiritual aspects. It also downplays friendship. While friendship is mentioned as one of the seven types of love, it is not mentioned in the three phases of love. This may be the way a most relationships actually happen but it is also the problem with most relationships. When there in no real friendship in the beginning than there is nothing remaining after the passion is gone. I did, however, like the fact that where willing to tell the real differences between men and women when it comes to love and sex and where not afraid to contradict the politically correct thought police. They just don't give the traditional stenotype for men and women, as some other reviewers suggest, but give scientific studies to shoe how men and women are different. I think the people who are offended by books such as this one are because to them equality means being the same and they can therefor not accept any differences no matter how much scientific evidence there is to show it. We should celebrate the differences between men and women and not try to hide them.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Waseem

    WTF?! Crazy book filled with stereotypical talk and even sexist remarks? (and no it's not because I don't have a sense of humour) so that's saying something While I gave this book 2 stars - only based on what lil thing I found useful about the book - sharing some scientific research behind some of what the author covered - but really should be 1 star of not ZERO STARS - really the advice is actually terribly dangerous because the method that is being taught as is based on the idea that YOUR partn WTF?! Crazy book filled with stereotypical talk and even sexist remarks? (and no it's not because I don't have a sense of humour) so that's saying something While I gave this book 2 stars - only based on what lil thing I found useful about the book - sharing some scientific research behind some of what the author covered - but really should be 1 star of not ZERO STARS - really the advice is actually terribly dangerous because the method that is being taught as is based on the idea that YOUR partner can be "this person" just because the research and I say so...( this way ) as in a negative way... Really? Your most likely will be left panicked and suspicious about your partner and even your self esteem and worth may come into doubt - I honestly don't see what the author tried to achieve here The book should be renamed as the depressive and negative way it's written... In my opinion anyway because this is just comical Waseem Mirza http://www.WaseemMirza.net

  15. 5 out of 5

    Lucian

    I think this book is the best ( meaning it has every concept ) from the entire series these authors wrote on this topic. I agree that somethings might be considered by some people ( male or female ) challenging and maybe a little offensive, but the theory behind has enough qualities to be regarded as being a good approximation of the reality. The language is very accessible and every few pages there are some small jokes. One advice before reading this book: position yourself in a mindset of a sci I think this book is the best ( meaning it has every concept ) from the entire series these authors wrote on this topic. I agree that somethings might be considered by some people ( male or female ) challenging and maybe a little offensive, but the theory behind has enough qualities to be regarded as being a good approximation of the reality. The language is very accessible and every few pages there are some small jokes. One advice before reading this book: position yourself in a mindset of a scientist or of a person trying to understand the relationships and also allow yourself to smile and laugh. Another thing that I found interesting was the data about how many people are single or married. And the evolution of these data to our days. The book contains plenty of studies on married couples in US or EU and tries to put them together into a theory.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Mark

    This book is a mixed bag. On the one hand, it seems to be a collection the conventional wisdom on gender difference backed up by evolutionary biology / psychology pseudoscience. And yet, there is a reason why conventional wisdom has developed and not all the science is junk. I think this can be a useful book in understand the general inclinations of many people. There are some unfortunately tendencies described in this book which I think are common among men and women. I think learning about the This book is a mixed bag. On the one hand, it seems to be a collection the conventional wisdom on gender difference backed up by evolutionary biology / psychology pseudoscience. And yet, there is a reason why conventional wisdom has developed and not all the science is junk. I think this can be a useful book in understand the general inclinations of many people. There are some unfortunately tendencies described in this book which I think are common among men and women. I think learning about these tendencies and dynamics can empower people to make choices about how to live their lives rather than to be driven by them. The worse use of this book would be to take some of patterns described in this book and feel trapped to justified in bad / unwise behavior because it what biology is making you do.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Andrew

    A handful of sections are rambling and disjointed, and sometimes I feel like the ends of some of the chapters are a nonsensical thought dump. Minor quibbles aside though, this book does a wonderful job of breaking down the differences between men and women when it comes to sex. There's no sugar coating here, and both parties are held equally responsible for their evolutionary upbringing. All is not lost though, and maybe with the power of this knowledge and the handy human attribute of free will A handful of sections are rambling and disjointed, and sometimes I feel like the ends of some of the chapters are a nonsensical thought dump. Minor quibbles aside though, this book does a wonderful job of breaking down the differences between men and women when it comes to sex. There's no sugar coating here, and both parties are held equally responsible for their evolutionary upbringing. All is not lost though, and maybe with the power of this knowledge and the handy human attribute of free will, we can build better relationships.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Vladimir Rybalko

    Generally, this book does not describe anything new. Authors simply systematize all known knowledge. Although, they do it well. The book consists of many useful advices about human relationships. If you read this, you will get a good experience for building a strong relationships. In whole, you can understand the opposite sex better. In the end I want to quote very good words: "Men and women are different. We are not better or worse than each other. We are just different!". Generally, this book does not describe anything new. Authors simply systematize all known knowledge. Although, they do it well. The book consists of many useful advices about human relationships. If you read this, you will get a good experience for building a strong relationships. In whole, you can understand the opposite sex better. In the end I want to quote very good words: "Men and women are different. We are not better or worse than each other. We are just different!".

  19. 5 out of 5

    Tania

    An excellent look over men and women's real differences and how to understand and live with them. To accept the differences is to walk a path to understanding and acceptance between both sexes and also provide a better relationship. All theories are trully identifyable in every day situation and supported by scientific data. I really reccomend everyone to read it. It's a light and funny reading, full of fun and handy information. An excellent look over men and women's real differences and how to understand and live with them. To accept the differences is to walk a path to understanding and acceptance between both sexes and also provide a better relationship. All theories are trully identifyable in every day situation and supported by scientific data. I really reccomend everyone to read it. It's a light and funny reading, full of fun and handy information.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Πέτρος Παπαγεωργίου

    If one accepts the science and research backing this book up, the book is very good and informative. Do i have any doubts? not really but as all books of the same kind they tend to generalize... Other than that I would say, very well written, and definitley the kind of book that can help couples understand each other better... In fact I suggest, once read, it would be good to dip into it every now then in order to remind each other what to do and how to deal with problems... A good book!

  21. 5 out of 5

    Robin

    After hearing the authors on the radio a while back, I wanted to read their book. It's interesting and full of anecdotes about relationships, a llot of which I already knew. But it was written with levity and I'm sure that anyone who reads it will get something out of it! Fortunately for me, I am in a great relationship and most of their advice is unnecessary for me! After hearing the authors on the radio a while back, I wanted to read their book. It's interesting and full of anecdotes about relationships, a llot of which I already knew. But it was written with levity and I'm sure that anyone who reads it will get something out of it! Fortunately for me, I am in a great relationship and most of their advice is unnecessary for me!

  22. 4 out of 5

    Sugan

    The title says it all, "Why men want sex and women need love". The point explained in first 6 chapters men and women behave in such a way because they are hardwired in such a way. The text becomes boring repeating the same point. The remaining chapters are interesting but they are also so long to convey the message. The title says it all, "Why men want sex and women need love". The point explained in first 6 chapters men and women behave in such a way because they are hardwired in such a way. The text becomes boring repeating the same point. The remaining chapters are interesting but they are also so long to convey the message.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Jodi

    An interesting and at times scary insight into the psychology behind relationships. There are of course many common sense facts in here, then there are some facts about women that are incorrect about me, but mostly it is an eye opening read. Still I feel like I have more questions than answers after reading this book.

  24. 4 out of 5

    John Gurney

    A pleasant surprise find! This book uses evolutionary biology and myriad academic studies to look at male-female relationships. Be forewarned, this book is about how people really act and what really motivates them, not necessarily what religious or politically correct people wish to be the case. The narrative style is amusing, even whimsical.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Fairos

    The book is easy to read, and humurous. It has scientific evidence to why men and women behaves the way they do. It is helpful to those who is looking for love and a help for those who wants to keep their love with their current partner.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Jeremy Raper

    there are some decent observations in here (as well as some entertaining cartoons) but frankly nothing ground-breaking or stuff I didn't already know from general knowledge. Not worth the investment of time. there are some decent observations in here (as well as some entertaining cartoons) but frankly nothing ground-breaking or stuff I didn't already know from general knowledge. Not worth the investment of time.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Sonali Bora

    Entertaining and enlightening. Explains that love is after all, a chemically induced reaction in the brain. Answers a few questions and raises some more. A recommended read for all women who wonder why men have only 1 thing on their mind, or men who wonder why women can never understand it.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Anna

    loved it, laugh a lot in how to tale a shower like men or women, laughed a lot.Loved this book!Was also really usefull for a subject Im takeing at university called "individual differences" from th psychology degree, was good to use this knowledge ;) loved it, laugh a lot in how to tale a shower like men or women, laughed a lot.Loved this book!Was also really usefull for a subject Im takeing at university called "individual differences" from th psychology degree, was good to use this knowledge ;)

  29. 4 out of 5

    Elegant Blossom

    A very modern book about relationship between two genders. Funny and easy to read, Allan and Barbara illustrated some of the most common differences in male and female thinking perspectives. Good to know, cautious applying this knowledge..

  30. 5 out of 5

    Clarinda

    I loved this book, it's so insightful. I have dubbed this my relationship bible ^-^. Allan and Barbara are fantastic writers, I enjoy reading their stuff. I loved this book, it's so insightful. I have dubbed this my relationship bible ^-^. Allan and Barbara are fantastic writers, I enjoy reading their stuff.

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