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The Language of Love and Respect: Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate

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A Revolutionary Solution to the #1 Marriage Problem Why does communication between couples remain the number one marriage issue? Because, says Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, most spouses don t know that they speak two different languages. They are sending each other messages in code, but they won t crack that code until they see that she listens to hear the language of love and he A Revolutionary Solution to the #1 Marriage Problem Why does communication between couples remain the number one marriage issue? Because, says Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, most spouses don t know that they speak two different languages. They are sending each other messages in code, but they won t crack that code until they see that she listens to hear the language of love and he listens to hear the language of respect. Dr. Eggerichs best-selling book, Love & Respect, launched a revolution in how couples relate to each other. In The Language of Love & Respect, he presents a practical, step-by-step approach for how husbands and wives can learn to speak each other s distinctly different language respect for him, love for her. The result is mutual understanding and a successful, happy marriage. Previously released as Cracking the Communication Code"


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A Revolutionary Solution to the #1 Marriage Problem Why does communication between couples remain the number one marriage issue? Because, says Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, most spouses don t know that they speak two different languages. They are sending each other messages in code, but they won t crack that code until they see that she listens to hear the language of love and he A Revolutionary Solution to the #1 Marriage Problem Why does communication between couples remain the number one marriage issue? Because, says Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, most spouses don t know that they speak two different languages. They are sending each other messages in code, but they won t crack that code until they see that she listens to hear the language of love and he listens to hear the language of respect. Dr. Eggerichs best-selling book, Love & Respect, launched a revolution in how couples relate to each other. In The Language of Love & Respect, he presents a practical, step-by-step approach for how husbands and wives can learn to speak each other s distinctly different language respect for him, love for her. The result is mutual understanding and a successful, happy marriage. Previously released as Cracking the Communication Code"

30 review for The Language of Love and Respect: Cracking the Communication Code with Your Mate

  1. 5 out of 5

    Sandra

    Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' book is based upon the verse Ephesians 5:33 : "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." He writes that wives hear and see in pink (the language of love) and husbands see and hear in blue (language of respect). He states that couples are sending each other messages in 'code' and they won't be able to crack that code until they learn to listen in their spouse's language. The book gives ample examples on how Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' book is based upon the verse Ephesians 5:33 : "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." He writes that wives hear and see in pink (the language of love) and husbands see and hear in blue (language of respect). He states that couples are sending each other messages in 'code' and they won't be able to crack that code until they learn to listen in their spouse's language. The book gives ample examples on how to crack the code and improve communication in a marriage. I really wanted to like this book but was very disappointed. There are some truths hidden in the book but you have to dig through a lot to get to them. I found the book to be VERY repetitive and tedious. His use of acronyms was excessive and annoying. Dr. Eggerich began referring to his first book "Love and Respect" quite often which felt more like an ad trying to sell that book rather than an attempt to teach. The book might be good for a young couple who have not received any teaching on this subject, if they can wade through it, but I think there are probably better books out there on this subject. This book could have easily been cut in half (or more!) and then would have been much more effective in keep the reader's attention. Having said that, I did like his teaching wives to have unconditional respect for their husbands in the same way that husbands should love their wives unconditionally.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Leah

    This is a followup to the relationship book called Love & Respect. It's basically a reiteration of what was stated in the first book, but focuses on communication skills as those principles are applied. My boyfriend and I are going through the Love & Respect DVD series, which has been immensely helpful for us in terms of understanding the completely different perspectives we often come from. It was helpful to read this book while going through the DVDs, but I'd say if you've read Love & Respect, This is a followup to the relationship book called Love & Respect. It's basically a reiteration of what was stated in the first book, but focuses on communication skills as those principles are applied. My boyfriend and I are going through the Love & Respect DVD series, which has been immensely helpful for us in terms of understanding the completely different perspectives we often come from. It was helpful to read this book while going through the DVDs, but I'd say if you've read Love & Respect, you can probably skip this one.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Erin Henry

    So much of it comes down to "be a good human". The gendered nature of it bothers me a lot. Men and women are different but I think they both want love and respect. However the book did help remind me to be a good human and gave me some new tips on how. So much of it comes down to "be a good human". The gendered nature of it bothers me a lot. Men and women are different but I think they both want love and respect. However the book did help remind me to be a good human and gave me some new tips on how.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Ethan

    However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33 ESV). This verse is the basis for the Love and Respect system as promoted by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. His Love and Respect book, DVD series, and seminars have become very popular and have been a great benefit to many couples throughout the country. The fundamental principle that women need love and men need respect and that each should give what the other needs unconditionally h However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband (Ephesians 5:33 ESV). This verse is the basis for the Love and Respect system as promoted by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. His Love and Respect book, DVD series, and seminars have become very popular and have been a great benefit to many couples throughout the country. The fundamental principle that women need love and men need respect and that each should give what the other needs unconditionally has great value in a marriage. But how, exactly, can a man communicate love and a wife communicate respect? This is the subject of The Language of Love & Respect: Cracking the Communication Code With Your Mate, by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs. This book was previously published as Cracking the Communication Code but has now been helpfully re-titled in order to better demonstrate its alignment with the core love and respect principles presented in the original Love and Respect. The Language of Love and Respect can be seen as the "intermediate" or "advanced" level of the Love and Respect concept. The fundamental concepts of Love and Respect are presented in the first part of the book-- women need love, men need respect, they should not step on each other's air hose, men see the world and hear the world as men and women as women, "blue" and "pink," not wrong, just different, and the three cycles: the crazy cycle, the energized cycle, and the rewarded cycle. This recap is beneficial, but the reader would benefit from a thorough study of the original book on Love and Respect. The Language of Love and Respect then returns to each of the three cycles-- the crazy cycle, the energized cycle, and the rewarded cycle-- and expands on the concepts presented. The reader is introduced to the process by which Emerson came to his conclusions. More examples of the difficulties and how to get beyond them are presented. The reader will more likely than not find him or herself within many of those situations and thus can benefit from considering them. The focus on the "crazy" cycle is how to decode the message the spouse is presenting-- how to get behind the argued issue to understand the underlying difficulty. In the "energized" cycle, the focus is on how to apply COUPLE and CHAIRS, the means by which to energize women and men, respectively, and how to clarify communication before the "craziness" begins. For the crazy and energized cycles there is just an expansion of the concepts already presented in Love and Respect, and such is valuable. More is presented with the rewarded cycle, focusing on the "Jesus way of talking," using principles in Ephesians 4-5 regarding speaking in ways that are consistent with Jesus-- words of truth, encouragement, forgiveness, thankfulness, and Scripture. The Language of Love and Respect, therefore, is the ideal next step after one has considered Love and Respect-- finding ways to put the principles into practice in everyday communication. The Language of Love and Respect emphasizes not only the Biblical principles that lead to better marriage but places its own emphasis on how, in the end, it's not about the marriage as much as it is about God in Christ. We must "be Jesus" in our marital relationships, relationships with children, parents, employers, employees, friends, etc. Eggerichs is an Evangelical and apologizes in the book for total depravity and "once saved, always saved"; nevertheless, these do not really affect the concepts and principles in this book. Everyone who is in a marriage relationship or intends to be in a marriage relationship at some point will benefit from the Love and Respect material, and The Language of Love & Respect is a welcome addition to that material. This is a must read for both husbands and wives!

  5. 4 out of 5

    Maryjo

    Absolutely excellent for couples and even work relationships when it is male and female.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Isabelle

    Repetitive in the beginning but glad I stuck with it until the end. The best part is the reward cycle chapters at the end.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Cafelilybookreviews

    The Language of Love & Respect (This book was previously released as Cracking the Communication Code.) Dr. Emerson Eggerichs believes that when a woman learns to speak respectfully and a husband learns to speak lovingly, they reflect the “Jesus Way of Talking”. From various surveys and years of talking with couples, Dr. Eggerichs has found that the biggest problem in marriage is a lack of communication. If you have previously read Love & Respect, then Chapter One of The Language of Love & Respect w The Language of Love & Respect (This book was previously released as Cracking the Communication Code.) Dr. Emerson Eggerichs believes that when a woman learns to speak respectfully and a husband learns to speak lovingly, they reflect the “Jesus Way of Talking”. From various surveys and years of talking with couples, Dr. Eggerichs has found that the biggest problem in marriage is a lack of communication. If you have previously read Love & Respect, then Chapter One of The Language of Love & Respect will be a review of the Love & Respect Principles. If you’re anxious to get started on improving your communication skills, you might want to skip to Chapter Two. This book repeats some of the information from Love & Respect, but I think that the advice is definitely worth repeating. It has been proven that learning is best with repetition and unless you’ve been able to perfect your communication skills, review is always good. If you’re not aware of what the “Crazy Cycle” is, it can be summed up as this: Without love, she reacts without respect. Without respect, he reacts without love. Simple in theory, but effective when you concentrate on acting Christ-like in your marriage. While this book makes many good points, one of my favorites was that we should try to look at our spouses as Jesus sees them. Make sure that you fairly represent your spouse’s spirit – give your spouse the same grace and mercy YOU want them to give you. Successful marriages are those that look for and believe in their spouse’s goodwill. When you have unrealistic expectations in marriage, you end up having problems. Your spouse cannot meet all of your needs – only God can meet all of your needs. I do have some theological differences from the author in regards to his view of forgiveness (in Chapter 7) but overall, this book is a great resource if you are looking to improve communication with your spouse.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Becki

    In this sequel to Love and Respect, Dr. Eggerichs breaks down how love and respect are reflected and seen through our communication with one or another.\n\nMy aunt gave us the original book as a wedding present. We both read it. And as long as I keep it visually in front of me, I remember that respect is a deep need for Jeff (and all men) and am better at meeting that. Out of sight�usually out of mind within a few weeks. Yet I was still excited to dig into this second book that has more practica In this sequel to Love and Respect, Dr. Eggerichs breaks down how love and respect are reflected and seen through our communication with one or another.\n\nMy aunt gave us the original book as a wedding present. We both read it. And as long as I keep it visually in front of me, I remember that respect is a deep need for Jeff (and all men) and am better at meeting that. Out of sight�usually out of mind within a few weeks. Yet I was still excited to dig into this second book that has more practical application for how I communicate�and receive communication.\n\nAlso, before you single folks check out, I think that it�s a good book to read even if you�re single. Yes, the target audience is married people. However, all men � married or not � have an innate need to feel respected and all women � married or not � have an innate need to feel loved. So in all communication, if you speak towards those needs, you�re going to be more successful.\n\nAlthough, I do have to say I�m either incredibly delusional or I�m an exception to this love/respect rule. I would much rather know that I�m respected than feel like I am loved. \n\nHowever, the communication keys in the book are still applicable, and I�m going to keep working on it until I get it right.\n

  9. 4 out of 5

    Mandy J. Hoffman

    In The Language Of Love & Respect you will learn how important simply communication is in your marriage and how you can crack what seems to be a complicated code. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs explains the various cycles that take place in a marriage and how they apply to our lives. If you feel like you are in the crazy cycle, reading this book will help you head in the right direction to energize your marriage rather than drain it. I enjoy Dr. Eggerichs word picture of how woman hear and see in pink and In The Language Of Love & Respect you will learn how important simply communication is in your marriage and how you can crack what seems to be a complicated code. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs explains the various cycles that take place in a marriage and how they apply to our lives. If you feel like you are in the crazy cycle, reading this book will help you head in the right direction to energize your marriage rather than drain it. I enjoy Dr. Eggerichs word picture of how woman hear and see in pink and men hear and see in blue and when you blend them you have God's purple. I found the balance and encouragement in this book to be helpful and easily applicable. Any couple at any stage of marriage will benefit from this book and the advice of Dr. Eggerichs.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Lisa

    This was a very insightful book, another one supporting striving in your marriage to be holy as opposed to being happy. Looking at your marriage from eternal perspective as opposed to a worldly perspective. I appreciated the information in the appendices at the end of the book. I thought the section on adultery abuse and addiction was handled very well.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Nathan Sudds

    This book is also called Cracking the Communication Code and I highly recommend it. It starts off a bit dry but each chapter has valuable insight on relationship dynamics. The love and respect concept definitely is worth reading and talking about. I've read this years ago and listened to parts of the audio again this year. This book is also called Cracking the Communication Code and I highly recommend it. It starts off a bit dry but each chapter has valuable insight on relationship dynamics. The love and respect concept definitely is worth reading and talking about. I've read this years ago and listened to parts of the audio again this year.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Greg Van Vorhis

    This is a practical, real-life book of suggestions for how to put the concepts in their first book, "Love and Respect," into daily use. It has its excellent points, and it has times when you just want to stop reading due to repetition. This is a practical, real-life book of suggestions for how to put the concepts in their first book, "Love and Respect," into daily use. It has its excellent points, and it has times when you just want to stop reading due to repetition.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Cherlene Robson

    Fully recommended for any couple who wants to improve their communication skill. Great book to read. The importance of love and respect in the marriage and to stop the crazy circle. Every couple should read this book, great insight for any one who want to learn and understand about relationship.

  14. 5 out of 5

    kate

    A good "reminder" of how to treat your spouse. Although we are in a "happy season" of marriage, I wanted to reference in not so happy times- I ended up buying a copy to keep on hand:) A good "reminder" of how to treat your spouse. Although we are in a "happy season" of marriage, I wanted to reference in not so happy times- I ended up buying a copy to keep on hand:)

  15. 4 out of 5

    Monica Buescher

    Excellent information about understanding the differences between men and women. Highly helpful and enjoyable to read. I definitely recommend it!

  16. 4 out of 5

    John Caves

    Great book with specific ideas to succeed in showing love to my wife

  17. 5 out of 5

    B.C.

    Abandoned. The self-help book had some good things but just couldn't keep us interested to stay commited. If you are a self-help person, this would probably be pretty good. Abandoned. The self-help book had some good things but just couldn't keep us interested to stay commited. If you are a self-help person, this would probably be pretty good.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Mark Delaplane

    There is too much of a Evangelical Christian perspective on this for me.

  19. 4 out of 5

    April

    Enlightening. Interesting. Lots of good tips.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Amanda

    Too repetitive. Read the first one.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Mookie J

    decent book. Seemed to repeat itself a lot- but maybe that was kind of the point. Pretty simple and straightforward. End of the book was better

  22. 4 out of 5

    Kimberly

    I was surprised by the amount of religion and scripture in this book. I found it distracting and annoying; obviously this book wasn't for me. I was surprised by the amount of religion and scripture in this book. I found it distracting and annoying; obviously this book wasn't for me.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Kalen

    Fairly repetitive, could have been half as long.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Gary Castaldo

    Too religious for me, I also found that I need more of the Love and my wife the respect. Yet, in the end, it's a worth wild read. Too religious for me, I also found that I need more of the Love and my wife the respect. Yet, in the end, it's a worth wild read.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Nathanael Ayling

    This has been a very helpful book with a lot of practical advice to help strengthen one's marriage. It was a little repetitive and could have been a lot shorter, but I still enjoyed reading it. I also find I need to keep hearing things to give me more of a chance to actually put it into practice. I particularly liked his idea (based on Eph 5:33) of the virtuous circle: the husband loves his wife, she feels loved, she respects her husband, he feels respected, he loves his wife more... But more impo This has been a very helpful book with a lot of practical advice to help strengthen one's marriage. It was a little repetitive and could have been a lot shorter, but I still enjoyed reading it. I also find I need to keep hearing things to give me more of a chance to actually put it into practice. I particularly liked his idea (based on Eph 5:33) of the virtuous circle: the husband loves his wife, she feels loved, she respects her husband, he feels respected, he loves his wife more... But more important (and more difficult) is the unconditional circle: the husband loves his wife regardless of whether she is showing him respect or not; or the wife shows respect to the husband regardless of whether she is feeling loved or not. That strikes me as being more like the gospel. Christ died for us while we were still sinners (Rom 5:8), we are to love our enemies. This is the kind of love that should apply not just to marriage but to all our 'neighbours'. Lord, make me more loving. Help me to love in this Christ-like, unconditional way.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Hilary Whatley

    A really great read, full of excellent advice and principles to live by. Even though the author is very religious and this comes through a lot in the book, it's still just so useful and its message so powerful, it really doesn't matter if you share his religious views (this coming from a spiritual (not religious) person). Also, it's a great read whether or not you have a partner. Aside from being helpful advice for the future, I think it's so important that we learn from our past failed relations A really great read, full of excellent advice and principles to live by. Even though the author is very religious and this comes through a lot in the book, it's still just so useful and its message so powerful, it really doesn't matter if you share his religious views (this coming from a spiritual (not religious) person). Also, it's a great read whether or not you have a partner. Aside from being helpful advice for the future, I think it's so important that we learn from our past failed relationships, and this can really give insight into that.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Ashley

    I give this book three stars because of the value of the information presented. I found the book dry and incredibly redundant. I may refer back to it for the helpful information, but I was unable to read the whole thing

  28. 4 out of 5

    Erica Gordon

    not sure how I feel about this book.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Anita Deacon

    Some parts were a bit weird/annoying, but the central message has stuck with me and been /extremely/relevant to marriage.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Beni

    Eye-opening with practical guidance. Will be rereading often.

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