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I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated

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In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care About Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love--and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care About Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who s In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care About Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love--and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care About Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man--good or otherwise--when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville. Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't care About Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, TV Funhouse on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it." I Don't Care About Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20's doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity. By turns explicit, funny and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care About Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.


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In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care About Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love--and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care About Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who s In the tradition of Cynthia Heimel and Chelsea Handler, and with the boisterous iconoclasm of Amy Sedaris, Julie Klausner's candid and funny debut I Don't Care About Your Band sheds light on the humiliations we endure to find love--and the lessons that can be culled from the wreckage. I Don't Care About Your Band posits that lately the worst guys to date are the ones who seem sensitive. It's the jerks in nice guy clothing, not the players in Ed Hardy, who break the hearts of modern girls who grew up in the shadow of feminism, thinking they could have everything, but end up compromising constantly. The cowards, the kidults, the critics, and the contenders: these are the stars of Klausner's memoir about how hard it is to find a man--good or otherwise--when you're a cynical grown-up exiled in the dregs of Guyville. Off the popularity of her New York Times "Modern Love" piece about getting the brush-off from an indie rock musician, I Don't care About Your Band is marbled with the wry strains of Julie Klausner's precocious curmudgeonry and brimming with truths that anyone who's ever been on a date will relate to. Klausner is an expert at landing herself waist-deep in crazy, time and time again, in part because her experience as a comedy writer (Best Week Ever, TV Funhouse on SNL) and sketch comedian from NYC's Upright Citizens Brigade fuels her philosophy of how any scene should unfold, which is, "What? That sounds crazy? Okay, I'll do it." I Don't Care About Your Band charts a distinctly human journey of a strong-willed but vulnerable protagonist who loves men like it's her job, but who's done with guys who know more about love songs than love. Klausner's is a new outlook on dating in a time of pop culture obsession, and she spent her 20's doing personal field research to back up her philosophies. This is the girl's version of High Fidelity. By turns explicit, funny and moving, Klausner's debut shows the evolution of a young woman who endured myriad encounters with the wrong guys, to emerge with real- world wisdom on matters of the heart. I Don't Care About Your Band is Julie Klausner's manifesto, and every one of us can relate.

30 review for I Don't Care About Your Band: Lessons Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux-Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated

  1. 5 out of 5

    Heather

    I've joined paperback swap and am about to send this book to its new home in Allentown, PA. Since it is no longer going to be part of my collection, I figured I owed it another read. If anything, I'm more depressed the second time around because JK is a smart person. I think some of the things she writes about gender and women's expectations for themselves are absolutely true. Downright brilliant. But reading this akin to watching a horror movie full of cliches. If your car breaks down on a deser I've joined paperback swap and am about to send this book to its new home in Allentown, PA. Since it is no longer going to be part of my collection, I figured I owed it another read. If anything, I'm more depressed the second time around because JK is a smart person. I think some of the things she writes about gender and women's expectations for themselves are absolutely true. Downright brilliant. But reading this akin to watching a horror movie full of cliches. If your car breaks down on a deserted back road, don't get out. Don't stop for help at the gas station with one flickering bulb and the redneck with no teeth and a shotgun. Don't go down that dark alley. And for heaven's sake, don't split up. Similarly: don't have sex with someone you find repulsive or with someone who refuses to acknowledge you in front of his friends or when you don't want to or with someone who's mean to you or dirty or selfish or dysfunctional or defective or because it's easier than saying no thanks and going home. How did this smart, witty person end up as the victim in a horror movie? How is it possible that she hadn't seen this movie already? And that question -- what made her like this -- remains pretty much unasked and unanswered. To the extent that she does address it, she attributes it to her pure but intense -- even old fashioned -- belief in love. Because she was so convinced that True Love was out there, and was Worth It, she pursued it into all sorts of unpromising, even vile, places. She felt this way because she had a fantastic dad who failed to abandon or abuse her and taught her, consequently, that she was deserving of love. And that... led to this? Therapists everywhere role their eyes so hard their heads fall off. So I'm altering my earlier review. I still think there's a tedious trend right now for the 30-something memoirs by struggling New York arists / writers / comics -- I've read at least 4 of them without trying that hard. I still think age adds useful perspective to a memoir that she doesn't have. I still think she's excessively crude and that it ultimately retards her humor. I still think this book needed another round, or three, of editing. There are way too many pop culture references. And I still stand by this part of my earlier review: I'm troubled by what seems to be a story about someone with basement-level self-esteem -- so little that she's willing to sleep with all these horrible people. But who goes on to justify it in this weird way, like -- "If I have the intellectual capacity to analyze my own bad behavior, then it doesn't count." It's all so meta somehow -- "I'm letting people treat me like dirt because I like it and recognize it, which makes it OK" -- and then she concludes (I think) that she doesn't really like it, but it is still OK, because it has given her something to write about, and isn't that the ultimate justification for anything one has done? And after how ever many pages of strident and very gendered arguments about what women deserve from men and kind of stomach-churning descriptions of sexual encounters, I'm still not convinced she's got any self-esteem. But I'm also kind of glad I read it because it's very thought provoking. It starts the kind of conversations that maybe end in yelling or maybe just lead you to articulate things about sexuality and relationships and self worth that you ought to bother figuring out how to articulate. So for making me think, I'm adding another star and I can send this book to Allentown with a clear conscience.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Charley Cook

    The parts that werent slut shaming, sexist, man hating, homophobic or just plain idiotic were pretty good, unfortunately that left me with about 4 pages of content.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Gina Clover

    i despised this book. it was the worst thing i've picked up in a long time. most of all, it's not that funny. the book is essentially one long string of mediocre one liners about humiliatingly throwing herself at men. that constitutes a book deal these days? in fact, this book sounds like a blog, not fifteen clams worth of prose. I am SO SICK of reading books that sound like the same thing you would get from someone's blogspot address. (read: i was told there'd be cake) just because you love davi i despised this book. it was the worst thing i've picked up in a long time. most of all, it's not that funny. the book is essentially one long string of mediocre one liners about humiliatingly throwing herself at men. that constitutes a book deal these days? in fact, this book sounds like a blog, not fifteen clams worth of prose. I am SO SICK of reading books that sound like the same thing you would get from someone's blogspot address. (read: i was told there'd be cake) just because you love david sedaris, and were the most witty person in your english class, doesn't mean you need to write 200-odd pages of exposition about your (massive) dating failures. i was so bored i skimmed the last seventy-odd pages to make sure i suddenly wasn't missing out on anything. (i wasn't.) in case you are curious, here are a couple specific things i particularly disliked: most notably, she actually says that you can't be funny woman unless you have a gay best friend. yes. because apparently women can only get their cues for feminine glamour and wit from them, and (because she was) are completely lost without them. i actually know one of the actresses she singles out as being very funny in the book and can attest she has no gay best friend. despite what she asserts about gay best friend-less women, she's actually fun to be around. shockingly and hilariously, the premise of the book is about her over-the-top and aggressive pursuing of men, and then (page 152) says she balks at threesomes and women competing for men, BECAUSE MEN SHOULD CHASE WOMEN. um, did she not realize that she would have NO BOOK if she actually didn't chase men? how did no one point out that she was completely contradicting herself? she behaves shamelessly and desperately, and then she actually gets "angry" typing about women who chase men. really, this book is terrible. that's about the time i threw it in the recycling bin.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Hannah Garden

    This is a hard book to review, it appears. I've been thinking about it for a few days, which I feel sort of suspect about--I doubt the author herself would really want anyone mulling this too hard. Or I don't know, who knows what the author thinks. I always think I know what the author thinks, which frequently pollutes my reading to such a degree that my opinions and feelings about the book in question are incomprehensible to anyone I'm trying to talk to about it. I like to diagnose. I'm a diagn This is a hard book to review, it appears. I've been thinking about it for a few days, which I feel sort of suspect about--I doubt the author herself would really want anyone mulling this too hard. Or I don't know, who knows what the author thinks. I always think I know what the author thinks, which frequently pollutes my reading to such a degree that my opinions and feelings about the book in question are incomprehensible to anyone I'm trying to talk to about it. I like to diagnose. I'm a diagnoser. So, here's one thing: This book has some bitches het UP, like go back through the reviews on here and you will discover some irey motherfuckn ladies, fo' rilz. Which, considering that this is a fairly lighthearted collection of essays/thought-pieces by a comedienne, is, or should be, surprising. I used to always see copies of this float through when I was working in the basement, and the pink cover, combined with the author posing in a super fuckn mega-twee old-timey baby blue polka-dot onesie bathing suit, I was like yeah, no, cool, thanks but I'm not even gonna read the blurbs. But THEN, recently, like just this past winter, because Fungus Mungus is in love with Tom Scharpling and I love Fungus Mungus, I listened to some Best Shows, which are good, they're fine, I liked them, but on one of the Best Shows Scharpling was like oh here is my good friend Julie Klausner and the interview with her was just . . . you know those first early days of new-friendness where you're just totally batshit kindergarten hearts-for-eyes obSESSed with your new friend, and you just want to cram her into the toaster oven like a Hot Pocket and gobble her up because she's so scrumptious you can't even handle it? This woman's voice embodies that feeling. Or, for me it does, I should say. She's got this gorgeous vocabulary, and a world of references so wicked variegated you just feel constantly tippy-toes excited to listen for whatever the hell she's going to pull out of her ear next, and a bizaaaaarre sense of humor that, when paired with the vocabulary & world-wide world of references, is just unbelievably satisfying to listen to. Like, heartening. You feel better about everything when someone really smart and funny is just chattering away in your ear. And the podcast format is great--she's incredibly quick-witted, she's wonderfully warm with her guests and is so talented at shaping and guiding conversations. I just love her. She's really a gem. Oh, and she has this barely perceptible lisp, too, which: perfection. Anyway so that sounds basically psychotic, I'm sure, but whatever, fans gonna fan. I am a huge fan. So when I was like, "OH wait OH that book! THAT book? That book is by this lady! Wait . . . THAT book is by THIS lady? Whatever," I bought a copy. Instead of borrowing Fungus Mungus's. Because who knows when that turd will ever loan you anything, he's like a goddamn gollum. Ugh. And she doesn't necessarily translate perfectly into text, is the thing. Like, going back to where I said this book has bitches all het up, a lot of that, regardless of the specific cavil of any het-up bitch in particular, is just the fact that there's a big difference between over-the-top, crude humor coming out of someone's mouth in real time in their lovely voice and couched generously on either side with the intelligence and sensitivity you already totally know the speaker is gifted with in abundance, and reading same said over-the-top, crude humor in cold black-and-white alone in your room with nowhere for the pings to pong but up against the inside of your pissy little skull. So she definitely goes over the top with some of this, like she comes off as vicious, basically, and the men she's storying just come off as schlubby, which, vicious vs. schlubby, come on. You always retract your talons in the face of just godawful incompetent, ambitionless, self-absorption. She doesn't, though, is the thing, maybe--she's like yeah no, incompetent ambitionless self-absorption is offensive. It's also, when it rubs its frog legs against mine in the cold old lonely old night, like, kind of insulting and mean. Like, 'I am making an effort here, and what, you just bend me over the bunkbed? Great. Fuck you.' I have been there. I wish I'd said something. I feel like an idiot about most of my sex life, all that time wasted burying myself for your sake. It fucking sucks and when you come out from under that heavy stupid cloud, finally, if you even do, if you're lucky, you're super, super, super pissed off. She's not wrong. She's vicious, and these guys don't "deserve" it, but she did not "deserve" their inconsideration, either. So throw a little shit, Julie. Throw it hard, too, so you make sure it gets in their eyes. These guys can't see you anyway. Did that make sense? I doubt it. Oh, how I love a tangent! A nice sticky tangent without enough punctuation and like twelve times more figurative language than is strictly speaking coherent. This book is just like, Cold Spring Harbor if you haven't read Revolutionary Road. You need to already be in love with Julie Klausner, would be my advice--like listen to a million of her podcasts on your headphones as winter wears itself slowly out around you and your spirit is so bogged down in lightlessness and sugar-ass that you feel like a ghost. She's so much sunshine. I think it's a hard book to review because it's difficult to separate judgments of the person from judgments of the work. This book is super finely hand-crafted, like, she is very very good at making paragraphs and using punctuation. It's lovely. It's just not where her pizzazz lives. Oh and she acts like a dopey old queen about trans stuff, that part's dumb. Haha *and* she wrote an article about how much she wishes ladies would act more like grownup ladies. Derp. That het a buncha bitches up, too, duh. Which leaks over into their reviews not a little. She's not wrong, though. As much as I love employing the idiot child persona, it can be totally self-erasing. Actually you know what this is a whole different thing I want to write about, I'll do it elsewhere. I just wanted to mention it in here, because that piece came out not that long after this book, and some of the reviews I read had clearly been influenced by the rage felt by romper-wearing Katy Perry fans who goddammit can like cupcakes if they *want* to. Because that's just who they ARE, if you can't handle who I AM, then maybe YOU'RE the one who's not a feminist. Derpa derp derp. Anyway this woman is the king of the world.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Cortney LaScola - The Bookworm Myrtle Beach

    It's so disappointing when someone you think is funny writes a completely unfunny memoir. This book was not good. She talks about how awful all of these guys are, but you know who was the worst? She was. It's so disappointing when someone you think is funny writes a completely unfunny memoir. This book was not good. She talks about how awful all of these guys are, but you know who was the worst? She was.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Danielle

    Don't read this book if you value your self esteem. Or if you have any. Or if you think stories about women degrading themselves repeatedly are more sad than funny. I really don't get the comparisons to David Sedaris - while Sedaris mines his bizarre past for funny and detailed stories that also make you happy you read them; Julie Klausners stories are not funny or even insightful. The subtitle is "Lessons Learned from Romantic Disappointments" but it doesn't seem like she ever learns anything.. Don't read this book if you value your self esteem. Or if you have any. Or if you think stories about women degrading themselves repeatedly are more sad than funny. I really don't get the comparisons to David Sedaris - while Sedaris mines his bizarre past for funny and detailed stories that also make you happy you read them; Julie Klausners stories are not funny or even insightful. The subtitle is "Lessons Learned from Romantic Disappointments" but it doesn't seem like she ever learns anything...she just moves on to the next asshole. And when he acts like what he is she throws her hands up and is like what's wrong with them? Never stopping to ask what's wrong with her for picking these dudes in the first place. It's also incredibly dated...one chapter deals with the RULES...does anyone under the age of 30 even remember that craze? Doesn't everyone know by now that both those women are divorced? Perhaps with fresher material this book would have read less hollow. This book also needed a better editor - although I have a feeling they rushed this out for Valentine's Day.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Oriana

    What happened was that I read Hannah's review—which you all need to read right now, it's as invigoratingly strange and lovely a piece of writing as any I've seen on this site, so go ahead and click, I'll wait. Right? Damn. So I was all intensified, all ready to get either het UP or obSESSed or some other brilliant Hannah-ism! But then I just... didn't. I mean, I made it a third of the way through the book, so I'd say I get it, I see what Julie's trying to do. And she's clever, but only sometimes. What happened was that I read Hannah's review—which you all need to read right now, it's as invigoratingly strange and lovely a piece of writing as any I've seen on this site, so go ahead and click, I'll wait. Right? Damn. So I was all intensified, all ready to get either het UP or obSESSed or some other brilliant Hannah-ism! But then I just... didn't. I mean, I made it a third of the way through the book, so I'd say I get it, I see what Julie's trying to do. And she's clever, but only sometimes. The voice is droll but also incredibly self-obsessed. Also: she's super shitty about trans people, and fat people, and even sometimes about gay people, whom she professes to adore above all, playing all those groups for cheap laughs ("like a fat kid asking for a Snickers with frosting on it" is the kind of analogy she makes, or "show me ___ and I'll show you a convincing tranny," which: oh god, that's awful). And it's meant to be super scandalous for her to talk about loving blowjobs and horrfying her fellow tweens with phone-sex lines and sleeping with men who want to taste their own jizz, right? But that doesn't scandalize me at all, I'm way too jaded. Another thing Hannah said in her brilliant review is that you have to already be in love with Julie Klausner to care about this book, so maybe that's the problem. I'd never heard of her at all, actually, so reading this just makes me think she's a fairly clever comedienne who is far too interested in hearing herself talk. Maybe I'm just grumpy, or maybe it's just the wrong time for me to be reading this, and maybe I'll go back to it in a few months or whatever, but for now: nope. Done.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Nette

    Most of the other negative reviewers were turned off by all the sex and vulgarity. I love that stuff -- I hated this book because the author comes off as a smug, mean-spirited man-hater. She's gorgeous and funny and smart, the men are all crazy or ugly, or crazy AND ugly. Or cheaters. Or have families she doesn't approve of. I pray that this woman doesn't eventually land some poor guy, because she'll promptly dump him and write ANOTHER book whining about his mom jeans or his Star Wars collection Most of the other negative reviewers were turned off by all the sex and vulgarity. I love that stuff -- I hated this book because the author comes off as a smug, mean-spirited man-hater. She's gorgeous and funny and smart, the men are all crazy or ugly, or crazy AND ugly. Or cheaters. Or have families she doesn't approve of. I pray that this woman doesn't eventually land some poor guy, because she'll promptly dump him and write ANOTHER book whining about his mom jeans or his Star Wars collection or his refusal to laugh at her hilarious jokes.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Megankellie

    I kind of want to sit quietly and stare at a wall from very close up and not talk about this book for a period of 3 days. She said things I am afraid to admit I think over and over and over to the point that it felt like a roller coaster after the long, long climb up. Sometimes she is wrong, because she dislikes midwesterners and I am one of them, although she describes that brand of nice as something with a cold wind going through it, which I agree with and understand and perpetrate occasionall I kind of want to sit quietly and stare at a wall from very close up and not talk about this book for a period of 3 days. She said things I am afraid to admit I think over and over and over to the point that it felt like a roller coaster after the long, long climb up. Sometimes she is wrong, because she dislikes midwesterners and I am one of them, although she describes that brand of nice as something with a cold wind going through it, which I agree with and understand and perpetrate occasionally because otherwise my bones will become unglued and hide from me in different continents. Are you feeling okay? Can I get you some water? She also talks about nerdlinger dudes and people in general that makes you want to start a parade for truth. Or a parade celebrating the dawn of a new day where we aren't lying all the time. Read p. 78 about vegans, and p. 92 about the "sensitive" nerd trap, and unwind fully when she says "never go into entertainment." Then read the rest and then roll on the ground with relief at your own dignity when she says, about the book: "I figured the only way I could write it was if I thought the people who would read it could take some solace in what I had to say. That they would relate to the sad stuff that's funny if I did my job right, and marvel at the stories they're grateful to experience only at the safe distance of a spectator." Very funny, you will feel respected, and like you're finally talking to someone who understands you and you understand if you've been through so many dude wars you can count your reactionary celibacy in years.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Cari

    Dated material and bordering on pathetic, Klausner isn't nearly as funny as she thinks she is. Dated material and bordering on pathetic, Klausner isn't nearly as funny as she thinks she is.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Mel

    It was ok. Klausner is a funny chick and I had a lot of laugh out loud moments, though, I somehow managed to feel bored at the same time. I Don't Care About Your Band read more like a series of essays, which is usually ok, but in this case merely highlighted Klausner's lack of subject matter. Each chapter was dedicated to the unnervingly relatable and cringe worthy tale of a different failed relationship/almost relationship. I get that the point of the entire book was to write about all of her s It was ok. Klausner is a funny chick and I had a lot of laugh out loud moments, though, I somehow managed to feel bored at the same time. I Don't Care About Your Band read more like a series of essays, which is usually ok, but in this case merely highlighted Klausner's lack of subject matter. Each chapter was dedicated to the unnervingly relatable and cringe worthy tale of a different failed relationship/almost relationship. I get that the point of the entire book was to write about all of her shitty former boy toys, but after a certain point reading the book became as tedious and boring as all of the losers she's/I've dated. Maybe if she gave us readers a bit more insight into wtf she was thinking, or a page here and there about what she'd learned, the whole book would've felt more substantial. Actually, now that I think about it, I Don't Care About Your Band is humor, not a dating advice book. If she'd included that stuff it would've definitely tipped over into the self-help category. And I DEFINITELY don't read those...

  12. 5 out of 5

    Caitlin Constantine

    I just read the blurb for this book, which compares Klauser to Chelsea Handler, and I was like, no wonder I was so underwhelmed by this book. I read one of Chelsea Handler's books, the one where she writes about all of her one-night stands, and I came away from it thinking that Handler sounded like an extremely cruel person, whose two-page epiphany about how bad it is to treat men as if they are disposable dildos...well, let's just say I was not convinced. Klausner was actually a lot better, part I just read the blurb for this book, which compares Klauser to Chelsea Handler, and I was like, no wonder I was so underwhelmed by this book. I read one of Chelsea Handler's books, the one where she writes about all of her one-night stands, and I came away from it thinking that Handler sounded like an extremely cruel person, whose two-page epiphany about how bad it is to treat men as if they are disposable dildos...well, let's just say I was not convinced. Klausner was actually a lot better, particularly when she was aiming her meanness at the bevy of douchebags she's had the misfortune of sharing sexual encounters with (reading about these guys made me so grateful for the fact that I have never had the opportunity to do much dating), and also when she is engaging in some serious analysis of the douchebags and their culturally sanctioned Peter-Pan-in-perpetuity attitudes. I personally loved her metaphor involving the Muppet Show, and thought that was dead-on. I'll say no more, as I don't want to spoil it. (I also wondered if the indie rocker she dated, the one with connections to the Pacific Northwest and the predilection for dating young girls, is Calvin Johnson of Beat Happening. I would so love it if it was. That bastard ruined my enjoyment of his band's twee little songs when I learned that he was in actuality a gross predatory perver masquerading as the kind of guy who just wants to hold your hand while walking to the local playground. Ick, ick, ick.) My one complaint is that Klausner relies on fat jokes - which, like, racist and sexist jokes, are a hallmark of lazy comedy - and also makes a crack about transgendered feminists that I thought was pretty sad. I mean, it's one thing to rip on a dude who couldn't be bothered to be nice to you when his penis wasn't inside of you, but it's another thing to make fun of fat people and transgendered people. The dude has probably never been the target of some serious bashing in his entire life, while a fat person or a transgendered person deals with that kind of shit every day. Not cool, Julie Klausner. You are way too funny for such comedic laziness.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Emma Bolden

    I admit: I'm a sucker for Amazon.com's recommendations. It's like Amazon has a sway over me that my parents, teachers, government, and the Catholic church never could have: it says "hey, you should read this," and then, somehow, the book is in my check-out box, my mailbox, and my hands. Klausner's book was one such recommendation, along with Hilary Winston's "My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me." I managed to finish Klausner's book and haven't gotten close to finishing Winston's. Klausner actuall I admit: I'm a sucker for Amazon.com's recommendations. It's like Amazon has a sway over me that my parents, teachers, government, and the Catholic church never could have: it says "hey, you should read this," and then, somehow, the book is in my check-out box, my mailbox, and my hands. Klausner's book was one such recommendation, along with Hilary Winston's "My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me." I managed to finish Klausner's book and haven't gotten close to finishing Winston's. Klausner actually has some chops. The girl knows how to write a good joke and where to place it. Winston, on the other hand, seems a little more like that kid at your lunch table in elementary school who just keeps saying really weird, dirty things that have nothing to do with anything and laughing to herself even if it isn't funny and everyone is quietly staring at them to let them know it wasn't funny or appropriate. Klausner was like the more experienced girl on the playground, the one who's been held back a grade, who is willing to tell you everything she knows and how she knows it, with a few good jokes in between.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Lauren orso

    man, i just don't know. this is one of those things that is equal parts just boring, bad, compelling and charming enough, that makes you angry you didn't do it first, like sophia copolla movies and every tumblr-turned-bookdeal (and yours would be so much funnier! and TRUER! oh, and aren't you so pretty today? have some ice cream!). i kept wanting to like this more than i did (her jewish real-fucking-new-yorker grandma! her subpop t-shirt! ) but it never quite clicked enough. maybe i'm too close t man, i just don't know. this is one of those things that is equal parts just boring, bad, compelling and charming enough, that makes you angry you didn't do it first, like sophia copolla movies and every tumblr-turned-bookdeal (and yours would be so much funnier! and TRUER! oh, and aren't you so pretty today? have some ice cream!). i kept wanting to like this more than i did (her jewish real-fucking-new-yorker grandma! her subpop t-shirt! ) but it never quite clicked enough. maybe i'm too close to her age to relate/not relate, but not young enough to read it as an advice column. still, there were a few highlights: some of the stories were funny enough to read out loud to whichever roommate was in the room at the time and then promptly forget, and i like her idea that your 20s are "the worst part of your life that at the time you don't actually know is terrible." so, we'll see. maybe this will resonate a little more at 30, maybe i will just rewatch sex and the city instead. it's ANYONE's game.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Angie

    Everyone knew that girl that slept her way through every guy she ever met, wondering why she couldn't find "The One" but thought it was ok as long as she acknowledged it first and made jokes about. Because if SHE was the one pointing it out and laughing about it then it was FUNNY and not sad, right? No. It's just sad. Recounting the tales of what losers she dated, knowing they were losers and sleeping with them anyway then wondering why she can't possibly find a decent guy? If it read nearly was Everyone knew that girl that slept her way through every guy she ever met, wondering why she couldn't find "The One" but thought it was ok as long as she acknowledged it first and made jokes about. Because if SHE was the one pointing it out and laughing about it then it was FUNNY and not sad, right? No. It's just sad. Recounting the tales of what losers she dated, knowing they were losers and sleeping with them anyway then wondering why she can't possibly find a decent guy? If it read nearly was witty as the author thought she was, it would've been tolerable at best. But really? I just want her to hire a good shrink, talk with her dad and stop. Just stop.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Steph

    Props for the Beyonce joke and the chapter on dating musicians though. Also, the randomly insightful feminist thoughts that seemed out of place in this particular book. Spot on. Too bad the rest was incredibly offensive towards, well, everyone. It also seemed to be about shock value rather than being an open expression of a sexually confident woman, which I gather is what I was supposed to think while reading. Well, no. Newp. Props for the Beyonce joke and the chapter on dating musicians though. Also, the randomly insightful feminist thoughts that seemed out of place in this particular book. Spot on. Too bad the rest was incredibly offensive towards, well, everyone. It also seemed to be about shock value rather than being an open expression of a sexually confident woman, which I gather is what I was supposed to think while reading. Well, no. Newp.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Ambrosia

    I first read about this book on Jezebel, where the blogger contrasted it against the controversial Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb. Both books are about thirtysomething women with a string of failed relationships behind them, but while Marry Him promotes the idea of settling for "Mr. Good Enough" so as to ward off the specter of loneliness in old age, I Don't Care About Your Band chronicles Julie Klausner's journey towards learning just the opposite: You're capable and fabulous all on your own, and i I first read about this book on Jezebel, where the blogger contrasted it against the controversial Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb. Both books are about thirtysomething women with a string of failed relationships behind them, but while Marry Him promotes the idea of settling for "Mr. Good Enough" so as to ward off the specter of loneliness in old age, I Don't Care About Your Band chronicles Julie Klausner's journey towards learning just the opposite: You're capable and fabulous all on your own, and it's far better to be single than it is to attach yourself to a man who won't treat you with the respect and love you deserve. Be forewarned, however, that this book is far from a self-help or how-to guide. By the author's own admission, it's a trip through her most awful hook-ups, relationships, and break-ups, shared entirely for the purpose of schadenfreude. From the musician who loved the taste of his own semen to the point of making his lover a spectator rather than a partner, to the wannabe-writer with no disconnect between his brain and his mouth (up to and including disclosing, on their first date, his ex-girlfriend's Vicodin habit that she'd developed after the abortion), these stories are in turns depressing, hilarious, repugnant, and occasionally heartbreaking. But Klausner's strength of voice pulls the whole thing together; she's with you the whole way, laughing at this date, analyzing how that relationship changed her, and occasionally staring in (figurative) slack-jawed disbelief at her own stupidity. And by her frank and honest tone, she invites you to recall similar experiences of your own, and laugh about them together, like the best of girlfriends can do. My only real issue with the narrative is probably central to the concept; because the stories are presented as a series of vignettes, it feels like Klausner's character never goes through much of an arc of development. Sure, we see her at different ages, and she helpfully gives a bit of context here and there, but since the narrative voice is always that of her current, thirty-year-old self, I never quite got that feeling for how she'd grown or changed from any of these specific experiences. She does provide a nice wrap-up chapter at the end with a sort of collective "here's where I am as a result", which helped to tie it all together, but I think the book would've been somewhat more engaging if she'd let us see more of who she was at these various ages, rather than simply using her younger self as a placeholder to gawk at the freaks she dated. Some reviewers might call her tone "smug"; I didn't see it that way, but I think showing a bit more vulnerability in her own characterization would add a lot of depth to her stories. Still, given the depressingly large stack of literature available aimed at telling women what they're doing wrong and how they need to change themselves to get the right man, it's wonderfully refreshing to see a set of stories from a woman with enough self-esteem to say "I'm better than that - if I'm going to change, it'll be because I learned things on my terms, not because I was desperate to make myself perfect for him." As dating-centric books go, this is one message I can absolutely get behind.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Leah

    I was at an independent bookstore in Greenpoint, my search for a new book had gone on for a week at this point, so I was pretty desperate. I picked up this book and my boyfriend said, "I love Julie Klausner!" so I opted to buy it. The cashier ringing me up told me how funny the book was, and how it'll make you never want to date again. It's her go-around book for all of her female friends who have been wronged by love. It sounded promising. The introduction of this book lent to this promise. I la I was at an independent bookstore in Greenpoint, my search for a new book had gone on for a week at this point, so I was pretty desperate. I picked up this book and my boyfriend said, "I love Julie Klausner!" so I opted to buy it. The cashier ringing me up told me how funny the book was, and how it'll make you never want to date again. It's her go-around book for all of her female friends who have been wronged by love. It sounded promising. The introduction of this book lent to this promise. I laughed out loud on every page, and recited parts of it to my sleeping boyfriend. As I read the book though, I realized, maybe my relationship is too good for me to overlook all of the things that made me cringe while reading it. As stated in a previous review, Klausner has no reservations about making fat jokes or using the word "retarded" to describe things that are, well, not. While describing the different types of vegans in the world, she says, "Finally, there's the Anorexic Vegan, delighted to be able to blend into her surroundings by adopting a style of eating that's considered acceptable for reasons besides 'I want to starve myself until I disappear and never have to deal with the time I was molested.'" Screech halt. Really, Klausner? You really thought that was an okay thing to write in your book? That's when I realized that, to enjoy this book, I had to recognize that Julie doesn't quite "get it" when it comes to common decency; the kind that SHOULD be the foundation to the then elitist sense of "getting it" that she has as a New Yorker. But Klausner is the kind of New Yorker I absolutely can not stand. I don't even get why she lives here. I'm sure she never ventures off within a mile radius of her apartment, and it's evident that she takes cabs everywhere. She shits on Brooklyn like it's her job -- and not for the acceptable reasons to shit on Brooklyn. She describes Prospect Heights as "looking like the set from The Warriors" and "there was no way I was going to go out and hail a cab in that neighborhood alone at any time of day or night." Lemme tell you something, Prospect Heights is what Craigslist desperately wants to call my neighborhood so it can charge more for apartments in my area, because it's really nice. And, when it comes to men, she treats them the same way. We are getting Klausner's point of view on these men, so she goes through the pains of trying to make them seem awful, but honestly, I didn't find myself cracking up at these men the way I wanted to. In fact, I thought SHE was probably the bigger pain to date. Standards are good to have, but I didn't get what this girl's problem was. I'm not saying these men were saints, or that I would've continued dating them, either. But they don't merit a book. But, on that note, I will say that almost all of the sex sounded really date rape-y; these were the more horrifying parts of the book for me, not that they had shitty art on their walls. Of course it was funny, once I dismissed the parts that made me hate it. Julie is a comedian, it's what she does. I finished this book in a day and a half, so I found it compelling enough. But, given the chance, I wouldn't give her a first chance date.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Lexi

    I wanted to like this book more than I actually did. I think I gave it an extra star because I felt like there was so much potential here to be funny. And, it just wasn't there. She's just like me! I kept thinking, while reading. But then, just like my own life (get ready for tragedy...), there was no real resolution at the end. I didn't really learn anything, which makes for quite the ironic title. It was more like a stumble through her sloppy relationships, and lots of self-deprecating humor t I wanted to like this book more than I actually did. I think I gave it an extra star because I felt like there was so much potential here to be funny. And, it just wasn't there. She's just like me! I kept thinking, while reading. But then, just like my own life (get ready for tragedy...), there was no real resolution at the end. I didn't really learn anything, which makes for quite the ironic title. It was more like a stumble through her sloppy relationships, and lots of self-deprecating humor that bordered on feeling bad for her, rather than laughing at her. I felt oddly dissatisfied at the end of the book, expecting more. I also found her writing style a bit choppy and difficult to read. Maybe there were just too many jokes and not enough meat--I found myself re-reading paragraphs (might have been the bottle of wine I dusted while reading it) because I'd get lost in her writing by the end of the paragraph. It didn't flow well, and felt like I could have written the book.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Juliet

    A tap-dancing, jazz-handed, self-deprecating performance of a narrative as desperate for our approval as much as that of the men the decidedly insecure author thoughtlessly pursues, infuriatingly and offputtingly so, and dismissive of female friendships in a way that a woman who past her self-absorbed twenties STILL feels she is in competition with all of her sex for those crumbs of male attention will be. I tired of reading minute variations on the tale of how the author prostrated herself for A tap-dancing, jazz-handed, self-deprecating performance of a narrative as desperate for our approval as much as that of the men the decidedly insecure author thoughtlessly pursues, infuriatingly and offputtingly so, and dismissive of female friendships in a way that a woman who past her self-absorbed twenties STILL feels she is in competition with all of her sex for those crumbs of male attention will be. I tired of reading minute variations on the tale of how the author prostrated herself for the barest of glances from men who were either terrible or written off by the author to appear so by the third such iteration. I didn't identify with the author's near-crippling lack of self-esteem and forward progress as she might have hoped -- instead this book just annoyed, frustrated, and saddened me. Just because you can slap a label on your clearly self-defeating, problematic, REPETITIVE behaviors, that does not mean you are actually *self-aware*.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Lix Hewett

    The book got much more bearable after my last status update, but I'm sticking by my earlier assessment and giving it one star. I want to make it very, very clear that I have no problem whatsoever with the author's promiscuity and in fact nearly always enjoy candid sex talk, even when it's gross. I also don't have it in me to judge the author for making terrible decisions about men -- as long as she's the only one getting hurt by them. What I take issue with -- what made me angry every few pages The book got much more bearable after my last status update, but I'm sticking by my earlier assessment and giving it one star. I want to make it very, very clear that I have no problem whatsoever with the author's promiscuity and in fact nearly always enjoy candid sex talk, even when it's gross. I also don't have it in me to judge the author for making terrible decisions about men -- as long as she's the only one getting hurt by them. What I take issue with -- what made me angry every few pages -- was the author's brand of "political incorrectness," as comedians defensively call it. The problem isn't being crude; the problem is being offensive. And when you're calling things retarded, sending mixed messages about being fat, propagating stereotypes about gay men and harmful stereotypes about women, saying that when a guy tells you he's bi you immediately assume he's gay and you "don't want to date a bisexual man any more than you want to date a woman" (this brought about by one of those thoughts that catch you so off guard you have to do a double take because it's like, wait, what the fuck, did she actually just say: "And I guess there’s something shitty about being so knee-jerk in my ideas about what makes a suitable male partner. After all, isn’t the idea of a guy getting fucked only degrading because it makes him more like a woman?") and proudly acting like being sexually open automatically makes you feminist, because you're not like other women, then I'm going to want to punch you in the fucking face. Anyway, I said I was going to quote page 56 to justify my low rating and I'm going to do that: "I AM always suspicious of women who aren’t friends with at least a few gay men; it doesn’t speak well to their wit, glamour, cultural tastes, or whether it’s fun to be around them at all. It’s imperative that women keep the company of at least one gay man, not only because they make the best friends you’ll ever keep, but because the alternatives have built-in leaks. Straight male friends are mostly guys you want to sleep with or want something from professionally, and straight female friendships are incapable of not being wrought with jealousy and drama. Show me a woman who doesn’t have at least two former best girlfriends she now hates, and I will introduce you to a convincing tranny. (...) I’m not big on regret— until time travel actually exists, it seems like a waste of making yourself feel bad— but I do wish I’d played hag to my own invisible wise, gay, companion in high school; my Jiminy Faggot."

  22. 4 out of 5

    CiderandRedRot

    Julie Klausner pens an enjoyable read, so it's a bit of a shame that many of the witty, smart things she has to say regarding how women are conditioned to feel shitty about themselves and their desires are couched through the medium of 'Utter Arseholes That I Have Fucked & Dated'. (I know, it's the entire premise of this book, I have only myself to blame.) She's refreshingly upfront about her sexuality - one of the most entertaining chapters revolves around her lack of shame regarding her emergi Julie Klausner pens an enjoyable read, so it's a bit of a shame that many of the witty, smart things she has to say regarding how women are conditioned to feel shitty about themselves and their desires are couched through the medium of 'Utter Arseholes That I Have Fucked & Dated'. (I know, it's the entire premise of this book, I have only myself to blame.) She's refreshingly upfront about her sexuality - one of the most entertaining chapters revolves around her lack of shame regarding her emerging sexuality compared to her teenage friends - so it's doubly frustrating that everything sage here is twisted up within scenarios of how she turns into an utter tit when menfolk come a-calling. Unfortunately there isn't a literary device I know of that can convey how excellent the sex is; when you're telling stories about being used and abused again and again, punctuated by 'but we were really compatible in bed', my patience only stretches so far. I'm probably a vegan lesbian with a malfunctioning vajayjay. Thing is, Klausner doesn't seem unaware of this aspect, but by the time she tells yet another anecdote where an youthfully-urgent wankstain ineptly bangs her into his bedbug-riddled flannel sheets just moments after she's resolved not to take their make out session any further... Eh. If you have to clarify that it wasn't rape, just unexpected and possibly not what you really wanted here, red flags are (a)hoisting in my brain. Less of the sexually confident young woman maturing and learning from her mistakes and more just, well, really fucking sad. I like Klausner a whole lot. This book? Not so much. (Also, is it just me or is there a generational tic that requires all slightly off-beat/cool city women to repeatedly champion their gay male BFFs whilst repeatedly noting that they 'just don't get' the whole lesbian lady-on-lady genitalia thing?)

  23. 4 out of 5

    christa

    When it comes to comedy, my favorite is the kind where chaos is happening in the background, while at the forefront a straight man is seemingly unaware. This is why the "Naked Gun" trilogy is brilliant and also why nothing makes me pee harder than the scene in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" when Steve Martin is running in circles, banging a spoon against a sauce pan and screaming "Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!" When it comes to comedy writer, I've figured out the exact coordinates that need to exist i When it comes to comedy, my favorite is the kind where chaos is happening in the background, while at the forefront a straight man is seemingly unaware. This is why the "Naked Gun" trilogy is brilliant and also why nothing makes me pee harder than the scene in "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" when Steve Martin is running in circles, banging a spoon against a sauce pan and screaming "Oklahoma! Oklahoma! Oklahoma!" When it comes to comedy writer, I've figured out the exact coordinates that need to exist in a piece: Women with an arsenal of adjectives, super clever metaphors, a Sinatra smoothness with topics that are of a vaginal nature, and the ability to boil down flings and relationships to extract the hilarity. This sounds easy. Sassy bloggers try to do it every day with a range of results that usually veer toward embarrassing, mark-all-as-read fare. Chelsea Handler did it once, with her book "My Horizontal Life" and then face flopped with "Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea." Julie Klausner took a shot at this template tale with "I Don't Care About Your Band: What I Learned from Indie Rockers, Trust Funders, Pornographers, Felons, Faux Sensitive Hipsters, and Other Guys I've Dated" and came out with a whim: This thing is pretty freakin' hilarious. Klausner's story aren't as fantastical as Handler (I mean Handler had a boyfriend who seduced a dog). Rather, her's are a more familiar breed of dating disaster. The long distance MySpace hook up the never leans physical, Williamsburg-centric hipster musicians, men who wear thumb rings, the horrifically ugly, an e-flirtation with a married guy that she nixes before the lunch date, and a former heavy in the porn industry. There is a bit of a formula to her liaisons: Meet dude. Have a terrible conversation over drinks. Take things horizontal. A bit of self flagellation. Maybe another hook up. A parting of ways. But she is funny enough to give each scenario its own voice. There are a few self-help style pep fests about being the star in your own relationship which are a little weird and misplaced. And my other complaint is that sometimes I find it exhausting to laugh twice in the same sentence.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Christaaahh

    This book had so much potential but just like a deflating balloon it ran out of air to keep afloat. I only finished this book because I am not a quitter and I like to stick with things and also I love girl memoirs. I love crass female comedians that have that "tell it like it is" attitude and I really thought Julie was going to take it home for me on this one. There were about 3 really funny and very smart sentences that were worthy enough for a facebook status update or possibly a tweet. With e This book had so much potential but just like a deflating balloon it ran out of air to keep afloat. I only finished this book because I am not a quitter and I like to stick with things and also I love girl memoirs. I love crass female comedians that have that "tell it like it is" attitude and I really thought Julie was going to take it home for me on this one. There were about 3 really funny and very smart sentences that were worthy enough for a facebook status update or possibly a tweet. With every turn of the page I was just hoping it would get better and funnier. Reading this book gave me same feeling I experience when I eat really healthy and awesome for one day, skip the adult beverages and even go to bed early only to wake up to weigh myself on the scale, to have gained a pound instead. I know the reality is that some miraculous weight drop wasn't going to happen but yet I still feel let down and sort of bummed out. I also noticed that she pokes fun of the Pacific Northwest and makes judgements about Portlanders only to admit later on her book that she has never even been to this part of the country. This is like me talking trash on Iceland and Icelanders when I have never even flown over Iceland let alone even been to Iceland. I am just not sure why a smart gal such as Julie would talk bad on something to only look like an asshole by admitting that she doesn't even have any credibility to talk trash in the first place. I am also not a proofreader, far from to be very honest but if I could notice quite a few errors in typesetting, capitalization, grammar and even a whole word omitted from a sentence this is bad news and Julie should fire her proofreader and have a long chat with her publisher. If you have read everything there is to read and have an extreme amount of time on your hands and not a thing to do, not even pick your butt or nose then go ahead and read this book.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Kyle

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This book was an easy read. However, it wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. In fact, it was very hard to feel anything other than pity for the author, who despite her professed dislike of Midwestern values, seems in constant search of them as she is crushed by guy after guy after guy. The entire book consists of her meeting some guy, explaining how horrible the guy treated her on their first "maybe" date, sleeping with him anyway, and then being crushed when the guy dumps her. So by This book was an easy read. However, it wasn't as funny as I thought it was going to be. In fact, it was very hard to feel anything other than pity for the author, who despite her professed dislike of Midwestern values, seems in constant search of them as she is crushed by guy after guy after guy. The entire book consists of her meeting some guy, explaining how horrible the guy treated her on their first "maybe" date, sleeping with him anyway, and then being crushed when the guy dumps her. So by the time page 200 rolls around and she describes meeting a guy, who on their very first meal together, discusses how he just ended a relationship with a woman who had an abortion after he got her pregnant and how he was once arrested on charges of DUI, Grand Theft Auto, and Kidnapping, you know how it is going to play out. At this point any sane person would be running away as fast as they could. But as I had read the previous 200 pages I knew what Ms. Klausner would be doing... and yup, she provides a nice description of how she ended up teabagging the guy. I was expecting a fun read about horrible relationships and I got that...sort of. But I didn't understand how someone could keep making the same mistake over and over and over. Also, I have no problem with the sexual escapades, live it up! But, if you know how horrible the guys are then why get depressed when after sex they don't call, they have another girlfriend, etc. etc. Finally at the end of the book we get a "I met a guy who was married and instead of banging him I turned him down, look at how grown up I am" moment. But really... too little too late. Ms. Klausner proclaims "What I Learned!" I'm not sure I know what she learned, and I don't think she knows either.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Hava

    You know that revelatory feeling most girls had after reading "He's Just Not That Into You"? I had that same feeling after reading "I Don't Care About Your Band", without feeling angry at the book and myself afterwards. Without self-pity or wallowing, Julie Klausner writes a very funny, very wise dating memoir of her harrowing dating experiences with faux-sensitive hipsters, musicians, trust fund babies, felons and an assortment of other wonderful characters. I've never dated a musician but afte You know that revelatory feeling most girls had after reading "He's Just Not That Into You"? I had that same feeling after reading "I Don't Care About Your Band", without feeling angry at the book and myself afterwards. Without self-pity or wallowing, Julie Klausner writes a very funny, very wise dating memoir of her harrowing dating experiences with faux-sensitive hipsters, musicians, trust fund babies, felons and an assortment of other wonderful characters. I've never dated a musician but after reading this, Miss Klausner gives me even more incentive not to. There are so many revelatory, a-ha moments in this book, that if you start underlining passages, you'd underline the whole darn thing. She's like one of your best girlfriends, telling you the things that you need to hear, even if they're painful(and really funny, years after they've happened). I recommend this book to every single one of my girlfriends, even the ones who are in relationships or happily married. You'll recognize a lot of Julie in yourselves. I certainly did.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Daniel

    I have a recurring habit whenever I get bogged down with a "deep book" to the point where I want to put it down (basically I'm taking a break from 1Q84, because get to the goddamn point already) -- where I read something "lighter" to cleanse the palette. Patton Oswalt blurbed this and I read some interesting stuff on Jezebel, so I gave it a look. Devoured it in a day -- actually laughed out loud at many points, and really got into it. I suspect that if you're someone who reads a lot of relationsh I have a recurring habit whenever I get bogged down with a "deep book" to the point where I want to put it down (basically I'm taking a break from 1Q84, because get to the goddamn point already) -- where I read something "lighter" to cleanse the palette. Patton Oswalt blurbed this and I read some interesting stuff on Jezebel, so I gave it a look. Devoured it in a day -- actually laughed out loud at many points, and really got into it. I suspect that if you're someone who reads a lot of relationship books this might not appeal to you -- but if you're someone who can't help but love a funny woman who overshares, it's worth the time. A few things to be wary of -- it's raunchy, judgmental (in a way I happen to like, but if you're a vegan or a lesbian, or even a lesbian who also a happens to be a vegan be prepared to take some broadsides), super-Jewey (I say that with respect, as the author leans on this angle a lot in the early chapters), and oddly episodic, which makes for a really quick read -- it feels like a series of TV episodes or blog entries, but also occasionally makes each discussed relationship feel a little edited for time and content. Also, if you're a guy -- be prepared to have your junk ridiculed, a *lot.* But I think it's also really important to mention that this isn't veiled preaching or man-bashing just for the sake of it. It's just a good time that's quick to finish and not always necessarily see eye-to-eye with -- but in a way that reminds you that giving up on finding happiness altogether is far worse than stumbling towards it loser by loser.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Jen

    There are some parts of this book that describe human behavior with such scarily dead-on accuracy (making them either worth a horrified cringe or an extended belly laugh --- all depending on if it echos a previous personal mistake or one made by a friend) and then other parts of this book that are really just so sad that I've got to hope they are based in fiction. The book is full of stories of dating gone awry and Klausner's need to be slutty from time to time in her search for love. It's like There are some parts of this book that describe human behavior with such scarily dead-on accuracy (making them either worth a horrified cringe or an extended belly laugh --- all depending on if it echos a previous personal mistake or one made by a friend) and then other parts of this book that are really just so sad that I've got to hope they are based in fiction. The book is full of stories of dating gone awry and Klausner's need to be slutty from time to time in her search for love. It's like a backstory of Liz Phair's "F_ck & Run."

  29. 4 out of 5

    Kay Marie

    how anyone besides the author found this book to be funny or humorous is beyond me. i didn't get a single chuckle out of this 200+ page dribble. it is just about a real life regina george who makes fun of everyone because she believes herself to be better than everyone. sometimes she is flat out mean and judgemental but not in a oh that's mean and judgemental but you made it sounds funny way. I'm so glad i will never have to meet her because she paints herself to be a terrible person nobody shou how anyone besides the author found this book to be funny or humorous is beyond me. i didn't get a single chuckle out of this 200+ page dribble. it is just about a real life regina george who makes fun of everyone because she believes herself to be better than everyone. sometimes she is flat out mean and judgemental but not in a oh that's mean and judgemental but you made it sounds funny way. I'm so glad i will never have to meet her because she paints herself to be a terrible person nobody should be subjected to.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Erica

    i love this book so so so much. julie klausner's philosophy on love and romance totally makes sense to me and this was one of the rare memoirs where the author's life is fairly normal and not any crazier or more interesting than mine and i still loved it. really, if you've been on more than five dates in your life and you're a woman in your 20s or 30s in nyc, you should read this book. i love this book so so so much. julie klausner's philosophy on love and romance totally makes sense to me and this was one of the rare memoirs where the author's life is fairly normal and not any crazier or more interesting than mine and i still loved it. really, if you've been on more than five dates in your life and you're a woman in your 20s or 30s in nyc, you should read this book.

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