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Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

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With his characteristic warmth and humor, Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical guide to sex according to God's plan. This frank and practical book is a perfect resource for married and engaged couples. Dr. Leman addresses a wide spectrum of people, from those with no sexual experiences to those with past sexual problems or even abuse. Using frank descriptions, this book has With his characteristic warmth and humor, Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical guide to sex according to God's plan. This frank and practical book is a perfect resource for married and engaged couples. Dr. Leman addresses a wide spectrum of people, from those with no sexual experiences to those with past sexual problems or even abuse. Using frank descriptions, this book has a warm and friendly tone that will help couples overcome awkwardness in discussing an issue important to all married couples.


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With his characteristic warmth and humor, Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical guide to sex according to God's plan. This frank and practical book is a perfect resource for married and engaged couples. Dr. Leman addresses a wide spectrum of people, from those with no sexual experiences to those with past sexual problems or even abuse. Using frank descriptions, this book has With his characteristic warmth and humor, Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical guide to sex according to God's plan. This frank and practical book is a perfect resource for married and engaged couples. Dr. Leman addresses a wide spectrum of people, from those with no sexual experiences to those with past sexual problems or even abuse. Using frank descriptions, this book has a warm and friendly tone that will help couples overcome awkwardness in discussing an issue important to all married couples.

30 review for Sheet Music: Uncovering the Secrets of Sexual Intimacy in Marriage

  1. 4 out of 5

    Laura

    I had a HUGE problem with Kevin Leman's Sheet Music. Primarily, the book deserved to be written in cooperation with a woman as well. Leman writes a book about sexual intimacy for married people from a Christian psychologist's perspective, but unfortunately for Leman and for his readers, that perspective is decidedly male. Leman is rather controversial, but that isn't what upset me about this book. What really got under my skin was how much he chastised women for their role in creating a bad marit I had a HUGE problem with Kevin Leman's Sheet Music. Primarily, the book deserved to be written in cooperation with a woman as well. Leman writes a book about sexual intimacy for married people from a Christian psychologist's perspective, but unfortunately for Leman and for his readers, that perspective is decidedly male. Leman is rather controversial, but that isn't what upset me about this book. What really got under my skin was how much he chastised women for their role in creating a bad marital environment. If a man strays from his marriage? He should take responsibility for his actions, but apparently the wife is at fault for not meeting his needs. Leman even quantifies what "meeting needs" looks like at one point when he tells women they should be having sex with their husbands at least three times a week. (Otherwise, "Mr Happy" might lead them astray!). There were some really great pieces of wisdom in this book. I especially loved the epilogue - couples should pray for a good sex life. But in my opinion, Leman should have started with that and left it at that. Either that, or he should have brought in a woman to co-write the book. And possibly one who isn't his wife - as he seems to assume all women are likely exactly like his wife. I am pretty sure I wouldn't recommend this book, which is interesting, because I started to read it with the assumption that I would pass it on to my husband. Now, after seeing the perspective that Leman ascribes to, I don't want him infecting my husband with that mentality at all!

  2. 4 out of 5

    Rosie

    This book was recommended to Eric and I when we were in pre-marital counciling. It has a good bit of advice and information on sex, which was helpful for both of us. It gave some general information on what to expect when you first have sex and things like that as well as information on sex within marraige and how that works, advice, tips and so on. Pros-- gave us some good "what to expect" info for our wedding night, had some fun creative ideas to use in the bedroom, Eric related well to the in This book was recommended to Eric and I when we were in pre-marital counciling. It has a good bit of advice and information on sex, which was helpful for both of us. It gave some general information on what to expect when you first have sex and things like that as well as information on sex within marraige and how that works, advice, tips and so on. Pros-- gave us some good "what to expect" info for our wedding night, had some fun creative ideas to use in the bedroom, Eric related well to the information pertaining to men. Cons-- This book is written by an old guy. his wife is clearly an extremely concervative woman (he says at one point in the book that his wife showered in clothing on their honeymoon because she was embarrassed to show her body--and her husband wasn't even in the shower with her!), who I honestly could not relate to on very many levels, especially sexually. Because of this much of the author's advice for women is "suck it up and let your man hump you a couple times a week". The way he spoke to women is a bit offensive because of his tendency to assume we have the sex drive of a stump.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Kayce

    I'm generally not inclined to read books related to marriage, and then certainly not inclined to share with others if I do. Heaven forbid someone judge my marriage by a book I read and invent some problems that don't exist. But, here's the deal, I read books about parenting all the time. I don't read them because I'm having a problem or think I'm a bad mom, I just want to be better. And so it is with marriage, I have a great one, but maybe I can be an even better wife if I think about it half as I'm generally not inclined to read books related to marriage, and then certainly not inclined to share with others if I do. Heaven forbid someone judge my marriage by a book I read and invent some problems that don't exist. But, here's the deal, I read books about parenting all the time. I don't read them because I'm having a problem or think I'm a bad mom, I just want to be better. And so it is with marriage, I have a great one, but maybe I can be an even better wife if I think about it half as much as I think about being a mom. On to the book. It was GREAT. The beginning chapters gave so many words to complicated issues I didn't know how to voice before. There are psychological reasons to abstain from sex before marriage. I wish this is how more adults (especially at church) would have approached the subject of sex with me as a teenager. This is how I will approach talking to my teens about sex. I also appreciated that Leman took a psychological approach to the subject: why we do and don't do things, rather than a sensational how to approach. I really learned a lot about my marriage. I didn't always agree with what he said, but at the end of the day I'm glad I read the book. I wish I would have had it when I was first married. There are a lot of things that we don't talk about in a conservative Christian culture that leave lots of couples with lots of unnecessary questions. Leman attacks the ambiguity head on and addresses issues in a way that doesn't make you feel dirty for having read it.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Aubrey Hansen

    Let me put this simply: If you're engaged or married, this book is a must read. It doesn't matter where you think your sex life is, or what your personal opinion of sex is, or your "skill level." If you're a newlywed who hasn't gotten started yet, read it. If you're satisfied with your sex life but want to take it to the next level, read it. If you've been married awhile and feel like your sex life is fading, read it. And if you're hesitant to talk about sex, don't know anything about healthy mar Let me put this simply: If you're engaged or married, this book is a must read. It doesn't matter where you think your sex life is, or what your personal opinion of sex is, or your "skill level." If you're a newlywed who hasn't gotten started yet, read it. If you're satisfied with your sex life but want to take it to the next level, read it. If you've been married awhile and feel like your sex life is fading, read it. And if you're hesitant to talk about sex, don't know anything about healthy married sex, or feel like there isn't "anything in it for you" with sex, especially, especially read it. Dr. Leman addresses couples at all stages of life and experience and from all different backgrounds. Whatever your opinion is of sex, Dr. Leman will address you directly at some point. This isn't just a how-to book (although there's plenty of practical ideas and inspiration), and it also isn't a straightforward self-help book that simply diagnoses problems and prescribes generic solutions (although he works to help everyone past common problems). This book is broader and deeper than that. It looks beyond the science and the logistics and digs down to the core issue--that what you do in the bedroom can make or break a marriage. What makes this book unique is that Dr. Leman spends more time addressing the heart than he does the bed. He makes the case that a couple's sex life is the barometer of the state of their marriage, and investing in your sex life can yield one-hundred fold in the quality of your marriage. But more than that, he stresses that God's greatest commandment--to love each other more than we love ourselves--and our marriage vows apply to the bedroom, and that a husband or wife who thinks of their spouse's welfare in the bedroom will be rewarded with a healthy, holy relationship both in bed and out. What I loved most about this book, besides the fact that Dr. Leman dug into the relationship and didn't leave it at just the physical, was that he wasn't afraid of married sexuality. So many of us Christians, myself included, have grown up in an environment where sex was treated as "dirty" and "secretive" and wasn't talked about at home or in the pulpit. The result is that most of us came into adulthood and even marriage not knowing anything about the science--and even worse, we had been ingrained with false fears and reservations that can inhibit us from fulfilling ourselves with our spouse. Dr. Leman takes great care to undo all of that. He writes with no-holds-barred, and by that I mean he is both unashamed of the science and unashamed to tell reluctant spouses that it is their responsibility to work past their inhibitions and develop their marriage. Your sex life is your responsibility, and you don't have to just "take it as it comes." In fact, just rolling with it is a good way to undermine your marriage. Your sex life is important to your marriage, your spouse, and your relationship with God. This book will help you improve it.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Tracy

    Sheet Music is a fun and frank book about sex as God intended it to be, dispelling any preconceived notions that sex is immoral (at least in the context of a monogamous marriage). I won't dive into too much detail in my review of the book--for mine and my husband's sake, as well as yours--but overall, I'm glad my husband and I read it together. Sheet Music was written by Dr. Kevin Leman, a psychologist that deals with marriage and family issues. He is very much a man's man, which shows through in Sheet Music is a fun and frank book about sex as God intended it to be, dispelling any preconceived notions that sex is immoral (at least in the context of a monogamous marriage). I won't dive into too much detail in my review of the book--for mine and my husband's sake, as well as yours--but overall, I'm glad my husband and I read it together. Sheet Music was written by Dr. Kevin Leman, a psychologist that deals with marriage and family issues. He is very much a man's man, which shows through in his writing; for example, there are numerous references to sports and fishing and cars, which I found irrelevant. In general, though, he writes in good (though sometimes seemingly tactless) humor. But when writing a book on a subject such as sex, humor can be quite helpful. One of the main points Leman makes in Sheet Music is that sex is an all-day affair, meaning it's more than the act itself--it's also about the everyday interactions between a husband and wife. It's about looking for creative ways to communicate love both inside and outside of the bedroom. Instead of teaching sex "by-the-book," Sheet Music encourages and equips couples to be creative, composing their own music. And like Song of Songs in the Bible, it can be a beautiful symphony.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Kay

    Dr. Leman and Mr. Happy can have each other! This book was extremely anti-female. Most of the time is spent explaining how sex is the wife's duty. The worst bit was on page 28 where Dr. Leman tells the readers that abused women rush into marriage to escape the need to have sex and that it is the husband that suffers. "The man who really loves the woman is the one who winds up getting stiffed." Seriously?! Patriarchal bullshit!

  7. 4 out of 5

    Morgan

    "Mr. Happy"? Seriously? If I could give it zero stars, I would. Sexism (from a religious perspective) to the extreme.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Megan

    I really enjoyed parts of this book. As a married woman I didn't really need to read much about what to expect on your wedding night, etc. but what I really thought was interesting was how the author went into how a man's mind works as well as how a woman's mind works and how that relates to sex for each gender. It is also nice that it comes from a Christian point of view and the author uses scripture when talking about important points. I would recommend this book for any married/engaged couple I really enjoyed parts of this book. As a married woman I didn't really need to read much about what to expect on your wedding night, etc. but what I really thought was interesting was how the author went into how a man's mind works as well as how a woman's mind works and how that relates to sex for each gender. It is also nice that it comes from a Christian point of view and the author uses scripture when talking about important points. I would recommend this book for any married/engaged couple.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Eric

    You never can assume that we Christians know anything about sex, and this book doesn't. Lehman does well to take on the arbitrarily conservative views of sex espoused by, I dunno, someone probably. There's some theological import to opposing the concept of creating rules for yourself, only to enslave yourself to them for no particular reason (see Galatians), but I wouldn't look for this book to be any deeper than a how to book for naive people. A few things to look out for: It's awkward when a 60+ You never can assume that we Christians know anything about sex, and this book doesn't. Lehman does well to take on the arbitrarily conservative views of sex espoused by, I dunno, someone probably. There's some theological import to opposing the concept of creating rules for yourself, only to enslave yourself to them for no particular reason (see Galatians), but I wouldn't look for this book to be any deeper than a how to book for naive people. A few things to look out for: It's awkward when a 60+ year old guy describes his sexual appetite toward his wife, particularly when he refers to his penis as Mr Happy. Speaking of which, why no pet name for Mrs Happy? How about petunia, that's my vote. I'm not a woman, but if I were, I would have been mildly insulted by his portrayal of me. One of the other commenters made a good observation - the main piece of advice for women is to suck it up (I mean that figuratively, but I suppose he uses it literally as well) and let your husband hump you a few times a week. I'm not saying it's bad advice, it's just a little too pervasive. Sometimes it feels like the biblical references are in there so that it can be sold at Christian bookstores - it's definitely not opposed to Christian thought, but sometimes it feels like he's just tossing a few bones to keep himself on the Christian shelf. Because let's face it, we'd be embarrassed to buy "The Idiot's Guide to Sex" without claiming some sort of religious exemption. Be ready to have your husband quote snippets of the book to you when he's not getting his way. If I had any foresight, I would have highlighted a few sections for future weaponization. All told, it's not a bad book.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Kevin

    A very frank and insightful look at relationships in general and marital sexual relationships in particular. I don't want to go into too much detail given the graphic nature of the book, but I do want to mention a few things. This book is faith based more than anything else. I found that to be very refreshing and made it easier to wade through some of the more 'direct' parts of the book. I found that Dr. Leman's insights into the male psyche and needs, desires, etc were spot on. This led me to the A very frank and insightful look at relationships in general and marital sexual relationships in particular. I don't want to go into too much detail given the graphic nature of the book, but I do want to mention a few things. This book is faith based more than anything else. I found that to be very refreshing and made it easier to wade through some of the more 'direct' parts of the book. I found that Dr. Leman's insights into the male psyche and needs, desires, etc were spot on. This led me to the conclusion that his observations and conclusions about the female psyche weren't too far off either. This was an eye opener for me. Gave me some great insights into my wife's mindset. Dr. Leman's discussions on the differences in approaches to sex between men and women were very helpful. I especially liked when he listed a bunch of things that men do wrong. (I must point out that I found several of my habits listed) Realizing what I was doing compared to what my wife desired was a wake up call for me. I have implemented several of Dr. Leman's suggestions (with more to come) with more than satisfactory results. In fact, I have received 'rave reviews'. One of these made me laugh, it was, "what book did you read??!?!?" Hahaha. I just smiled knowingly. LOL I have been married for nearly 12 years and with the same woman for 16 years and I learned quite a bit from this book. I highly recommend it to married couples, engaged couples, and couples in general really. Read it. You won't be disappointed. My wife wasn't! LOL

  11. 4 out of 5

    Texx Norman

    I'm not a evangdlical believer so I found the Christian caution to be off putting. The guy is writing about sex, but he is also a Christian. He does not want people that are not married and having exclusive marital sex, to have his sex secrets. He doesn't want non married people read something wild like, the woman can be on top, because he is afraid this will so inflame the non married that they will be driven to have sex before marriage. He has things in the book like, Don't you dare read the n I'm not a evangdlical believer so I found the Christian caution to be off putting. The guy is writing about sex, but he is also a Christian. He does not want people that are not married and having exclusive marital sex, to have his sex secrets. He doesn't want non married people read something wild like, the woman can be on top, because he is afraid this will so inflame the non married that they will be driven to have sex before marriage. He has things in the book like, Don't you dare read the next two chapters unless you are married and your bride is within striking distance. If you are an up tight Christian prude about to be married, or if you are a fundamentalist Christian about to be married and clueless about marrital sex, then this is the perfect book for you.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Jes

    Wow. This is exquisitely written! I would highly recommend for engaged couples and married couples. Lots to ponder with this book. And encourages direct communication WITH your spouse, which is always helpful around this topic. ;) Seriously might replace Intended for Pleasure as my go-to book for bachelorette parties.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Ifyasaiso

    Kevin needs to keep his religion to himself and out of the bedroom. Almost tricked me into feeling guilty about not being married.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Lacey Louwagie

    Even though I disobeyed the author and read the whole book (not just the first four chapters) before I got married, I have to say that there's nothing shocking here. While this is a book that addresses sex from a "Christian" perspective (that is, it stresses that sex is supposed to be saved for marriage, that God made sex, etc.), Dr. Leman still bases the majority of the text on credible psychology, not the Bible, which I respected him for a LOT. The book wasn't preachy at all and was very acces Even though I disobeyed the author and read the whole book (not just the first four chapters) before I got married, I have to say that there's nothing shocking here. While this is a book that addresses sex from a "Christian" perspective (that is, it stresses that sex is supposed to be saved for marriage, that God made sex, etc.), Dr. Leman still bases the majority of the text on credible psychology, not the Bible, which I respected him for a LOT. The book wasn't preachy at all and was very accessible. I really liked his attitude toward the place sex should have in a relationship, which is to say that it is PART of that relationship, not a separate entity, and that whatever else is happening in the relationship does affect it. He's sensitive to both women's and men's sexual needs and encourages understanding between the sexes. And although his attitude toward sex is quite progressive (basically, it's ALL good, acceptable, etc., as long as it's between spouses), there are times when this book feels as if it's being written for HIS generation, people my parents' age, and not mine. A few cases in point: 1) The assumption is that women are generally resistant to sex and do it "just" to please their husbands. I feel like a lot of women a generation older than me approached sex this way, but I don't know a ton of modern young women who do. I certainly don't! 2) The fixation on sexual hang-ups that seem kind of "old school," such as women having trouble orgasming, men orgasming too soon, etc. There wasn't a lot of exploration of all the nuances of potential sexual difficulties, just coverage of what are the basic, stereotypical sexual "dysfunctions" in men and women. Some of the stuff he said about women was on-target, but a lot of it didn't pertain to me at all (see old-school references above), which DID make me question how accurate his blanket statements about men were. Luckily, the book also stresses uniqueness and communication, so that couples will (hopefully) take the time to find out which "generalizations" might apply to their partner, and which are way off. I also really liked that he addressed the issue of body image in women, with appropriate blame attributed to the unrealistic expectations of our culture. I wish he also would have addressed pornography at greater length, as that also really plays into both male and female insecurity about sex and is so ubiquitous that there are probably few sexual relationships in which the issue hasn't been raised in one way or another. Perhaps his main blind spot is in assuming that all men are as good-hearted as he is.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Alicia Willis

    5 Stars. Doctor Kevin Leman is absolutely hilarious. You *will* laugh, as well as learn. And this book was one of the best - if not THE best - book on the topic. Sad as it is, few authors have the guts to come at this topic with appropriate openness as well as a Christian world view. I appreciated Leman's openness and his sensitivity to a wide range of readers. Whether you've made mistakes or if a conservative upbringing has made you feel scared or "dirty" for even thinking about God's beautiful 5 Stars. Doctor Kevin Leman is absolutely hilarious. You *will* laugh, as well as learn. And this book was one of the best - if not THE best - book on the topic. Sad as it is, few authors have the guts to come at this topic with appropriate openness as well as a Christian world view. I appreciated Leman's openness and his sensitivity to a wide range of readers. Whether you've made mistakes or if a conservative upbringing has made you feel scared or "dirty" for even thinking about God's beautiful gift of intimacy, this book is sure to target just about everyone's needs. I was personally thrilled that it was up-to-date (unlike many Christian marriage books!) and was accurate in portraying both men and women's feelings. It was not sexist, nor unrealistic. It portrayed marriage as it should be - a mutual desire to please and love each other without self-seeking attitudes. It was very helpful in showing how men and women think differently and how to respond to those different outlooks with mutual respect and kindness. I especially appreciated the sections for women. If you are engaged to be married, a newlywed, or even married for years, this book is a must-read. For the unmarried, I only recommend it after engagement. And Leman recommends only reading part of the book before marriage. Highly recommended to engaged and marriage couples. Definite Christian and Biblical worldview. I also recommend his book "Turning Up the Heat".

  16. 5 out of 5

    Rebecca

    A very honest book on married sex. —— A re-read that still seems a fair treatment of sex. Is it a perfect book and is Leman writing for every situation? No. He stereotypes men and women a little bit and doesn’t account for sexual addictions, but I think the book is 95% on target. A couple should read with discriminating minds, questioning and discussing whether Leman’s understanding is accurate for them—and if not, fine. If the book helps a couple see things and open up for discussion and understa A very honest book on married sex. —— A re-read that still seems a fair treatment of sex. Is it a perfect book and is Leman writing for every situation? No. He stereotypes men and women a little bit and doesn’t account for sexual addictions, but I think the book is 95% on target. A couple should read with discriminating minds, questioning and discussing whether Leman’s understanding is accurate for them—and if not, fine. If the book helps a couple see things and open up for discussion and understanding, then that’s a win in my mind. Also, this is a good refresher for older married couples as well. Cough cough.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Leanne

    I wanted to read this book because it was being discussed on a blog I follow. I gave it a 2 because it was entertaining - some of the stories he told made me giggle a few times so it was a good read from that standpoint. However, it didn't really have a lot of new information. I also had a big problem with a lot of what this author said. In my humble opinion, his pre-marital preparation recommendations are off the mark. He also oversimplifies a lot of things, brushes over the woman's point of vi I wanted to read this book because it was being discussed on a blog I follow. I gave it a 2 because it was entertaining - some of the stories he told made me giggle a few times so it was a good read from that standpoint. However, it didn't really have a lot of new information. I also had a big problem with a lot of what this author said. In my humble opinion, his pre-marital preparation recommendations are off the mark. He also oversimplifies a lot of things, brushes over the woman's point of view, and comes across as a little pompous in places.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Chris

    This was an eyeopener for me because I didn't have a lot of experience (and Im still learning) on the topic of sex. I know it's probably silly of me to recommend this book, when a lot of people nowadays think that sex is so easy. But this book uncovers a lot about both sides to the story, so as to reveal secrets that wouldn't otherwise be known.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Christina

    If you're married, this book is for you. Even if you have a good sex life, this book is really good and gives some fresh perspective

  20. 4 out of 5

    Yvette Wu

    Dr. Leman is blunt, funny and very adventurous when it comes to ideas for couples to maintain a healthy sex life. Sometimes his ideas were too much for me, but it's good to keep an open mind! As a Christian psychologist, he stated many interesting points that I learned a lot from.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Grace Simons

    There is useful advise....but I also had a few issues. This book on sexual intimacy in a heterosexual marriage should be written by both a male and female. Dr. Leman did his best to pull in the female perspective by referencing his patient's and his wife's experiences, but it was not enough. As a female reading the book, there were portions where I felt quite misunderstood. I think this could have been avoided with a female co-author. Many of my other issues with the book stem from this overarchi There is useful advise....but I also had a few issues. This book on sexual intimacy in a heterosexual marriage should be written by both a male and female. Dr. Leman did his best to pull in the female perspective by referencing his patient's and his wife's experiences, but it was not enough. As a female reading the book, there were portions where I felt quite misunderstood. I think this could have been avoided with a female co-author. Many of my other issues with the book stem from this overarching problem.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Benjamin Siens

    I did not agree with everything the author wrote. Who ever does? However, he said I wouldn't at the very beginning. He said that everyone would be offended by something he wrote, and the fact that he gave this disclaimer up front allowed me to relax and simply enjoy the read. The fact is that sex is an extremely personal, sensitive topic, and those within the Christian community have a wide variety of views on this topic depending on their background and history. Despite the taboos and maybe eve I did not agree with everything the author wrote. Who ever does? However, he said I wouldn't at the very beginning. He said that everyone would be offended by something he wrote, and the fact that he gave this disclaimer up front allowed me to relax and simply enjoy the read. The fact is that sex is an extremely personal, sensitive topic, and those within the Christian community have a wide variety of views on this topic depending on their background and history. Despite the taboos and maybe even hurt surrounding the topic of sex, it is vitally important to a healthy marriage and needs to be talked about. The reason I gave the book five stars is because what I do agree with, which is most of the book, I agree with wholeheartedly. Sex is a wonderful gift from God that has been horribly perverted by our culture. Unfulfilling, shameful sex is much of what drives pop culture in America. This in combination with an incorrect, Puritan/Separatist view of sex, which is that sex is exclusively for procreation, have made the topic of sex very taboo within churches. This has resulted in many curious young people seeking answers to their questions in anywhere but the right places. Many find themselves in the depths of sexual sin or, at best, with a poor sex life after marriage. Healthy sex is, however, one of the most wonderful, fulfilling aspects of a happy marriage. Contrary to what the culture screams, sex is not about self pleasure but instead about learning to love and please your spouse over the course of a lifetime. As one learns to love and prioritize the pleasure of his spouse in the most intimate ways, the openness and selflessness creates a bond that is strong and most definitely unique to the marriage relationship. Each person is different, and this process of learning to love one's spouse over the course of a lifetime only strengthens that bond. It is this exclusive, selfless, loving sex within marriage that Dr. Leman explores in this book. He clearly and explicitly describes how to become a passionate, selfless lover. I would not recommend this book to unmarried individuals or couples. The mind is very flammable and this book is quite explicit. I would recommend this book only to married couples. My wife and I read this book together aloud, and this was helpful for two reasons. First, it provided accountability when dealing with explicit material. We were reading this book for each other, and we wanted to maintain pure thoughts. Second, it encouraged open, shameless conversation. We didn't have figure out how to begin an awkward conversation; the author did that for us. We were able to talk very openly about the topic of sex, and this, in addition to being fun, created a high level of intimacy.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Angela Blount

    Wow. Oh, how I wish I'd read this book before I got married. I think it would have spared us both a lot of needless confusion, frustration, and unspoken expectations. This book captured me almost immediately. The straightforward masculine viewpoint of the psychologist/author was refreshing rather than clinical. And while his perspective is a decidedly Christian one, his style is humorously candid and unabashed. His simple, conversational approach makes for fast and easy reading--though, I found m Wow. Oh, how I wish I'd read this book before I got married. I think it would have spared us both a lot of needless confusion, frustration, and unspoken expectations. This book captured me almost immediately. The straightforward masculine viewpoint of the psychologist/author was refreshing rather than clinical. And while his perspective is a decidedly Christian one, his style is humorously candid and unabashed. His simple, conversational approach makes for fast and easy reading--though, I found myself stopping every 20-25 pages to better digest the information and consider the parallels and applications to my own marriage and behaviors. (I've been married almost 10 years, and this book still gave us plenty to talk about. Okay, so it wasn't all talking... >.>) The author is cognizant of his own inherent gender bias, yet remains carefully balanced in his back and forth to both men and women--calling them out in their common misconceptions and mis-contributions. "I don't know how many women I have gently chided with the words, 'Please don't fault your husband for being a man.'" -- "Don't use your marriage and your wife's commitment as an excuse to become a lazy lover; use it as motivation to become an expert in bed." Dr. Leman might understand women better than any man I've ever come across. (And I don't say that lightly.) As he states in the Note to the Reader, the book is meant to expand and challenge people's thinking on sex. "Instead of a how-to-do-it manual, it's more of do-it-yourself look at why and how to do it better." It didn't feel as though it necessarily needed to be read in chapter order, but the information does build on itself--with the beginning chapters applicable to both married and engaged couples (in a sort of pre-marital counseling format.). Favorite Quotes: *"Sex begins in the kitchen--it's an all-day affair." *"Just about anybody can "biologically" perform the act of sexual intercourse, just as any five-year-old can make a peanut-butter sandwich. But if you want a gourmet meal, you need to find a chef." *"One of the most loving and holy things you can do in marriage is to provide a sexually fulfilling pursuit of your husband or wife." *"Great marital sex is about learning to love someone else the way he or she wants to be loved." *"The best position is no substitute for a healthy relationship. ...Sex is about the quality of your entire love life, not the intricate alignment of your bodies."

  24. 5 out of 5

    Martijn Vsho

    A very useful book for all engaged or married couples. Leman is not ashamed to talk about sexual intimacy and share aspects from his own marriage, which help readers understand sexual intimacy. I read this book during my engagement and found it very helpful for getting myself prepared for marriage and sex. Now that I am married, I have come to see just how useful this book has been. Leman focuses a lot on honesty and working hard to know and understand your spouse so that you both can enjoy inti A very useful book for all engaged or married couples. Leman is not ashamed to talk about sexual intimacy and share aspects from his own marriage, which help readers understand sexual intimacy. I read this book during my engagement and found it very helpful for getting myself prepared for marriage and sex. Now that I am married, I have come to see just how useful this book has been. Leman focuses a lot on honesty and working hard to know and understand your spouse so that you both can enjoy intimacy. I appreciated his emphasis on the fact that it is going to be different for each person and thus that what other people enjoy or he and his wife enjoy may not be something that readers will enjoy. Hence why he puts a lot of emphasis on knowing your spouse. Leman is honest and frank about everything and doesn't beat around the bush. While others may not be comfortable with that, I did not mind it in the slightest and actually found it quite helpful. The only thing I disagreed with was that Leman was okay with masturbation and even suggested it in certain cases. While he is definitely against masturbation to porn or lust and says it is only okay in specific circumstances, I still think it is wrong in all circumstances. Nonetheless, this is a must read for every engaged or married couple. It will help engaged couples prepare themselves for the wedding night and will help married couples improve their marriage and sex life.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Jennifer Gentry

    This was a very frank, very descriptive book about the joys of sex between a husband and a wife. Dr. Leman's insights into women are pretty accurate (he pretty much had me pegged on several things), and it was interesting to read his insights into men as well. This was a freebie from Amazon for the Kindle that I "bought" and I'm very glad I did. As soon as I finished, I suggested that my husband read it as well. I wish we'd found this book earlier, to be honest! As he recommends in the book, the This was a very frank, very descriptive book about the joys of sex between a husband and a wife. Dr. Leman's insights into women are pretty accurate (he pretty much had me pegged on several things), and it was interesting to read his insights into men as well. This was a freebie from Amazon for the Kindle that I "bought" and I'm very glad I did. As soon as I finished, I suggested that my husband read it as well. I wish we'd found this book earlier, to be honest! As he recommends in the book, the early chapters are okay for engaged couples. But because the latter part of the book is very descriptive, it's best saved for the honeymoon or for already-married couples. He writes as a Christian psychologist and so the Bible is the backbone of this book. (If you don't think God wants married couples to have an exciting, pleasurable sex life, you've never read Song of Songs, an actual book of the Bible!)

  26. 5 out of 5

    Christopher Weaver

    I see that alot of folks that dislike this book dislike it either because it was written by a Christian writer or because it is more focused on telling men what to do, and not as descriptive for women... I happened upon this in my list of marriage books that I am trying to knock out. Son... when I say, no sugar coating, the author had ME blushing with some of the stuff he wrote. But it did keep the read interesting, and I found in the midst of grown-folk talk certain non-bedroom tactics I can do I see that alot of folks that dislike this book dislike it either because it was written by a Christian writer or because it is more focused on telling men what to do, and not as descriptive for women... I happened upon this in my list of marriage books that I am trying to knock out. Son... when I say, no sugar coating, the author had ME blushing with some of the stuff he wrote. But it did keep the read interesting, and I found in the midst of grown-folk talk certain non-bedroom tactics I can do to help destress my wife. I enjoyed it. I read it with a funny voice in my head, just because the topic is so blunt and taboo. The voice was half the fun, but I'd suggest it to anybody. It's a shocker that they sell it in Lifeway, lol.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Pamela Kilzer

    This book is a good read for engaged and married couples young and old. Dr. Leman has some really sound insight, thoughts and tips that come from a Biblical perspective. There are a few opinions in here which I do not agree with, and he does tend to have a more “traditional” viewpoint on couples, i.e. the men go to work, don’t help at home, only think about sex, and the women stay home, do everything around the house, and never desire sex. I wish he would have spoken to different scenarios more. This book is a good read for engaged and married couples young and old. Dr. Leman has some really sound insight, thoughts and tips that come from a Biblical perspective. There are a few opinions in here which I do not agree with, and he does tend to have a more “traditional” viewpoint on couples, i.e. the men go to work, don’t help at home, only think about sex, and the women stay home, do everything around the house, and never desire sex. I wish he would have spoken to different scenarios more. Otherwise, solid B- book.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Lucky Bug

    Very helpful for couples from backgrounds where sex was never discussed and especially for those who cherish Christian belief systems such as saving yourselves for the wedding night. It's a sex book written by a god fearing man who treats the subject matter with great respect. If you're looking for something kinky this is not the book for you, but if you want to refresh, revitalize, or rekindle a deep relationship with your sweetheart you'll really enjoy this book.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Kelsey Norman

    This books makes me angry. It was so full of chauvinist ideals. Dr. Leman says in so many ways that it's a wife's Christian duty to have sex with her husband even if she doesn't feel like it and she isn't following the commitment of her vows if she doesn't give it to him regularly. Um, I don't recall saying that in my vows.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Samantha & Luke

    As much as Leman makes good books, I found it to be over & over primarily always eyes on the woman. I'd like to see the same book written by a woman. Also he makes a few jokes which are very strange coming from an old man... As much as Leman makes good books, I found it to be over & over primarily always eyes on the woman. I'd like to see the same book written by a woman. Also he makes a few jokes which are very strange coming from an old man...

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