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Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge

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Modern romance is broken. It's time to flip the script. Apps have transformed dating from a mysterious adventure into a daily chore. Young, single, college-educated women are sick and tired of competing for a shrinking supply of guys. And marriage-material men, long expected to take the lead when it comes to asking women out, are suddenly balking at making the first move, f Modern romance is broken. It's time to flip the script. Apps have transformed dating from a mysterious adventure into a daily chore. Young, single, college-educated women are sick and tired of competing for a shrinking supply of guys. And marriage-material men, long expected to take the lead when it comes to asking women out, are suddenly balking at making the first move, fearing they'll come across as creepy or inappropriate. Society is changing, which means it's time for dating to evolve. Millennial and Gen Z women are more than capable of seeking out what—and who—they want. They're standouts in the classroom and champions on the playing fields. They're leaders in the workplace and trailblazers in city halls, state houses, and Congress. So why would we tell a generation of badass women that they're not allowed to be bold when it comes to finding love? Why should they have to sit back and wait (and wait and wait) for men to find them? In Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge, Jon Birger, author of Date-onomics, offers women bold new strategies for finding the one.


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Modern romance is broken. It's time to flip the script. Apps have transformed dating from a mysterious adventure into a daily chore. Young, single, college-educated women are sick and tired of competing for a shrinking supply of guys. And marriage-material men, long expected to take the lead when it comes to asking women out, are suddenly balking at making the first move, f Modern romance is broken. It's time to flip the script. Apps have transformed dating from a mysterious adventure into a daily chore. Young, single, college-educated women are sick and tired of competing for a shrinking supply of guys. And marriage-material men, long expected to take the lead when it comes to asking women out, are suddenly balking at making the first move, fearing they'll come across as creepy or inappropriate. Society is changing, which means it's time for dating to evolve. Millennial and Gen Z women are more than capable of seeking out what—and who—they want. They're standouts in the classroom and champions on the playing fields. They're leaders in the workplace and trailblazers in city halls, state houses, and Congress. So why would we tell a generation of badass women that they're not allowed to be bold when it comes to finding love? Why should they have to sit back and wait (and wait and wait) for men to find them? In Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge, Jon Birger, author of Date-onomics, offers women bold new strategies for finding the one.

30 review for Make Your Move: The New Science of Dating and Why Women Are in Charge

  1. 5 out of 5

    Danielle

    I love Jon’s way of fusing real life stories of couples he knows and academic research to prove why women should make the first move in relationships. I always have known that it’s silly to wait around for a guy, but Jon has a way of encouraging the reader to actually go for it, and he provides real advice about how to approach different scenarios. I recommend this book to any straight woman who wants to approach dating differently but doesn’t quite know how yet. 5 stars, easily!

  2. 4 out of 5

    Ashton

    This book was hard for me to pick because I am a 35 year old single woman who has no damn clue what she's doing when it comes to dating. I thought this was a well-researched, well documented and well written book. I find it refreshing that his viewpoint has changed so much from his previous book. That he's grown and wrote this one in order to share what he learned since his previous works. He's not claiming to be the most knowledgeable person in the world when it comes to these issues but he has This book was hard for me to pick because I am a 35 year old single woman who has no damn clue what she's doing when it comes to dating. I thought this was a well-researched, well documented and well written book. I find it refreshing that his viewpoint has changed so much from his previous book. That he's grown and wrote this one in order to share what he learned since his previous works. He's not claiming to be the most knowledgeable person in the world when it comes to these issues but he has researched his own assumptions and I think that's great. And rare. And I found the statistics and the findings in this book to be fascinating. Does it work? That's probably the question a lot of people are wanting to know the answer to. Does this book give you the answer? And the trouble is I don't know. I know that what previous dating books have told me to do didn't work. And I also know that I've been doing this fresh make your move approach based off of stuff that I had learned before I ever even read this book. Before I even reading it, I had adopted his views. But I'm still single. So I don't know if this book has all the answers but I do know that I found it useful and logically he makes a very sound point. But it's not a love potion. This book will not magically make you somebody who gets to have a happy relationship. I wish there were books with such power. But what it might do is give you more information to weigh in order to choose to do what you think makes the most sense. In this book, he gives you strategies, using a new paradigm, to go after love and get it. It encourages you to take action, and risk rejection, and in a sense, be the master of your own destiny. Thank you #netgalley for giving me the chance to read this book in exchange for an honest review.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Lori Lynn

    In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth is infuriated to learn that Mr. Darcy has separated Mr. Bingley from her sister Jane, who loves Bingley deeply. Darcy later writes in his defense that he had observed her sister. “Her look and manners were open, cheerful and engaging as ever, but without any symptom of peculiar regard, and I remained convinced from the evening’s scrutiny, that though she received his attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by participation of sentiment.” In modern term In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth is infuriated to learn that Mr. Darcy has separated Mr. Bingley from her sister Jane, who loves Bingley deeply. Darcy later writes in his defense that he had observed her sister. “Her look and manners were open, cheerful and engaging as ever, but without any symptom of peculiar regard, and I remained convinced from the evening’s scrutiny, that though she received his attentions with pleasure, she did not invite them by participation of sentiment.” In modern terms, Darcy concluded Jane just wasn’t that into Bingley. If only Jane had read Jon Birger’s book, her affection for Bingley would have been evident, and a lot of misery would have been avoided. Fortunately, modern women can read and learn from science, which Birger marshals to make his case that demonstrating affection for a man is more likely to result in a lasting relationship than sitting back and playing hard to get. In hindsight, my own marriage of more than 25 years may have been the direct result of the particular way I sat down next to my husband at a party, which he understood to be an expression of my interest (we have different memories of the event, but his perception undoubtedly changed at that moment; he thought I had given him a cold shoulder months earlier, when that was not what I had intended). Everything about Make Your Move makes perfect sense, even though it runs against much of the common dating advice. I plan to recommend it to my single friends, especially the ones complaining about the miseries of dating apps and the men they meet through them.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    Okay, so this was actually excellent and extremely compelling. Lots to unpack here - why online dating is worse than you think, how the #MeToo movement reshaped dating approaches, the implications of there being more college-educated women on the dating market than college-educated men... it's all here. The studies were so persuasive that I have forever changed my approach to dating - even in the last two days, I have taken steps I never would have considered before. I mean, I would ask out the Okay, so this was actually excellent and extremely compelling. Lots to unpack here - why online dating is worse than you think, how the #MeToo movement reshaped dating approaches, the implications of there being more college-educated women on the dating market than college-educated men... it's all here. The studies were so persuasive that I have forever changed my approach to dating - even in the last two days, I have taken steps I never would have considered before. I mean, I would ask out the rare friend and think I was enlightened (but really I learned, that's like Step 2 of 5). If you are in your 20s or older, there were so many things that we internalized that simply do not make sense in the post-MeToo era. If you are a marriage-minded, single, straight female, this really should be required reading. This is a fresh perspective on the dating scene, and I am all for it.

  5. 5 out of 5

    aimee

    “It’s Better to Choose Than Be Chosen” - Jon Birger Make Your Move is incredible and it will change the way you think about dating. After hearing Jon’s episode on Girls Gotta Eat Podcast I knew I had to read this book. He writes about why women should make the first moves when it’s comes to dating and proves why we shouldn’t follow “the rules” One chapter titled ‘Date Who You Know’ he writes “Its easier to connect romantically with people whom you already know than with people who are complete str “It’s Better to Choose Than Be Chosen” - Jon Birger Make Your Move is incredible and it will change the way you think about dating. After hearing Jon’s episode on Girls Gotta Eat Podcast I knew I had to read this book. He writes about why women should make the first moves when it’s comes to dating and proves why we shouldn’t follow “the rules” One chapter titled ‘Date Who You Know’ he writes “Its easier to connect romantically with people whom you already know than with people who are complete strangers” going on to say that we should date people we already know not someone we meet online. It’s true looking back I’ve never had lasting success with guys I’ve met online and this book really changes your opinion on how we date now and how we build connections.. At so many points in this book I found myself saying you know what he’s right this is so stupid how we’ve went dating this long always waiting for the guy to talk to us or make the first moves. It has definitely opened my eyes to a new way of dating anyone who is currently dating or single needs to read this book!

  6. 4 out of 5

    Alli

    Highly recommend reading this book for a new perspective on dating. I'd definitely been in a dating rut, so to speak, using dating apps on and off for 2 years with mediocre success. About halfway through the book I decided to take Jon's advice and ask out the guy I'd been interested in, and it's been fantastic! I learned he was also interested in me but that he didn't feel comfortable saying anything since we met when he was my personal trainer. Long story short, after taking Jon's advice and be Highly recommend reading this book for a new perspective on dating. I'd definitely been in a dating rut, so to speak, using dating apps on and off for 2 years with mediocre success. About halfway through the book I decided to take Jon's advice and ask out the guy I'd been interested in, and it's been fantastic! I learned he was also interested in me but that he didn't feel comfortable saying anything since we met when he was my personal trainer. Long story short, after taking Jon's advice and being bold, I'm happy as a clam dating a great guy who I otherwise probably wouldn't have... so BUY THIS BOOK ALL YOU SINGLE, STRONG LADIES! You won't regret it.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Amber Stewart

    It was a great read, I would definitely recommend it!

  8. 4 out of 5

    Gina Dalfonzo

    Full review here: https://dearstrangethings.substack.co... Full review here: https://dearstrangethings.substack.co...

  9. 4 out of 5

    zhane

    5/5 stars! I voluntarily read and reviewed an advanced copy of this book from the publisher via NetGalley. All thoughts and opinions are my own. I learned a lot about dating and coming out of my shell while reading this book. It engaged my brain to think and analyze myself and my priorities in life more and where dating is ranked in that. I loved how thought-provoking this book is and how it gives not just tips and advice, but confidence to women as well.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Beth Stanton

    This book should be required reading for every young woman who wants to marry a man and have children, like I did once upon a time. It will save many of them loads of time and heartache. As a bonus, it’s super well written and fun to read!

  11. 4 out of 5

    Angelica

    Recommending this to my single female friends... it's a well-written, smart relationship book that gives solid advice based on real data. Recommending this to my single female friends... it's a well-written, smart relationship book that gives solid advice based on real data.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Tara Doran

    A modern approach to dating that is needed in today’s trying times and uncertain dating climate. Excellent read. Will recommend to my other single friends!

  13. 4 out of 5

    Kennedy

    Jon makes quite a compelling case for women making the first move. Even before I read this, I was already advising my single female friends that taking more of an assertive role in their dating life might be the better approach. Now I have somewhere to send them where the case we'll be made even better than I can. This was a natural sequel to Jon's first book which if you're a marriage-minded, college educated woman might have left you with a bit of a hopeless feeling. Well, he listened to the q Jon makes quite a compelling case for women making the first move. Even before I read this, I was already advising my single female friends that taking more of an assertive role in their dating life might be the better approach. Now I have somewhere to send them where the case we'll be made even better than I can. This was a natural sequel to Jon's first book which if you're a marriage-minded, college educated woman might have left you with a bit of a hopeless feeling. Well, he listened to the questions and Make Your Move is hopefully what you'll need to go forth and get your man!

  14. 4 out of 5

    Susan Walker

    How ton have a long lasting relationship in today's world. This book has lots of great advice. I liked his advice for single women. How ton have a long lasting relationship in today's world. This book has lots of great advice. I liked his advice for single women.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Lindsay Kaye Venable

  16. 4 out of 5

    Kat

  17. 4 out of 5

    Stephanie Bradbeer

  18. 5 out of 5

    Susan Van

  19. 4 out of 5

    I

  20. 5 out of 5

    Tiffany

  21. 4 out of 5

    Stephen

  22. 5 out of 5

    Hayley Jennings

  23. 5 out of 5

    Gabrielle Blades

  24. 5 out of 5

    Mary

  25. 5 out of 5

    Laura

  26. 5 out of 5

    Andrea Desmond

  27. 5 out of 5

    Barbara

  28. 5 out of 5

    Kaylie

  29. 4 out of 5

    Ckrowe11

  30. 4 out of 5

    Miss Miller

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