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What We’re Told Not to Talk About (But We’re Going to Anyway): Women’s Voices from East London to Ethiopia

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'I started my period at home in the afternoon aged 14 on a warm day. I remember screaming and thinking "There is no doubt about it; I am definitely going to die".' This book is about vaginas. Fanny, cunt, flower, foo-foo, tuppence, whatever you want to call it almost half of the world's population has one. Was Jessica Ennis on her period they day she won Olympic Gold? W 'I started my period at home in the afternoon aged 14 on a warm day. I remember screaming and thinking "There is no doubt about it; I am definitely going to die".' This book is about vaginas. Fanny, cunt, flower, foo-foo, tuppence, whatever you want to call it almost half of the world's population has one. Was Jessica Ennis on her period they day she won Olympic Gold? What do you do when you're living on the streets and pregnant? What does it feeling like to have a poo after you've given birth? We all have questions but it's not seen as very polite to talk about our fanny; in fact it is down-right rude.Rude is an important, taboo-breaking book that shares the stories of pregnancy and periods, orgasms and the menopause, from women from all walks of life. From refugee camps in Calais to Oscar-winning actresses, to Nimko's own story of living with FGM, each woman shares their own relationship with their vagina and its impact on their life.


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'I started my period at home in the afternoon aged 14 on a warm day. I remember screaming and thinking "There is no doubt about it; I am definitely going to die".' This book is about vaginas. Fanny, cunt, flower, foo-foo, tuppence, whatever you want to call it almost half of the world's population has one. Was Jessica Ennis on her period they day she won Olympic Gold? W 'I started my period at home in the afternoon aged 14 on a warm day. I remember screaming and thinking "There is no doubt about it; I am definitely going to die".' This book is about vaginas. Fanny, cunt, flower, foo-foo, tuppence, whatever you want to call it almost half of the world's population has one. Was Jessica Ennis on her period they day she won Olympic Gold? What do you do when you're living on the streets and pregnant? What does it feeling like to have a poo after you've given birth? We all have questions but it's not seen as very polite to talk about our fanny; in fact it is down-right rude.Rude is an important, taboo-breaking book that shares the stories of pregnancy and periods, orgasms and the menopause, from women from all walks of life. From refugee camps in Calais to Oscar-winning actresses, to Nimko's own story of living with FGM, each woman shares their own relationship with their vagina and its impact on their life.

30 review for What We’re Told Not to Talk About (But We’re Going to Anyway): Women’s Voices from East London to Ethiopia

  1. 4 out of 5

    ~Bookishly

    This book is an interesting insight from many different women, from various countries and backgrounds, about the subjects that are unfortunately still regarded by some as "taboo." This means that instead of actually talking openly about these particular subjects, they are locked away, and are never spoken of again. Not only is this toxic, but it is ridiculous, and it is something I'll always feel strongly about. The subjects covered in this book, are periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause. The This book is an interesting insight from many different women, from various countries and backgrounds, about the subjects that are unfortunately still regarded by some as "taboo." This means that instead of actually talking openly about these particular subjects, they are locked away, and are never spoken of again. Not only is this toxic, but it is ridiculous, and it is something I'll always feel strongly about. The subjects covered in this book, are periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause. They are so incredibly common, but yet, some cannot bring themselves to talk about them. For me, personally, I'm pretty open about these. I haven't always been this way, but I've never regarded myself as being dirty, when I'm menstruating, or odd, because I love having orgasms. It's just how it is, and I'm not likely to change. We hear from many women, and we read about their own experiences. Some I enjoyed more than others, and some, I found to be pretty horrifying, especially when we move on to FGM. It is a barbaric practice, that is ruthlessly disguised as a cultural thing, when clearly, it is actually child abuse. I've read rather a lot about FGM, but it never fails to sicken me. It takes a strong person to write about such a difficult time in their lives, and I'm thankful to the women in this book that did. Powerful and moving, and I recommend to all.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Konstantin

    This was decent, I guess, with batches of refreshingly unapologetic feminism, but also very heteronormative and nowhere near as diverse as I was led to believe (over 2/3 of women in this book are Muslim and/or from Somalia). There's something else I'd like to point out: the fact that the only LGBT+ person in the entire book is a frigid, selfish cheater is incredibly tone-deaf. This was decent, I guess, with batches of refreshingly unapologetic feminism, but also very heteronormative and nowhere near as diverse as I was led to believe (over 2/3 of women in this book are Muslim and/or from Somalia). There's something else I'd like to point out: the fact that the only LGBT+ person in the entire book is a frigid, selfish cheater is incredibly tone-deaf.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Annabel Rianne

    This was a great book to read. Lots of stories were shared by women from all around the world, some very funny but some very sad and aweful. One thing I realized while reading their stories is that we don't know half of what women around the world are going through. And what you could possibly be going through in the future - you can't know what's going to happen. So it's really good that this book was written to talk about topics that feel like a taboo: periods, pregnancy, sex and the menopause This was a great book to read. Lots of stories were shared by women from all around the world, some very funny but some very sad and aweful. One thing I realized while reading their stories is that we don't know half of what women around the world are going through. And what you could possibly be going through in the future - you can't know what's going to happen. So it's really good that this book was written to talk about topics that feel like a taboo: periods, pregnancy, sex and the menopause. All things women experience, either now or in the future, but sometimes hardly know anything about. This book made me realize that in some aspects of my life I'm really lucky, and should consider myself as that more. Women go through so many tough situations… And we have to suck it up and not talk about it, usually. So let's start talking about it more. Let's share with the world what our experiences are, so that people around the world won't be afraid about these topics any more and so that we can learn the future generations what might be in store for them. And how they can handle it.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Moth

    I have to admit I found the author's writing style a little annoying, but 90% of the book consists of other women's voices, and the experiences she collected here are invaluable I have to admit I found the author's writing style a little annoying, but 90% of the book consists of other women's voices, and the experiences she collected here are invaluable

  5. 4 out of 5

    Anwen Hayward

    I bought this book way back before Nimko Ali revealed herself to be, quite bizarrely, a big fan of the Conservative Party, who I hate with my entire heart and soul, but I'm not one to read books solely by people I 100% agree with all the time. At no point when I was reading this did my existing opinions of Ali affect my determination to fully engage with it; she's a good writer and has a lot of value to say, and my disagreeing with her on a few issues won't and shouldn't negate that. That said: T I bought this book way back before Nimko Ali revealed herself to be, quite bizarrely, a big fan of the Conservative Party, who I hate with my entire heart and soul, but I'm not one to read books solely by people I 100% agree with all the time. At no point when I was reading this did my existing opinions of Ali affect my determination to fully engage with it; she's a good writer and has a lot of value to say, and my disagreeing with her on a few issues won't and shouldn't negate that. That said: The Good: - Nimko Ali is a witty and engaging writer, and I did laugh out loud at a lot of her turns of phrase. She obviously has a way with people too, to be able to get these women to open up to her in the ways that they did. It's a very personal book, both in terms of what it clearly means to Ali and in terms of how sensitive many of the narratives are, and that gives it a very raw and emotional resonance. This book is 250 pages long and I read it in two sittings, only interrupted so that I could make a cup of tea. It's well-written and thoroughly readable, and, given the weight of the topics at hand, that's no small feat. - It's refreshing to at last be able to read books which are marketed as feminist and don't consist entirely of the musings of rich white women. The majority of the voices featured in this book are those of women of colour, and there are many intersecting marginalisations, such as homelessness and Blackness. That said, it could have been more diverse in terms of contributions, as the majority of narratives definitely fit into the 'woman is married at a very young age and suffers accordingly' convention, but these stories obviously do need to be heard, so I wasn't disappointed in the lack of variety, per se. It's just not quite what the book's marketing leads one to expect. - Although I don't personally agree with Ali's definition of what makes a woman, which I found to be very bioessentialist, I did very much appreciate the frank discussion of issues that have certainly affected me and many other women (and people who aren't women) I know. I fully agree that it's time to start talking about periods and menopause and abortions; I just don't think I entirely agree that it's necessary to conflate that with milestones specifically of womanhood, even if they commonly are. On the same positive note, it was actually great to see so many women be frank about their own bodily functions; there's quite a lot of literal shit-talk in here, and you know what? I'm here for it. We all shit. The Bad: - A very unimportant point really, but I was a little surprised that this was a release by a major publishing imprint, given the number of editing mistakes. There are quite a few instances of sentences where one word is missing. The book's structure is also very odd, consisting of 4 chapters, some of which are over 100 pages long and one of which is only about 20, which feels patchy and inconsistent. Additionally, after every woman's contribution, Ali writes her own thoughts about a topic related to the contribution, and the way in which this transition from contributor to commentary is done is also inconsistent; sometimes Ali's thoughts are placed under a new heading under the contribution, and sometimes the narrative just switches randomly into third person without warning, at which point it eventually becomes clear that Ali is now speaking, not the contributor. It feels very much like a first draft in a lot of ways. I don't know if the book was perhaps rushed out; it very much seemed like it may have been. - I think that, ultimately, when one of the splash quotes on the book's inside cover is from proto-Tory and privileged feminist extraordinaire Zoe Sugg, it's probably not going to be a book which engages rigorously with feminist theory. I would have really liked to have seen more analysis in this book and discussions of why women (meaning, as this book uses the word, anyone assigned female at birth) are treated and received in the ways that they are, cross-culturally. In many ways, it just seemed at times like a litany of suffering, without any attempts to engage with the systemic causes of that suffering, and it means that I finished this book feeling a bit hollow. Again, I think this is possibly because the book was rushed, although I'm just theorising there. The Ugly: - This book is incredibly cissexist and heterocentric. There isn't a single contribution in here from a queer woman, either in terms of sexuality or gender. The book consistently conflates womanhood with 'fannies', and, as a cis woman myself, I have to be honest and say that I think that's a bit reductive. Not everyone with a 'fanny' is a woman, and not all women have a 'fanny'. I think it tries to universalise the experience of being 'female' too far, and in doing so it reduces it to a series of biological functions, like having periods, getting pregnant, and entering menopause. - There was one moment in particular which struck me as hypocritical. I'm treading lightly here, as a white woman with absolutely no experience of the subject at hand, but much of the book is dedicated to (bravely and importantly) telling the horrific experienes of women who have undergone FGM, and then later one woman, who hasn't undergone FGM herself, speaks of how she prefers having sex with men who have been circumcised because she finds it more pleasurable. Now, I'm not someone who thinks that FGM and male circumcision are directly comparable; my general ethos is pretty much 'let's just not mutilate babies' genitals at all ever, but FGM is clearly a very different entity and should be discussed as such,' but it struck me as ill-advised at the very least, because there was absolutely no engagement with why this might be different, or the ways in which it isn't. I do think that I would recommend this book to people, because it's incredibly readable and it has a lot to say about experiences from some of the most marginalised women globally; I would just be sure to specify that it's not the wide-reaching commentary on womanhood that it's marketed as being.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Laura

    An essential piece of reading for any modern woman, from any culture, origin or ethnicity; this book covers four main topics, periods, orgasms, pregnancy and the menopause. Four very important but very under reported areas. What I liked most about this book was how it looked at the experiences of women from across the world. The author made it her mission to not focus on solely British born women. She also examines the role of culture and religion upon sexuality, which was eye opening to say the An essential piece of reading for any modern woman, from any culture, origin or ethnicity; this book covers four main topics, periods, orgasms, pregnancy and the menopause. Four very important but very under reported areas. What I liked most about this book was how it looked at the experiences of women from across the world. The author made it her mission to not focus on solely British born women. She also examines the role of culture and religion upon sexuality, which was eye opening to say the least. I learnt a lot through this book and would recommend it for the modern feminist.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Ine Martens

    The book is heteronormative, cisnormative and not as diverse as the cover suggests. However, the stories told in this book are important and should be told. If you choose to read this book, I recommend skipping the authors comments after each story. I found her writing style rather annoying and her analysis not critical enough and even missing the point.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Imke

    I think the concept for this book is brilliant. The execution was not very good unfortunately. It felt like a first draft for a book, an idea, that still needs a lot of work. It was inconsistent, the structure was a bit weird, there were some mistakes. But I also think it was not as well researched as it could have been. There was not enough context and statistics. This was just stories, that's what it says it is, but it could have been much more with very little effort. I also thought it was we I think the concept for this book is brilliant. The execution was not very good unfortunately. It felt like a first draft for a book, an idea, that still needs a lot of work. It was inconsistent, the structure was a bit weird, there were some mistakes. But I also think it was not as well researched as it could have been. There was not enough context and statistics. This was just stories, that's what it says it is, but it could have been much more with very little effort. I also thought it was weird how she was not really in conversation with these women, at least not in the book. There is the story, exactly as the women told it I imagine given the style and mistakes. And then there is a short section where she comments on the story, but the comment is often not even specific to the story just told and sometimes she's just plain judgemental. But, even with all these faults, I still think there is content here that you cannot find in any other book, film or article. Have you ever heard a womans story about what it's like to give birth in a refugee camp? I didn't think so.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Chloe Scotney

    I was expecting to enjoy this book thoroughly, but I was honestly not expecting to be so moved. The display of female strength in these pages is astounding and emotionally poignant. The tenacity and resilience of womanhood is felt and present throughout. Would absolutely recommend this read to anyone.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Beth

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. This book started off strong-the first chapter is about periods and it’s so brilliant the way it discusses them so unapologetically, and one essay in particular by a homeless woman discussing the trauma of having your period whilst living in the streets stuck with me. However over time the writers comments started to get qui the pointless and I even started skipping past them as they often added nothing to the essays and stated the obvious. Further more, after a while I started to realise how th This book started off strong-the first chapter is about periods and it’s so brilliant the way it discusses them so unapologetically, and one essay in particular by a homeless woman discussing the trauma of having your period whilst living in the streets stuck with me. However over time the writers comments started to get qui the pointless and I even started skipping past them as they often added nothing to the essays and stated the obvious. Further more, after a while I started to realise how the book is less diverse than the blurb makes it out to be. There is almost no LGBTQ representation and there is no stories from transgender women which I think is so important and should have been done. HOWEVER, that being said, the book covers some very important topics and is so thought provoking, and covers topics like FGM which is truly horrendous so I appreciate the importance of the book, but I think it could have used more work.

  11. 5 out of 5

    EmpowerPuffGurl

    What I loved about “What We’re Told Not To Talk About (But We’re Going To Anyway): Women’s Voices from East London to Ethiopia” by Nimko Ali: 1 - Throughout this book, Ali shares her own story as well as stories from women around the world on topics such as periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause. 2 - These stories do truly cover every gruesome detail of what women traditionally “should not talk about” but thank god they do! Ali empowers the women behind these stories to break down taboos and sh What I loved about “What We’re Told Not To Talk About (But We’re Going To Anyway): Women’s Voices from East London to Ethiopia” by Nimko Ali: 1 - Throughout this book, Ali shares her own story as well as stories from women around the world on topics such as periods, orgasms, pregnancy and menopause. 2 - These stories do truly cover every gruesome detail of what women traditionally “should not talk about” but thank god they do! Ali empowers the women behind these stories to break down taboos and share their experiences. 3 - Some stories were heartbreaking and hard to read while others were light hearted and empowering - this book truly covers so much ground and sheds light to what women go through throughout the world.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Maggie

    enjoyed this for the candid stories that it offered particularly as it relates to pregnancy and child birth though I found that most of the stories and essays reflected a particular position on womanhood, heterosexual relationships and religion. Overall it’s a pretty easy read with troubling and moving stories on many a taboo topic from women all over the world.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Isabelle Duff

    This is a really brilliant book. However, Ali failed to mention the fact that abortion is still illegal in Nothern Ireland which was a glaring oversight from such a well-informed activist.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Amy

    This book was...unexpected. Focused primarily on the stories African and British women (with a few others from across the world) this book shares stories about periods, pregnancy, sex, and menopause. Many of the women are Muslim, or live with FGM, or were child brides, or all of the above. As a Canadian Millennial when I read about women’s narratives “outside the norm” usually it’s about women who have defied cultural norms and are queer, single, in non-traditional relationships, or have rejecte This book was...unexpected. Focused primarily on the stories African and British women (with a few others from across the world) this book shares stories about periods, pregnancy, sex, and menopause. Many of the women are Muslim, or live with FGM, or were child brides, or all of the above. As a Canadian Millennial when I read about women’s narratives “outside the norm” usually it’s about women who have defied cultural norms and are queer, single, in non-traditional relationships, or have rejected their family’s culture and expectations. The stories from women in this book are the opposite, and deal exclusively in hetero traditional marriages as per family/cultural/religious expectations. For me, this is a perspective I don’t usually read, so I learned a lot and was also challenged by a lot of the content. The stories are short - a few pages at most, but I knocked off one star on this review because I felt some of the stories needed more context, and that the editor’s commentary didn’t necessarily add in all cases.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Jennifer

    Had to give this up on audio as it was far too unnecessarily graphic. Do we really need the descriptions of jellied globs when talking about periods or lengthy descriptions of shits people take? I would hazard a guess at NO. Talking about supposed taboo topics and breaking those taboos .. I'm all for but there is such a thing as oversharing. The authors intention could have been made without going this far down the vomit inducing road Had to give this up on audio as it was far too unnecessarily graphic. Do we really need the descriptions of jellied globs when talking about periods or lengthy descriptions of shits people take? I would hazard a guess at NO. Talking about supposed taboo topics and breaking those taboos .. I'm all for but there is such a thing as oversharing. The authors intention could have been made without going this far down the vomit inducing road

  16. 4 out of 5

    Hannah

    This is a super important book which I wish more people would read. It’s troubling how many stigmas and taboos still exist around the female body considering it’s the prison within which half of the world’s Population live. The anecdotes are potent, eye opening and honest, and nimko’s explanations between them are the perfect adhesive to bring the book together. I would definitely recommend.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Heather

    Read as part of research for a project. I enjoyed the fact that the book was set all over the world and it was small essays direct from the women speaking. Some were quite difficult to read but at is articulated in the synopsis of the book. Educational and enlightening.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Chrys

    A really interesting and informative read, definitely an important book and hopefully only the start for this author - there's so many other voices that need to be heard. A really interesting and informative read, definitely an important book and hopefully only the start for this author - there's so many other voices that need to be heard.

  19. 4 out of 5

    jenna A.W.

    Hard hitting and raw. A great read for women of any age to know they aren't alone in their journey! Hard hitting and raw. A great read for women of any age to know they aren't alone in their journey!

  20. 5 out of 5

    Gráinne

    We need more of these books... Women's stories need to be heard... More need to speak out on topics that society has deemed taboo... We need more of these books... Women's stories need to be heard... More need to speak out on topics that society has deemed taboo...

  21. 5 out of 5

    Harriet Clarke

    Really enjoyed looking at the experiences of different women throughout key stages of their lives. Due to the author's background this book had a definite focus on the experiences of Somali women and women who have been through FGM. Rather than this becoming a limited view, it actually became an eye-opening read for myself and lead me to think very deeply about what I can do to help women and girls going through this currently. It also helped me to think critically about my own perception of my Really enjoyed looking at the experiences of different women throughout key stages of their lives. Due to the author's background this book had a definite focus on the experiences of Somali women and women who have been through FGM. Rather than this becoming a limited view, it actually became an eye-opening read for myself and lead me to think very deeply about what I can do to help women and girls going through this currently. It also helped me to think critically about my own perception of my body and what I want for myself going into the future, hitting key milestones as a woman. I'd recommend this book to anyone who's looking at educating themselves in the female experience or analysing their own femininity.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Soumeya

    Excellent but more importantly, a NECESSARY book! Thank you Nimko Ali:)

  23. 4 out of 5

    Felicia

    Written by activist and writer Nimko Ali, this books strives to break the taboo that still surrounds many conversations concerning women and the female body. 34 women, and the author herself, share personal stories on periods, orgasms, pregnancy, and menopause. The book touches on some heavy topics — including FGM, which the author is living with and is dedicated to ending worldwide — but it’s an important read, not least because of the representation of female voices from different countries, c Written by activist and writer Nimko Ali, this books strives to break the taboo that still surrounds many conversations concerning women and the female body. 34 women, and the author herself, share personal stories on periods, orgasms, pregnancy, and menopause. The book touches on some heavy topics — including FGM, which the author is living with and is dedicated to ending worldwide — but it’s an important read, not least because of the representation of female voices from different countries, cultures, and religions.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Цветомира Филипова

    This book was such a surprise! I expected a girly provocative book that wouldn't give me much new information, but boy, was I wrong! I can't believe how many social topics are discussed in this book, so many issues, most if which we either don't think about or don't even know about. I was shocked when I read the introduction part! Yes, that early. I live in the poorest country in the European union, people can't stop complaining and never feel satisfied, but this book makes me feel like I live i This book was such a surprise! I expected a girly provocative book that wouldn't give me much new information, but boy, was I wrong! I can't believe how many social topics are discussed in this book, so many issues, most if which we either don't think about or don't even know about. I was shocked when I read the introduction part! Yes, that early. I live in the poorest country in the European union, people can't stop complaining and never feel satisfied, but this book makes me feel like I live in paradise! It's very sad to read about all of the problems from serious poverty to women being treated like possessions and not having the right of an opinion. I dream of a world where we can all be equal and free to choose our own path. 🙏

  25. 5 out of 5

    J Thayre

    I loved this book. I devoured it in about a week, just when I started a new job.
I may not share Nimko Ali's politics but I do share her views (mostly) in this book and I loved the rawness, openness of this book and at its core, there seems to be a desire to celebrate women and to talk openly, she says in the book: "the world seeks to divide but we (women) are united in our commitment to keep speaking up and out."
 Read more of this review here: https://aroundtheworldonefemalenoveli... I loved this book. I devoured it in about a week, just when I started a new job.
I may not share Nimko Ali's politics but I do share her views (mostly) in this book and I loved the rawness, openness of this book and at its core, there seems to be a desire to celebrate women and to talk openly, she says in the book: "the world seeks to divide but we (women) are united in our commitment to keep speaking up and out."
 Read more of this review here: https://aroundtheworldonefemalenoveli...

  26. 5 out of 5

    Natalia

    I loved it. I really did. It’s important to know that the writing style is very casual and conversational, but on that same token, you can say that makes the writing accesible and easy to understand. The book took the shape of interviews of women speaking about the experiences they had with their bodies, and so it’s very personal and not sterile, if that makes sense. I learned a lot about the medical complications of periods, pregnancy, menopause and that was so valuable to me. Ali also touched I loved it. I really did. It’s important to know that the writing style is very casual and conversational, but on that same token, you can say that makes the writing accesible and easy to understand. The book took the shape of interviews of women speaking about the experiences they had with their bodies, and so it’s very personal and not sterile, if that makes sense. I learned a lot about the medical complications of periods, pregnancy, menopause and that was so valuable to me. Ali also touched upon how race, religion, and class further complicated the lived experiences of these women. Aside from the casual style, which again may or may not be a turn off for some, the content was spot on!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Liz McNeil

    I thought and hoped this book would be witty and funny, but it was really hard to read at times. It seemed like all the stories were just awful experiences for women and I hoped it would bring in a lot more empowered stories to draw a balance. Looking for a book like that!

  28. 4 out of 5

    Kirsten

    I don't recall any mention of 'people with vaginas' or any disclaimer-type sentence stating that we're talking about 'biological females', and there were definitely no trans bodies in the stories - other than that, I thought this was fantastic... I don't recall any mention of 'people with vaginas' or any disclaimer-type sentence stating that we're talking about 'biological females', and there were definitely no trans bodies in the stories - other than that, I thought this was fantastic...

  29. 4 out of 5

    Katie Smith

    I loved this book so much. Filled with enlightening stories about the struggles of women, especially those who we don't get to hear from in the mainstream media. I found myself filled with a renewed sense of female solitary after reading this! I loved this book so much. Filled with enlightening stories about the struggles of women, especially those who we don't get to hear from in the mainstream media. I found myself filled with a renewed sense of female solitary after reading this!

  30. 4 out of 5

    Milly Wheeler

    Amazing and inspiring. Essential reading

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