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Fattily Ever After: A Black Fat Girl's Guide to Living Life Unapologetically

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"The truth is, body positivity is for white women. White female bodies being safe is paramount to maintaining white supremacy." – Stephanie Yeboah, 2017 Twenty-nine year-old plus-size blogger Stephanie Yeboah has experienced racism and fat-phobia throughout her life. From being bullied at school to being objectified and humiliated in her dating life, Stephanie's response to "The truth is, body positivity is for white women. White female bodies being safe is paramount to maintaining white supremacy." – Stephanie Yeboah, 2017 Twenty-nine year-old plus-size blogger Stephanie Yeboah has experienced racism and fat-phobia throughout her life. From being bullied at school to being objectified and humiliated in her dating life, Stephanie's response to discrimination has always been to change the narrative around body-image and what we see as beautiful. In her debut book, Fattily Ever After, Stephanie Yeboah speaks openly and courageously about her own experience on navigating life as a black, plus-sized woman – telling it how it really is – and how she has managed to find self-acceptance in a world where judgement and discrimination are rife. Featuring stories of every day misogynoir and being fetishized, to navigating the cesspit of online dating and experiencing loneliness, Stephanie shares her thoughts on the treatment of black women throughout history, the marginalisation of black, plus-sized women in the media (even within the body-positivity movement) whilst drawing on wisdom from other black fat liberation champions along the way. Peppered with insightful tips and honest advice and boldly illustrated throughout, this inspiring and powerful book is essential reading for a generation of black, plus-sized women, helping them to live their life openly, unapologetically and with confidence.


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"The truth is, body positivity is for white women. White female bodies being safe is paramount to maintaining white supremacy." – Stephanie Yeboah, 2017 Twenty-nine year-old plus-size blogger Stephanie Yeboah has experienced racism and fat-phobia throughout her life. From being bullied at school to being objectified and humiliated in her dating life, Stephanie's response to "The truth is, body positivity is for white women. White female bodies being safe is paramount to maintaining white supremacy." – Stephanie Yeboah, 2017 Twenty-nine year-old plus-size blogger Stephanie Yeboah has experienced racism and fat-phobia throughout her life. From being bullied at school to being objectified and humiliated in her dating life, Stephanie's response to discrimination has always been to change the narrative around body-image and what we see as beautiful. In her debut book, Fattily Ever After, Stephanie Yeboah speaks openly and courageously about her own experience on navigating life as a black, plus-sized woman – telling it how it really is – and how she has managed to find self-acceptance in a world where judgement and discrimination are rife. Featuring stories of every day misogynoir and being fetishized, to navigating the cesspit of online dating and experiencing loneliness, Stephanie shares her thoughts on the treatment of black women throughout history, the marginalisation of black, plus-sized women in the media (even within the body-positivity movement) whilst drawing on wisdom from other black fat liberation champions along the way. Peppered with insightful tips and honest advice and boldly illustrated throughout, this inspiring and powerful book is essential reading for a generation of black, plus-sized women, helping them to live their life openly, unapologetically and with confidence.

30 review for Fattily Ever After: A Black Fat Girl's Guide to Living Life Unapologetically

  1. 4 out of 5

    leni terese

    I feel both seen and educated. You did it, Steph. Thank you.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Kelley

    So I took my sweet time reading this book and honestly... I can say it’s one of my favourite things I’ve read this year. It’s beautiful and moving and funny and insightful and I got all up in my feelings as soon as I opened it. Stephanie is so funny and relatable that I just wished I was her friend! She’s amazing and discusses a variety of topics in this book so eloquently. I found myself agreeing with so much of what she was saying, but she also talked about things that I hadn’t thought/heard o So I took my sweet time reading this book and honestly... I can say it’s one of my favourite things I’ve read this year. It’s beautiful and moving and funny and insightful and I got all up in my feelings as soon as I opened it. Stephanie is so funny and relatable that I just wished I was her friend! She’s amazing and discusses a variety of topics in this book so eloquently. I found myself agreeing with so much of what she was saying, but she also talked about things that I hadn’t thought/heard of before. I would wholly recommend this to everybody and anybody because it’s brilliant- I have no criticisms!

  3. 5 out of 5

    Dolly

    Great read and another excellent addition to the growing body of work on fat acceptance and body liberation! As a white woman, my key takeaways were how sizeism and fat hate affect women of color -- so I would recommend this book to other white women who are looking to continue their education on their privilege and improving their anti-racist outlook. For example: Stephanie shines a light on the real prevalence of eating disorders among women of color. Our poster child for eating disorders is a Great read and another excellent addition to the growing body of work on fat acceptance and body liberation! As a white woman, my key takeaways were how sizeism and fat hate affect women of color -- so I would recommend this book to other white women who are looking to continue their education on their privilege and improving their anti-racist outlook. For example: Stephanie shines a light on the real prevalence of eating disorders among women of color. Our poster child for eating disorders is a thin, frail white girl a la Alice in Wonderland - but the reality is many girls of color struggle with eating disorders too. One of the things Stephanie mentions is how there is unfortunately mental health stigma present in many African American and Afro-Caribbean communities, which may make it difficult for women and girls of color + size to feel like they have a safe space to talk about their issues. This was true for Stephanie, who was raised by Ghanaian parents. In addition to that, of course, is medical establishment bias. Doctors don't even ask young women of color about their eating disorder symptoms, which goes along seamlessly with doctors ignoring the pain and experiences of people in color in general. Due to what I assume is a blind spot of white privilege, I was surprised to learn that black teenagers are 50% more likely than white teenagers to exhibit bulimic behaviors. Chapter 7 has some devastating stories from a variety of women of color, which really I could not do justice by recapping here. Read them for yourself. They are awful. As someone who regularly experience fatphobic bias from American doctors, I believe them all. Unfortunately, white women like myself sometimes have this mythological understanding of WOC being so confident and secure in their bodies. We act like they have it easier because their "culture" accepts them, black men love curves, etc. But this is all myth and it's rooted in racist ideology. Indeed, in another chapter on dating Stephanie talks about how black men in her experience are only interested in fat white women (perhaps because of the social leverage that comes with being with a white person). While she had one partner leave her for another black woman of size, it was because that woman's "curves" were in the right places. She helps explain, through anecdote and a basic intersectional lens, how fat black women are on the bottom of the mainstream social desirability pyramid. That affects their experience in every aspect of life, including work, school, and dating. (As a fat woman myself, I can say I was NOT surprised by the types of comments she got on dating apps. Those were par for the course in my experience too). That is not to say there are no WOC who are genuinely confident in their bodies. In chapter 6, Stephanie interviews Natasha Devon MBE on mental health and weight. Devon shares her experience growing up with 2 tall, fat, black Aunties who "carry themselves like Queens" but later realizes "their attitude must have been the result of a lot of previous struggle for acceptance." My takeaway here was that even when we do see WOC with that "confidence" we must be mindful about where it comes from. We shouldn't exploit black women's pain by celebrating their triumph over marginalization; they're not here for our inspiration. As Stephanie says, "Lifelong battles with multiple sets of beauty standards leave many black womxn with no choice but to engage in disordered eating in an effort to almost... 'correct' our 'fundamentally flawed' bodies." We should be analyzing why the world is so shit to black women and then figuring out how we can change that. We should stop glamorizing the myth of the strong black woman. So overall, I really enjoyed the book and devoured it in just a couple days. That said, I did have 2 criticisms that I would like to mention: 1. Stephanie uses the word "overweight" a few times in the book to describe both herself and others. She does acknowledge the problematic medicalization of the terms obese/obesity, so I'm not sure why "overweight" still gets incorporated into her lexicon. It made me a little uneasy when I first encountered it. I don't think it spoils her overall message and it is used only a few times, but fair warning to anyone else who is triggered by it. 2. Stephanie uses the term "womxn" but never really explains what she means by it. I think - and this is me stretching back to my undergrad days - the spelling choice is meant to be inclusive. I think I've seen "womyn" before too, as a way to disassociate from the idea (linguistic or otherwise) that women are just slightly modified men. I also see folx used in trans and non-binary communities as a way to promote inclusivity of all, well... "folx" on the gender spectrum. I can't say I fully understand what her intention was behind it, so I do wish there had been a short explanation at the beginning. Finally, I would like to add that the book's design is super fun and colorful. All the graphics and illustrations in it give it a special flair. I got a hardcover copy that had one of those built-in bookmarks, which I love. Also, the cover has slightly raised lettering and decals, so you can run your fingers across it. It's just the kind of book that feels good in your hands and a treat for the eyes. I can see a lot of younger women and girls picking it up and feeling drawn in; it's a beautiful thought. :)

  4. 5 out of 5

    Safina Hussain

    Stephanie Yeboah is a plus sized, Black influencer you need to follow. Having followed Stephanie's social media for some time, I was already aware of some of the challenges she and other plus sized women face. What I wasn't aware of was how starkly different these experiences were for black women and how they have been excluded from the body positivity movement that was started by black women in the first place! This book spoke to me on another level. As a woman of colour, I relate to black wome Stephanie Yeboah is a plus sized, Black influencer you need to follow. Having followed Stephanie's social media for some time, I was already aware of some of the challenges she and other plus sized women face. What I wasn't aware of was how starkly different these experiences were for black women and how they have been excluded from the body positivity movement that was started by black women in the first place! This book spoke to me on another level. As a woman of colour, I relate to black women more than any others outside my own ethnicity. That being said, this book is a great insight piece regardless of race/gender/size. There are some great tips at the end of most chapters on resources and actions you can take to prevent 'othering'. Couldn't give it that 5th star because there is a bit of unnecessary filler content, however a great read regardless.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Linde

    What a read. So so important. During the two weeks that I kept this book on me wherever I went, I already recommended and mentioned it to everyone I met. Having more and more words to express just how deeply rooted fatphobia is, feels liberating. Stephanie Yeboah not only shares her own journey through such vulnerability but also passes the mic onto others. Grateful for such a well rounded and well articulated book. Grateful for this representation and the joy Stephanie has brought me in these p What a read. So so important. During the two weeks that I kept this book on me wherever I went, I already recommended and mentioned it to everyone I met. Having more and more words to express just how deeply rooted fatphobia is, feels liberating. Stephanie Yeboah not only shares her own journey through such vulnerability but also passes the mic onto others. Grateful for such a well rounded and well articulated book. Grateful for this representation and the joy Stephanie has brought me in these past months since I discovered her online presence. A must read for all!

  6. 4 out of 5

    Rachel Duncan

    I think this is a good book for if you are new to the discussion around fat acceptance and the body positive community. But for me I felt like I already knew and had been involved with a lot of this so the more factual elements of the book didn’t hit me in any sort of way. I did love hearing stories from the author’s personal life because I follow them on twitter and genuinely enjoy their content!

  7. 5 out of 5

    Andrea

    This was so hard to read. How long do women have to be treated and made to feel like this and in 2020 surely? This made me want to stay in and cry, which I did because I'm sick and so everyone gets to leave me alone. I wonder what it says about this society when many women and girls can relate to almost everything in this book?

  8. 4 out of 5

    chantel nouseforaname

    Review to come. This was fire.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Lori Smith

    Powered through this beautiful book in a day (unusual for me!) because it was so inspiring. It’s full of raw emotional personal stories, no-nonsense breakdowns of difficult and complex topics, but also has useful how-to guides and uplifting guidance.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Chelsea

    I can’t recommend this book more! Stephanie is such an amazing voice and what she writes is important for all of us to learn and understand.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Emily Anderson

    This book hurt, in a good way. If you are someone that is/has been fat or has suffered from an eating disorder, this book may be very triggering for you. I suffered from anorexia nervosa in high school and then went on to develop a problem with binge eating. All the feels came up for me while reading this book. Reading about the intense bullying Steph faced, definitely strengthened the voice of my inner eating disorder. This book is tough. It takes mindfulness to get through, because it is painf This book hurt, in a good way. If you are someone that is/has been fat or has suffered from an eating disorder, this book may be very triggering for you. I suffered from anorexia nervosa in high school and then went on to develop a problem with binge eating. All the feels came up for me while reading this book. Reading about the intense bullying Steph faced, definitely strengthened the voice of my inner eating disorder. This book is tough. It takes mindfulness to get through, because it is painful. There is also mention of cutting, so if that is something you have struggled with, be warned, this book may be triggering. However, what Steph has done is incredible. This was such an important read for me. Black plus-sized women have been marginalized for too long. They have been disbelieved by health professionals simply for their size, bullied, abused, cast as non-sexual sassy stereotypes, and have been chronically under-represented. Thank you for this Steph. I have so much more to learn, and a long ways to go as an ally. I recommend this book to all. I feel this book will be most beneficial to those that’d be least interested in reading it (cough cough *entitled white men*). However, all people will benefit. Just note, if you are/have been fat or struggle with disordered eating, this book will hurt and should be read mindfully.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Icy Sedgwick

    Having followed Stephanie Yeboah first on Twitter and more recently on Instagram for some time, it has long been my suspicion that she's a national treasure. Now having read Fattily Ever After, I am convinced she definitely is! Yeboah is warm, genuine, approachable, and hilarious. She serves up her truly awful experiences at the hands of bullies, racists, and shit men in this book which is a memoir, manifesto, and call-to-arms all at once. She tackles self-love, fatphobia in the medical professi Having followed Stephanie Yeboah first on Twitter and more recently on Instagram for some time, it has long been my suspicion that she's a national treasure. Now having read Fattily Ever After, I am convinced she definitely is! Yeboah is warm, genuine, approachable, and hilarious. She serves up her truly awful experiences at the hands of bullies, racists, and shit men in this book which is a memoir, manifesto, and call-to-arms all at once. She tackles self-love, fatphobia in the medical profession and the hijacking of the body positivity movement, highlighting the problems present in each area for those who fall outside of the unattainable 'beauty' standard. Yeboah's writing style makes it feel like you're sat having a coffee with her, and it really feels like an honour to be invited into her world, if only through the pages of a book. Highly recommended.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Rebecca Graham

    FATTILY EVER AFTER by Stephanie Yeboah explores the intersectional perspective of Black fat womxnhood. I bought FATTILY EVER AFTER following the author’s podcast appearance on iWeigh by Jameela Jamil. my favorite chapter by far was chapter 8, ‘The Lizzo Effect,’ which is essentially a fabulous think piece on the cultural influence of Lizzo. the memoir was a quick read- tbh the social media-y writing wasn’t my preferred form, but others might appreciate it. Yeboah has contributed significantly to FATTILY EVER AFTER by Stephanie Yeboah explores the intersectional perspective of Black fat womxnhood. I bought FATTILY EVER AFTER following the author’s podcast appearance on iWeigh by Jameela Jamil. my favorite chapter by far was chapter 8, ‘The Lizzo Effect,’ which is essentially a fabulous think piece on the cultural influence of Lizzo. the memoir was a quick read- tbh the social media-y writing wasn’t my preferred form, but others might appreciate it. Yeboah has contributed significantly to antiracism, fat-positive activism, & intersectional feminism.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Bridget McIvor

    An absolute must read. Whether you relate to the book or are looking for an entirely new perspective, this book is imperative in our anti-racism and fat acceptance journeys. Probably my favourite book of 2020 and I’ve had a lot of time to read this year. Also give Stephanie (the author) a follow on Instagram, you won’t regret it.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Bex

    Stephanie Yeboah is one of my favourite people on the internet, and - if you don't already - I highly recommend you follow her on Instagram. Fattily Ever After is brilliant: it's witty, informative and poignant. I highly recommend this to anyone - wherever you are on your body positivity journey.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Sinead

    I really took a lot from this book. Being fat, I never thought about the difference between fat when white or black. I thought the lived experience would be the same. I could relate to much of what was written but other things really opened my eyes to the fusion of fat phobia and racism.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Carly Thelander

    After following Stephanie on instagram for a while I knew I had to read her book when it came out and it did not disappoint. She always tells it like it is and does not hold back. I related to many things in the book and it always feels good to know you are not alone.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Kira

    I really enjoyed this book, I could relate so much to the plus size part of this book. Such a great read and I'd definitely recommend for other plus size people and plus size allies.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Patrick Henry

    OMG you are huge.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Lola

    OH WOW. EVERYONE NEEDS TO READ THIS BOOK. AND I MEAN *EVERYONE.*

  21. 5 out of 5

    Philippa Wall

    Let this book have all the success and visibility it deserves!

  22. 4 out of 5

    Olivia Lynes

    I absolutely love Steph's writing style. The whole book was like a gentle conversation with a friend. She takes you through what made her the woman she is today, her key influences and gives up space to lift up other fat black women, tackling societal perceptions of fat and specifically fat black women along the way.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Becky Bob

    This book was great- informative for those working to be allies, but also relatable for those who live in larger bodies. Stephanie writes about serious issues while also adding in her personal sense of humor. Everyone, no matter their size, shape, or color, should read this book.

  24. 4 out of 5

    arthur hatchman

  25. 5 out of 5

    Yasmeen Alhaj

  26. 4 out of 5

    Becca Pirie

  27. 4 out of 5

    Sally Jones

  28. 5 out of 5

    Caitlin

  29. 5 out of 5

    Marya Afzal

  30. 5 out of 5

    Rakwar

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