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The Seven Stages of Drinking Martinis

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Drinking martinis happens to all of us at some point in our lives. You wake up one day, the sun is shining, you have plans, dreams, and a bright path leading toward them. Next thing you know, your ass is planted on a bar stool and instead of learning that second language, or hiking the Andes to Machu Picchu, you’re getting yourself on the outside of your second martini. Or Drinking martinis happens to all of us at some point in our lives. You wake up one day, the sun is shining, you have plans, dreams, and a bright path leading toward them. Next thing you know, your ass is planted on a bar stool and instead of learning that second language, or hiking the Andes to Machu Picchu, you’re getting yourself on the outside of your second martini. Or perhaps you are a Super Villain who has never quite pulled off that insane scheme to destroy the world. Or you've been foolish enough to order a parcel delivery from the Elder Gods and worry that your important package has been lost in the space between the stars. Whatever your dilemma, this book has the answer. Maybe not to your dilemma, but it still has answers, damn it. How to keep the romance alive as a zombie. How to say No to mindfulness. And all the things Conan the Barbarian thinks best in life. If you're in need of a break from the grim realities of life here at the end of our civilisation, pour yourself a cold one and crack the digital spine on the best pieces from award-winning satirist John Birmingham's private column, previously available only to subscribers.


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Drinking martinis happens to all of us at some point in our lives. You wake up one day, the sun is shining, you have plans, dreams, and a bright path leading toward them. Next thing you know, your ass is planted on a bar stool and instead of learning that second language, or hiking the Andes to Machu Picchu, you’re getting yourself on the outside of your second martini. Or Drinking martinis happens to all of us at some point in our lives. You wake up one day, the sun is shining, you have plans, dreams, and a bright path leading toward them. Next thing you know, your ass is planted on a bar stool and instead of learning that second language, or hiking the Andes to Machu Picchu, you’re getting yourself on the outside of your second martini. Or perhaps you are a Super Villain who has never quite pulled off that insane scheme to destroy the world. Or you've been foolish enough to order a parcel delivery from the Elder Gods and worry that your important package has been lost in the space between the stars. Whatever your dilemma, this book has the answer. Maybe not to your dilemma, but it still has answers, damn it. How to keep the romance alive as a zombie. How to say No to mindfulness. And all the things Conan the Barbarian thinks best in life. If you're in need of a break from the grim realities of life here at the end of our civilisation, pour yourself a cold one and crack the digital spine on the best pieces from award-winning satirist John Birmingham's private column, previously available only to subscribers.

30 review for The Seven Stages of Drinking Martinis

  1. 4 out of 5

    Emma

    I thoroughly enjoyed slowly reading these each day. Some I had to share with my family. The standouts: The Calls to the Death Star help desk - cut really close to home, with my current issues in the covid centrelink world woes. IMHO - loved the snark. Why I Voted For Cthulhu - great satire for an election year To name the ones I remember but they are all great. I recommend if you want to read short, pithy and column sized articles to bring some fun and joy to your day.

  2. 4 out of 5

    A.M.

    A compilation of short pieces written for his blog. My favourites were: Household guide for pirates and ninjas living together The Clash is now Muzak There were no wolves - Talking about the world’s recent ability to leave reviews on everything. “There were no wolves in this movie,” complains an angry one-star Amazon reviewer about The Wolf of Wall Street. If magazines profiled men like women ‘I am from the Microsoft security’ - dealing with the scam calls The elder gods courier service - Your parcel(s) A compilation of short pieces written for his blog. My favourites were: Household guide for pirates and ninjas living together The Clash is now Muzak There were no wolves - Talking about the world’s recent ability to leave reviews on everything. “There were no wolves in this movie,” complains an angry one-star Amazon reviewer about The Wolf of Wall Street. If magazines profiled men like women ‘I am from the Microsoft security’ - dealing with the scam calls The elder gods courier service - Your parcel(s) has a C.O.D. due. Pay your driver the required C.O.D amount by check, EFTPOS or the covenant of your undying soul to receive your parcel(s). If you need more options, track your package as instructed on our website to see what options are available to you, but know that there are none for a creature as lowly as yourself. Yes,Virginia, Die Hard is a Christmas movie 4 stars

  3. 5 out of 5

    Loki

    A collection of Birmingham's humourous columns from Alien Side Boob. Uneven in quality, but when he's on, he's really on (the modern re-tellings of Greek myth in particular). A collection of Birmingham's humourous columns from Alien Side Boob. Uneven in quality, but when he's on, he's really on (the modern re-tellings of Greek myth in particular).

  4. 4 out of 5

    Ben Connolly

  5. 5 out of 5

    Tony Neilson

  6. 5 out of 5

    William Mcbride

  7. 4 out of 5

    Jeremy Simpson

  8. 5 out of 5

    Karl Valentine

  9. 5 out of 5

    Graham

  10. 5 out of 5

    Alta du Preez

  11. 5 out of 5

    Andrew Old

  12. 5 out of 5

    Kath

  13. 4 out of 5

    Ryan

  14. 4 out of 5

    Bill

  15. 5 out of 5

    Mr C G Hatherly

  16. 5 out of 5

    Murray

  17. 5 out of 5

    Joshua Withers

  18. 5 out of 5

    Stephanie Yasar

  19. 4 out of 5

    Megan

  20. 4 out of 5

    Paul hansen

  21. 5 out of 5

    Tim Carroll

  22. 4 out of 5

    Jason

  23. 4 out of 5

    Therbs

  24. 5 out of 5

    Mark Clarkson

  25. 5 out of 5

    Craig Mitchell

  26. 4 out of 5

    Adam

  27. 5 out of 5

    Craig W Harvey

  28. 5 out of 5

    Kek

  29. 4 out of 5

    Jason

  30. 5 out of 5

    Steven M Johnson

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