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It's Not You, It's Biology.: The Science of Love, Sex, and Relationships

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At last, here’s what you should’ve learned in high school biology! This paperback edition is an Everyman’s humorous look at the real differences—biological, historical, psychological—between men and women…with fun and provocative insight into what really drives behavior and interactions between men and women.Men talk about women to men. Women talk about men to women. Men a At last, here’s what you should’ve learned in high school biology! This paperback edition is an Everyman’s humorous look at the real differences—biological, historical, psychological—between men and women…with fun and provocative insight into what really drives behavior and interactions between men and women.Men talk about women to men. Women talk about men to women. Men and women talk to each other (or try to) about relationships. It’s Not You, It’s Biology provides insight, ammunition, snappy comebacks, and interesting cocktail party banter for everyone who ever wondered why we do what we do vis-a-vis the opposite sex. It’s Freakonomics for the Relationship-Challenged.


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At last, here’s what you should’ve learned in high school biology! This paperback edition is an Everyman’s humorous look at the real differences—biological, historical, psychological—between men and women…with fun and provocative insight into what really drives behavior and interactions between men and women.Men talk about women to men. Women talk about men to women. Men a At last, here’s what you should’ve learned in high school biology! This paperback edition is an Everyman’s humorous look at the real differences—biological, historical, psychological—between men and women…with fun and provocative insight into what really drives behavior and interactions between men and women.Men talk about women to men. Women talk about men to women. Men and women talk to each other (or try to) about relationships. It’s Not You, It’s Biology provides insight, ammunition, snappy comebacks, and interesting cocktail party banter for everyone who ever wondered why we do what we do vis-a-vis the opposite sex. It’s Freakonomics for the Relationship-Challenged.

30 review for It's Not You, It's Biology.: The Science of Love, Sex, and Relationships

  1. 5 out of 5

    Romann Weber

    There is some interesting information in here for those otherwise unexposed to evolutionary psychology ... or, for that matter, stray issues of Scientific American or even Psychology Today. To his credit, Quirk has produced a quickly readable and occasionally amusing book here, but I am not sure that anything really sticks in the memory in terms of cogent support of the title's pithy thesis. In essence, this is a dilettante's paean to science, which in itself is admirable. However, Mr. Quirk occa There is some interesting information in here for those otherwise unexposed to evolutionary psychology ... or, for that matter, stray issues of Scientific American or even Psychology Today. To his credit, Quirk has produced a quickly readable and occasionally amusing book here, but I am not sure that anything really sticks in the memory in terms of cogent support of the title's pithy thesis. In essence, this is a dilettante's paean to science, which in itself is admirable. However, Mr. Quirk occasionally blurs the lines defining his level of involvement in this enterprise, and there are moments in which it seems as though he feels that producing this book has made him a practicing biologist. This will likely not be a major issue for many readers, but to me it speaks to the end product's general impression of being a book not completely sure of what it wants to be.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Alexander Wj

    What a terrible book. As he says, he's a fiction writer exploring biology without credentials. Some parts are good but just as you're beginning to see where he's coming from, he throws in his own wild ideas. If this is intended to be humorous, bravo. Otherwise, avoid. What a terrible book. As he says, he's a fiction writer exploring biology without credentials. Some parts are good but just as you're beginning to see where he's coming from, he throws in his own wild ideas. If this is intended to be humorous, bravo. Otherwise, avoid.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Yesh

    It's the best Science book I've read so far! Yes, I call it 'Science'. The author's claims seem absolutely legitimate in spite of his hilarious script. I think I now understand Evolution better than ever. I could give the author 6/5 for his brilliant sense of humour. I found myself laughing out loud multiple times while reading the book. (Mind you, I listen to George Carlin without much of a snigger. So this is huge.) True to the Author's surname, it's a quirky book. I highly recommend it. It's the best Science book I've read so far! Yes, I call it 'Science'. The author's claims seem absolutely legitimate in spite of his hilarious script. I think I now understand Evolution better than ever. I could give the author 6/5 for his brilliant sense of humour. I found myself laughing out loud multiple times while reading the book. (Mind you, I listen to George Carlin without much of a snigger. So this is huge.) True to the Author's surname, it's a quirky book. I highly recommend it.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Elf

    Absolute bulls-it this book is. First of all, calling this "The SCIENCE of Love, Sex, and Relationships" is an utter disrespect to science and actual scientists. The pseudo "science" in this book is nothing but what the writer believes, bunch of flawed arguments he came up with. Some of which is "supported" by some unreliable studies, as long as it fits into what the writer wants to believe. This is what the writer tells about himself in the book: "I studied literature and minored in Development Absolute bulls-it this book is. First of all, calling this "The SCIENCE of Love, Sex, and Relationships" is an utter disrespect to science and actual scientists. The pseudo "science" in this book is nothing but what the writer believes, bunch of flawed arguments he came up with. Some of which is "supported" by some unreliable studies, as long as it fits into what the writer wants to believe. This is what the writer tells about himself in the book: "I studied literature and minored in Development of Western Civilization at Providence College, taught partially by Dominican priests who had no sense of humor when it came to my biological observations about celibacy. I graduated at the top bottom tenth of my class. That may not seem like such a big accomplishment to certain Ph.D. scientists, but among my friends, I was the brain.(...) I'm an independent scholar, a Renaissance man, a free thinker. Okay, fine, I don't have any qualifications. I live in Berkeley, so I can challenge intellectuals to debate and pray they don't ask me if I have any credentials." So, readers, you need to take Joe Quirk, who is not a scientist, about science seriously because he was "the brain" among his friends. And not only he made observations (read: used confirmation bias, a lot) but also read some studies (the whole book proves he used confirmation bias when he read studies too, and only followed the ones he wanted to believe.) From beginning to end, Joe Quirk is trying to simplify attraction and want to prove there is some biology-based differences between genders. Now, don't get me wrong, we do have biological differences and these might very well affect our attraction at some level. But the main flaw in Joe Quirk's thinking is that he strips down every other possible and proven factor and makes sweeping generalizations, as well as claiming his hypotheses are facts. For example, very early in the book he claims (heterosexual) women are pickier when they choose a male mate for sex than (heterosexual) men are because women have limited number of eggs and subconsciously we think we shouldn't "waste" an egg in case we get pregnant. Whereas men are keep producing sperm and would be okay with spreading it as much as they can. This hypothesis is ridiculous in itself. You don't just lose an egg every time you have sex but let's just go with it. The hypothesis, I think, is basically Joe trying to find an answer why not as many women are interested in casual sex as men. Joe doesn't think this might have something (or you know, a lot) to do with safety. Since most men are physically stronger than most women, a woman faces more potential threat of getting attacked. Assault statistics also support this. Joe also doesn't consider the double standards in the society and still to this date unfortunately a woman being sexually active and having casual sex is led to potential names, losing respect in the society...etc In Joe's mind, he came up with a hypothesis, found some logic in there, and that MUST be true! I could continue but seriously, the whole book is like this. Don't waste your time reading. It's just one man's claims introduced as pseudo-science. He tries to back some of them with couple studies as long as they support his opinion. Evolutionary biology is an on-going series of researches and while evolution most certainly play some factor in our relationships and sexual attraction, there is no evidence the effect is as strong as Joe claims, say, more than cultural influence.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Anita Dobs

    Love this book so much! I have no idea why people in general think that just because someone isn't a 'scientist' that they do not have the basic ability to research and compile scientific information and present it in an entertaining manner (as he has.) I mean, it's not like the author is making the stuff up. As usual, what certain demographics in the population 'want' to believe, is different to what is 'actually' the case. Ah well, as they say, 'people prefer a lie they like, to the truth they Love this book so much! I have no idea why people in general think that just because someone isn't a 'scientist' that they do not have the basic ability to research and compile scientific information and present it in an entertaining manner (as he has.) I mean, it's not like the author is making the stuff up. As usual, what certain demographics in the population 'want' to believe, is different to what is 'actually' the case. Ah well, as they say, 'people prefer a lie they like, to the truth they do not.' I've read this book four times over so far, and not only is it highly educational, it's also hilarious. I've recommended it to friends, and everyone liked it, one even commented that it was one of those books that changes your whole view on life, and I can only agree. Not many books come along like that in a lifetime. Loved it, loved, loved it, so hard!!

  6. 5 out of 5

    Adrienne

    I had a hard time finishing this book because the author's style was really off-putting to me. Altogether it was some questionably presented interpretations of data mixed with Quirk's bawdy, wannabe stand-up routines. Some of the information was solid and a lot of it was interesting, but a lot of it was also not very well-explained. It might have been all worth it for the last chapter, though, where a lot of the poignancy of the data was presented. I wish I could have shaken the feeling that I w I had a hard time finishing this book because the author's style was really off-putting to me. Altogether it was some questionably presented interpretations of data mixed with Quirk's bawdy, wannabe stand-up routines. Some of the information was solid and a lot of it was interesting, but a lot of it was also not very well-explained. It might have been all worth it for the last chapter, though, where a lot of the poignancy of the data was presented. I wish I could have shaken the feeling that I would strongly dislike the author if I knew him personally. If you want to read this, check it out from the library instead of supporting this guy :-/

  7. 4 out of 5

    Erica

    I love being a Bonobo!

  8. 5 out of 5

    Lin

    The author justifies love behaviour using human instinct from many aspects. More or less like a religious book, just can't prove it wrong! so it makes a lot of sense. Again, have to accept that we are the most special animal-Homo Sapiens-who can reason things consciously, but at the same time highly manipulated by chemical and electronic body reactions. Being an animal has an ultimate goal, that is reproduction, and after that, making the world a better place. The author justifies love behaviour using human instinct from many aspects. More or less like a religious book, just can't prove it wrong! so it makes a lot of sense. Again, have to accept that we are the most special animal-Homo Sapiens-who can reason things consciously, but at the same time highly manipulated by chemical and electronic body reactions. Being an animal has an ultimate goal, that is reproduction, and after that, making the world a better place.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Mary Longoria

    Science and Humor!

  10. 5 out of 5

    Shirin Abdel Rahman

    Probably there is an answer to all your questions related to sex and relationships in this book!

  11. 5 out of 5

    Nicole

    The first nonfiction book and the list and was recommended by two of my best friends (who are also sex addicts and took biology). It’s a very quick and easy read, partly because it’s written more in a novel format so that almost anyone could pick it up and understand it (also it has very short chapters), but also partly because it’s just such a fun and interesting book answering questions you’d never really ask or even Google (unless you were really curious and bored) but always wanted to know. The first nonfiction book and the list and was recommended by two of my best friends (who are also sex addicts and took biology). It’s a very quick and easy read, partly because it’s written more in a novel format so that almost anyone could pick it up and understand it (also it has very short chapters), but also partly because it’s just such a fun and interesting book answering questions you’d never really ask or even Google (unless you were really curious and bored) but always wanted to know. And not just the Cosmo answer, but an actual scientific answer. Embroiled in the science and studies, Quirk also lives up to his name (haha) because I found that I most enjoyed it because of his little sarcastic and wonderfully worded quips and observations or summations about certain concepts or those that have already been introduced then supported in the chapter. He seems to effortlessly weave in humor to what would otherwise be mundane statistics. See the favorite quotes section below if you don’t believe me. The self-deprecating stories also personalizes the facts so it doesn’t read very much like a textbook. An entertaining and surprisingly informative book that leaves you with a little less cynical view of the dating arena and the opposite sex. It explains everything from weird attraction to infidelity to bitches and douchebags.Plus, it works as a great conversation topic for anyone interested in sex (which, let’s face it, is everyone) and everything it’s connected with. Just be careful when you read it in public - you might be caught reading chapters entitled “How Men Get Sex,” “Why You’re So Horny,” or “Why Your Clitoris is Hard to Find.”

  12. 5 out of 5

    Jenee

    This book was given to me as a gift by my friend, Eric, whom I had once told that 'Men and women just operate differently.' I was excited to read it and once I got into it I found it just to be a tad more science-based than humor-based and not exactly aligned with my view on love, sex, and relationships. Quirk takes the stance that men are made to spread the seed to as many as possible and women are made to protect the womb from all but a select few. I found the facts about the sexual activity a This book was given to me as a gift by my friend, Eric, whom I had once told that 'Men and women just operate differently.' I was excited to read it and once I got into it I found it just to be a tad more science-based than humor-based and not exactly aligned with my view on love, sex, and relationships. Quirk takes the stance that men are made to spread the seed to as many as possible and women are made to protect the womb from all but a select few. I found the facts about the sexual activity and orientation of various species to be interesting but the whole thing felt very cynical to me until I got to the very last chapter about falling in love from a biological standpoint. I found that chapter to be very insightful. The idea that our genes end up controlling us rather than the other way around is a fascinating idea that I had never thought of before. It was probably this chapter alone that saved this book from a 3 star rating. I'm even looking into Quirk's other book, Tools Are From Men; Talk Is From Women: Why the Other Sex's Brain Is Weird. I recommend this book to anyone who is interested in the hard science concerning human motivation when it comes to the other sex. It was very informative and the humor throughout was refreshing and kept me from feeling like I was in a biology lecture.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Stephanie

    Sticking with this book from beginning to end took some effort. Quirk comes off as an arrogant, biased and amateur (evolutionary biologist.) His humor took awhile for me to "get" because the writing seemed like an even mix of using anthropological and scientific words (to sound smart) and off-the-wall humor. I'm not sure if he eased up, or I got used to it. As far as content, he repeats himself a lot to drive home points he's trying to make. He also goes on tangents and makes wild jumps from one Sticking with this book from beginning to end took some effort. Quirk comes off as an arrogant, biased and amateur (evolutionary biologist.) His humor took awhile for me to "get" because the writing seemed like an even mix of using anthropological and scientific words (to sound smart) and off-the-wall humor. I'm not sure if he eased up, or I got used to it. As far as content, he repeats himself a lot to drive home points he's trying to make. He also goes on tangents and makes wild jumps from one thing to another (some I didn't feel were fully explained.) However, he did bring up some valid points and expanded my views. This book is not for those who are easily embarrassed or offended. As much as Quirk refers to people as homo sapiens, he also refers to men as sperm shooters and spreaders and women as womb bearers and protectors. Not at all what I was expecting.

  14. 5 out of 5

    hissi

    i found this book humorous, "science-less" and a tad gross ( all this talk about sperms kinda puts you off, repelling indeed) im not sure i would want to read a "scientific" subject that hasn't been written by a scientist. it doesn't make sense to do so anyway. i know biology is for everyone, but it doesn't mean that everyone should write about it. some parts of this book do make sense. but between all the sarcasm and not-so-witty remarks you get impatient trying to get to the point that just wont i found this book humorous, "science-less" and a tad gross ( all this talk about sperms kinda puts you off, repelling indeed) im not sure i would want to read a "scientific" subject that hasn't been written by a scientist. it doesn't make sense to do so anyway. i know biology is for everyone, but it doesn't mean that everyone should write about it. some parts of this book do make sense. but between all the sarcasm and not-so-witty remarks you get impatient trying to get to the point that just wont come!

  15. 4 out of 5

    sabrina

    Not a waste of my time! Not usually a style/genre of book I read, but he managed to talk science and have it feel laidback and make sense and make you feel smart. I enjoyed the tangent on the Aquatic Ape.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Alex

    An interesting glance into what makes up behave like we do in our love/sex/relationships. The narrative was really entertaining, quite funny at times. It's not a dead-serious scientific book, but it teaches you quite a lot of interesting stuff. An interesting glance into what makes up behave like we do in our love/sex/relationships. The narrative was really entertaining, quite funny at times. It's not a dead-serious scientific book, but it teaches you quite a lot of interesting stuff.

  17. 5 out of 5

    K

    An easy read with a nice spoken tone. The humor of the author shines through. Although not a scientist himself, Quirk does a good job of aggregating studies and his own observations and opinions to give you some great food for thought as well as insight.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Masih

    This is a good beginner book for the field of evolutionary psychology. It is catchy and it explains a lot about ourselves. It explores many topics and it is not a hard scientific book. I can not say that all it says is scientific but I think this book gives you valuable biological perspectives.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Karol Rychwalski

    A really interesting book and it's definitely worth your time. If you haven't read it yet - do it. So why 4 stars, not 5, you ask? I found passages of the book too repetitive. After reading for the n-th time same thing I really felt tired. A really interesting book and it's definitely worth your time. If you haven't read it yet - do it. So why 4 stars, not 5, you ask? I found passages of the book too repetitive. After reading for the n-th time same thing I really felt tired.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Johnny

    Weird but very true. Couldn't find a bit of fiction here... Weird but very true. Couldn't find a bit of fiction here...

  21. 5 out of 5

    Niki

    Haha this book cracks me up and I learned so much from it :)

  22. 5 out of 5

    Paul Wadehra

    Liked it a lot. Both funny and interesting.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Jason

    Corny and sometimes lame approach from Quirk attempting to explain sex from an evolutionary biologists pedestal.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Janice

    HILARIOUS view on dating, love and sex.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Nizar Nashed

    One of the funniest, laugh out loud books i have ever read. The book covered everything under the sun and did so in an extremely funny way. Definitely a recommend read.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Henrik Jacobsen

    Simply the best explanatory and funny biology book ever read!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Ram Teja

    It is one of the best books of it's kind that explained some of the great evolutionary gender misunderstandings and mysteries for me. Humorous, Informative, Helpful, ...AWESOME. Thank yo Joe quirk. It is one of the best books of it's kind that explained some of the great evolutionary gender misunderstandings and mysteries for me. Humorous, Informative, Helpful, ...AWESOME. Thank yo Joe quirk.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Alicia Gordon

    3.5 stars. It would maybe have been a four if I'd not been forced to read this for my Anthro class. I did learn some and laughed quite often. 3.5 stars. It would maybe have been a four if I'd not been forced to read this for my Anthro class. I did learn some and laughed quite often.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Kelsey

    This book was utterly fascinating, and very funny.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Daisy

    From the view of biology to explain the differences between male & female.

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