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From Out of the Binders co-founder Lux Alptraum, a controversial look at women, sex, and lying -- why myths about women's deceit persist, how they came to be, and ultimately why we must trust women When we talk about sex, we talk about women as mysterious, deceptive, and - above all - untrustworthy. Women lie about orgasms. Women lie about being virgins. Women lie about From Out of the Binders co-founder Lux Alptraum, a controversial look at women, sex, and lying -- why myths about women's deceit persist, how they came to be, and ultimately why we must trust women When we talk about sex, we talk about women as mysterious, deceptive, and - above all - untrustworthy. Women lie about orgasms. Women lie about being virgins. Women lie about who got them pregnant, about whether they were raped, about how many people they've had sex with and what sort of experiences they've had - the list goes on and on. Over and over we're reminded that, on dates, in relationships, and especially in the bedroom, women just aren't telling the truth. But where does this assumption come from? Are women actually lying about sex, or does society just think we are? In Faking It, Lux Alptraum tackles the topic of seemingly dishonest women; investigating whether women actually lie, and what social situations might encourage deceptions both great and small. Using her experience as a sex educator and former CEO of Fleshbot (the foremost blog on sexuality), first-hand interviews with sexuality experts and everyday women, Alptraum raises important questions: are lying women all that common - or is the idea of the dishonest woman a symptom of male paranoia? Are women trying to please men, or just avoid their anger? And what affect does all this dishonesty - whether real or imagined - have on women's self-images, social status, and safety? Through it all, Alptraum posits that even if women are lying, we're doing it for very good reason -- to protect ourselves ("My boyfriend will be here any minute," to a creep who won't go away, for one), and in situations where society has given us no other choice.


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From Out of the Binders co-founder Lux Alptraum, a controversial look at women, sex, and lying -- why myths about women's deceit persist, how they came to be, and ultimately why we must trust women When we talk about sex, we talk about women as mysterious, deceptive, and - above all - untrustworthy. Women lie about orgasms. Women lie about being virgins. Women lie about From Out of the Binders co-founder Lux Alptraum, a controversial look at women, sex, and lying -- why myths about women's deceit persist, how they came to be, and ultimately why we must trust women When we talk about sex, we talk about women as mysterious, deceptive, and - above all - untrustworthy. Women lie about orgasms. Women lie about being virgins. Women lie about who got them pregnant, about whether they were raped, about how many people they've had sex with and what sort of experiences they've had - the list goes on and on. Over and over we're reminded that, on dates, in relationships, and especially in the bedroom, women just aren't telling the truth. But where does this assumption come from? Are women actually lying about sex, or does society just think we are? In Faking It, Lux Alptraum tackles the topic of seemingly dishonest women; investigating whether women actually lie, and what social situations might encourage deceptions both great and small. Using her experience as a sex educator and former CEO of Fleshbot (the foremost blog on sexuality), first-hand interviews with sexuality experts and everyday women, Alptraum raises important questions: are lying women all that common - or is the idea of the dishonest woman a symptom of male paranoia? Are women trying to please men, or just avoid their anger? And what affect does all this dishonesty - whether real or imagined - have on women's self-images, social status, and safety? Through it all, Alptraum posits that even if women are lying, we're doing it for very good reason -- to protect ourselves ("My boyfriend will be here any minute," to a creep who won't go away, for one), and in situations where society has given us no other choice.

30 review for Faking It: The Lies Women Tell about Sex--And the Truths They Reveal

  1. 5 out of 5

    Jennifer

    Faking orgasms, altering sexual histories, inventing boyfriends...women lie. Makeup, photo filters, push-up bras, and even Spanx are vehicles that lead to authenticity concerns against women. In Faking It: The Lies Women Tell about Sex--And the Truths They Reveal, author Lux Alptraum discusses in detail these common falsehoods along with a variety of reasons why women feel they have little other choice. Alptraum writes, “We lie because it makes our day-to-day lives easier; we lie to keep Faking orgasms, altering sexual histories, inventing boyfriends...women lie. Makeup, photo filters, push-up bras, and even Spanx are vehicles that lead to authenticity concerns against women. In Faking It: The Lies Women Tell about Sex--And the Truths They Reveal, author Lux Alptraum discusses in detail these common falsehoods along with a variety of reasons why women feel they have little other choice. Alptraum writes, “We lie because it makes our day-to-day lives easier; we lie to keep ourselves safe; we lie because no one believes us when we tell the truth. But most of all, we lie because the world expects us to live up to an impossible standard – and frequently, lying is the only way to get through life with our sanity intact. The question isn't whether women are trustworthy. The question is why women lie – and what those lies are trying to tell us.” Many of the subjects discussed within this book have been seen before in other nonfiction works related to gender studies. However, putting it all in the context of female dishonesty made it feel fresh again as it showcases the frustration of women as they navigate in a society that does not accept their truth. With fascinating perspective and well-researched content, Faking It offers readers a lot to think about. I particularly enjoyed the sections that discuss beauty standards along with the ones that draw attention to the largely absent representation of female pleasure and how girls are not taught to think of their own pleasure as an integrated part of sexual development. From 'Baby, It's Cold Outside' to sexist city infrastructures, Alptraum covers it all. Definitely worth the read. Check it out. My favorite quote: “Women lie because they're told, over and over again, that their truths are an impossibility. And – perhaps paradoxically – the best way to combat these everpresent falsehoods, the best way to get women to stop lying in the first place, is with trust, respect, and, above all, belief.”

  2. 5 out of 5

    Laura I.

    This book is excellent. I thought it might just retread familiar territory (“there’s an orgasm gap, and it’s partly women’s fault because how are men supposed to learn if women keep faking orgasms!!”), and in many places the material was familiar, but it was so much more nuanced and interesting than anything else I’ve read on the topic. First of all, it’s not really about “faking it” in the way we usually mean it. That’s just one chapter of many, although I did think it was a particularly good o This book is excellent. I thought it might just retread familiar territory (“there’s an orgasm gap, and it’s partly women’s fault because how are men supposed to learn if women keep faking orgasms!!”), and in many places the material was familiar, but it was so much more nuanced and interesting than anything else I’ve read on the topic. First of all, it’s not really about “faking it” in the way we usually mean it. That’s just one chapter of many, although I did think it was a particularly good one that opened up the topic in many directions I’d rarely or never seen before (my favorite quote was someone who said “that’s not what I have sex for — if I only wanted to orgasm, I’d just masturbate!”). It’s not even just about women’s lies about sex, as much as it is about the double binds women are put into in every aspect of their public and private lives. It’s about sex, yes, but also about relationships and abuse, jobs and beauty standards and body shaming and so much more. Throughout, Alptraum makes a noticeable effort to talk to (and *listen* to) women who are often completely left out of conversations like these — queer and trans women, women of color, Muslim women, late-in-life virgins, sex workers, asexual/ace-spectrum women, etc. Although most of it is about why women lie to men, it’s not just about women who date men, because all women have to put up with men’s gaze and harassment, which often results in lies like the “I have a boyfriend/husband” lie (because he won’t leave and may double down if he hears the truth of “I only date women”/“I have a girlfriend”/“I’m not interested”). Overall, this book is often upsetting, but super worth reading. I related a great deal to certain parts and learned a lot in others. TW: discussions of rape, sexual harassment, domestic violence/abuse, and other related topics.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Harris

    This is an exceptional book that talks about a subject that's both ubiquitous and also a little taboo: the lies that women tell. And while there're inevitably some would-be wags who would leap on this as though it somehow invalidated the idea of #believewomen, what Lux Alptraum does is dig into the why's behind the lies. And the short answer is: in order to try to get through a world that is massively inconvenient at best and at worst, out and out hostile to women in a multitude of ways. It's a This is an exceptional book that talks about a subject that's both ubiquitous and also a little taboo: the lies that women tell. And while there're inevitably some would-be wags who would leap on this as though it somehow invalidated the idea of #believewomen, what Lux Alptraum does is dig into the why's behind the lies. And the short answer is: in order to try to get through a world that is massively inconvenient at best and at worst, out and out hostile to women in a multitude of ways. It's a surprisingly quick and breezy read but, but the clear and approachable writing style simply makes the exploration of the subject matter that much more interesting and easily digestible in ways that benefit the book. It's a book you can easily hand to someone and say "if you want to understand why X happens, read this." This is less a study and taxonomy of lies and more of an examination of the survival techniques women find themselves having to employ. Reading this was eye opening in a number of ways, including pointing out ways that well-meaning people - men and women both - have inadvertently made things harder. TL;DR: it's good, and more people - guys, especially - should read it.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Meghan

    I was eager to read this one as it sounded right up my alley. Unfortunately, if you do a fair amount of reading around gender, sex, and harassment, there won't be anything new for you in this book. I found myself irritated at many points throughout the book regarding Alptraum's decision to frame the book as being about women's "lies." Of course, the argument ends up being that many of the lies aren't lies at all, or that women are forced to lie by social pressures they can't control, etc. - but t I was eager to read this one as it sounded right up my alley. Unfortunately, if you do a fair amount of reading around gender, sex, and harassment, there won't be anything new for you in this book. I found myself irritated at many points throughout the book regarding Alptraum's decision to frame the book as being about women's "lies." Of course, the argument ends up being that many of the lies aren't lies at all, or that women are forced to lie by social pressures they can't control, etc. - but this framing of the book still feeds into the cultural narrative of women as liars. I also felt like there were many points in the book where Alptraum did not critique power effectively. For example, in the "I Have a Boyfriend" chapter, a professional pickup artist is interviewed and given space to express his beliefs. This includes things like, "For Tran, the question is less, 'Should men leave women alone?' and more 'Can a man figure out how to approach a strange woman - even one clearly indicating that she doesn't want to talk to someone - in a way she'll ultimately appreciate?' If an approach is done properly, he tells me, it can be really fun, really enjoyable - so much so that even a woman who thought she didn't want to be approached will be better off for the experience." The way that these perspectives are presented in the book is not entirely without critique - Alptraum does go on to touch on street harassment and the idea that women may not perceive these interactions the way that the pickup artists do - but the end result is tepid. Alptraum describes these interactions as "annoyances" and despite dedicating more space in the book later to the #MeToo movement doesn't go as far as to directly link these ideas to rape culture. Similary, later in the book when Alptraum discusses Aziz Ansari, framing the issue as "he seems to see the evening as an opportunity to take what he can get, his partner's pleasure be damned" feels like a serious understatement. By seemingly attempting to maintain some journalistic distance and not going further to dismantle the arguments of these problematic men, Lux ends up tacitly supporting many of their arguments. Other folks may disagree, but I don't think we need to be giving serial harassers and assaulters the benefit of the doubt or presenting them as just "confused" about consent. These narratives are damaging and let powerful men off the hook for their bad behavior.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Kales

    Praise! Amen! Raise your hands in hallelujah and shout it from the rooftops. What an excellent, insightful, well-researched book. I plucked this off of libro.fm's ALC (advanced listening copies) for booksellers randomly. Truly, it was random. Because there was another audiobook that I was planning to listen to and I disliked the narrator so I switched. This one captivated me from the word go. I wanted to talk to every woman about this book. Hell I wanted to talk to every man about this book. It c Praise! Amen! Raise your hands in hallelujah and shout it from the rooftops. What an excellent, insightful, well-researched book. I plucked this off of libro.fm's ALC (advanced listening copies) for booksellers randomly. Truly, it was random. Because there was another audiobook that I was planning to listen to and I disliked the narrator so I switched. This one captivated me from the word go. I wanted to talk to every woman about this book. Hell I wanted to talk to every man about this book. It covered such important topics in a fascinating way. The perspective of lying as a form of safety and uniting that theme throughout topics such as sexual assault, wardrobe, make-up, orgasms, relationships and various other ones. I learned so much and found myself in conversation with the audiobook. Agreeing with it, baffling at it and marveling at the concepts it introduced and contorted into fascinating ways. I can't wait to buy this book and thrust it into the hands of everyone. I can't recommend it enough. Conclusion: Buying a hard copy this week

  6. 4 out of 5

    Stephan

    Reading this book from the male view, I changed the way I think about myself, and how men treat women in general. The author argues that women lie to keep up the proper image society has imposed on them. The lies cover how many sexual partners she has had, if she "came" or not, enduring sex to keep her partner pleased or to avoid further questions about an assault. The author examines a wide array of other topics that could help many women. Men can learn a lot from reading this book.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Gitanjali

    I want to note a couple of things that really stood out for me: 1. Our obsession with orgasmic sex and how this puts women in such a difficult spot hence the lies. This part was mind-blowing to me. Sex can be many things - reaching an orgasm is obviously important but it's also a way to connect with someone, a way to de-stress, a way to explore to name a few. Having an orgasm as the only end goal can put a lot of pressure on women and can lead to faking it. 100% Also, men who think that they know I want to note a couple of things that really stood out for me: 1. Our obsession with orgasmic sex and how this puts women in such a difficult spot hence the lies. This part was mind-blowing to me. Sex can be many things - reaching an orgasm is obviously important but it's also a way to connect with someone, a way to de-stress, a way to explore to name a few. Having an orgasm as the only end goal can put a lot of pressure on women and can lead to faking it. 100% Also, men who think that they know women's bodies better and try to get a women to orgasm no matter what is another totally screwed way of mansplaining. Bottom line: Let the lady decide what she wants. 2. Yes, we live in a seemingly 'liberated' society. Especially in western cultures, women have the freedom to explore their sexuality (not too much though - just about enough that it doesn't come across as slutty). But that doesn't mean that the playing field is level. It doesn't at all. There are a lot of factors whereby a woman can enter a sexual relationship with a man consensually and STILL have a terrible experience or not be able to verbalize/express her desires in an open way. We live in a heavy duty patriarchal society even today and even in the most forward to countries. Sex between a man and woman can still be very unequal even if it is consensual. Only a change is society and the power structures between men and women can change this. So, no, the burden is not on a woman. At all. I'll be thinking about these points quite a bit.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Talia

    This read more like a long-form essay than a book. While some sections were well-researched and informative, others contained too much empirical evidence and pop-culture-as-proof for my liking. The author also inserted her experiences into the book in a half-baked way. I still don’t really know who she is or why I should be listening to her. Her only qualifications seem to be that she has written for a few online publications. Usually, journalists’ books feel more immersive, but I didn’t buy her This read more like a long-form essay than a book. While some sections were well-researched and informative, others contained too much empirical evidence and pop-culture-as-proof for my liking. The author also inserted her experiences into the book in a half-baked way. I still don’t really know who she is or why I should be listening to her. Her only qualifications seem to be that she has written for a few online publications. Usually, journalists’ books feel more immersive, but I didn’t buy her expert voice. There were also some language choices that irked me, such as the author describing illustrations as “vaguely Semitic-looking people.” What editor allowed that to be published? For these reasons, it was a bit of a frustrating read. I’d recommend a book like Come As You Are by Emily Nagoski instead.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    I follow the author on twitter and had heard her on a podcast talking about Faking It, and I was super intrigued. This is a great book. She addresses the idea that women are duplicitous by nature. The way she approaches it is interesting tho—by analyzing different situations (all pertaining to sexuality) where women are likely to lie, and what the purpose of the lies is. Each chapter is a different lie—like regarding virginity, or sexual experience, sexual assault or contraception use. She’s a g I follow the author on twitter and had heard her on a podcast talking about Faking It, and I was super intrigued. This is a great book. She addresses the idea that women are duplicitous by nature. The way she approaches it is interesting tho—by analyzing different situations (all pertaining to sexuality) where women are likely to lie, and what the purpose of the lies is. Each chapter is a different lie—like regarding virginity, or sexual experience, sexual assault or contraception use. She’s a great writer and uses research, firsthand accounts from women, interviews with other thinkers in the field of sexual politics, and current events. My only regret is she didn’t get around to discussing Emma sulkowicz (the Columbia student who did the mattress carry antirape performance piece) and Anita Hill—until the conclusion. Which is the shortest chapter in the book. I got the feeling she ran out of steam before addressing these two huge situations that could have sustained way more analysis. All in all though a great read that made me think!

  10. 4 out of 5

    Sofia The Great

    I liked this book. Lots of facts about being a woman. Highly recommend it.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Kent Winward

    This isn't so much about the lies they tell others, but how the entire social construct around sex generates lying from both genders.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Maria Grigoryeva

    It is current society that still makes “lie” best strategy for majority of women. The book puts thoughts on this topic in order. Was very useful read for me, being occasional “lier” myself without conscientiously understanding why i am doing it.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Katherine

    There have long been conversations about what it means to be a woman, including discussions around femininity, sexuality, and culture perceptions. In contemporary culture, there’s a push to break familiar cycles of mistrust, to stop thinking about women as lying and untrustworthy, and to stop judging them for sexual knowledge and behaviors. But when women lie about sex, or femininity, or their histories, what social situations are encouraging these lies- and what do the lies help tell us about c There have long been conversations about what it means to be a woman, including discussions around femininity, sexuality, and culture perceptions. In contemporary culture, there’s a push to break familiar cycles of mistrust, to stop thinking about women as lying and untrustworthy, and to stop judging them for sexual knowledge and behaviors. But when women lie about sex, or femininity, or their histories, what social situations are encouraging these lies- and what do the lies help tell us about culture and society? Author Lux Alptraum tackles the lies that women tell and reveals a surprisingly simple solution- belief- that could help change our perceptions around female deception and forge a new path forward. When I first started reading Faking It, I immediately tried to decide the best audience for this book. Given the subject matter, it seems obvious that women (or as Alptraum indicates, people with vaginas) would be an intended target for the information. But it became immediately apparent that this book is for more than just women, the subject matter is applicable for anyone who has sex, or who has refused sex, or even those who have thought about sex but haven’t yet made the plunge into that complicated world. If your worldview has been colored by ideals, opinions, and preferences about sex that are one-sided, uncomfortable, or seem out of touch, this book is for you. If you don’t think your sexual worldviews are out of touch, this book is for you. Alptraum constantly forces you, the reader, to stop and consider your own experiences and relationships with the realities outlined in Faking It, and it’s a wild ride. I think Faking It can provide a lot of perspective and insight into multiple thorny topics- not only sex, but body idealization and image, gendered behavior patterns, and consent (in more areas than just the bedroom). This book is amazing, and absolutely not to be missed. Check out Faking It and be delighted, be self-reflective, and most importantly be informed- take those first steps towards a better sexual culture.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Mike Lawson

    I can't think of a person better positioned to write this book than Lux Alptraum. She's worked in the adult industry, been a sex educator, reported on both sex and the adult industry (rumor has it that she gets so many free dildos sent to her that she gives them out as gifts), is an advocate of sex workers' rights, and done tons of work with survivors of sexual assault. This is a woman who has been involved in the cultural conversations around sex and our perceptions of it for a couple decades n I can't think of a person better positioned to write this book than Lux Alptraum. She's worked in the adult industry, been a sex educator, reported on both sex and the adult industry (rumor has it that she gets so many free dildos sent to her that she gives them out as gifts), is an advocate of sex workers' rights, and done tons of work with survivors of sexual assault. This is a woman who has been involved in the cultural conversations around sex and our perceptions of it for a couple decades now. All of this is to say: Lux knows what she's talking about. Anyone who follows her on Twitter immediately knows that A) it's surprising how much one person can tweet about DS9, and B) she always approaches issues of sex with compassion and understanding. When she talks about sexual assault, she always frames it as how to back up those who have been assaulted. She believes that the first step in dealing with trauma is to believe and support survivors. Now, this book isn't about that necessarily, but it's also not not about that. Because this book is about the liars. It's about the people who tell untruths because of the way they've been conditioned. It's about understanding the WHY behind the lies rather than calling people out for lying. It's about understanding that a woman says she has a boyfriend because she's worried what will happen if she flat-out rejects a man. It's about how often our cultural expectations RELY ON those lies. I think there's a lot to be learned from this book, and I recommend it often to friends, from people who want to learn more about our attitudes around sex, to fellow men who want to be better allies/advocates for women, to women who want to understand why our cultural discussions around sex are so stilted (and also why some attempts to course-correct those discussions don't always work because the focus of the discussion is what's actually misguided).

  15. 4 out of 5

    Allison

    I put several markers in as I read but as I went back through at book's end I wasn't as enamored. Still an ok read. I did like the discussion of "sexual milestones" instead of focus on virginity loss. I also liked the chapter "I woke up like this." Paraphrasing the author--the world of beauty is an impossible situation to navigate. You go without and you're scorned for not caring enough. Do too much and you are vain and deceitful. And, the idea of "natural" beauty that's anything but natural (sh I put several markers in as I read but as I went back through at book's end I wasn't as enamored. Still an ok read. I did like the discussion of "sexual milestones" instead of focus on virginity loss. I also liked the chapter "I woke up like this." Paraphrasing the author--the world of beauty is an impossible situation to navigate. You go without and you're scorned for not caring enough. Do too much and you are vain and deceitful. And, the idea of "natural" beauty that's anything but natural (shaving!?!) gets written about here too. In another chapter, the deflection of "I have a boyfriend" (or similar) to a come on is almost universal but the conclusion shouldn't be women are liars. The question needs to be asked why is that the only way to get rid of unwanted attention? Why do we let men feel they can cross other boundaries and make women feel so unsafe? Later chapter this needs to be repeated "In order to truly know what a woman wants, you have to, well, actually ask her." And, follow that up with the ideas from the conclusion that you also have to give her the safe space and knowledge and power to actually say so.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Alexandra

    when I first started this book I was all sorts of indignant to hear that to preach the benefits of orgasm for every woman is pejorative and not all women want orgasms from sex. Yeah, okay. I don't know their lives. I'm still miffed at my friends taking men home and coming out dissatisfied (what is the point if you are looking to get off??) but I digress - free will and all that. but the thesis of the book (last words, built up to with more and more steam) is that women lie to avoid punishment in when I first started this book I was all sorts of indignant to hear that to preach the benefits of orgasm for every woman is pejorative and not all women want orgasms from sex. Yeah, okay. I don't know their lives. I'm still miffed at my friends taking men home and coming out dissatisfied (what is the point if you are looking to get off??) but I digress - free will and all that. but the thesis of the book (last words, built up to with more and more steam) is that women lie to avoid punishment in a society that punishes women for being imperfect or non-submissive. And that because of this systemic chicken and egg dilemma women are seen as untrustworthy while men are seen as honest. (yick.) And I think lux does a very good job at showing it. Hell, I want all my male friends to read this. This book is such a good summation of the impact of the patriarchy. Glad I finished....the book.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Rachel Matthews

    The first chapter really sets the tone for the rest of this book. Alptraum gets stuck in straight away talking about orgasms - what they are, how they feel and why both women and men fake them. Alptraum then goes on to fearlessly tackle topics such as the myth of the hymen, consent, sexual assault and something I'd never heard of called 'stealthing' which is the act of a man removing a condom during sex without his partner's knowledge. After feeling slightly uncomfortable at first, I finished thi The first chapter really sets the tone for the rest of this book. Alptraum gets stuck in straight away talking about orgasms - what they are, how they feel and why both women and men fake them. Alptraum then goes on to fearlessly tackle topics such as the myth of the hymen, consent, sexual assault and something I'd never heard of called 'stealthing' which is the act of a man removing a condom during sex without his partner's knowledge. After feeling slightly uncomfortable at first, I finished this book grateful that it exists. It is so important for these issues to be openly explored and for the shame some feel about sex and sexuality to be banished forever.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Amanda

    This book is well researched and well argued. There were many points where Alptraum wrote a setence that just cut right to the point and resonated so deeply with my own experience that it was almost jarring and validating at the same time. I like that the conclusions of this book feel satisfying and not like a suggestion to "just do XYZ to solve everything!" There are societal and structural issues at play that lead women to lie, and only when those issues are no longer present will honesty reig This book is well researched and well argued. There were many points where Alptraum wrote a setence that just cut right to the point and resonated so deeply with my own experience that it was almost jarring and validating at the same time. I like that the conclusions of this book feel satisfying and not like a suggestion to "just do XYZ to solve everything!" There are societal and structural issues at play that lead women to lie, and only when those issues are no longer present will honesty reign. I definitely recommend this book if you have an interest in the intersection of sexuality and society.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Sierra

    I really enjoyed the beginning of this book; it started off quite strong. As the book progressed it became more about social pressure/expectations/norms surrounding women, thus revealing why women lie in general, not about sex specifically. I enjoyed the first half of this book, but found myself skimming around the end. The author does a good job at citing different arguments within each chapter, but they are touched on so briefly, where I felt they could have been expanded. I would recommend th I really enjoyed the beginning of this book; it started off quite strong. As the book progressed it became more about social pressure/expectations/norms surrounding women, thus revealing why women lie in general, not about sex specifically. I enjoyed the first half of this book, but found myself skimming around the end. The author does a good job at citing different arguments within each chapter, but they are touched on so briefly, where I felt they could have been expanded. I would recommend this book, but wouldn't blame anyone for just reading the first half.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Tai Tai

    few insights here and even fewer data driven facts. this read is overburdened by anecdotes, straw-manning the reader into debunking unsupported claims. evolutionary ideas are mentioned but once and would have proved helpful for such an interesting topic. most species “lie” in an effort to adapt and survive. why the author didn’t unleash this scientific panoply is sketchy, reducing her arguments to the ordinary level of a blog post

  21. 4 out of 5

    Russell Grant

    4.5/5 I've been familiar with Alptraum's work for awhile, so I was really looking forward to reading the first book. I was not disappointed. Breaking down the stereotypical and actual lies that women tell one by one, as an old guy new to woman studies books, it's quite a revelation. Straightforward and conception challenging, it's a solid recommend from me.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Zachary

    I thought I had empathy for what women deal with every day but this book came as a shock to the system and a cold splash of water to the face about how much more I had to learn. Seriously if you're a man you should check this out, you might see some of yourself, both good and bad, reflected in what's written here.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Reilly Moran

    My friend Carina lent me this book for my trip to Utah cuz I forgot mine at home. From a male persepctive, this book helped me understand some shiz regarding the female psyche. I'm picky when it comes to reading and because this book was such an eye opener i'm putting it down as a book I would highly recommend for others to read. It also goes by fairly quickly so there's that.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Luke Crawford

    I had so much fun reading this. It's... really interesting to see a woman's perspective on these things and how that lines up (and not) with that of a man. Alptraum is an excellent prose stylist (I found this book 'cause she's witty and clever on twitter) - and that is, really the most important thing for me when choosing a book.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Rachel Hock

    Lux Alptraum is so f***ing smart. I knew that this book would engage me, but I was not prepared for how much it moved me.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Charlotte Render

    I enjoyed reading this, it showed me that this stuff is everywhere and it opened my eyes a little more than they had previously been

  27. 5 out of 5

    Christina

    I don’t agree with every single part of the argument, but it’s still an excellent introduction to an important conversation that just about everyone should be having at one point or another.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Colleenish

    Interesting essays, but I'm already familiar with a lot of the author's sources and examples, making it feel a little recycled.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Cassey

    Well researched and executed

  30. 4 out of 5

    Amy!

    I decided I wasn't actually that interested in this topic right now.

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