web site hit counter It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self - Ebooks PDF Online
Hot Best Seller

It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self

Availability: Ready to download

Fascinating patient stories and dynamic exercises help you connect to healing emotions, ease anxiety and depression, and discover your authentic self.   Sara suffered a debilitating fear of asserting herself. Spencer experienced crippling social anxiety. Bonnie was shut down, disconnected from her feelings. These patients all came to psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel se Fascinating patient stories and dynamic exercises help you connect to healing emotions, ease anxiety and depression, and discover your authentic self.   Sara suffered a debilitating fear of asserting herself. Spencer experienced crippling social anxiety. Bonnie was shut down, disconnected from her feelings. These patients all came to psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel seeking treatment for depression, but in fact none of them were chemically depressed. Rather, Jacobs Hendel found that they’d all experienced traumas in their youth that caused them to put up emotional defenses that masqueraded as symptoms of depression. Jacobs Hendel led these patients and others toward lives newly capable of joy and fulfillment through an empathic and effective therapeutic approach that draws on the latest science about the healing power of our emotions.   Whereas conventional therapy encourages patients to talk through past events that may trigger anxiety and depression, accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy (AEDP), the method practiced by Jacobs Hendel and pioneered by Diana Fosha, PhD, teaches us to identify the defenses and inhibitory emotions (shame, guilt, and anxiety) that block core emotions (anger, sadness, fear, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement). Fully experiencing core emotions allows us to enter an openhearted state where we are calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear.   In It’s Not Always Depression, Jacobs Hendel shares a unique and pragmatic tool called the Change Triangle—a guide to carry you from a place of disconnection back to your true self. In these pages, she teaches lay readers and helping professionals alike   • why all emotions—even the most painful—have value. • how to identify emotions and the defenses we put up against them. • how to get to the root of anxiety—the most common mental illness of our time. • how to have compassion for the child you were and the adult you are.   Jacobs Hendel provides navigational tools, body and thought exercises, candid personal anecdotes, and profound insights gleaned from her patients’ remarkable breakthroughs. She shows us how to work the Change Triangle in our everyday lives and chart a deeply personal, powerful, and hopeful course to psychological well-being and emotional engagement.


Compare

Fascinating patient stories and dynamic exercises help you connect to healing emotions, ease anxiety and depression, and discover your authentic self.   Sara suffered a debilitating fear of asserting herself. Spencer experienced crippling social anxiety. Bonnie was shut down, disconnected from her feelings. These patients all came to psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel se Fascinating patient stories and dynamic exercises help you connect to healing emotions, ease anxiety and depression, and discover your authentic self.   Sara suffered a debilitating fear of asserting herself. Spencer experienced crippling social anxiety. Bonnie was shut down, disconnected from her feelings. These patients all came to psychotherapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel seeking treatment for depression, but in fact none of them were chemically depressed. Rather, Jacobs Hendel found that they’d all experienced traumas in their youth that caused them to put up emotional defenses that masqueraded as symptoms of depression. Jacobs Hendel led these patients and others toward lives newly capable of joy and fulfillment through an empathic and effective therapeutic approach that draws on the latest science about the healing power of our emotions.   Whereas conventional therapy encourages patients to talk through past events that may trigger anxiety and depression, accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy (AEDP), the method practiced by Jacobs Hendel and pioneered by Diana Fosha, PhD, teaches us to identify the defenses and inhibitory emotions (shame, guilt, and anxiety) that block core emotions (anger, sadness, fear, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement). Fully experiencing core emotions allows us to enter an openhearted state where we are calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear.   In It’s Not Always Depression, Jacobs Hendel shares a unique and pragmatic tool called the Change Triangle—a guide to carry you from a place of disconnection back to your true self. In these pages, she teaches lay readers and helping professionals alike   • why all emotions—even the most painful—have value. • how to identify emotions and the defenses we put up against them. • how to get to the root of anxiety—the most common mental illness of our time. • how to have compassion for the child you were and the adult you are.   Jacobs Hendel provides navigational tools, body and thought exercises, candid personal anecdotes, and profound insights gleaned from her patients’ remarkable breakthroughs. She shows us how to work the Change Triangle in our everyday lives and chart a deeply personal, powerful, and hopeful course to psychological well-being and emotional engagement.

30 review for It's Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self

  1. 4 out of 5

    Morgan Blackledge

    Great book. Its Not Always Depression is based on Diana Fosha’s, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP). AEDP assumes: 1. the transformation drive (i.e. the desire to heal and grow) is basic and innate to Human nature. 2. healing change occurs as the patient forms new expectations for relationships based on the secure relationship with the therapist. 3. healing is accelerated as the patient to learns to identify and completely experience core emotions that were previously too overwh Great book. Its Not Always Depression is based on Diana Fosha’s, Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP). AEDP assumes: 1. the transformation drive (i.e. the desire to heal and grow) is basic and innate to Human nature. 2. healing change occurs as the patient forms new expectations for relationships based on the secure relationship with the therapist. 3. healing is accelerated as the patient to learns to identify and completely experience core emotions that were previously too overwhelming. It’s Not Always Depression is author and therpaist Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s popularization of AEDP and a tool used in AEDP known as the Change Tangle. The Change Triangle is a three part model of emotional dynamics. Visualize a triangle pointing down 🔻 In the Upper Left ➡️🔻are Emotional Defenses: In this model Emotional Defenses include anything that you do to distract, numb or otherwise avoid feeling emotionally uncomfortable. This includes psychological tricks like ‘denial’, and ‘ dissociation’, behaviors like checking your phone every two seconds, compulsive eating, exercise, sex and gaming etc., and (of course) doing drugs and stuff. In the Upper Right 🔻⬅️ are Secondary Emotions: In this model Emotional Defenses include any emotion that you allow yourself to feel, so you don’t have to feel other uncomfortable emotions. This may include stuff like allowing yourself to feel angry instead of feeling scared, or feeling “disappointed” instead of feeling angry. In the Lower Point 🔻are Core Emotions: (you’re going to have to imagine an arrow pointing at the bottom point of the triangle here). These are your authentic, primary emotions. The point of the Change Triangle is to help understand what is a defense, what is a secondary emotion, and what is a core emotion. The healing occurs when we can get past our defenses and secondary emotions, and completely feel and experience our core emotions, so that we can ultimately make contact with our “authentic” self which is characterized by mindfulness, acceptance, congruence and equanimity. The book does a much better job of this explaining all this than I just did. It’s written in very clear and accessible language. And it’s loaded with useful examples. Whether you’re a therapist, in therapy, simply curious, or all of the above, this book is sure to be refreshing, interesting, helpful and useful. 5 stars ⭐️

  2. 5 out of 5

    Larry Drell,

    As a psychiatrist and therapist for over 40 years I have always encouraged my patients to pay attention to how they are feeling and thinking. To deny or avoid one's true feelings and emotions leads to a multitude of problems and symptoms from states of depression to anxiety and everything in between. This practical and clearly written self-help book written by a gifted therapist helps the reader learn the incredible importance of understanding and accepting your core emotions and the variety of As a psychiatrist and therapist for over 40 years I have always encouraged my patients to pay attention to how they are feeling and thinking. To deny or avoid one's true feelings and emotions leads to a multitude of problems and symptoms from states of depression to anxiety and everything in between. This practical and clearly written self-help book written by a gifted therapist helps the reader learn the incredible importance of understanding and accepting your core emotions and the variety of ways we use defenses and other emotions (anxiety, guilt, and shame) to protect us (even though they cause us pain as well). It is filled with examples from her personal life and her work with patients to help you understand the importance of discovering and accepting your emotional responses and how to use that knowledge to better navigate your life. She introduces us to The Change Triangle, a conceptual tool, a map, to understand our emotions and discover what we are doing with them that limit our awareness and growth. Without jargon or overly technical explanations, she presents the latest theories and discoveries in cognitive psychology, neuroscience and mindfulness meditation. She distills this knowledge into a multitude of useful tools and skills to better understand, acknowledge and use our emotions to enhance our lives. She describes clearly and compassionately the various ways we have of avoiding emotions with the layers of defenses, protective feelings, and automatic emotional reactions. Her approach reminds us and focuses on our innate drive to health and teaches how to use that more effectively. The book is filled with exercises to develop our innate abilities of observation and mindful awareness to become more in touch and accepting of our core emotions. It offers hope The author is a trained and obviously skilled therapist and writes honestly about her own struggles and discoveries. She writes with openness, compassion and humor and that offers the reader the opportunity to understand what she is feeling and how she thinks and how she guides her patients to help them discover their true power. This way of writing gives us a window into how our minds work and how important it is to pay attention to our bodies and our emotions whenever interacting with others (and ourselves). And most important this book offers hope for gaining understanding, acceptance and healthy ways to manage our deepest feelings.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Kelly

    This book is incredible. I had two immediate thoughts when picking it up at the library. 1. I won't understand it / this information will go over my head 2. It's an older / outdated book (purely judging a book by the cover) Both of those, it turns out, were false assumptions. My fear with any psychology / psychoanalytical book is that it will be written only for those who have a background in the field or have studied extensively. Thankfully, Hilary writes in a way that people without PHDs can unde This book is incredible. I had two immediate thoughts when picking it up at the library. 1. I won't understand it / this information will go over my head 2. It's an older / outdated book (purely judging a book by the cover) Both of those, it turns out, were false assumptions. My fear with any psychology / psychoanalytical book is that it will be written only for those who have a background in the field or have studied extensively. Thankfully, Hilary writes in a way that people without PHDs can understand and because of that, this was one of the most helpful books I have ever read. I was incredibly eyeopening into core emotions and the effect that childhood trauma causes on adult brains. Within the first few chapters of this book, I was already looking at my emotions differently and beginning to understand why the brain triggers specific emotions during certain situations. I would recommend this book to literally everyone, especially those working to heal from past abuse or current depression. 6/5 stars.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Emma

    The change triangle is useful and fascinating to start with but it ultimately felt a bit gimmicky. I'm not sure I learned how to get the best out of the model. Also, I thought the title of the book was a bit misleading and the book didn't follow up on its promise to examine issues and emotions that get mistaken for depression but are something else. The change triangle is useful and fascinating to start with but it ultimately felt a bit gimmicky. I'm not sure I learned how to get the best out of the model. Also, I thought the title of the book was a bit misleading and the book didn't follow up on its promise to examine issues and emotions that get mistaken for depression but are something else.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Kim

    I didn't know much about this concept having just picked up this book on the basis of the title alone. Prior to reading the book I had not read Hilary's article in the NYT or anything by Diane Fosha but I was aware of the existence of AEDP, just not the details. Usually I get bogged down by nonfiction books but I honestly could not put this book down and found myself highlighting or bookmarking about 85% of it. I found the writing to flow naturally and easily and the book made for an easy read. S I didn't know much about this concept having just picked up this book on the basis of the title alone. Prior to reading the book I had not read Hilary's article in the NYT or anything by Diane Fosha but I was aware of the existence of AEDP, just not the details. Usually I get bogged down by nonfiction books but I honestly could not put this book down and found myself highlighting or bookmarking about 85% of it. I found the writing to flow naturally and easily and the book made for an easy read. Some reviewers have said they were confused by the layout but that was not the case for me. While I was about 40% into the book I started sending copies to other people so I would have folks to talk to about this type of therapy. It got me thinking that friends or partners could potentially work this system together and in fact Hilary suggests that herself in a few interviews I've seen with her. Sure there is some psychobabble and slightly over the top writing going on here, but what self help book is 100% without that? I found the core concept intriguing enough to want to try to work this triangle myself and with others. Also some of the examples within helped me to relate to what some acquaintances may be going through or have been going through or basically why they act the way they do. Of course this book won't be for everyone but for me it was a real eye opener.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Estera Mihăilă

    Well, this is a book I'll have to do my best remembering because it's gonna leave my bookshelf, into the hands of my friends just to have the warm feeling of being accepted as a whole by the way Hilary writes, while at the same time being empowered and educated to look into yourself, diving deep until your core emotions. In a world where emotional education is definitely not a priority, there are big and small traumas hiding behind everybody's daily behaviour which will explode in a way or anoth Well, this is a book I'll have to do my best remembering because it's gonna leave my bookshelf, into the hands of my friends just to have the warm feeling of being accepted as a whole by the way Hilary writes, while at the same time being empowered and educated to look into yourself, diving deep until your core emotions. In a world where emotional education is definitely not a priority, there are big and small traumas hiding behind everybody's daily behaviour which will explode in a way or another, there's no way around it. And unfortunately, it's us having to deal with it all: ignoring, defending, exploding & recovering. With practical examples on the therapeutic process of dealing with things, with exercises that you can do to dig into your soul, with mindset shifts and an overall bubble of acceptance, this book is the first step on the road of healing.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Sam

    It’s interesting that there appears to be a lot of literature recently which is focused on the use of psychotherapy of a similar psychoanalytical kind to that which Hendel discusses. It has long been suggested that our attachment styles in childhood explain our adult relationships and Hendel explains that trauma is the root cause of our psychological distress. Hendel does well to explain that this trauma may be something as simple as our caregiver responding to us in a negative way when we’re ex It’s interesting that there appears to be a lot of literature recently which is focused on the use of psychotherapy of a similar psychoanalytical kind to that which Hendel discusses. It has long been suggested that our attachment styles in childhood explain our adult relationships and Hendel explains that trauma is the root cause of our psychological distress. Hendel does well to explain that this trauma may be something as simple as our caregiver responding to us in a negative way when we’re excited, so that as an adult we learn to suppress our excitement and thus is not really the fault of our caregivers. Hendel explains that you can use the ‘Change Triangle’ which is made up of defensive behaviour, inhibitory emotions and core emotions to analyse our emotions and responses to situations to self-sooth this trauma. Hendel discusses Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP) which sounded to me very similar to Internal Family Systems, with the additional triangles, in that it actively addresses the parts of our minds that were created when we were younger; such as talking to the 5-year-old you who suffered the trauma. The explanation is that at that age we did not have the condition to logically understand what was happening and so our emotional response is irrational. Only when explaining this to this part of our self will we then overcome it. I struggle a lot with this as it has well been known that practises such as these have been in the past responsible for creating false memories within clients. Our mind is very susceptible to suggestion and so it could easily create these younger selves and memories under therapy. That said if it helps people then sure, use it. That said, I would advise seeing a therapist who can guide you through the change triangle as I know personally I would not be able to decode my behaviour using it without help from an outside source. Like most therapies it’s not substantiated with empirical rigour and this book was very repetitive. I’ve also read other therapy books where the example cases are far more illuminative and helpful than those given here.

  8. 5 out of 5

    Luca Smans

    The psych book reviews continue! I have really been enjoying reading psychology books on different topics, exploring areas I had little knowledge on before and can now speak to with more clarity. This book, “It’s not always depression” by Hilary Jacobs explores the use of the “Change Triangle”, and the method “accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy” (AEDP) that is used by Jacobs when treating her patients. In the book, Jacobs explores how she the “Change Triangle” to identify defenses (b The psych book reviews continue! I have really been enjoying reading psychology books on different topics, exploring areas I had little knowledge on before and can now speak to with more clarity. This book, “It’s not always depression” by Hilary Jacobs explores the use of the “Change Triangle”, and the method “accelerated experiential dynamic psychotherapy” (AEDP) that is used by Jacobs when treating her patients. In the book, Jacobs explores how she the “Change Triangle” to identify defenses (behaviors used to block core/inhibitory emotions), inhibitory emotions (shame, guilt, anxiety) that prevent us from fully experiencing our core emotions (anger, sadness, fear, disgust, joy, excitement, and sexual excitement) which would allow us to then enter a state of openheartedness. When fully experiencing core emotions, without judgment, fear, shame, guilt, or anxiety, we can enter a state of openheartedness, which can be best described using the 7 C’s: calm, curious, connected, compassionate, confident, courageous, and clear. When using this tool, Jacobs is able to help her patients heal past wounds, depression, anxiety, stress, or trauma; by accessing the memories of the deeply buried core emotions from the past, patients can release and experience their emotion, feel it in their bodies and release it. It was interesting to me how patients were able to sense and name their emotions within their bodies; a tightness in their chest, a heaviness in their stomach, an energy moving up or down; or a lightness in their hearts and instinct to smile, or dance. Whatever it is, the emotion was manifesting in their body - and by naming this, the patients were able to experience their core emotion and enter a state of openheartedness. I personally tried sensing my emotions in my body and it is harder than it seems! Worth practicing though, because I think it can deepen our connection to our bodies and how emotions (something that seems intangible) truly affect the tangible aspects of our being. I liked how throughout the book there were a lot of hands-on experiments for the reader to try and put the theory explained in the various chapters, to use. I particularly liked the experiment that made me imagine a safe space, somewhere I can go to when things get stressful. Ever since imagining that place, I have accessed it whenever I need it. I also liked the experiment that made me name my points of irrational shame and guilt and de-bunk these myths I have of myself or who I should be. I learned a lot about shame and guilt, the differences between these two seemingly similar things, and how we can move past them to access our underlying emotions. Jacobs says “Guilt is what we feel when we have done something bad. Shame when we feel that we are bad”. Often we feel shame (not good enough, worthless, incapable, flawed…) about think we have done something “bad”, a deed that is then connected to judgment towards ourselves and self-worth. This shame is something we are not born with (we don’t innately have an idea on when, where, or why to feel shame) but it’s something we learn from our surroundings. Hilary says, “shame is our physical and physiological response to primal rejection”, so when we are shut down by others, shame is triggered. “Shame is tied to specific events that have taught us to be guarded or to hide”. In a way, shame wants us to be small, because when we make ourselves small, it’s like putting on armor and we are less likely to be hurt, or in other words, rejected. I think the opposite of being small is being vulnerable. This takes courage because if you are rejected when being vulnerable, shame wants to kick in but courage and confidence in one’s worth can counteract that. When we aren’t hurting anyone else or performed a crime, then why should we feel guilt? This was specifically made evident in the experiment “guilty feelings”, hoping us understand that many of the actions we feel guilty about aren’t making us feel that way because we did something “bad”, but because the guilt is masking a deeper conflict or shamed part within ourselves. Additionally, if we own the damage we did with our actions, whether we did it on purpose or by accident, can be healing. This can be done by what Hilary calls a real and proper apology, based on the book “The Last Lecture” by Randy Pausch and the three parts of making an apology. In addition, there is also some exploration on trauma; Big T and little t trauma and the distinction between the 2. You’d be surprised at how much could be considered small t trauma. Having read “The boy who was raised as a dog” by Dr. Bruce Perry, I could connect some of the topics regarding trauma, the effects on our bodies, and how trauma can be treated and healed. A big take-away from this book; emotions just are! I think emotions can really dictate so much about how we exist and behave in a specific moment, blinding us to who we are when we are not swamped in that emotion. Distancing ourselves from the emotion, and not attaching or identifying ourselves with it, can have a really big change in our day-to-day lives. It can also release some of the expectations we have around emotions, and feeling like we need to “fix” them or change them. Emotions just are, and they will always be there, part of our human nature. They are almost like roommates living with us in our bodies. Accepting their chaos, constant fluctuations, unreliable nature, and effects on how we feel is ultimately all we can do. I also like how she says that “core emotions are like ocean waves” - emotions will first intensify before they lessen, like riding a wave that rises and falls. Overall, 3 stars from me.

  9. 4 out of 5

    Sarah

    This didn't really resonate with me. I may revisit the Change Triangle the next time I'm having a hard time, but honestly I don't think laying the points out in a triangle was effective for me (so you go around the triangle? or is it an arrow?). The examples were meaningful and I can see how someone struggling could find benefit from this more visualization-based approach. The organization of the book was non-intuitive, though, and without prior background examining one's emotions I think a read This didn't really resonate with me. I may revisit the Change Triangle the next time I'm having a hard time, but honestly I don't think laying the points out in a triangle was effective for me (so you go around the triangle? or is it an arrow?). The examples were meaningful and I can see how someone struggling could find benefit from this more visualization-based approach. The organization of the book was non-intuitive, though, and without prior background examining one's emotions I think a reader might be lost.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Linda Richardson

    I found this book fascinating! I different view on refocusing your feelings & emotions.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Rachel

    Absolutely transformative. As a clinical social work student at the beginning of my career, I can already see that this will be on my therapist bookshelf for many years to come.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Sandy Plants

    This book was amazing! I’ll be reading it again very soon as there’s so much value for me within those pages. I highly recommend this for anyone who’s ever struggled with depression, feeling their emotions, rage, shame, anxiety...really anybody who’s breathing.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Emily

    My therapist suggested this book and I’m so thankful she did!! This is a practical guide written in a way that even those w/ no background in therapy can understand.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Fleeting Bird

    This book is such a blessing. I'm happy I bought it. I've been wondering for years the reason behind my extreme anxiety and depressive state. Antidepressants were not helpful at all. It is because the real reason behind it was my fear and shame that developed in me growing up with neglectful parents and constant chaos at home. Emotions were never explained or tolerated. I couldn't develop a sense of self or understanding of what I'm feeling. I've been living in imaginary states, just guessing wh This book is such a blessing. I'm happy I bought it. I've been wondering for years the reason behind my extreme anxiety and depressive state. Antidepressants were not helpful at all. It is because the real reason behind it was my fear and shame that developed in me growing up with neglectful parents and constant chaos at home. Emotions were never explained or tolerated. I couldn't develop a sense of self or understanding of what I'm feeling. I've been living in imaginary states, just guessing what it might be, blaming myself for being so crazy and disordered. Now I'm learning to understand myself. I'm finally developing a sense of self and a stable identity. I'm very grateful to the author that she wrote this book. It came exactly on time. I was ready to receive it. Thank you.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Kate

    Title is off-putting. Wouldn’t have read it but for the recommendation of a trusted friend. Excellent content. Basically, “how to be a human with emotions 101”. Seems like everyone could benefit from reading this book. I listened to the audiobook (which was great) but am ordering a hard copy as well because there’s so much I want to go back and reference.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Claire

    I want to start off by saying this book is not for everyone. When I read all the mediocre and bad reviews for this self-help of a novel, I don't think they understand the POINT of this book. This isn't a book about depression, nor is it a book about illuminating the reader about what is and what isn't depression. It's actually a book about one's EMOTIONS. Like, did you ever just find yourself in a situation that triggered you, to that point that you found yourself in the throes of anger, or what I want to start off by saying this book is not for everyone. When I read all the mediocre and bad reviews for this self-help of a novel, I don't think they understand the POINT of this book. This isn't a book about depression, nor is it a book about illuminating the reader about what is and what isn't depression. It's actually a book about one's EMOTIONS. Like, did you ever just find yourself in a situation that triggered you, to that point that you found yourself in the throes of anger, or whatever kind of emotion that experience elicited? THIS is what this book is mainly about. Again, this is a book about emotions. I think the title was kind of 'gimmicky' and can be triggering for some people with depression, or some readers got triggered because they know people affected by depression and its debilitating effects. Then the title of this book just irate them because depression is a word that can't be thrown around like this. It's not a joke. Hold your horses - To add to this, the author did mention something about trauma, but it's not the FULL ON/REAL DEAL trauma that some people expected when reading this book. This is another factor that made some readers clutch their pearls. Yes, trauma did occur to some patients in this book. However, the trauma the author often cites are the kind of trauma from childhood (i.e. the attachment styles, the trauma here is if you don't have a secure attachment style). I don't think some readers buy into this and if you're one of those people, you might want to consider picking up a different book. The author just talks about past experiences from childhood that may have carried into one's adult life. ALSO- "how to get to the root of anxiety—the most common mental illness of our time." I understand this was in the blurb? I don't know if the author intentionally wrote this or someone helped them write this blurb to attract a reader's attention. This statement is a generalization. I'd suggest seeing a therapist before reading this book if you think you have anxiety. In my opinion, this is more like a book that you read if you were a neurotic but not enough to the point that you can't function in your daily life, or it inhibits you from fulfilling your day to day duties/responsibilities, etc. This book kind of worked for me because I'm a neurotic who doesn't want to feel so bad... I don't want to explain further because I'll have to talk about my experience, and it just feels very personal to me. All you need to know is that I wasn't diagnosed with depression nor anxiety, but it doesn't mean that I didn't experience these at some point in my life. NOTE: No one in this book mentioned not to see a therapist when needed. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, pick up another book or go see a therapist. That's my advice. I also want to apologize if I explained things the wrong way in this review. Note that everything written above is based on my understanding/views. It's not 100% accurate.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Vicki

    My only criticism of the book is the title: it's too wordy & it's misleading to use the word "depression" since very little about depression itself is discussed. That being said, this is a book that should be read, then re-read with a friend / partner / small group, put down for awhile, picked back up & read again. On repeat. Had I read this book 20 years ago, even 10 years ago, I might not emphasize it that much. It still would have been a good read as I would have learned about the "small t" & " My only criticism of the book is the title: it's too wordy & it's misleading to use the word "depression" since very little about depression itself is discussed. That being said, this is a book that should be read, then re-read with a friend / partner / small group, put down for awhile, picked back up & read again. On repeat. Had I read this book 20 years ago, even 10 years ago, I might not emphasize it that much. It still would have been a good read as I would have learned about the "small t" & "big T" trauma experience & it helps to just have a better understanding of emotions in general, to have an actual guide / tool to help process the emotions. However, since I've entered the world of raising children & having been exposed & immersed into the world of "Big T" trauma, I would say this book is a necessary read. This book has helped me better understand the "trigger emotions" I've personally struggled with since entering into the world of foster care & adoption; it has also helped me better understand my children & their emotions. It has given me insight & tools to help my child who struggles with anxiety. It has given me compassion & a "new lens" to view my child's trauma behaviors with. It has given me freedom & permission to accept that emotions "just are", that I need to give myself grace for not knowing exactly how to handle them when they come crashing over me; that I am not powerless to change; that I can experience resolution & victory when I start spiraling from a calm state to a triggered state. "The power of the Change Triangle is huge. Think of an ocean. Waves knock us down and pull us under. Sometimes it might feel as if we are drowning. But if we are prepared, if we know what to do when a wave topples us, if we build strength and balance, we can find our way back to the surface each time with less effort and more confidence that we will survive the next wave that comes."

  18. 5 out of 5

    Jamie

    This is a book worth re-reading every year! I loved this easy-to-understand explanation of the triangle of emotions and change. Ever since I started it, it's helped me process emotions, better understand how I feel, and see exactly where and how I can get to a calm, openhearted state. I'm writing some of my favorite parts here, but I'd still definitely re-read it to see the up close and personal applications of the triangle with different people. Thanks so much, Dr. Hendel! These are some of m This is a book worth re-reading every year! I loved this easy-to-understand explanation of the triangle of emotions and change. Ever since I started it, it's helped me process emotions, better understand how I feel, and see exactly where and how I can get to a calm, openhearted state. I'm writing some of my favorite parts here, but I'd still definitely re-read it to see the up close and personal applications of the triangle with different people. Thanks so much, Dr. Hendel! These are some of my favorite quotes: If you remember one thing from this book, remember: emotions just are! Judging yourself is not useful. Believing you can stop emotions from happening is false. Instead, focus your mental energy on dealing constructively with them. Use the change triangle. Get to know what you are experiencing. Learn what your emotion is trying to tell you. You do n0t have to act on emotions, and in most cases, you probably won't, but the information these impulses give you is important. If nothing else, emotions make us feel alive. In an openhearted state, we are calm; curious about our mind, the minds of others, and the world at large; connected to our body and to the hearts and minds of others; compassionate to ourselves and to others; confident in who we are; courageous in our actions; and clear in thought. Emotions and parts of us still exist and are noticeable, but they don't overtake us. Openhearted states are the opposite of traumatic states. Traumatic states bring us in contact with reactive, highly stressed parts. In traumatic states, we are in fight, flight, or freeze modes. Our emotional brains are going wild preparing us for defensive action. In these states, thinking, problem solving, and rationality are compromised, if not shut off entirely. ... There are two main ways to get to the openhearted state: first, by experiencing our emotions. ... The second way is by looking for your Cs and seeing if you can make a conscious shift into being them just by being aware and applying your emotional energy. Not everyone feels comfortable in the openhearted state. Some people can't tolerate calm, believe it or not. There are many people who grew up in chaotic households. All they knew growing up was agitation and anxiety. If you grew up with constant drama and excitement around you, for better or for worse, states of calm might feel dead, or boring. Feeling calm or content might cause you an identity crisis: Who am I when I am calm? Or the calm might initially trigger agitation because it's an alien experience - too unfamiliar. If you have difficulty with the openhearted state, you must work to establish a new normal. This is possible but requires working the Change Triangle to arrive in the openhearted state as often as possible and tolerating the discomfort that change always brings. Working the change triangle around and around again over a lifetime leads us back to this openhearted state with regularity. With practice, we can arrive here more quickly and more often. Ten techniques to lower anxiety: 1. Breathe: Take four or five deep belly breaths. ... 2. Ground yourself. Place both your feet on the floor, turn all of your attention to the soles of your feet. Stay there for at least a minute till you have a strong sense of the ground beneath you. 3. Slow down. Be still while you breathe and feel your feet on the ground. Listen to the outside sounds around you. Notice the colors in the world around you. Notice the textures in the world around you. No multitasking! 4. Put yourself in a peaceful place. Imagine a calming place, such as the beach: feel the sun on your skin, hear the sound of the waves, feel the cool sand against your feet, see the water. Find your peaceful place and bring up the image as vividly as possible. 5. Focus on sensations of anxiety: Tune in to the physical sensations of your anxiety, like a quickly beating heart or butterflies in your stomach. With curiosity and compassion for your feeling, stay with the sensations, breathing deeply until you feel them calm down. They will! 6. Name core emotions. Find all the core emotions that are evoking the anxiety. Ask yourself if you are feeling sad, fearful, angry, disgusted, joyful, excited, and/or sexually excited. Imagine them one at a time, with space between each. Validate them by saying them to yourself. 7. Exercise. Physical exertion diminishes anxiety. 8. Connect. Reach out to a friend. Tell him you are upset about something and want to talk about it, If you don't have a friend nearby, perhaps seek out a support group. Talking helps! 9. Imagine your anxiety as a child part of you. Offer the child part comfort by being your own good parent. Give it a hug, swaddle it in a blanket, offer it cookies and milk. Use your imagination in any way that helps the child part feel better. 10. Try other activities that lower anxiety: Cook, play music, stretch or do yoga, make something artistic, read a good book, watch something funny or sad on TV, take a warm bath, make yourself tea, take a walk, masturbate, or meditate. Check if you are in an openhearted state by asking yourself the following questions: Am I physically calm? If not, am I willing to pause and do things that calm me down like taking a walk outside, breathing, feeling my feet on the floor, or remembering some of my positive qualities and those of my companions? Can I get curious in my reactions to the world and people around me? If I notice that either my partner or I am in a defensive mode, can I get curious about the emotions underneath? Am I curious to map myself, or my companion, on the Change Triangle to understand more about what is happening? Am I feeling connected to myself emotionally? Am I feeling connected to the people around me? If not, can I make a shift toward connection? Can I access compassion toward myself? If I am not alone, can I access compassion toward my companion(s)? Can I access compassion now, even though I may also be having other emotions like fear, sadness, or anger? Am I confident that I am basically safe right now? Am I confident in my abilities to find resources and get help when I need it? Am I confident that I can take care of myself? Am I willing to be courageous and lead with vulnerability? Is my mind clear so I can think? If my mind is not clear, am I aware of that so that I do not make important decisions until I am able to access more clarity?

  19. 5 out of 5

    Emily

    I think the title to be misleading, but the subtitle to be very accurate. I think its more that she argues depression can be the result of avoiding fully emotionally and physically inhabiting, in her parlance, core emotions like fear, sadness and anger rather than arguing depressed people aren't actually depressed or something. This book has a really clear vision of what many people seek therapy for and how to most effectively respond to those needs and what the desired outcome is. I found the a I think the title to be misleading, but the subtitle to be very accurate. I think its more that she argues depression can be the result of avoiding fully emotionally and physically inhabiting, in her parlance, core emotions like fear, sadness and anger rather than arguing depressed people aren't actually depressed or something. This book has a really clear vision of what many people seek therapy for and how to most effectively respond to those needs and what the desired outcome is. I found the advice to be very applicable. I plan on going back and actually doing some of the exercises since I mostly listend to this book in the car!

  20. 5 out of 5

    Tia

    I can't decide between 3,5 and 4 stars. A good self-help book with actual, practical advice and, you know, stuff you can try. I think some people might find this approach very helpful. For me, well, I found some of it helpful, and I can use those parts, which is what - in my opinion - self-help books are good for. Take what you like and leave the rest, but at least consider it. Looking at your stuff from a different perspective is usually in itself quite useful. I can't decide between 3,5 and 4 stars. A good self-help book with actual, practical advice and, you know, stuff you can try. I think some people might find this approach very helpful. For me, well, I found some of it helpful, and I can use those parts, which is what - in my opinion - self-help books are good for. Take what you like and leave the rest, but at least consider it. Looking at your stuff from a different perspective is usually in itself quite useful.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Soha Wagdy

    Very intriguing! Opens up new doors to how to understand and process emotions, also, how to deal with trauma and the defences we use to protect ourselves. Using the tools and thinking patterns presented definitely helped a lot. Thank you Hilary!

  22. 4 out of 5

    Fern Adams

    Very interesting book! Mix of information, case studies and exercises to try. Was a bit skeptical before but the argument is made well and seems very logical.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Vicki

    A great book that helped me understand what my therapist is trying to achieve!

  24. 4 out of 5

    Lindsey Wirht

    this book !! taught me sooo much as a therapist and feel relief & gratitude I found the world of experimental, trauma-focused therapy.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Alena

    Really liked that the book has a lot of examples of dialogs during sessions. Worth reading, worth returning later to the exercises.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Stuart

    I am not a person who enjoys reading self-help books. I didn’t even realise It’s Not Always Depression was one until I started reading it. Luckily for me, though there are exercises and experiments aimed at improvement, there is quite a lot of neuroscience and psychology content available within these pages too. After a slightly edgy foreword by Diana Fosha, creator of an innovative approach to psychiatry called Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP for short), Hilary Jacobs Hende I am not a person who enjoys reading self-help books. I didn’t even realise It’s Not Always Depression was one until I started reading it. Luckily for me, though there are exercises and experiments aimed at improvement, there is quite a lot of neuroscience and psychology content available within these pages too. After a slightly edgy foreword by Diana Fosha, creator of an innovative approach to psychiatry called Accelerated Experiential Dynamic Psychotherapy (AEDP for short), Hilary Jacobs Hendel doesn’t waste any time getting us up to speed on the importance of re-balancing our repressed or misinterpreted emotions. Through empathetic, refreshingly honest and visceral patient studies, a thorough breakdown of HJH’s work with AEDP and a collection of quizzes, tests, experiments and thought exercises, HJH implores us to rediscover our core emotions using the simple method in the form of the Change Triangle. I too was slightly dubious about this subject at the start of reading It’s Not Always Depression but as HJH hits her stride and begins to impart some much needed wisdom about our emotional needs and how to work towards restoring the flow of our core emotions, I became seriously impressed. Yeah it is not the neuroscience treat that I envisioned but it is only a step away from it. The Change Triangle is made up of defensive behaviour, inhibitory emotions and core emotions. Each step leads to deeper acknowledgements of our emotional brain and how it affects our bodies. Now I know I make it sound a bit fancy but it is deeply rooted in science with plenty of theories, practical applications, analysis and functional moments a long with a big dose of understanding. HJH explains the sociological, biological and cultural ramifications of not dealing with shame, guilt and anxiety and the resulting defensiveness that accompanies these feelings. Anger, frustration, bad relationships and more can be avoided by taking more time to comprehend the emotional network in your body and how to deal with negative emotions and encourage positive ones that lead to compassion, empathy and control. I was amazed by how open HJH was with her patient histories and the interactions that she took part in when treating each patient. I did feel connected to the material and the struggles people were working through, especially in childhood trauma situations (I did tear up quite a bit). I even walked away from this book with some incredibly helpful information that will help improve my personal life. HJH is dedicated to improving mental health across the world and in doing so hoping to improve physical health. Less stress related illnesses, less depression, less anger and more focus on enjoying the short lives we lead. There were a few elements of this book that didn’t sit as well as the rest. I found HJH’s ‘doctor voice’ tone a bit patronising and grating at times. The content is quite repetitive as well, relying on reinforcement over new information. The introduction by Diana Fosha almost put me off reading this because it didn’t set the tone for the book very well at all. I understand that Diana has worked long and hard for this project but her opening words felt out of place and undermining, like someone who dashes to answer a question you’ve been asked before you can. HJH does a fantastic and approachable job redefining AEDP for us all to use to improve our day-to-day interactions and our overall mental health. Giving useful information on parenting, relationships and workplace environments. Each chapter and the accompanying exercises and quizzes work towards achieving a state of openheartedness that will have huge benefits for any individual not matter how lost or conflicted. Life isn’t as black and white as we see it when we fight or freeze our emotions. There is a lot of nuance to the emotions we experience, it just takes a few steps realise it. I did 100% agree with something that Diana said right at the beginning, this is a must read for any human being.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Kelly 💜☕️

    So powerful. I really enjoyed the practical approach of this book. None of the woo-woo stuff like other self-help, ahem self development. It had a matter-of-fact tone and didn’t feel preachy. Audio was well narrated. I read a lot of self development and will definitely be re-reading this one and attempting to put it in action. Thanks to San Diego County Library for the digital audio version via Libby app. [Audio: 8 hours, 16 minutes] Time spent reading: 6 hours, 30 minutes

  28. 5 out of 5

    Jannatun

    "If, you're human, I recommend that you read this book." - Diana Fosha, the founder of AEDP This quote is written on the book's blurb, which is the reason why I picked it up. After finished reading the book, I wanted to say: If, you're human, PLEASE read this book. Growing up without much emotion support, I find the Change Triangle explained in this book a very helpful method in navigating our daily emotion. I believe most of us experienced suppressing our emotion and not releasing it, and later "If, you're human, I recommend that you read this book." - Diana Fosha, the founder of AEDP This quote is written on the book's blurb, which is the reason why I picked it up. After finished reading the book, I wanted to say: If, you're human, PLEASE read this book. Growing up without much emotion support, I find the Change Triangle explained in this book a very helpful method in navigating our daily emotion. I believe most of us experienced suppressing our emotion and not releasing it, and later becomes a (t)rauma, especially during our childhood. Thus later in adult life, unsolved and unhealed (t)rauma(s) affected our life thus may lead to depression. Which leads to the title of this book; It's Not Always Depression - because it can possibly be (t)rauma(s) that were not healed. And the Change Triangle may help you heal the (t)rauma(s).

  29. 4 out of 5

    Dene

    Never mind helping you out of a reading slump - this book can pull you out of a LIFE slump! 'It's Not Always Depression...', by Hilary Jacob Hendel, gives some great insight into our ‘Core Emotions’ and how we so often mask or deny them because we are taught to ‘think’ instead of ‘feel’. Compassion for oneself is so horribly misunderstood and undervalued because we think we're being "cocky" or "self-absorbed". Yet, just stop and think for a second: how can we truly effectuate meaningful change i Never mind helping you out of a reading slump - this book can pull you out of a LIFE slump! 'It's Not Always Depression...', by Hilary Jacob Hendel, gives some great insight into our ‘Core Emotions’ and how we so often mask or deny them because we are taught to ‘think’ instead of ‘feel’. Compassion for oneself is so horribly misunderstood and undervalued because we think we're being "cocky" or "self-absorbed". Yet, just stop and think for a second: how can we truly effectuate meaningful change in our external behaviour, relationships and interactions if we don't take care of the "insides" first? Everyone experiences emotions, and Hilary teaches us that these emotions want to be seen and heard. They aren't right or wrong, they just are, and once we stop trying to "conquer" them, we can teach ourselves how to recognise and process them healthily with her 'Change Triangle' tool. There is no 'End Game' when it comes to feelings, but with the right self-respect and self-care, we can diminish deeply-entrenched 'Inhibitory Emotions' and 'Defensive Emotions' (toxic shame, guilt, anxiety) and hopefully experience as much of the 'Openhearted State' as possible. Great reading for anyone and everyone! Not too science-y either, coming from someone who is not well-versed in psychology academia.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Heather Connolly

    Some interesting examples in here, applying the theory to real life therapy sessions.

Add a review

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Loading...