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Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

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Are You Too Nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarmin Are You Too Nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you. You'll discover how to: => Easily say "no" when you want to and need to. => Confidently and effectively ask for what you want. => Speak up more freely in all your relationships. => Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think.


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Are You Too Nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarmin Are You Too Nice? If you find it hard to be assertive, directly ask for what you want, or say "no" to others, then you just might be suffering from too much niceness. In this controversial book, world-renowned confidence expert, Dr. Aziz Gazipura, takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you. You'll discover how to: => Easily say "no" when you want to and need to. => Confidently and effectively ask for what you want. => Speak up more freely in all your relationships. => Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think.

30 review for Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself

  1. 5 out of 5

    Mehrsa

    I'm going to fight my urge to be nice to critique this book. I will say the nice things first--I thought the exercises toward the beginning of the book were really useful and helpful. Especially the one about writing down all the rules that you've made for yourself that you feel bad about breaking and the one about trying to figure out exactly what you like and want. Ok. The not nice... The book should have stopped after like 150 pages. It's so long and 2/3rds of it is recycled Tim Ferris (who I I'm going to fight my urge to be nice to critique this book. I will say the nice things first--I thought the exercises toward the beginning of the book were really useful and helpful. Especially the one about writing down all the rules that you've made for yourself that you feel bad about breaking and the one about trying to figure out exactly what you like and want. Ok. The not nice... The book should have stopped after like 150 pages. It's so long and 2/3rds of it is recycled Tim Ferris (who I hate) and Tony Robbins and all the other douchebags who teach people how to be assholes and not do things they don't want to do. He gives an example here of a friend asking him to get together and him modeling his response which was that he cannot do that for the next 3 months. Total dick move. Sometimes--not always--you have to do things you don't want to do because that's what community and friendship and family involves. While it's important to not live a life that is filled with doing things other people want you to do and obviously people need boundaries, but people being generous to others and altruistic is sort of what differentiates good people from bad people. He seems to think that most people are being passive aggressive when they agree to do things they don't want to do or that they'll resent it. And I've definitely been there. But sometimes you do things that you don't want to do and you just tell yourself that you're doing it for the other person or for the team or for mentorship or whatever and it's fine. You don't get resentful. Anyway, the latter half of the book made me feel very NOT NICE toward the author

  2. 5 out of 5

    Tamahome

    Some highlights in the kindle addition. Lots of good content, but sometimes I get bored with continuing. It's about taking everyday personal risks and honestly connecting, the opposite of pop culture. “Politeness and diplomacy are responsible for more suffering and death than all the crimes of passion in history. Fuck politeness. Fuck diplomacy. Tell the truth.” - Brad Blanton, author of Radical Honesty p. 29 Perhaps you play this old story again and again in your mind: The ones I like never like m Some highlights in the kindle addition. Lots of good content, but sometimes I get bored with continuing. It's about taking everyday personal risks and honestly connecting, the opposite of pop culture. “Politeness and diplomacy are responsible for more suffering and death than all the crimes of passion in history. Fuck politeness. Fuck diplomacy. Tell the truth.” - Brad Blanton, author of Radical Honesty p. 29 Perhaps you play this old story again and again in your mind: The ones I like never like me back. p. 35 Hesitation: You often wait for the “right thing” to say (and thus speak way less than you normally do). p. 48 You’ll start to see that there is no threat in the disapproval of others, which allows you to relax in a deep and powerful way. You’ll also see that being in healthy relationships with others is not at all like walking on a tightrope. It’s actually more like a five-lane freeway. You can veer left, right, and all over the place, and still stay connected. p. 57 At this point, any new pain or discomfort I feel, the first question I ask myself is, “what could be upsetting me in my life right now? What feelings might I not want to feel?” Then I start feeling emotions directly, and magically and consistently the pain subsides. p. 108 [Aziz's] Rights: I have the right to approach anyone I want to start a conversation with. I have the right to change the subject or end the conversation whenever I would like. I have the right to insert myself into a conversation and interrupt someone who’s speaking. I have the right to say “no” to anything I don’t want to do, for any reason, without needing to justify it or give an excuse. I have the right to ask for what I want. I have the right to ask why and negotiate if someone initially says “no.” I have the right to offer anything to anyone, any number of times (and they have the right to say no). I have the right to change my mind; I do not always need to be logical and consistent. I have the right to ask questions whenever I’d like to know something. I have the right to disagree with others (even if they know more about the subject than I do). I have the right to share my perspective, even if someone might disagree or temporarily be uncomfortable. I have the right to make mistakes, mess up, or otherwise not be perfect. I have the right to not be responsible for others, including their feelings and problems. I have the right to take time and space to be by myself, even if others would prefer my company. I have the right not to have to anticipate others’ needs and wishes. If they have them, they can express them. I have the right to say yes to having sex, to enjoy sex, and to pause during sex to have a conversation. I have the right to be treated with respect. I have the right to expect honesty and integrity from others. I have the right to feel all of my feelings, including anger, grief, sadness, and fear. I have the right to feel grief about something for as long as that grief persists. I have the right to feel something or do something without needing to justify myself to others. I have the right to feel angry at those I love, and to express it in a responsible manner. I have the right to express my feelings assertively while respecting others. I have the right to choose how much I want to see a friend or someone I’m dating, and end the relationship if it does not feel desirable to me. p. 131 The good news is, even though it’s scary, boldness is always rewarded in the long run. Always. p. 135 “I hear about your mom, and your brother, and your dad. I hear about everyone else and what they want. But I don’t hear much of you in the story. It’s like you’re a minor character, and your needs and wants don’t really count for much.” p. 139 “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there’s still going to be someone who hates peaches.” - Dita Von Teese p. 171 [Bag of Ones] 100 people and say “hi” to everybody, 99 would say “hi” back and one would coldly stare you down and say, “Oh… it’s you. What are you doing here?” Whenever we go to a new environment— a networking event, a conference, a party, a new job, or anywhere else where we’re putting ourselves out there— we imagine that one person. We may even go so far as to find the one person at that event that gives us that cold, negative response, and add them to our Bag of Ones. p. 184 The core mindset of assertiveness is: My needs matter and so do yours. Let’s have a clear discussion about what we both want to see, what might work best for us both. Sometimes I will choose what serves me, even if it upsets you. And sometimes you will do something for yourself, even if I don’t like it. p. 220 If you want to be a person who is taken seriously and seen as a leader both in business and socially, you must learn how to communicate with a tone of certainty. The good news is it’s not that hard. You don’t have to become smarter, gain twenty years of experience, or achieve anything else first. You can just start doing it now. Speaking with certainty is just a pattern of voice tone and body language. p. 252 "In fact, the quality of your life depends on how many of these uncomfortable conversations you are willing to have." p. 264

  3. 5 out of 5

    Josh

    Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr Aziz Gazipura is a book about how we manage our interactions with the people we associate with throughout the day. As one can infer about the title, this is not a concise book. Gazipura frequently meanders around a topic for pages upon pages without reaching anything resembling a conclusion. There are numerous advertisements placed through Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself by Dr Aziz Gazipura is a book about how we manage our interactions with the people we associate with throughout the day. As one can infer about the title, this is not a concise book. Gazipura frequently meanders around a topic for pages upon pages without reaching anything resembling a conclusion. There are numerous advertisements placed throughout the book for Gazipura’s other programs and books. Additionally, Gazipura's viewpoints on personal relationships are skewed by his residence in a bizarre world where people directly pay for friendships; Gazipura's clients pay him for friendship through life coaching and he pays his personal trainer for friendship. Also, despite being a formally trained psychologist, Gazipura does not support his ideas with clinical research. Finally, the perspective of relationships presented by Not Nice is tarnished by the transient nature of Gazipura's client base which places a priority on maximizing immediate, albeit fleeting, benefits (and hence revenue) from relationships rather than the deep satisfaction, richness and joy that emerge from a long term friendships. There is a particularly relevant takeaway from Not Nice, however. You are not personally responsible for other people's emotions, particularly in the workplace. Don't give up on doing what you think is right, or best based on the emotional response that it might provoke in a single person. Not Nice is not the book for improving the long term outlook for your relationships and career objectives.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Sonia Galbraith

    These books breed perfectionism and create angst. Unless the whole world reads this book and follows it, its worth nothing. I think these books are idealist and totally unrealistic. Actions have consequences. You cannot do what you want all the time! I liked the first half but by the end I was rolling my eyes at the self righteous psycho babble that is rife these days. Be yourself or else!

  5. 4 out of 5

    Beshemoth

    There were some good points in this book. However, it's way too long (the ridiculously long title should have been a clue). I like long books when there is enough good content, but this becomes very repetitive, and there are way too many long-winded personal stories and plugs for his other books and programs. I put the audiobook on 2x speed, and still couldn't make it through the last 1/3. I also think he takes his own advise too far. It's one thing to learn to be assertive and say no instead of There were some good points in this book. However, it's way too long (the ridiculously long title should have been a clue). I like long books when there is enough good content, but this becomes very repetitive, and there are way too many long-winded personal stories and plugs for his other books and programs. I put the audiobook on 2x speed, and still couldn't make it through the last 1/3. I also think he takes his own advise too far. It's one thing to learn to be assertive and say no instead of being a resentful doormat. It's another thing to be a pompous asshole, which is how he comes across.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Shannon Slater

    You know its gonna be a good review whenever you see "I USUALLY DONT LEAVE REVIEWS BUT..." Well this is one of those. How was this book? Short answer: Life-changing Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right? This is You know its gonna be a good review whenever you see "I USUALLY DONT LEAVE REVIEWS BUT..." Well this is one of those. How was this book? Short answer: Life-changing Long answer: I've struggled with people pleasing, anxiety, low self esteem, and stuttering my whole life. I wanted to please everyone. Say yes to everyone. Say yes to nobody. Everybody else came before me. Someone asks me to help them move? HOW could I POSSIBLE say no? Because if I say no, then they won't like me any more right? This is such a poisonous mindset, and this book REALLY elaborates on that. In the first chapter, he tells you that his goal is for you to eventually see the term "Nice guy" and think of that as a terrible disgusting thing that you would never ever want to be. His goal was definitely accomplished by the end of that book. I was the biggest nice-guy/push-over that I knew. Everywhere. Work, school, relationships, you name it. I have been completely transformed. I see the words "nice-guy" and it induces nausea and repulsion. Ok maybe not to that extent. But I definitely don't see "nice-guy" the same as I used to. Not at all. I can honestly say without a doubt, that I am now the MOST assertive person I know, and I mean that with all the honesty in my heart. I feel powerful, in control, less anxious, happier, and I even stutter less lol. This book gives you a new pair of eyes that you can never close. You see things you never saw before. You realize just how much people apologize for ANYTHING that doesn't warrant an apology. Example #1: -I accidentally brush up against someones shoulder while walking in a hallway- Old me: Sorry about that New me: *silence* What the hell do I have to apologize about? I didn't do ANYTHING wrong. Example #2: -A friend asks me to help them move- Old me: I would love to! and you know I would! its just [I am now lying...] its just I have to take care of this thing at 5pm and I can't push it back any further.. Man this sucks, because I totally would help you move, I just can't today. New me: I'll pass actually, I'm tired and I really just wanted to relax today. This is now how I actually respond to requests like this. I never thought I could be capable of being so assertive, confident, and in control. I used to come across obviously assertive people and be jealous, even resentful toward them because I wished I could be like them. I wished I could have their confidence. I now consider myself to be more assertive than the most assertive person I've ever met. Those people who I used to be jealous of? I don't consider them to be as assertive as I am now. My family and friends notice that radical change. I make saying no look easy. And it is honestly VERY easy now. I now say no to people with no guilt. This book teaches you how to do that. BUT WARNING: The steps in becoming this way are VERY uncomfortable at first. Dr.Aziz gives you all the steps you need and outlines all the exercises for you, but you HAVE to do them in order to change. There's no other way. You can't just read this book and become transformed. Not gonna happen. The only way to become the assertive person that you want to be is by DOING it. Follow the steps. They are SO UNCOMFORTABLE AT FIRST. But it really does get easier with time. The first exercise, when I did it, I was so incredibly uncomfortable I wanted to hide lol. Now looking back, doing that exercise again seems effortless to me now. But that's just the thing, you NEED to be willing to go through the discomfort. If you're not willing to do that, don't by this book. Honestly. But if you're willing to go through the discomfort, this book will absolutely change your life forever. This book as made me incredibly assertive, REALLY spiked my confidence, lowered my anxiety, and even lessened my stuttering. And it goes away more and more every day. If there is one thing in my entire life I could change, it would be reading this book much earlier in my life.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Amberla Tepe

    At times, I got really excited about the ideas I was reading. At other times, he was monotonous and I had to skip ahead. There were also many moments of, "Okay, I get it, I already bought the book, you don't have to keep selling me on your point." But overall, I thought it was great and it's going to help me be more authentic and assertive. At times, I got really excited about the ideas I was reading. At other times, he was monotonous and I had to skip ahead. There were also many moments of, "Okay, I get it, I already bought the book, you don't have to keep selling me on your point." But overall, I thought it was great and it's going to help me be more authentic and assertive.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Queen

    This will not be your normal kind of review. I had a habit of wanting to please others. From my immediate family to co-workers and bosses. I used to feel that it was best to remain quiet rather than speaking up on some matters. This book holds a lot of truth to it and I have applied a lot of what I read to get out of wanting to satisfy others only to have left myself unhappy. Some relationships are broken never to be repaired because I stopped trying to make them happy. And I am content with whe This will not be your normal kind of review. I had a habit of wanting to please others. From my immediate family to co-workers and bosses. I used to feel that it was best to remain quiet rather than speaking up on some matters. This book holds a lot of truth to it and I have applied a lot of what I read to get out of wanting to satisfy others only to have left myself unhappy. Some relationships are broken never to be repaired because I stopped trying to make them happy. And I am content with where we are because of the reality of this read.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Eve Dangerfield

    I liked and found this book useful, though I really hate when you get to the end of a book like this and they're like "Hope you found this useful, I love books too but if I hadn't done in person training I would have achieved zero of what I talked about in this book : TRY MY DEVELOPMENT SEMINARS.' Anyway, I think this book is good. I liked and found this book useful, though I really hate when you get to the end of a book like this and they're like "Hope you found this useful, I love books too but if I hadn't done in person training I would have achieved zero of what I talked about in this book : TRY MY DEVELOPMENT SEMINARS.' Anyway, I think this book is good.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Michael Gallacher

    As a self-help book, this book will clearly be of more use to some than others. For me, it was absolutely life-changing. I've always accepted myself as a people-pleaser. However, until this book, I simply had no clue about the psychological and emotional damage that a lifetime of cultural, social, and religious indoctrination will do...if I allow it. I've read it twice and will read it again. If you ever feel the slightest bit of responsibility for anybody else's feelings, move this book to the t As a self-help book, this book will clearly be of more use to some than others. For me, it was absolutely life-changing. I've always accepted myself as a people-pleaser. However, until this book, I simply had no clue about the psychological and emotional damage that a lifetime of cultural, social, and religious indoctrination will do...if I allow it. I've read it twice and will read it again. If you ever feel the slightest bit of responsibility for anybody else's feelings, move this book to the top of your list.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Linda Easthope

    This book has been a valuable resource for me in finding my voice as a mid-life woman. Dr. Aziz' somewhat annoying, very male, totally self-confident approach was just the medicine I needed to break through the bubbles I'd constructed around my behavior and expectations as I sacrificed my needs for those of my family during my child-raising years. Probably the most valuable aspect of the book was the permission it gives to be "not nice" when it comes to getting your own needs and desires met. This book has been a valuable resource for me in finding my voice as a mid-life woman. Dr. Aziz' somewhat annoying, very male, totally self-confident approach was just the medicine I needed to break through the bubbles I'd constructed around my behavior and expectations as I sacrificed my needs for those of my family during my child-raising years. Probably the most valuable aspect of the book was the permission it gives to be "not nice" when it comes to getting your own needs and desires met.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Khurram Riaz

    Eye opening book for introverts like me! The book addresses all the issues being faced just for the sake of being "nice" to people around you. The most important takeaway from the book for me was to ensure that i take care of my needs and interests without fail rather than ignoring or sacrificing them for othres. Only when you feel fullfilled, happy for your self, then only you can give and spread love, joy and empathy towards others around you. Eye opening book for introverts like me! The book addresses all the issues being faced just for the sake of being "nice" to people around you. The most important takeaway from the book for me was to ensure that i take care of my needs and interests without fail rather than ignoring or sacrificing them for othres. Only when you feel fullfilled, happy for your self, then only you can give and spread love, joy and empathy towards others around you.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Nahid

    The book could have been shorter - 250 page max. But since the author is inclined to share every details of this particular aspect as well as his family story, sometimes reader might get lost in this reading journey. The actual message almost got buried under the long rant ! Too much fluffs than the actual content !

  14. 5 out of 5

    Sony Rusteberg

    This book was an easy read. The author shares stories and examples abut how to stop letting the world around you control how you feel inside. It also provides an interesting view into the word "nice". A common word which I never really thought of as negative until you read the book. This book was an easy read. The author shares stories and examples abut how to stop letting the world around you control how you feel inside. It also provides an interesting view into the word "nice". A common word which I never really thought of as negative until you read the book.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Chrissy Cooper

    This book is supremely useful. I felt challenged and supported throughout. I will be referencing it often in the future. It’s definitely helped me crack the layers of guilt, approval seeking, and fear developed from growing up afab in the US. Highly recommend

  16. 4 out of 5

    S.L. Jones

    Not Nice by Dr Aziz Gazipura, has got a good point or two. But, the theory not holding up (according to me) in the end, kind of spoils the fun. At first I was all up for it, going all in, but sorry to say, the feeling faded. I realized a thing or two about myself and others (credit to the book here), and in the end couldn't buy into to the concept. Don't get me wrong, the approach is good, just not enough. It's not that simple. I wish it was. (Reading Letters From A Stoic by Seneca, parallel to N Not Nice by Dr Aziz Gazipura, has got a good point or two. But, the theory not holding up (according to me) in the end, kind of spoils the fun. At first I was all up for it, going all in, but sorry to say, the feeling faded. I realized a thing or two about myself and others (credit to the book here), and in the end couldn't buy into to the concept. Don't get me wrong, the approach is good, just not enough. It's not that simple. I wish it was. (Reading Letters From A Stoic by Seneca, parallel to Not Nice, as I did, certainly didn't make things easier. Not at all! A great challenge though. I recommend it.) Some quotes (summing the book up rather nicely): "You’re not responsible for other people’s feelings, wants, desires, and needs. You do not have to meet everyone’s needs. You don’t have to do everything that someone wants you to do. You don’t have to do anything that someone wants, if it is not right for you. You’re not responsible for meeting their needs–they are. You doing something for them is just one possible way for them to meet their needs. If you say no, then it’s their responsibility to find a different way." "Your capacity to tolerate discomfort is one of the most valuable muscles you could ever develop." "I’m not for everybody. That simple insight lead to a profound sense of relief. I no longer needed to convince every person who came across me or my message that I was a good, worthy person. Some people would love what I was doing, and some would not. That’s OK; I’m not for everybody. Just thinking it or saying it out loud makes me smile. Try saying it out loud right now: “I’m not for everybody.” Isn’t it a relief?" "It’s good to discover what I want It’s good to ask for what I want. It’s good to say what I want. It’s good to say what I don’t want. It’s good to be able to put myself first." "we get upset when we perceive our needs are not being met." "What do I want? What don’t I want in this situation? What do I prefer? What sounds good to me? Asking these questions will help you become more aware and connected with yourself. This is essential because chronic indecisiveness is a result of being disconnected or alienated from your true self." "You cannot stop others from feeling all discomfort, or all pain. It is an impossible task, a fool’s errand." "But What About Jesus?" "Fuck politeness. Fuck diplomacy. Tell the truth." And repeat.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Alexander Fitzgerald

    Excellent book on being an authentic person and having boundaries. Aziz Gazipura has a tremendously powerful mind. He bent my worldview on multiple occasions and had me scrambling to write down notes. Highly recommended for anyone. Literally anyone.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Tarek Omran

    I loved the content of this book! A lot of details on our conditioning to become nice and how the environmental pressures start taking us to not be ourselves under the notion of you are not nice! Soon enough we start becoming timid because we don’t want to be perceived as not nice or a-holes. It’s also very actionable. I listened to the audio book (read by author) and he was so persistent about pausing the audio and writing some things down. Which I personally liked because I often say later and I loved the content of this book! A lot of details on our conditioning to become nice and how the environmental pressures start taking us to not be ourselves under the notion of you are not nice! Soon enough we start becoming timid because we don’t want to be perceived as not nice or a-holes. It’s also very actionable. I listened to the audio book (read by author) and he was so persistent about pausing the audio and writing some things down. Which I personally liked because I often say later and later never comes. Writing down stuff helps with witnessing some serious transformations. Thanks Aziz Gazipura All in all we are definitely being manipulated on daily basis under the magical spell of BE NICE and NOT NICE book is a legitimate way to break the spell My key take aways: 1- You are not responsible for other people’s feelings. This was like WOW! I am personally a very empathic person and would usually care that other people are feeling great in my presence. However this resonated with me because people’s choices to feel good or bad is like I said A CHOICE, that I have nothing to do with. 2- Being nice is definitely not being authentic All those hangouts we did not want to attend and the amount of things we say yes to but secretly feel resentful about are mere signs that we are NOT GENUINE with our true needs and wants. We just want to be nice so agree to things against our personal interests. 3- Voice your concerns openly and clearly. It is not as bad as you think. As long as you are being objective and not personally attacking people, you will be fine. Voice disappointment, don’t let people INTERRUPT you -all those golden rules about conversational etiquette are rarely followed and people will interrupt you at work, school and personal life. So if you feel you need to say something then firmly and objectively say it. e.g.: I am not done yet with my point. Let me finish and then you can speak. 4- What people think of you does not concern you. People will always have something to say about you. Even if you are the nicest person on earth (nice people already know this!) A good example is how kids just say what’s on their minds. They simply blurb stories mid way and start talking with enthusiasm about absolutely none-sense with no censorship nor concern about what you MIGHT think of them or their story! They just assume you will like it because they genuinely like it themselves. Moral of the book - Do a factory reset and get rid of those nice shackles. P.S. At the end of the book there is a 30 day boot camp that give you a small daily task to BREAK FREE of your NICE PROGRAMMING.

  19. 5 out of 5

    James

    Great refresher on setting boundaries, but goes beyond those to another practical level of communicating with authenticity.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Michael Simons

    Nice!! Or should I say “not nice” ;-) If you’re a people pleaser like myself, check it out! I gained a lot of good insights that have effected the way interact with the world for the better.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Amrita

    The author is not engaging. I was under the impression that it would be more applicable to business scenarios but unfortunately the author kept ranting about dating and relationship issues.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Shae

    In the spirit of practicing what this book preaches and echoing what other readers did to review this book, I will give my candid "not nice" review. This book is longer than it needs to be. The bulk of the informative content is in the later chapters. The beginning chapters build up to it, so much when I finally arrived at the chapters that had useful information, I was already tired of devoting time to reading the rest. I can't count on all fingers how many times Gazipura plugs his other conten In the spirit of practicing what this book preaches and echoing what other readers did to review this book, I will give my candid "not nice" review. This book is longer than it needs to be. The bulk of the informative content is in the later chapters. The beginning chapters build up to it, so much when I finally arrived at the chapters that had useful information, I was already tired of devoting time to reading the rest. I can't count on all fingers how many times Gazipura plugs his other content throughout the book. There is nothing wrong with referencing other means of his work but it was a bit overkill, especially when at the end of the book there was a full list of his other resources. I can tell he is very much a devoted family/father figure, although there were some parts that delved too much into his personal life or were irrelevant to the main point of the book. I do understand in writing this book, he was also analyzing and working on his own means of not being nice. This book does have some solid gems though. I admire him explaining impression management, bold authenticity, over-responsibility for other people's feelings, and how everyone is the captain of their own ship. These things are not taught to us growing up and even as adults, we have a hard time navigating these feelings. I especially like his perspective on the victim mentality, that victims see life happening to them *however*, we must not focus on people being victims as they really are capable of changing their narrative. This has made me more mindful of approaching those "victim-mentality" individuals. Although the meaty parts of this book deserve four stars, I have to give three stars for the reasons I explained above prior to this paragraph.

  23. 4 out of 5

    d4

    I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about. He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness. Honey, no. There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them. Instead, his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety. Context exists. You can choose to ignore it but that does I would have given this 3 stars and a more nuanced review but then I got to the part where he approaches a woman on her cell phone to ask her what she’s talking about. He did this as a dare/exercise in experiencing awkwardness. Honey, no. There are so many layers of why a man shouldn’t do this and it’s hard to imagine he’s not aware of them. Instead, his actions stated that his self-improvement was more important than her sense of safety. Context exists. You can choose to ignore it but that doesn’t make you bold and authentic; it makes you a bit of a jerk. I eye-rolled at his stereotypical relationship advice about femininity and masculinity, where he advises the masculine partner to “take” and “own her.” His history in men’s groups really shines through and makes me cringe. There’s a solid takeaway here for people who take on too much responsibility for the feelings of others, but I wonder if the advice within is really all that healthy. It’s based on (lengthy) personal experiences and anecdotes. You certainly might still get a lot from the book just by asking yourself questions as you listen, but I have a genuine question: Is there a book that provides the same self-reflection without the cringe? I’d be interested in that book. If that book doesn’t exist, then my suggestion is to take this book a la carte. Glean meaning where you can and dispose of the rest. You might have a 3 or even 4 star experience that way, especially if you relate to the author more than I do.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Sasha

    TL;DR A book on how to let go of beliefs that are holding you back from being the 'real you' The book itself was a bit long. I liked that the author not only explains the theory behind how to not be nice but gives you strategies on how to integrate those beliefs into everyday life. The belief that you need to 'protect' other people's feelings does not bode well for both you and others. Your friends will feel annoyed that you are hiding something from them, or perhaps not notice and just not get TL;DR A book on how to let go of beliefs that are holding you back from being the 'real you' The book itself was a bit long. I liked that the author not only explains the theory behind how to not be nice but gives you strategies on how to integrate those beliefs into everyday life. The belief that you need to 'protect' other people's feelings does not bode well for both you and others. Your friends will feel annoyed that you are hiding something from them, or perhaps not notice and just not get to know the real you. You will feel stressed and guilty and responsible for their feelings and opinions. There will always be a distance between you and them because of the double life you are leading. Lose-lose. There is no way to avoid discomfort. Confrontation is part of life and if you avoid discomfort, you will inevitably just be directing it inwards on yourself - making you miserable. Lean into discomfort. The only way out is through. Some of the core beliefs the author advocates for: 1. People are not fragile. They are strong. 2. Upset is temporary - yours and that of others 3. The truth is not bad - objectively 4. Others aren't victims 5. Speaking up in and of itself is good

  25. 5 out of 5

    Andre Borges

    🚛Could it be shorter? Yes, it’s not for everyone, but the kind of content deserves to be reinforced. ♻️Does it contain some “”recycled material””? Yes, it’s not for everyone and I would prefer to call it curated material. 📋Is it practical? One of the most practical and exercise driven books I’ve ever read 💭Am I somewhat influenced by some recent conversations with my partner around this people pleasing default mode that drives most of us? Yup, most certainly. ⏳Is it worth the large read/listen for 🚛Could it be shorter? Yes, it’s not for everyone, but the kind of content deserves to be reinforced. ♻️Does it contain some “”recycled material””? Yes, it’s not for everyone and I would prefer to call it curated material. 📋Is it practical? One of the most practical and exercise driven books I’ve ever read 💭Am I somewhat influenced by some recent conversations with my partner around this people pleasing default mode that drives most of us? Yup, most certainly. ⏳Is it worth the large read/listen for you? I would need to have some background on your niceness level to accurately reply here, but if you are at least a bit of a people pleaser, most definitely it will give you both food for tought and several directions to at least explore in your growth path. Take it as a secondary book to saviour in at least a couple of weeks and please give some time and tought in each proposed exercise. I would advice NOT to do the same I did, listening to this book for 6-7 hours straight at 3 times the speed while taking notes on a giant walk (40Km walk, my longest one yet) and stoping for the exercises. At the end of the day really helpful book, that I can guarantee won’t make you an assh*le unless you’re already one 😅

  26. 5 out of 5

    Steve Cann

    This is a fun, informative and highly-original book that does a great job in uncovering and analysing the part of us that can often hold us back and restrict us in life... that we’re just too damn ‘nice’! Aziz has really gone to town here with this big volume, setting out how and why we do these behaviours, and how adjusting them can pay dividends to us in all areas of our lives. It’s not about being nasty, mean or cruel - it’s about being more clear, concise and authentic in our dealings with oth This is a fun, informative and highly-original book that does a great job in uncovering and analysing the part of us that can often hold us back and restrict us in life... that we’re just too damn ‘nice’! Aziz has really gone to town here with this big volume, setting out how and why we do these behaviours, and how adjusting them can pay dividends to us in all areas of our lives. It’s not about being nasty, mean or cruel - it’s about being more clear, concise and authentic in our dealings with others, and not feeling we have to do things we’d prefer not to simply to please others. There’s lots of good exercises along the way, and ways to incorporate these lessons into our lives. The only small criticism is that the book is dotted with several spelling mistakes (‘breath’ instead of ‘breathe’, ‘lead’ instead of ‘led’ etc) - it’s a shame, as it takes away from the professional image of the book. But, that aside, it’s a very useful and fascinating book that really gets the reader thinking and acting in a new and more emboldened way.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Kristopher

    I listened to this on audiobook during long bus rides to work. After a lifetime of bending over backwards to put others needs before my own, watching other people go for the things they wanted, and denying myself what I wanted, being afraid to speak up, suffering from low-esteem and crippling social anxiety, I gradually forced my way out of this cage. However...this book showed me how there is still a lot more work that I need to do. There are a lot of people out there who aren't necessarily smart I listened to this on audiobook during long bus rides to work. After a lifetime of bending over backwards to put others needs before my own, watching other people go for the things they wanted, and denying myself what I wanted, being afraid to speak up, suffering from low-esteem and crippling social anxiety, I gradually forced my way out of this cage. However...this book showed me how there is still a lot more work that I need to do. There are a lot of people out there who aren't necessarily smarter than I am, just louder and more self-assertive. Less...nice. And it's those types of people who get what they want out of life. It may not be uncool to be nice, but too much niceness can be used as a crutch to avoid the discomfort and fear of conflict and uncertainty. It was easy to relate to the author because he once had the same issues. I saw so much of myself in this book, it was scary.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Tom Rozsas

    A few years ago, in a critical situation, I realized being nice will not make others like me. Then I wrote myself a constitution to support my attempt to break free from the niceness box. I wish I had Dr. Aziz Gazipura's book on my shelf back then. Breaking free from being nice all the time is not a simple change. Often, we do not even realize we wanted to please others before it is too late. When we get disappointed and bitter, we may feel like breaking out, but we are afraid of overshooting or A few years ago, in a critical situation, I realized being nice will not make others like me. Then I wrote myself a constitution to support my attempt to break free from the niceness box. I wish I had Dr. Aziz Gazipura's book on my shelf back then. Breaking free from being nice all the time is not a simple change. Often, we do not even realize we wanted to please others before it is too late. When we get disappointed and bitter, we may feel like breaking out, but we are afraid of overshooting or let anger take us over. This book helps us find the balance. Do not be afraid of the volume of the book. Being not-nice without becoming rude is a delicate task involving powerful emotions. Therefore, intellectual understanding is not enough, we need to practice. Practical advice and sharing the personal experience of the author are among the strengths of the book.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Faisal Nakatago

    I'm a freelancer, and I had a lot of issue with stress, cause I never said no to a project, even if it doesn't pay. I would say "Oh, good karma will pay back" or "They are students, they don't have money to pay me back.' I had those thoughts despite being so thin because of hunger. Nowadays I feel more free, cause I am able to decline projects. Capable of speaking genuinely, even if it's negative. I think these are the basics of what one could benefit from this book. I could learn and become eve I'm a freelancer, and I had a lot of issue with stress, cause I never said no to a project, even if it doesn't pay. I would say "Oh, good karma will pay back" or "They are students, they don't have money to pay me back.' I had those thoughts despite being so thin because of hunger. Nowadays I feel more free, cause I am able to decline projects. Capable of speaking genuinely, even if it's negative. I think these are the basics of what one could benefit from this book. I could learn and become even more confident with repetitive reading. Tdlr; if this title attracts you, then hell yeah it'll help you.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Lily Shi

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Had been a people pleasers for almost 30 years. It took out too much of my energy and time to deal with the inside conflict. Thanks for this book which let me realize my problem and solve it in a short time window. The way I was raised to be a parents pleaser. then become the people pleaser. It is such a painful experience to try to please everyone surrounding you while no one really gives your credit for it or no one really cares about that. When you do not know how to treat yourself, how to lo Had been a people pleasers for almost 30 years. It took out too much of my energy and time to deal with the inside conflict. Thanks for this book which let me realize my problem and solve it in a short time window. The way I was raised to be a parents pleaser. then become the people pleaser. It is such a painful experience to try to please everyone surrounding you while no one really gives your credit for it or no one really cares about that. When you do not know how to treat yourself, how to love yourself, how to have faith in you or approve you, no one would give your the treatment you want.

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