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Sex and the Psyche: The Truth About Our Most Secret Fantasies

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What’s going on in your head when you go to bed? We talk about sex increasingly openly today, but when it comes to our most private fantasies it’s often a different matter. Here Psychotherapist Brett Kahr examines the little-known world of our sexual imaginations. He has undertaken Britain’s biggest every sex survey, with responses from over 19,000 adults, to explore questi What’s going on in your head when you go to bed? We talk about sex increasingly openly today, but when it comes to our most private fantasies it’s often a different matter. Here Psychotherapist Brett Kahr examines the little-known world of our sexual imaginations. He has undertaken Britain’s biggest every sex survey, with responses from over 19,000 adults, to explore questions such as: • Why do people fantasize? • Can our fantasies ever be damaging or dangerous? • Should we tell our partners about them? • Do men and women fantasize differently? • What do our fantasies tell us about ourselves? This frank and fascinating account will help you understand for the first time what our unspoken desires and secret thoughts really mean. It is a book for anyone interested in human relationships and what makes us tick, opening up the hidden worlds inside all of us.


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What’s going on in your head when you go to bed? We talk about sex increasingly openly today, but when it comes to our most private fantasies it’s often a different matter. Here Psychotherapist Brett Kahr examines the little-known world of our sexual imaginations. He has undertaken Britain’s biggest every sex survey, with responses from over 19,000 adults, to explore questi What’s going on in your head when you go to bed? We talk about sex increasingly openly today, but when it comes to our most private fantasies it’s often a different matter. Here Psychotherapist Brett Kahr examines the little-known world of our sexual imaginations. He has undertaken Britain’s biggest every sex survey, with responses from over 19,000 adults, to explore questions such as: • Why do people fantasize? • Can our fantasies ever be damaging or dangerous? • Should we tell our partners about them? • Do men and women fantasize differently? • What do our fantasies tell us about ourselves? This frank and fascinating account will help you understand for the first time what our unspoken desires and secret thoughts really mean. It is a book for anyone interested in human relationships and what makes us tick, opening up the hidden worlds inside all of us.

30 review for Sex and the Psyche: The Truth About Our Most Secret Fantasies

  1. 5 out of 5

    Bokeshi

    Iako je prošlo više od 30 godina otkako je Nensi Frajdej otpočela svoje revolucionarno proučavanje seksualnih fantazija, slabo smo napredovali u razumevanju funkcije, gestacije i devijacije naše erotske imaginacije. I premda danas o seksu govorimo sve otvorenije, kada su u pitanju naše najintimnije seksualne fantazije, slučaj je često drugačiji. Psihoterapeut Bret Kar je dao sebi u zadatak da istraži malo poznat svet naših seksualnih maštarija u Seksu i psihi, pionirskoj studiji o najskrivenijim Iako je prošlo više od 30 godina otkako je Nensi Frajdej otpočela svoje revolucionarno proučavanje seksualnih fantazija, slabo smo napredovali u razumevanju funkcije, gestacije i devijacije naše erotske imaginacije. I premda danas o seksu govorimo sve otvorenije, kada su u pitanju naše najintimnije seksualne fantazije, slučaj je često drugačiji. Psihoterapeut Bret Kar je dao sebi u zadatak da istraži malo poznat svet naših seksualnih maštarija u Seksu i psihi, pionirskoj studiji o najskrivenijim područjima Erosa. Kroz najobimniju anketu o seksu ikad sprovedenu u Britaniji, koja je obuhvatala odgovore preko 19.000 ispitanika, Kar je nastojao da rasvetli pitanja o tome zašto ljudi fantaziraju, da li su naše fantazije opasne ili štetne, da li bi trebalo da ih poverimo svojim partnerima, da li muškarci i žene fantaziraju različito, šta naše fantazije govore o nama samima, itd. Karova neosporna teorija je da svi mi u sebi nosimo unutrašnji pornografski bioskop koji na projektoru našeg uma prikazuje seriju duboko intimnih i često vrlo detaljno razrađenih seksualnih fantazija: "Kakav god bio sadržaj naših fantazija, nema tog svesnog ljudskog bića koje se ne prepušta procesu stvaranja fantazija, često neizgovorenih miliona fantazija, tokom svog života." (str. 47) Neki od nas su prilično zadovoljni svojim performansima u ovim unutrašnjim erotskim predstavama, dok druge one muče i donose im osećaj srama i krivice: "Fantazije često u nama istovremeno podstiču i uzbuđenje i gađenje, proizvodeći tako veliku psihološku pometnju." (str. 27) Otprilike 1.000 fantazija predstavljeno je u knjizi, no malo njih će zbilja šokirati čitaoca -- doduše, Kar tvrdi da je izostavio neke eksplicitnije sadomazohističke fantazije, koje uključuju opise mučenja u elizabetanskom stilu. Ranija istraživanja, poput onog Nensi Frajdej, već su nas navikla na pomisao da seksualne fantazije često uključuju nasilje, incest, bestijalnost, egzibicionizam, silovanje i orgije. Kar, uz sve to, prilaže i scenarije seksa sa vampirima i vanzemaljcima. Ali pre nego što se bilo ko zabrine da je ceo svet sišao s uma, treba istaći da većina ljudi fantazira na prilično običan način, o svojim partnerima. Međutim, iako je deo ispitanika intervjuisan direktno, većina informacija sakupljena je putem detaljne kompjuterske ankete, što povremeno budi sumnju u iskrenost odgovora. Nezahvalno je pretpostaviti da ispitanici Karove ankete čine reprezentativni uzorak britanske populacije; možda su u pitanju samo ekstroverti, ili im je tog dana bilo dosadno na poslu (ili oboje). Vrlina autora je u njegovom nastojanju da pristupi temi otvorenog uma, kao i to što priznaje nedostatke i slabosti primenjene metodologije. Glavni Karov zaključak je da većina seksualnih fantazija, uključujući i one običnije, ima koren u traumatičnim iskustvima iz detinjstva, što zatim ilustruje primerima. On koristi dirljive ispovesti ispitanika da prikaže proces putem kojeg mozak može da erotizuje bolno sećanje kako bi se nosio sa strahom, sramom ili agresivnim nagonima. Na primer, "Pariz" ispoveda iskustvo iz detinjstva kada se njegov otac popeo sa njim u krevet, svukao mu donji deo pidžame i prisilio svog malog sina da mu dodiruje penis. Do tog trenutka, Pariz nikad nije povezao očev postupak sa svojom fantazijom da bude vezan za krevet, svučen od struka nadole, dok krupan muškarac nad njim masturbira. Tu je zatim i primer "Marise", koja fantazira o seksu sa Tomom Kruzom u crvenim sportskim kolima, te nakon terapije shvata da bi njen pokojni brat, koji je poginuo u saobraćajnoj nesreći kad je ona bila devojčica, danas bio Kruzovog godišta. Po Karu, Marisina fantazija služi da "vaskrsne" njenog brata na nesvestan i simboličan način. Ali pošto su ovi slučajevi pažljivo birani, teško je neporecivo prihvatiti Karovu tvrdnju da "u velikoj meri, sadržaj i struktura naših fantazija zavisiće od prirode naših iskustava u detinjstvu." Samo će još novih studija moći da dokaže ili opovrgne ove rezultate. Iako čvrsto okovan psihoanalitičkom tradicijom frojdovske škole, tradicijom koja je poprilično ograničavala njegovu analizu i sputavala ga za dublje i istančanije uvide, Kar ipak uspeva da osvetli jedno područje ljudske psihe koje je dugo vremena ostajalo zamračeno i nedovoljno istraženo. Njegov stil je pristupačan i lako razumljiv, a njegovi rezultati predstavljaju početak dubljeg razumevanja erotskih fantazija i, nadajmo se, vode otvaranju daleko iskrenijeg dijaloga o seksualnosti. Ova fascinatna i informativna studija predstavlja odličan primer neverovatnog opsega naših maštarija, i može biti od koristi kako ozbiljnim proučavaocima, tako i svima onima sa opštim interesovanjem za otkrivanje detalja o seksualnim fantazijama. Seks i psiha je knjiga za svakoga ko je zainteresovan za ljudske odnose i ono što nas pokreće iznutra, knjiga koja otvara vrata skrivenih svetova unutar svakog od nas. "Naše fantazije predstavljaju izliv nesvesnog dela uma, i upravo usled toga što sadrže nesvestan sadržaj nismo u stanju, gotovo po definiciji, da ih razumemo; pa ipak, nastavljamo da im se prepuštamo, kao da su na neki način neodoljive." (str. 309) * * * Prikaz je originalno objavljen 2013. na Cliovom blogu: http://blog.clio.rs/2013/04/seks-i-ps...

  2. 4 out of 5

    Warwick

    This excellent book is a wonderful primer in the extraordinary range of sexual fantasies, as well as a fascinating exploration of where they come from and what purpose they serve in our wider lives. Less titillating than Nancy Friday, Kahr approaches the subject from a clinical perspective, although he can sometimes seem a bit po-faced – his academic writing style, while clear and readable, often comes across as unintentionally funny next to the explicit interviews which make up part of the book. This excellent book is a wonderful primer in the extraordinary range of sexual fantasies, as well as a fascinating exploration of where they come from and what purpose they serve in our wider lives. Less titillating than Nancy Friday, Kahr approaches the subject from a clinical perspective, although he can sometimes seem a bit po-faced – his academic writing style, while clear and readable, often comes across as unintentionally funny next to the explicit interviews which make up part of the book. The first half is essentially a thematic collection of fantasies drawn from a very extensive programme of clinical interviews. The second half is a detailed Freud-based analysis of their provenance and psychological significance. The headline conclusion is that very many sexual fantasies, even tame ones, can be traced to traumatic childhood experiences. I would have been sceptical if not for the case studies, which illustrate his theory brilliantly, and which are calculated to have readers examining their own fantasies (and childhoods) with a new eye.

  3. 4 out of 5

    FiveBooks

    Writer Kate Figes has chosen to discuss Brett Kahr's Sex and Psyche: The Untold Story of Our Most Secret Fantasies Taken from the Largest Ever Survey of Its Kind on FiveBooks as one of the top five on her subject - Sex and Marriage, saying that: "It’s not how long you can manipulate a clitoris for but it’s about your whole upbringing and your psychopathology. It’s also a really raunchy read. It’s unbelievable what people come up with. It makes me feel so boring." The full interview is availabl Writer Kate Figes has chosen to discuss Brett Kahr's Sex and Psyche: The Untold Story of Our Most Secret Fantasies Taken from the Largest Ever Survey of Its Kind on FiveBooks as one of the top five on her subject - Sex and Marriage, saying that: "It’s not how long you can manipulate a clitoris for but it’s about your whole upbringing and your psychopathology. It’s also a really raunchy read. It’s unbelievable what people come up with. It makes me feel so boring." The full interview is available here: http://five-books.com/interviews/kate-figes

  4. 4 out of 5

    Adinda

    Fascinerend boek over de psychologische achtergrond, de functie, de mogelijke betekenis en het vóórkomen van seksuele fantasieën. Geen diagnostisch naslagwerk, maar de in boekvorm gepresenteerde resultaten van een gigantisch bevolkingsonderzoek. De gebruikelijke opbouw van een wetenschappelijk artikel is subtiel in het geheel verwerkt. Een intrigerend startpunt voor vervolgonderzoek, binnen dit nog vrijwel onontgonnen vakgebied.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Svetlana

    Great stories within but the writing is quite dry.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Bec

    some of it is interesting, but I wanted to know more about why people have the fantasies they do, this is more about examples

  7. 5 out of 5

    Bojan Dzodan

    Ovoj Nojevoj barci seksualnih fantazija se jos uvek nije vratio golub sa maslinovom grancicom sacekacemo jos 2-3 dana. Preporucujem

  8. 5 out of 5

    Raphael

    Incrível livro/pesquisa

  9. 4 out of 5

    Chez Murdoch

  10. 4 out of 5

    Dr Meg-John Barker

  11. 5 out of 5

    Jecc

  12. 5 out of 5

    Irena

  13. 4 out of 5

    Hannah

  14. 4 out of 5

    Brooke Geng

  15. 5 out of 5

    Sam

  16. 5 out of 5

    Cystennin Vaya

  17. 4 out of 5

    Pedro

  18. 4 out of 5

    Maximum Bob

  19. 4 out of 5

    Vladimir

  20. 4 out of 5

    Don Juan Quixote

  21. 4 out of 5

    Gerard McHale

  22. 5 out of 5

    Henrik Havighorst

  23. 5 out of 5

    Brendon Lancaster

  24. 4 out of 5

    Seshu

  25. 4 out of 5

    Jodie Kearns

  26. 4 out of 5

    Afroditi

  27. 4 out of 5

    Alice

  28. 5 out of 5

    Jasmin

  29. 4 out of 5

    Moonchild

  30. 5 out of 5

    Scarlett

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