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The Men I Didn't Marry

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The authors of the national bestsellers Mine Are Spectacular! and The Botox Diaries apply their trademark wit and wisdom to another delicious read. Join Hallie Lawrence Pierpont as she’s whisked away on a journey into her past love life that leads to her future. Hallie’s husband, Bill, doesn’t even wait until they get home from dropping off their youngest daughter at Yale t The authors of the national bestsellers Mine Are Spectacular! and The Botox Diaries apply their trademark wit and wisdom to another delicious read. Join Hallie Lawrence Pierpont as she’s whisked away on a journey into her past love life that leads to her future. Hallie’s husband, Bill, doesn’t even wait until they get home from dropping off their youngest daughter at Yale to announce that he’s leaving–for fitness trainer Ashlee (two e’s, perky breasts, and shiny hair to boot). After first succumbing to an Oreo-induced coma, Hallie is determined to get her life back. An unexpected call from an old college boyfriend sets a plan in motion. Whatever happened to all those men she didn’t marry? First up is Eric, now an international businessman and number 277 on Forbes’s “Richest People in the World” list. He and Hallie used to put a nickel in the piggy bank every time they made love. Now Eric would like to renew the investment. Next she finds Rav Jon Yoma Maharishi–formerly known as Barry. Her onetime backpacking boyfriend has become the spiritual leader at the Heavenly Spirit Retreat Center, and their reunion would be a little smoother if he weren’t in the midst of a three-day silent meditation. Kevin, the sexiest man she ever met, is now a scuba-diving photographer working on Angelina Jolie’s latest movie. When he seduces her into joining him at his beachfront paradise on Virgin Gorda, Hallie can overlook his gaggle of bikini-clad friends, but can a woman survive on a steady diet of sex, sharks, and air tanks? Back at home with her best friend, Bellini Baxter, Hallie visits an all-night spray-tanning salon and Soho’s legendary Cellulite Exorcist, whose secret weapon looks suspiciously like an Oreck vacuum cleaner. Hallie’s college-age children are protective of their mom but embarrassed to have her back in teenage territory–the world of dating and condoms. Finally, Hallie confronts the great love she swore she’d never see again and resolves an old family secret. Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger tell a heartfelt and hilarious story about moving forward by looking back. By turns poignant and laugh-aloud funny, this is a must read for every woman who’s ever wondered about the men she didn’t marry.


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The authors of the national bestsellers Mine Are Spectacular! and The Botox Diaries apply their trademark wit and wisdom to another delicious read. Join Hallie Lawrence Pierpont as she’s whisked away on a journey into her past love life that leads to her future. Hallie’s husband, Bill, doesn’t even wait until they get home from dropping off their youngest daughter at Yale t The authors of the national bestsellers Mine Are Spectacular! and The Botox Diaries apply their trademark wit and wisdom to another delicious read. Join Hallie Lawrence Pierpont as she’s whisked away on a journey into her past love life that leads to her future. Hallie’s husband, Bill, doesn’t even wait until they get home from dropping off their youngest daughter at Yale to announce that he’s leaving–for fitness trainer Ashlee (two e’s, perky breasts, and shiny hair to boot). After first succumbing to an Oreo-induced coma, Hallie is determined to get her life back. An unexpected call from an old college boyfriend sets a plan in motion. Whatever happened to all those men she didn’t marry? First up is Eric, now an international businessman and number 277 on Forbes’s “Richest People in the World” list. He and Hallie used to put a nickel in the piggy bank every time they made love. Now Eric would like to renew the investment. Next she finds Rav Jon Yoma Maharishi–formerly known as Barry. Her onetime backpacking boyfriend has become the spiritual leader at the Heavenly Spirit Retreat Center, and their reunion would be a little smoother if he weren’t in the midst of a three-day silent meditation. Kevin, the sexiest man she ever met, is now a scuba-diving photographer working on Angelina Jolie’s latest movie. When he seduces her into joining him at his beachfront paradise on Virgin Gorda, Hallie can overlook his gaggle of bikini-clad friends, but can a woman survive on a steady diet of sex, sharks, and air tanks? Back at home with her best friend, Bellini Baxter, Hallie visits an all-night spray-tanning salon and Soho’s legendary Cellulite Exorcist, whose secret weapon looks suspiciously like an Oreck vacuum cleaner. Hallie’s college-age children are protective of their mom but embarrassed to have her back in teenage territory–the world of dating and condoms. Finally, Hallie confronts the great love she swore she’d never see again and resolves an old family secret. Janice Kaplan and Lynn Schnurnberger tell a heartfelt and hilarious story about moving forward by looking back. By turns poignant and laugh-aloud funny, this is a must read for every woman who’s ever wondered about the men she didn’t marry.

30 review for The Men I Didn't Marry

  1. 5 out of 5

    LauraSt

    5 AMAZINGLY FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING STARS! *Re-read for GR. These authors are just amazing, I love their books and their writing, their characters and plots. It's amazing I can't get enough, only thing that would make this better is if we had a sequel or a shortie if the future. Pretty please. So we have Hallie Lawrence Pierpont, after leaving her youngest daughter in Yale, her husband Bill doesn't even wait to get home before announcing that he's leaving her for a fitness trainer named Ashlee. Af 5 AMAZINGLY FUNNY AND ENTERTAINING STARS! *Re-read for GR. These authors are just amazing, I love their books and their writing, their characters and plots. It's amazing I can't get enough, only thing that would make this better is if we had a sequel or a shortie if the future. Pretty please. So we have Hallie Lawrence Pierpont, after leaving her youngest daughter in Yale, her husband Bill doesn't even wait to get home before announcing that he's leaving her for a fitness trainer named Ashlee. After succumbing to an Oreo induced coma, Hallie is determined to get her life back on track, an unexpected call from an old college love sets plans in motion and so this story starts. Whatever did happen to those old boyfriends? All the men I didn’t marry? It just may be time to find out. The cookies taste much better this way, and I’m pretty sure the freezing process kills off the calories. Plus everybody knows that any food you eat standing up doesn’t count. This was such a funny and uplifting story, you find yourself laughing from the moment the story starts, it's an adventure that you can't help but feel addicted to, it's amazing. Time stops and I stand frozen. For a moment, the whole world goes silent and the only sound I hear is a bird off in the distance, with a persistent, mournful call: You’ll be alone you’ll be alone you’ll be alone. But I can’t even think about that possibility. Anyway, what does a bird know? The secondary characters are great, Bellini -Hallie's best friend- is witty and free and happy; the kids, are wonderful, and I hope I have kids like that some day lol; Kevin is fucking gorgeous in my mind, I adore him (view spoiler)[though I knew he wasn't going to end up with Hallie in the end, and I had this nagging feeling from the beginning that Tom HAD to end making an appearance (hide spoiler)] and the ex's too, gosh even Bill was amusing in his mid-life-crisis way! Bellini shakes her head at my awkwardness. “You’re hopeless. But if you’re not going to talk to Tom, let’s cruise.” “Did you really just say ‘Tom’ and ‘cruise’ in the same sentence?” “Not on purpose,” Bellini grins. “But Tom Cruise. That could be our secret code when we’re meeting men. Girlfriend talk for ‘Let’s go find someone else.’ ” ~ Apparently I saved money in a 529 plan all those years so my daughter could go to Yale—and learn to do laundry and have sex. A MUST READ

  2. 5 out of 5

    Emlikescake

    Hello. It’s me. At home on a long weekend reading books I am 95% sure I won’t like but doing it anyway in a bid to cast off another week of fuckery at work. It worked! So if you too need to turn off your brain for a few hours, this book might help. Maybe. Possibly.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Cheryl

    Chick Lit. A fun, quick read.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Tiah

    I enjoy a thoughtless funny book every now and again. This was a perfect mix of comedy and "oh my god, this is my life" moments!

  5. 4 out of 5

    Barbara Cozens

    This book was a fun and easy read. It was witty and playful. It made me think (and cringe) about the men I didn't marry.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Jean Marie

    Not light but certainly entertaining. Full of emotional twists and turns. Love strong women characters and this book delivers them!

  7. 4 out of 5

    Valerie

    This is just a fun read. It won't change your life. It won't really make you think...although the authors do try and throw in a bit of be grateful for what you have, etc...it was fun to read and I did enjoy it. The book does have a lot of totally unbelievable coincidences but...if you can get through that then it's fun to read! Enjoy!

  8. 5 out of 5

    Lisa Harris

    This book warmed my heart. I especially liked reading a story about a women closer to my age. I was a bit worried that the story would take an ugly turn when the character seemed to be reconsidering her ex husband, but it all worked out well. Thank goodness. : )

  9. 4 out of 5

    Amie

    Total chick lit, really funny book. I liked this one.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Elle

    Such an entertaining read. Hallie drops off her daughter and Yale and before she even gets to the car, he is breaking up with her after decades of being married. He drives to Manhattan even though they live in the suburbs. So this jerk drives to an apartment in Manhattan and leaves her the car and says that he lives in the apartment with his girlfriend, Ashlee. She is a young personal trainer that he met with the Equinox membership his wife bought him. Hallie spends some time just trying to deal Such an entertaining read. Hallie drops off her daughter and Yale and before she even gets to the car, he is breaking up with her after decades of being married. He drives to Manhattan even though they live in the suburbs. So this jerk drives to an apartment in Manhattan and leaves her the car and says that he lives in the apartment with his girlfriend, Ashlee. She is a young personal trainer that he met with the Equinox membership his wife bought him. Hallie spends some time just trying to deal with the separation and what it means to be in her forties and suddenly single. She decides to go on a hike and has a horrible time. She falls and is bitten by ants and wasps. She gets lost and a handsome friendly stranger helps her. It so happens that he is the best friend of her first love. She ends up going on a date with him and it makes her wonder about the exes that she didn't marry. She goes to an ashran and meets the European love she had who went with her across Europe. She finds that he is some Yogi and is doing well. She finds out why he never tried to have sex with her all of those years ago. Kevin she has to go to a remote tropical island to find. She books herself a tip to go by herself but her adult children surprise her by showing up. Her plans to meet up with her high school boyfriend is sabotaged. He is resentful as he takes Angelina Jolie out with them as they go out scuba diving. She ends up making it up to him and stays on the island much much longer than she intended. There is still one love she can't confront but she is finding herself by finding who she was and learning how to move on to be who she is now.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Page Passion

    A nice, entertaining escape from reality about a woman whose husband just leaves her suddenly and trying to figure where to go from there. Hallie thinks the secret to feeling happy again may be in one of the men she didn't marry, but the lesson in this book is that oftentimes the path not taken was for a reason. Pretty witty book, but as another review pointed out there is a point in story about sister that seems very random and then is quickly resolved, making the reader question why authors ad A nice, entertaining escape from reality about a woman whose husband just leaves her suddenly and trying to figure where to go from there. Hallie thinks the secret to feeling happy again may be in one of the men she didn't marry, but the lesson in this book is that oftentimes the path not taken was for a reason. Pretty witty book, but as another review pointed out there is a point in story about sister that seems very random and then is quickly resolved, making the reader question why authors added that plotline in the first place. Though I hate using the term "chick-lit," since it demeans books written for women by women, but this chick-lit was surprisingly poignant in its message about not dwelling on the past because you don't know where life may lead.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Caitlyn

    I really didn’t expect this book to be more than just a book for a middle aged woman to talk about her past love life and get all cliche about chances we miss when we’re young but it was so much more than that. Sure there was a fair share of cliche (especially with her best friend) but nothing over powering. This book was so nice to read at the time in my life where I’m going through boys like that (snaps fingers Lol) like Hallie is looking back on. I get to see things from her (or my) POV twenty I really didn’t expect this book to be more than just a book for a middle aged woman to talk about her past love life and get all cliche about chances we miss when we’re young but it was so much more than that. Sure there was a fair share of cliche (especially with her best friend) but nothing over powering. This book was so nice to read at the time in my life where I’m going through boys like that (snaps fingers Lol) like Hallie is looking back on. I get to see things from her (or my) POV twenty years in the future. And I love books that make me question and challenge my current POV. And I LOVE the way the book ends and that doesn’t happen often. The author does a really good job connecting pieces she slipped in early in the book at the end too which is always appreciated.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Jen

    I wanted to like this book more, but there were so many false starts, with Hallie repeatedly committing some huge goof or other just as things got going. I get it. Life is messy. Things aren't perfect, but getting ready to settle into her giving Ashlee a good telling-off, only to mistakenly hand her a Sam's Club card, instead of a family photo... and a few other such instances... that was really discouraging. I did feel the book picked up nicely about halfway through, and I enjoyed reading about I wanted to like this book more, but there were so many false starts, with Hallie repeatedly committing some huge goof or other just as things got going. I get it. Life is messy. Things aren't perfect, but getting ready to settle into her giving Ashlee a good telling-off, only to mistakenly hand her a Sam's Club card, instead of a family photo... and a few other such instances... that was really discouraging. I did feel the book picked up nicely about halfway through, and I enjoyed reading about the time spent on Virgin Gorda- though the arrival of Hallie's kids was really annoying. Again, I get it, the reader is experiencing the same thing the main character is going through, but still... The BYOB party was a fun twist and a nice way for things to come to a close, though!

  14. 4 out of 5

    Debbie

    Cute story, fast read. The characters are very likable and I found myself chuckling several times throughout the book. Perfect beach read.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Julie

    Book

  16. 5 out of 5

    Diane Large

    A light read about a woman who's husband dumps her after they drop their youngest daughter off at college. She decides to look up her old boyfriends to see what happened to them.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Carrie Marston-Jennings

    Another cute, fast read. I loved the scenery.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Karolyna Foret

    Good easy read. Book goes through phases of lacking detail. While revisiting her past boyfriends, the author cut one visit to half a chapter while another got half the book

  19. 4 out of 5

    Ping

    I'm curious to know how the authors summarized all those exes in 285 pages. I'm in with whatever it is that is a quick read.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Becky

    Cute Fluff

  21. 4 out of 5

    Shannon

    Honestly, this book was kind of all over the place. I enjoyed reading it, but I also don't think it was very good in the end. Too scattered. It felt like the plot involving one of the ex-boyfriends and the character's sister was just sort of shoe-horned in. Didn't seem to go with the rest of the book at all. It's like the character barely thought about it for twenty years, barely thought about it during the course of the story, then can't think about anything else and goes off to deal with it, a Honestly, this book was kind of all over the place. I enjoyed reading it, but I also don't think it was very good in the end. Too scattered. It felt like the plot involving one of the ex-boyfriends and the character's sister was just sort of shoe-horned in. Didn't seem to go with the rest of the book at all. It's like the character barely thought about it for twenty years, barely thought about it during the course of the story, then can't think about anything else and goes off to deal with it, and then after it's resolved doesn't think about it ever again. It was a false note. Still, the story did go off in some unexpected directions. It was nice that the character (view spoiler)[didn't end up with any of her exes and also didn't get back together with her husband (hide spoiler)] , one of which scenarios I was expecting. Also, her husband had to be one of the most entertainingly clueless and ridiculous characters that I've ever encountered in fiction. I really thought there was going to be some sort of explanation of just what the hell was wrong with the guy - my money was on brain tumor - but turns out he was just sort of shallow and thoughtless. How this woman couldn't figure that out in over twenty years of marriage, I don't understand. Just one of the many flaws of this book, but at least his antics and her responses to them made for entertaining reading. All in all, this book was pretty much a mess, but not without redeeming value.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Amberlee

    I got this book out of the library in a 'listening book' form to take along with me on a short road trip. The title and the back flap suggested I was in for a ' delicious adventure.' I was hoping for a witty take on the old and tired 'woman gets dumped by husband' plot line. I was disappointed. There were no surprises as the woman, Hallie Lawrence, searches out former boyfriends and rehashes her failed unions with them. Why? I have no idea. It seemed like a colossal waste of time to me, especialy I got this book out of the library in a 'listening book' form to take along with me on a short road trip. The title and the back flap suggested I was in for a ' delicious adventure.' I was hoping for a witty take on the old and tired 'woman gets dumped by husband' plot line. I was disappointed. There were no surprises as the woman, Hallie Lawrence, searches out former boyfriends and rehashes her failed unions with them. Why? I have no idea. It seemed like a colossal waste of time to me, especialy since time after time, with each cliched relationship, it is reinforced that she doesn't have what it takes to make it work, although the blame is placed squarely on the shoulders of the men: a workaholic, religious nut, surfer dude, mysterious man with a deep dark secret. The writing was straight forward and unimaginative. It's not a good sign when I try to guess what the next sentence is going to be and find out I am right.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Natalye

    While all the chick-lit I seem to be reading is fairly parallel in structure, digesting this book was a bit much for me. It wasn't that the theme was difficult to comprehend - in fact it was quite simple. Rather, the way in which the plot evolved struck me as entirely too coincidental and contrived. It didn't seem to be a very creative read; the story was shallow and unrealistic. More than anything, I like a book I can relate to or, at the very least, characters who are compelling enough to be r While all the chick-lit I seem to be reading is fairly parallel in structure, digesting this book was a bit much for me. It wasn't that the theme was difficult to comprehend - in fact it was quite simple. Rather, the way in which the plot evolved struck me as entirely too coincidental and contrived. It didn't seem to be a very creative read; the story was shallow and unrealistic. More than anything, I like a book I can relate to or, at the very least, characters who are compelling enough to be real. This book didn't provide either of those for me - it felt too silly and unreal all the way through, and even the most emotive parts didn't make me feel much of anything. Maybe this is a signal I should take my reading endeavors in a new direction. Began: February 15, 2009 Ended: February 22, 2009 Page Count: 285

  24. 5 out of 5

    Kelly Lamb

    Semi-decent chick lit. Protagonist gets dumped by her husband of 20+ years, then goes in search of her old boyfriends to see what she missed out on...learns something from each of them along the way, etc. etc. I probably would have liked it more if it weren't for 2 things: one, I felt that the authors were trying TOO hard to be funny. You could hardly finish a paragraph without finding some not-so-witty one liner thrown in. Two, the whole part with Dick (her 4th boyfriend) seemed rushed and rand Semi-decent chick lit. Protagonist gets dumped by her husband of 20+ years, then goes in search of her old boyfriends to see what she missed out on...learns something from each of them along the way, etc. etc. I probably would have liked it more if it weren't for 2 things: one, I felt that the authors were trying TOO hard to be funny. You could hardly finish a paragraph without finding some not-so-witty one liner thrown in. Two, the whole part with Dick (her 4th boyfriend) seemed rushed and random. Like, "Oh hey, we need a serious scene in here, let's get this done quick." It just didn't fit the tone of the rest of the novel. Overall, not bad, though I could list several other chick-lit choices that I'd prefer first.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Nicole

    I rated this book as a four stars because it was a truly fun and entertaining book of fiction -- emphasizing fiction because the premise of the entire storyline was too far fetched!! The main character never really deals with her pain and you keep turning the pages to see her have a breakdown. If looking for her old boyfriends was suppose to be the author's way to have her deal - I didn't see it. The absolute surreal points where that all of the boyfriends she tracked down were all completely th I rated this book as a four stars because it was a truly fun and entertaining book of fiction -- emphasizing fiction because the premise of the entire storyline was too far fetched!! The main character never really deals with her pain and you keep turning the pages to see her have a breakdown. If looking for her old boyfriends was suppose to be the author's way to have her deal - I didn't see it. The absolute surreal points where that all of the boyfriends she tracked down were all completely thrilled to see her; still in love with her; and coincidentally still single. That definitely made this a work of fiction. But, I did love reading this book - even if it was seriously ridiculous!

  26. 4 out of 5

    Shauna

    This was the first book I read by this pair of authors. I had never heard of them before and only picked up the book because I was at the library, frantically looking for a book to read over the weekend. So, this review is a little behind the times because this book is from a few years ago, but I happen to really enjoy their style of writing. It was witty, light and fun. The story line was terribly unrealistic (but aren't most chick-lit books?), but it wasn't like I was looking for some heavy, n This was the first book I read by this pair of authors. I had never heard of them before and only picked up the book because I was at the library, frantically looking for a book to read over the weekend. So, this review is a little behind the times because this book is from a few years ago, but I happen to really enjoy their style of writing. It was witty, light and fun. The story line was terribly unrealistic (but aren't most chick-lit books?), but it wasn't like I was looking for some heavy, non-fiction, based-on-a-true-story story. I'm working my way through the rest of their books, so I guess they did something right...

  27. 4 out of 5

    Ninadiva

    If you wait long enough the rating goes from a 2 to an almost 3. The first 150 pages are tough to go through. Normally I would have just stop reading it, but decided to skim the really boring parts. The author will have the characters in a tanning salon for 3 pages and it doesn't move the plot along and its not funny (although perhaps the author meant it to be which is just sad). You could start reading this book at about page 150 and just go from there knowing the main characters husband left h If you wait long enough the rating goes from a 2 to an almost 3. The first 150 pages are tough to go through. Normally I would have just stop reading it, but decided to skim the really boring parts. The author will have the characters in a tanning salon for 3 pages and it doesn't move the plot along and its not funny (although perhaps the author meant it to be which is just sad). You could start reading this book at about page 150 and just go from there knowing the main characters husband left her and she is visiting old boyfriends. The last half of the book is more solid in telling the story. Not sure if I will give this author another chance.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Stephanie

    While I was reading this book (which I borrowed from the library), I kept exclaiming to myself, "This is so bad!" It's just that there were so many awful asides, which were neither witty nor useful. It was a tired, uninspired, overwrought, fantastical work of prose. And it took two people to write it! Of course, "chick lit" is not known for its resounding intelligence and thought-provoking material, but it certainly does not have to be this dim-witted.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Mel

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. A woman's husband leaves her the day they take their youngest child to college. The husband's a jerk, but good news is, she doesn't take him back. She looks up old boyfriends and finds out who she is again after 20 years of marriage. There's a silly sub-plot regarding her job as a lawyer, but it's written well enough to keep the reader in suspense of how she, Hallie handles it all. A good beach read.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Pat

    I enjoyed the book. As one who has been dumped, albeit not after a long marriage, but a short one, I was cheering Hallie, the Heroine on, as she recalled all her past loves with good and bad/sad memories. It is funny to think along the lines of would have, could have, should have! I enjoyed this walk on a personal level, because she did what I think, most women would like to do. I enjoyed it greatly! Perhaps it had a cathartic effect, brought back memories too!

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