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Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security Parenting Can Help You Nurture Your Child's Attachment, Emotional Resilience, and Freedom to Explore

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Today's parents are constantly pressured to be perfect. But in striving to do everything right, we risk missing what children really need for lifelong emotional security. Now the simple, powerful "Circle of Security" parenting strategies that Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, and Bert Powell have taught thousands of families are available in self-help form for the first time.  Yo Today's parents are constantly pressured to be perfect. But in striving to do everything right, we risk missing what children really need for lifelong emotional security. Now the simple, powerful "Circle of Security" parenting strategies that Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, and Bert Powell have taught thousands of families are available in self-help form for the first time.  You will learn:  *How to balance nurturing and protectiveness with promoting your child's independence.  *What emotional needs a toddler or older child may be expressing through difficult behavior. *How your own upbringing affects your parenting style--and what you can do about it.  Filled with vivid stories and unique practical tools, this book puts the keys to healthy attachment within everyone's reach--self-understanding, flexibility, and the willingness to make and learn from mistakes. Self-assessment checklists can be downloaded and printed for ease of use.


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Today's parents are constantly pressured to be perfect. But in striving to do everything right, we risk missing what children really need for lifelong emotional security. Now the simple, powerful "Circle of Security" parenting strategies that Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, and Bert Powell have taught thousands of families are available in self-help form for the first time.  Yo Today's parents are constantly pressured to be perfect. But in striving to do everything right, we risk missing what children really need for lifelong emotional security. Now the simple, powerful "Circle of Security" parenting strategies that Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper, and Bert Powell have taught thousands of families are available in self-help form for the first time.  You will learn:  *How to balance nurturing and protectiveness with promoting your child's independence.  *What emotional needs a toddler or older child may be expressing through difficult behavior. *How your own upbringing affects your parenting style--and what you can do about it.  Filled with vivid stories and unique practical tools, this book puts the keys to healthy attachment within everyone's reach--self-understanding, flexibility, and the willingness to make and learn from mistakes. Self-assessment checklists can be downloaded and printed for ease of use.

30 review for Raising a Secure Child: How Circle of Security Parenting Can Help You Nurture Your Child's Attachment, Emotional Resilience, and Freedom to Explore

  1. 5 out of 5

    Essie Lenchner

    A really amazing book. I'm not a parent or looking to become one, and read this book because I was curious about my own childhood and how one's upbringing affects adult life. I learned so much about myself, and got insight as to why my parens are who they are today, based on what I know about their childhood. The framework is useful for anyone, regardless of whether or not you are a parent. It has helped me reflect on my own childhood, and notice the behavior of the people around me, what needs A really amazing book. I'm not a parent or looking to become one, and read this book because I was curious about my own childhood and how one's upbringing affects adult life. I learned so much about myself, and got insight as to why my parens are who they are today, based on what I know about their childhood. The framework is useful for anyone, regardless of whether or not you are a parent. It has helped me reflect on my own childhood, and notice the behavior of the people around me, what needs they are expressing (or suppressing), and overall become a more empathetic person and communicator. Incredible book, and I'm hoping to read more about the Circle of Security framework that the book is grounded in.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Erica

    This book uses a concept called the Circle of Security to frame Attachment Theory (not necessarily Attachment Parenting) ideas. On the top of the circle, children need a secure base from which to explore. On the bottom of the circle they need a safe haven to come home to. Children move around the circle, sometimes very quickly, and it is the responsibility of their parents / caregivers to follow their need, while all the while being "bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind". The good: The book is bliss This book uses a concept called the Circle of Security to frame Attachment Theory (not necessarily Attachment Parenting) ideas. On the top of the circle, children need a secure base from which to explore. On the bottom of the circle they need a safe haven to come home to. Children move around the circle, sometimes very quickly, and it is the responsibility of their parents / caregivers to follow their need, while all the while being "bigger, stronger, wiser, and kind". The good: The book is blissfully free of admonitions about specific parenting practices. Perhaps because of this, it's also reasonably light on gendered assumptions about who will be doing the parenting and how. Most importantly, I feel like reading this gave me a new and helpful perspective on my relationship with my child. The bad: The book is devoid of instructions about specific parenting practices. It also assumes that all parental imperfection is due to attachment issues dating from ones own childhood. (For example, if you are frustrated that your toddler freaks out when you try to go to the bathroom alone, it's because your parents taught you that having your space invaded was dangerous - not because it's perfectly normal for an adult to want a few moments of privacy.) The verdict: Definitely a worthwhile read. As always with parenting books, keep the salt shaker handy.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Jeremy

    This was a perspective-shifting read for me. It is based on thirty years of research and bears immediate fruit upon application.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Mackenzie Callahan

    Probably the most important parenting book I’ve come across. Highly recommend!

  5. 5 out of 5

    Roger

    Contains very relevant, significant and important information! Information is deeply important to humanity as it clarifies the fact that we grow, develop our worldview, model how to relate and be affectionate, our personality and self-esteem, we acquire our values to thrive, the ability to solve and face the problems of life , for the rest of our lives! ... and all based on the quality of attachment experiences with our primary caregiver. The authors write this book with great clarity, sensitivity Contains very relevant, significant and important information! Information is deeply important to humanity as it clarifies the fact that we grow, develop our worldview, model how to relate and be affectionate, our personality and self-esteem, we acquire our values to thrive, the ability to solve and face the problems of life , for the rest of our lives! ... and all based on the quality of attachment experiences with our primary caregiver. The authors write this book with great clarity, sensitivity, there is much kindness in their approach and genunian guide, tested their Circle of Security approach and also built it on the newest findings of neuroscience. They provide many practical suggestions to connect more deeply with our children, but also to be kinder to us and develop a better parenting. What was most relevant to me are the tools to identify ruptures and make healing repairs. First, we inevitably learned an attachment style from our parents, but we can identify and protect our children (and grandchildren) from struggling with the same aspects of parenting. And second, there are times when we can feel overwhelmed and make mistakes with our children but we can always repair and teach them to resolve themselves emotionally. I visualize that the benefits and scope of applying this secure attachment model with our children, but also within schools and communities, would result in a greater percentage of emotionally and socially intelligent individuals, resilient, competent, empathetic, kind, who enjoy and sustain their physical and emotional health, ... this would change society! My gratitude to the Publisher and NetGalley for allowing me to review the book

  6. 4 out of 5

    Lynndell

    Received an advance reader copy in exchange for a fair review. Thanks to NetGalley and Guilford Publications for the opportunity to read and review Raising a Secure Child by Kent Hoffman. This non-fiction book is all about parenting to help your child feel secure, comfortable and confident. As we all know, there's a lot of parenting wisdom and advice for the taking and it seems like everyone is willing to share his or her opinion whether it's wanted or not. This book describes a way to build self Received an advance reader copy in exchange for a fair review. Thanks to NetGalley and Guilford Publications for the opportunity to read and review Raising a Secure Child by Kent Hoffman. This non-fiction book is all about parenting to help your child feel secure, comfortable and confident. As we all know, there's a lot of parenting wisdom and advice for the taking and it seems like everyone is willing to share his or her opinion whether it's wanted or not. This book describes a way to build self-esteem and the feeling of security from the time your baby is born. I like the idea of the simple act of letting your children know you are there for them and showing them, through your actions that you truly are, can build the security that we all need to succeed in life. I was interested in the sensitivity section and the checklist that helps us see our own shark music (a phrase given to how we defend ourselves unconsciously). My favorite line of the book is, "Self-esteem is built not from praise but from acceptance". 4 stars for a helpful book that boosts self confidence and a well balanced childhood!

  7. 5 out of 5

    Klaudia Poka

    Everybody should read this book! It's easy to understand, but leaves a big impact on your life! Everybody should read this book! It's easy to understand, but leaves a big impact on your life!

  8. 4 out of 5

    Sarah

    Must read for parents!

  9. 4 out of 5

    Rachel

    An insightful application of attachment theory to parenting--a very useful parenting book to reflect upon. Unlike many other parenting books, this one invites parents to trust in their own wisdom to some degree, rather than being highly prescriptive, and this book isn't guilt-mongering. This book will help you see how your own childhood experiences, psychology, and attachment styles may be affecting your parenting, and creates a useful model (set of principles, etc) about what you could do diffe An insightful application of attachment theory to parenting--a very useful parenting book to reflect upon. Unlike many other parenting books, this one invites parents to trust in their own wisdom to some degree, rather than being highly prescriptive, and this book isn't guilt-mongering. This book will help you see how your own childhood experiences, psychology, and attachment styles may be affecting your parenting, and creates a useful model (set of principles, etc) about what you could do differently. I feel like I can see my parenting journey in a new light from having read this book, both looking back on the past and into the future. The only thing I didn't like about this book is that I think some of its examples (both in terms of what kids might do and the way parents might think about it) aren't the most realistic.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Oliver Hodson

    This book took me ages but made a lot of sense to me. I think the strengths of the circle of security approach are that it's core concepts seem true. Kids want a parent who is bigger, wiser, stronger and kind, and parents want to be that. It is easy to see your kids behave in the 'explore' and 'come back for comfort' outlined in the circle. And the way that they explain unmet needs and parent and child behaviour is in line with what i've seen in my own kids and the families around me. I worked ou This book took me ages but made a lot of sense to me. I think the strengths of the circle of security approach are that it's core concepts seem true. Kids want a parent who is bigger, wiser, stronger and kind, and parents want to be that. It is easy to see your kids behave in the 'explore' and 'come back for comfort' outlined in the circle. And the way that they explain unmet needs and parent and child behaviour is in line with what i've seen in my own kids and the families around me. I worked out I'm esteem sensitive and it has helped me to identify some areas as a parent and a teacher where I can chill out a bit and listen out for what each kid needs as opposed to what I think needs to happen. I really look forward to using this structure when parenting with my wife and talking with other parent friends as I think it could be really helpful on a community level as well.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Bethany

    This is a really wonderful parenting book, and also manages to be a book about self discovery. The book emphasizes that people typically struggle with one of several areas in relationships, and then specifically relates those areas to parenting. The book provides countless examples of behavior and less desirable parent reactions, and then better ways to respond going forward. I appreciated the authors' emphasis on apologizing to our children but without losing the status of being the stronger, w This is a really wonderful parenting book, and also manages to be a book about self discovery. The book emphasizes that people typically struggle with one of several areas in relationships, and then specifically relates those areas to parenting. The book provides countless examples of behavior and less desirable parent reactions, and then better ways to respond going forward. I appreciated the authors' emphasis on apologizing to our children but without losing the status of being the stronger, wiser, and kinder parent. I highlighted this book like crazy and made my husband read many portions of it. We share the same "shark music" in parenting (moments that make you start to panic and feel you are losing control), and I'm looking forward to continuing to share in the journey of parenthood with him, now with a few new tools in our toolbox. The book is a little wordy, but the examples are so helpful to drive the authors' points across.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Kimber

    What this book has to say about parenting and the importance of attachment is truly incredible. Even for nonparents, this book can tell you a lot the way you were patented and how that has long term effects on the relationships in your life. I have been telling everyone about this book, and would wholeheartedly recommend it to any parents especially. In a nonjudgmental and loving way, the authors help the reader identify areas where they have emotional triggers or shortcomings. They then give yo What this book has to say about parenting and the importance of attachment is truly incredible. Even for nonparents, this book can tell you a lot the way you were patented and how that has long term effects on the relationships in your life. I have been telling everyone about this book, and would wholeheartedly recommend it to any parents especially. In a nonjudgmental and loving way, the authors help the reader identify areas where they have emotional triggers or shortcomings. They then give you the tools to overcome those triggers ("shark music") to be present and "Be-With" your kids to give them a secure attachment to you. It is a little wordy and redundant at times. Be willing to push through! What you will take away is well worth it.

  13. 5 out of 5

    Silvana Albu

    Very informative and full of examples. I listened to it as an audio book and I found it a bit repetitive. The same idea was reiterated multiple times and I think I wouldn't have had the patience to actually read it page by page if it weren't narrated. I did like the proposed ideas and the examples at the end. Multiple scenarios were played out and potential reactions from the parents varied based on their own issues and insecurities. I liked that they offered one of the "good answers" as well to Very informative and full of examples. I listened to it as an audio book and I found it a bit repetitive. The same idea was reiterated multiple times and I think I wouldn't have had the patience to actually read it page by page if it weren't narrated. I did like the proposed ideas and the examples at the end. Multiple scenarios were played out and potential reactions from the parents varied based on their own issues and insecurities. I liked that they offered one of the "good answers" as well to help me understand the general concept. All in all, it clarified most of my concerns and I think the discussed subject is a "must" for all parents. Purchasing it is definitely cheaper and less time consuming than attending specific "circle of security" workshops, in my personal opinion.

  14. 4 out of 5

    人 旅

    I first came across the term, secure attachment when I was reading "The Social Animal". I was convinced by this research based theory and intentionally looked for a parenting book that could tell me more about how children become securely attached. This book was comprehensive, written with clarity, gave relevant examples and very encouraging to parents. The book allowed me to have a glimpse of my sub-conscious sensitivities which was surprisingly healing as the blind spots were put into words. T I first came across the term, secure attachment when I was reading "The Social Animal". I was convinced by this research based theory and intentionally looked for a parenting book that could tell me more about how children become securely attached. This book was comprehensive, written with clarity, gave relevant examples and very encouraging to parents. The book allowed me to have a glimpse of my sub-conscious sensitivities which was surprisingly healing as the blind spots were put into words. This understanding is beneficial not just for parenting but also other relationships in our lives. The next step to make this work would be as much as possible, reflect and practise. Oh and not to forget, educators should read this book as well.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Andy Lee

    Sharing with all of the closest people in my love, some of whom are new parents. Will also be applying these learnings when I become a parent. We are the first generations that are able to enjoy the fruits of this research. Feeling very blessed with this knowledge. Basic premise is that the attachment developed between parent/caregiver and child is the foundation upon which all future relationships will be formed. Secure attachment for healthy relationships. Circle of security is recognizing that Sharing with all of the closest people in my love, some of whom are new parents. Will also be applying these learnings when I become a parent. We are the first generations that are able to enjoy the fruits of this research. Feeling very blessed with this knowledge. Basic premise is that the attachment developed between parent/caregiver and child is the foundation upon which all future relationships will be formed. Secure attachment for healthy relationships. Circle of security is recognizing that your child always has a need for either exploration or comfort. They will do one until they need the other. Secure attachment means meeting them at their needs and showing that you can be consistent and reliable.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Ashlyn Burns

    As a therapist and a soon to be new mom, this book has been invaluable. This book is not about a list of to dos or the perfect formula for raising a child. The authors offer a framework for learning to “Be With” your child in such a way that offers the child a sense of safety, security and emotional resilience. Essentially, the authors consider how the building blocks of attachment impact the future of our children. Another thing I appreciate about this book is that it offers so much space for s As a therapist and a soon to be new mom, this book has been invaluable. This book is not about a list of to dos or the perfect formula for raising a child. The authors offer a framework for learning to “Be With” your child in such a way that offers the child a sense of safety, security and emotional resilience. Essentially, the authors consider how the building blocks of attachment impact the future of our children. Another thing I appreciate about this book is that it offers so much space for self-reflection as the parent. The invitation is not consider some of your own attachment patterns with caregivers and how this impacts your ability to be with your child today.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Danielida

    Definitely the best parenting book I have ever read, not only because it is science-based, the exemples provided are realistic and encouraging for all parents, but because it gives you as a human being the possibility to explore yourself and your inner child before getting to fully know and understand your own child. Highly recommended for all (future) parents but also for people undergoing therapy or wanting to better understand their own childhood and how this might trigger specific reactions Definitely the best parenting book I have ever read, not only because it is science-based, the exemples provided are realistic and encouraging for all parents, but because it gives you as a human being the possibility to explore yourself and your inner child before getting to fully know and understand your own child. Highly recommended for all (future) parents but also for people undergoing therapy or wanting to better understand their own childhood and how this might trigger specific reactions and behaviours as an adult.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Kristi Brokaw

    This is the kindest parenting manual I have ever picked up. I love the approach and the practical examples throughout the book. Like most parenting books, it did get a little repetitive and became hard to keep reading momentum. I believe the last section of the book would be most helpful in a group or class, which is not the context in which I read it. I wish I had read this when my oldest was a baby.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Ben

    We’ll have to reread this when we’re past the infant phase, I’ll probably forget the useful bits here before they’re useful. The basic idea is that throughout childhood development kids follow a cyclical pattern of bonding and exploring to develop independence, and if parents learn to recognize & respond to the queues of behaviors along that cycle, the child develops healthier adaptive resources.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Lauren Lutz

    I’m not a parent or expecting. I read this because I’ve been doing trauma work from my childhood by trying to understand what I needed, how the way I was treated led to anxious attachment, and what would have been better ways for my parents to treat me and meet my needs. It was incredibly impactful and enlightening. I highly recommend this to any parent trying to bond with their child, or any person trying to understand themselves.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Kostya Lukyanenko

    It’s a very good book that makes you reflect on your parenting as well as on your own upbringing, provides some reflection frameworks and reassures that there is no such thing as perfect parenting, rather a constant search for balance that is different in every case. The bottom line is: be there for your child when she needs her cup filled, let her explore the world until it’s life threatening and stay big, strong, kind and wise in a balanced manner.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Louise Sullivan

    The circle of security is a way that parents, teachers, and anyone else who work with children can enable those children to develop secure attachment relationships despite exposure to adverse trauma in their lives. I find this book to be very valuable not only for parents but for any adult who is interested in exploring their own attachment journey.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Jennifer James

    While I felt that the information provided on attachment parenting was excellent and well researched, I had difficulty following all of the references to "the top of the circle" and "the bottom of the circle." It might have been different if I had the hard copy of the book and could reference a diagram, but I spent quite a bit of time wondering what they were talking about as it was. While I felt that the information provided on attachment parenting was excellent and well researched, I had difficulty following all of the references to "the top of the circle" and "the bottom of the circle." It might have been different if I had the hard copy of the book and could reference a diagram, but I spent quite a bit of time wondering what they were talking about as it was.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Alice

    I loved the examples in this book of how the way a parents was raised will impact how they parent- it was very clear to see how often I fall into certain patterns of responding to my children. I appreciated having the clarity, and then examples of how I could respond to support my child’s emotional development more effectively. I wish I’d read this book 18 years ago.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Jess

    Highly recommend. It doesn't give any one size fits all advice but rather some structure for reflecting on your parenting with kindness and curiosity and considering how best to move forward. Weekday I really love is how balanced this approach is. Also, because it is a well researched intervention used across the world you can trust it's not just ramblings. Highly recommend. It doesn't give any one size fits all advice but rather some structure for reflecting on your parenting with kindness and curiosity and considering how best to move forward. Weekday I really love is how balanced this approach is. Also, because it is a well researched intervention used across the world you can trust it's not just ramblings.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Heather Hingston

    Loved this book. It’s an amazing tool for raising emotionally mature children, so they feel seen and heard. And helping them navigate their feelings and become their authentic self. But was also great in giving insight into my own upbringing and how to be aware of and address some of my own issues. Very thought provoking. Wish I read this before starting a family!

  27. 4 out of 5

    Chelsea Ohlmann

    This is a phenomenal book. I've loved the Circle of Security approach to parenting and was so happy they made a book that is accessible to everyone. It is an approach grounded in relevant attachment research and I learned a lot about myself as I read it. This is a phenomenal book. I've loved the Circle of Security approach to parenting and was so happy they made a book that is accessible to everyone. It is an approach grounded in relevant attachment research and I learned a lot about myself as I read it.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Bianca

    I am not a parent, but I did read this book for work. I learnt so much through it and would definitely recommend it to all future parents. Being-with is such an important parenting concept that I had never really considered prior.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Emmanuel Ayeni

    This book shares with every parent from an expert point of view of raising children who are confident and balanced in emotion learning and growth. The book explains the psychology of raising children as it relates to their well being.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Anna

    Good book for new parents or anyone wanting to delve into their past or current relationships through attachment styles. Easily digestible and gave a lot of examples. Would recommend to new or struggling parents.

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