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ESV Reader's Bible, Six-Volume Set

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The ESV Reader’s Bible, Six-Volume Set stems from the conviction that the Bible is of immeasurable value and should therefore be treasured—and read in the most seamless way possible. Constructed with materials carefully selected to reflect the beauty of God’s Word, the ESV Reader’s Bible, Six-Volume Set is a unique collection designed for those desiring a cleaner, simpler The ESV Reader’s Bible, Six-Volume Set stems from the conviction that the Bible is of immeasurable value and should therefore be treasured—and read in the most seamless way possible. Constructed with materials carefully selected to reflect the beauty of God’s Word, the ESV Reader’s Bible, Six-Volume Set is a unique collection designed for those desiring a cleaner, simpler Bible-reading experience. Printed on European book paper with smyth-sewn binding and packaged in an elegant slipcase, this edition features single column text that is free of all verse numbers, chapter numbers, and footnotes, as well as most section headings—resulting in a unique Bible-reading experience that helps readers encounter and delight in the beauty of God’s Word.ection headings--resulting in a unique Bible-reading experience that helps readers encounter and delight in the beauty of God's Word. For individual volumes see: The Pentateuch: ESV Reader's Bible, Volume I Historical Books: ESV Reader's Bible Volume II Poetry: ESV Reader's Bible Volume III Prophets: ESV Reader's Bible Volume IV Gospels & Acts: ESV Reader's Bible Volume V Epistles & Revelation: ESV Reader's Bible Volume VI Size: 5.25" x 7.75" 12-point TrinitE type Black letter text Single-column, paragraph format No verse numbers, chapter numbers, or footnotes Reduced section headings Printed on high-quality European book paper Divided into six volumes: Pentateuch, Historical Books, Poetry, Prophets, Gospels & Acts, and Epistles & Revelation Ribbon markers Smyth-sewn binding Packaging: Heavy slipcase


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The ESV Reader’s Bible, Six-Volume Set stems from the conviction that the Bible is of immeasurable value and should therefore be treasured—and read in the most seamless way possible. Constructed with materials carefully selected to reflect the beauty of God’s Word, the ESV Reader’s Bible, Six-Volume Set is a unique collection designed for those desiring a cleaner, simpler The ESV Reader’s Bible, Six-Volume Set stems from the conviction that the Bible is of immeasurable value and should therefore be treasured—and read in the most seamless way possible. Constructed with materials carefully selected to reflect the beauty of God’s Word, the ESV Reader’s Bible, Six-Volume Set is a unique collection designed for those desiring a cleaner, simpler Bible-reading experience. Printed on European book paper with smyth-sewn binding and packaged in an elegant slipcase, this edition features single column text that is free of all verse numbers, chapter numbers, and footnotes, as well as most section headings—resulting in a unique Bible-reading experience that helps readers encounter and delight in the beauty of God’s Word.ection headings--resulting in a unique Bible-reading experience that helps readers encounter and delight in the beauty of God's Word. For individual volumes see: The Pentateuch: ESV Reader's Bible, Volume I Historical Books: ESV Reader's Bible Volume II Poetry: ESV Reader's Bible Volume III Prophets: ESV Reader's Bible Volume IV Gospels & Acts: ESV Reader's Bible Volume V Epistles & Revelation: ESV Reader's Bible Volume VI Size: 5.25" x 7.75" 12-point TrinitE type Black letter text Single-column, paragraph format No verse numbers, chapter numbers, or footnotes Reduced section headings Printed on high-quality European book paper Divided into six volumes: Pentateuch, Historical Books, Poetry, Prophets, Gospels & Acts, and Epistles & Revelation Ribbon markers Smyth-sewn binding Packaging: Heavy slipcase

30 review for ESV Reader's Bible, Six-Volume Set

  1. 5 out of 5

    Emily

    Not gay enough

  2. 5 out of 5

    God

    Not my best work

  3. 4 out of 5

    Jen

    Since this is actually 66 books in one, perhaps I should review them as I go. This is my second go-round with the Bible, reading it cover to cover, but I'm trying to do it in one year this time rather than the nearly four years it took me last time. [EDIT NOTE: Okay, so it's taking me more than a year. We'll go for a year and a half.] I refuse to review this as a theological text, even though it is for me and that's why I'm re-reading it, as this is a book review website and not a church forum. Since this is actually 66 books in one, perhaps I should review them as I go. This is my second go-round with the Bible, reading it cover to cover, but I'm trying to do it in one year this time rather than the nearly four years it took me last time. [EDIT NOTE: Okay, so it's taking me more than a year. We'll go for a year and a half.] I refuse to review this as a theological text, even though it is for me and that's why I'm re-reading it, as this is a book review website and not a church forum. Therefore, I will review these on entertainment and literary bases only. Genesis: Five stars. And God said let there be stories, and there were, and it was good. It seems like half of what people know about the Old Testament comes from this one book, from Creation to Joseph. Some awesome stuff in here, with lots of crazy people, establishing everything that it takes to get the Jews to Egypt wishing for an Exodus: Four stars. The actual going out of Egypt and the wandering around in the desert are really neat, and of course there are miracles friggin' everywhere, but the back half of the book gets a little slow going as we enter Tabernacle law. Leviticus: Three stars. The book of laws given to the Hebrew people by God, with some interesting stories thrown in to see if you're paying attention. Numbers: Three stars. It's slow going at first as we count everyone who is still onstage, but then it picks up as everybody starts bickering about being in a desert for forty years. I mean, I'd complain. I hate sand. So Moses has some more moments of "oh no you di'nt" to the Israelites who obviously have short-term memory loss as a people because the miracle yesterday will never save them today, you know, and God facepalms a lot. Also, Miriam and Aaron get bitchy and Miriam gets leprosy and I'm not really sure why Aaron doesn't. Deuteronomy: Three stars. Moses is doing a "hey remember what's going on" type narrative, which feels a little draggy after having read the books in which that actually went on. Also, a whole lot of "YHWH is the one true God and we should leave all others alone", and we all know how well that went. Joshua: Four stars. It's actually pretty dry, but we have the Battle of Jericho and the death of Moses and the prostitute Rahab and people get dead, yo. Judges: Five stars. Awesome stories of the judges of the nation of Israel, with people like Samson and Deborah and there are some crazy moments of awesome like people's heads getting tent-staked to the ground. No really. It's an action film in writing. Ruth: Five stars. Very short book about Ruth, whose life is the suck until she follows her mother-in-law Naomi back to the land of the Lord and meets a hunka burnin' love named Boaz. A good story about love and faith and why your mother-in-law is not as cool as Naomi. 1 and 2 Samuel: Since they're telling a story together, they get reviewed together. Four stars. Setting up the story of David and Saul and why Israel should never listen to itself when it whines, "But all the OTHER kids are doing iiiiiit!" 1 and 2 Kings: Three stars. There are a lot of things about these books that are cool, but there's so much packed into them that it gets a little dead after a while. 1 and 2 Chronicles: Three stars. Like the bad sequel to the books of Kings. The difference is in the writing of them, that I think Kings was written when the Israelites still had the temple and these were written after its destruction, or the other way 'round. Either or, the measurements for the temple get dry really quickly, and having the four books refer to each other all the time is kind of like reading a whole chunk of "The Cat Who" series; you're pretty sure you've already read each one. Some gems buried within, though, like Joash in 2 Chronicles 22-ish; you just have to dig for them. Ezra: Two stars. King Cyrus decides that enslaving the Jews is getting old, so he allows some of them to head back home and rebuild the temple that got Hulk-smashed some 700 years earlier. It would be exciting, perhaps, if it was not a carpenter's list of materials and a priest's list of names--added because we all need to know what schmucks married outside the bloodline, bad Hebrews! Also, Ezra himself doesn't come in until ch. 7 (of 10) and then he can't choose between 1st and 3rd person narratives. Also, no one likes Nebuchadnezzar, even though his name rocks. Really, just read 6:11, which is a pretty epic threat. Nehemiah: Three stars. Ezra gets more screen time in this than his own friggin' book, which is silly. Also, WHY DID NO ONE EVER TEACH BIBLE AUTHORS THE DIFFERENCES OF PERSON NARRATIVE?!?! Not cool to switch all the time, guys. So, continuing to re-build Jerusalem/the Temple, but with more bad-assness than Ezra who can't write a good narrative, and a listing to put baby name books to shame. Esther: Five stars. Whoever thinks the Bible is filled with women-hating chauvinists is so very wrong. (It only has some women-hating chauvinists.) Esther is beautiful, tricksy, and Jewish, which can happen. She saves her people and a guy named Haman gets hanged on his own scaffold and it's just generally an awesome book. Also, love the name Mordecai. Job: Five stars. My favorite book of the Bible when I was a kid, which says something about what kind of kid I was. This is kind of an introduction into How Not To Be In Friendship, because Job's friends are the suck and his life is the suck and it's never really clear what God is up to, anyway, because all-powerful but gambling with people because Satan challenged...? Love trying to figure out how this all works, and the last three or so chapters are ROCKING. Psalms: Four stars. I like the psalms, because once you get past the fact that they talk about things I don't so much have to worry about, like enemies slicing off my head or setting fire to me tower or something (well, at least I don't have to worry about that exactly), it's a whole book of someone complaining, rejoicing, and being very human. I can totally relate to it, and that's always good in a book. Not great to just waltz through, though; take your time with this one. Proverbs: Three stars. Filled with great wisdom and wonderful one-liners, but it's a bit like reading a giant batch of fortune cookies with no coherent connections. Sorry, Solly, your dad was a better writer. Even if you are much smarter. Ecclesiastes: Three stars. Sure, there's a ton of good wisdom in the scant 12 chapters, but it's depressing as hell. Or Sheol. Because all is vanity, it keeps saying. And wisdom is wonderful. Unless it's vain. Then, it's vanity. And all is vanity. Song of Solomon: Five stars. Are you kidding? This is the bowchickabowwow of the Bible, and it's really sad it doesn't get more press these days. I mean, really? So many verses about Solomon's girlfriend's breasts. Betcha didn't think THAT was in God's holy Word, right? Right. Because Christianity is, in fact, full of sexy sexy foxes. Also, this is just really good love poetry, aside from the innuendos. Here we have the "my beloved is mine, and I am his" bit. You're much better at love poetry than proverbs, Solomon; way to go. Isaiah: Four stars. Isaiah is sometimes called the mini-Bible, because it has NT and OT themes and it's 66 books and I suppose theologians just like comparisons. It is long, and at times (many times) I had no freaking idea what was going on, but there are some really great passages in here. The beginning puts Isaiah at the top of the list for Best Doomsday Preachers Evar, and I'm pretty sure he was part of the invention of fire and brimstone sermons. The rest I have a bit of trouble with because, you see, I've sung some stuff by this one dude named Handel, which has forever destroyed my ability to read a good chunk of this book without humming along. Very foundational and lovely, but I'm glad to get toward the minor prophets. Jeremiah: Two stars. Death! Mayhem! Destruction! Really freaking long chapters! I like the premise of this book, how God finally says, "For serious? I've been TALKING TO YOU ABOUT THIS for an entire testament. That's it. I'm so over you guys being crap. Fine. Babylon can have you. I'll knock them over later, but for right now, they can own your asses and burn your temple." But this gets a little old after 30 chapters; 52 was just cruel. Lamentations: Three stars. I bet this is beautiful poetry in Hebrew, because it's pretty beautiful and heart-breaking poetry in English. A city has fallen, been broken, become utterly desolate; there's a lot of resonance with some of the Psalms here, actually, about loss and pain. Sadly, though, I'm enough of a jerk that I read the five chapters thinking, I am immune to your bitching because I just read 52 CHAPTERS about how you were warned this would happen. Get over yourself. Hence why I am not a counselor. Ezekiel: Three stars. I don't really understand this book; it starts out like Jeremiah, with the gloom and doom on Israel for being arrogant fools. But then there are beautiful extended metaphors for the love of God, an episode with zombies (dem bones dem bones...), and the last ten chapters or so read like Numbers. What? Minus a few stars for lack of narrative connection, but some really beautiful writing in here. Also, it would seriously suck to be Ezekiel. Daniel: Four stars. This is such a strange little book; the first half is the stories that always get hashed up for kids, like the lions' den and the gold statue and the writing on the wall (I don't understand how people choose Bible stories for kids). The second half, though, is like Revelation: The Prequel starring Gabriel, the Chatty One. A very good book, but not a cursory read. CONT. BELOW Matthew: Five stars. The first of the four Gospels telling the life of Jesus; very concerned with showing how Jesus fulfilled all kinds of prophecies. A lot of the children's Bible stories we bandy about come from this one. Mark: Five stars. Sort of the Jesus as action figure Gospel, with a lot of emphasis on the miracles and last week of the Christ. Luke: Five stars. This is the historical, matter-of-fact Gospel. Feels very close to Matthew, although it is written on the same timeline as Mark. We get a lot of our popular parables, like the Prodigal Son, from this one. John: Five stars. John, I feel, was the Zen pothead of the disciples. He's very interesed in the universal themes of Jesus's time on Earth, and not so much with what was going on day-to-day. The most theologically based of the four Gospels with a whole lot of effort in showing you the importance of Christ being who he was. Acts: Five stars. Ta-Dah! Paul is introduced and the rest of the New Testament can get under way. We also have the beginning of the church as a body with the speaking in tongues and all (much cooler here than in the modern Pentecostal church, I'd think). Dear Paul--STOP GETTING ARRESTED. Though it's interesting, it becomes a predictable plot device. Romans: Five stars. This is Paul's letter of everything he thinks the Romans need to know before he heads that way. Result? SO THEOLOGICALLY DENSE. Plenty of things to put on your coffee cup, but you'll have to drink the coffee before you really understand what they mean. 1 Corinthians: Five stars plus a disclaimer: whenever I come anywhere near the letters of Paul, I usually have the Eddie Izzard sketch in the back of my mind which makes things much more...something. But yes, this is a lot of foundational stuff and Paul definitely isn't boring. I wouldn't have minded being his pen pal. 2 Corinthians: Four stars. This was one of the letters that's totally a letter; Paul is explaining himself to his friends that he's corresponding with, and it's pretty cool to remember that Paul was a person with frustrations and joys and all that sort of thing, rather than just a Church Father Important Dude. Galatians: Four stars. Yay for short letters! Only six chapters, and it's another Paul-as-a-person letter. Like it, but it's not my favorite. Ephesians: Four stars. Ah, Ephesians. This is where a lot of people get verses they like to quote out of context, like the wives to husbands bit and children to parents and bearing with one another in love. It's nice to read where all of that comes from and how it actually was intended to work. Phillipians: Four stars. Very short, very much a glimpse of Paul as pastor, just trying to tell people he loves to stop being morons. Colossians: Five stars. Also very short, with great thoughts on what being remade means. Very good to read as a "stay the course" pep talk, in a way. 1 Thessalonians: Three stars. Apparently this wasn't that earth-shattering, as I didn't remember finishing it until I flipped to the NT and saw that my bookmark was at the end. Surprise! It does house one of the first verses I ever memorized, though--1 Thess.5:17, second shortest verse in the Bible. I'm a bit of an underachiever sometimes. 2 Thessalonians: Four stars. It would have gotten three stars, but chapter 3 is pretty awesome. Here's a summary for you: Ch. 1: Hi! Ch. 2: Revelation Light! All the Antichrist, half the dazed aftereffect! Ch. 3: Get off your lazy ass and work, guys, this ain't no Cluniac monastery, you know. (Ah, your brevity is inspiring, Paul.) 1 Timothy: Three stars. I have a kind of intense love/hate relationship with this letter, because it's a microcosm of how conflicted I can feel about Paul in general. Here, writing to his BFF Timothy, Paul lays out some seriously useful rules about what church elders should be, and says some great things about what it means to stay in the faith and deal with the faithful around you when the going gets tough. However, it is also Misogyny Ahoy, dealing with how women should be seen and not heard in the church and how we're all evil because Eve f*ed up so bad, yo, and we can be saved through childbearing and faithfulness (no, really, 2:15). NOT COOL. Adam was just as much of an idiot, thank you very much, because Woman may have taken the fig, but Adam was dumb enough to say, "Hey, that's wrong," and then TAKE IT ANYWAY. We both fail. Deal with it, Paul. 2 Timothy: Three stars. This is one of the few letters that I really feel slightly voyeuristic in reading; it's a guy talking to his protégé about the brass tacks of being a preacher. Also, there are reminders to bring the cloak he forgot in BFE when he visits, and to say hi to Aunt Janie for him, and to tell Jeffrey to STFU when he's talking about what preaching is--I mean, there are some good things in the scanty four chapters, but it's really quite personal correspondence, even if Paul did intend it for some sort of publication. Titus: Four stars. Dear Titus, Because I love you as a son, I left you in Crete, even though we both know Cretans are worthless idiots--so much so that their name will become an insult that only the overeducated will ever use properly. Also, I've given you the task of telling everyone how they should act, which should make you incredibly popular. Love and hugs, Paul. Philemon: Three stars. I think this is the shortest book in the Bible (being only half a page long) and I have no real idea why it's in there, because it's mainly about how cool Philemon is and how he should take care of this Onesimus guy that Paul has picked up along the way. I mean, perhaps it's a lesson in friendship, or maybe guardianship, or something, but it's kind of...weird. Hebrews: Four stars. A slow start, but then, I'm not the intended audience. This is the letter in which all is explained to the Jews why this one Jewish Dude is cooler than all other Jewish dudes, and here are the fundamental bits of practice you need to know now. Not being Jewish and already knowing most of the fundamental bits, it was a tad tedious at first, but it's good to see a lot of the "rules" in one place, clearly explained. James: Four stars. This letter can feel a little restricting sometimes, but that's probably an indication that it's doing its job. There are some great passages on what faith is, what to do when the world sucks, and why one should be mindful of one's speech in this one. 1 Peter: Three stars. Oh Peter, I want you to be cooler than Paul, and then this! A passage on submission to authority AND a passage on marital power structures? I don't think we can be friends. 2 Peter: Four stars. You have redeemed yourself, Peter! Some interesting things about election, but beautiful prose about the Day of the Lord and the wide gap between the realm of the fallen and of the saved. Good descriptions. You can stay. 1 John: Four stars. There are a lot of good things in here, and SO MUCH LOVE. God is love, God loves us , we should love people, we accept God's love. A good book, but man, the love fest is a bit overwhelming for a crotchety sot like me. 2 John: Three stars. All of the 13 verses in this letter; I have no idea why it's in the NT canon. It's more love, because John the Zen pothead was really excited about not having to deal with spiteful Jehovah from the OT anymore, but there's not much here that wasn't said in his first letter. Repetitive sequel, won't really do well at the box office. 3 John: Three stars. Made it all the way to 15 verses in this one! Not that I'm complaining, after the ridiculously long nature of book like Proverbs or Isaiah (I say it with love, long-dead Jewish icons). However, I feel like this, more than a lot of the other letters, has NO CONTEXT to make this important. Yes, it has a few good things to say, and I do like it, but it's very much a placeholder from one guy to his spiritual pals, not a Letter of Divine and Enduring Wisdom. Jude: Four stars. Yes, I did have the Beatles' song in my head the whole time I was reading this, so it's perhaps fortunate that it's only 25 verses. Very much a letter of "don't be an idiot, y'all", which is fine, and a good reminder, because it's true, idiocy is usually not the best choice. Revelation: Five stars. This is trippy shit, man. John the Zen pothead has a revelation about the end of all things, and it's not going away into the West, it's TOTAL WORLD DESTRUCTION and angels with horns and plagues and scary scary endtimes, yo. Even though they're super cheesy, the Left Behind books did kind of get the craziness of this vision by taking it literally, but their cheesiness gets in the way of how truly unsettling this is. I mean, really, whole chunks of the world DIE. It's kind of A Big Deal. Really good descriptive writing, and fascinating images, but not really something to curl up under the covers with. Amen and amen, I hope the prophecy doesn't come true in my lifetime.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Rebecca

    It's strange that one of the most important, most dangerous, and most misused books in the world could be so mind-numbingly boring. Also, anyone who claims they live their life by the bible should actually read it and see exactly what it is they claim to do. I'm guessing most people ignore 90% of what it says to do. Really, you could just collect everything Jesus says into one slender manual and cut the rest, since Jesus's sermons are the only parts anyone should really be proud of. The rest of It's strange that one of the most important, most dangerous, and most misused books in the world could be so mind-numbingly boring. Also, anyone who claims they live their life by the bible should actually read it and see exactly what it is they claim to do. I'm guessing most people ignore 90% of what it says to do. Really, you could just collect everything Jesus says into one slender manual and cut the rest, since Jesus's sermons are the only parts anyone should really be proud of. The rest of it is a chronicle of genocide, rape, war, destruction, and hatred, interspersed with a really boring catalog of everyone born to a single patriarch. Since everyone should be familiar with the bible in order to be a well-educated member of Western society, I would recommend just reading the Wikipedia articles about the major biblical stories. No need to waste your time reading the stilted prose and insanely detailed descriptions of people's lineage and no need to wade through a slew of arcane, confusing, and disturbing rules dispensed from a cruel and jealous god to a gullible and fearful populace.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Robert

    A terrible book. Badly written with awful pacing. Trivial details are explained in mind-numbing detail, while actual important questions about what is God and the afterlife are ignored. The morals are inconsistent, incoherent and often abhorrent. It advocates genocide, sexism, bigotry, murder, massacre and hatred of everyone who disagrees. This book has no relevance for modern days and should be confined to the dustbin of history.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Ben Marks

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. I am simply treembling as I ttype this review.... But I will type throughjh the sobs for the sake of warning others freom readingf it. It starts off with this fella right, super lovable he’s like a baby in a manger he’s all nice to people and heals them and stufffh. And honenztly I got kinda attached to him you know? I felt like he grew up with me, I felt like we were friends....... So imagine my HORROR right, when they KILL HIM OFF????? Are you KIDDING me????? I was NOT p DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. I am simply treembling as I ttype this review.... But I will type throughjh the sobs for the sake of warning others freom readingf it. It starts off with this fella right, super lovable he’s like a baby in a manger he’s all nice to people and heals them and stufffh. And honenztly I got kinda attached to him you know? I felt like he grew up with me, I felt like we were friends....... So imagine my HORROR right, when they KILL HIM OFF????? Are you KIDDING me????? I was NOT prepared foe a main character death...... I was sobbing for years I haven’t spoken to my family or left the house in months I feel like I’m truly grieving...... like I’ve lost a loved one.......I shut the book right after he died because I can’t bare to read any more. I’m so disappointed with this book and I beg of you not to put yourself through the same emotional truama that I put myself through..... I only help my experiences can help just one other person and it will all be worth it.... it’s what jeezy would have wanted.....peace out, it’s back to crying for me now.

  7. 5 out of 5

    Ruby Lewis

    too long

  8. 4 out of 5

    Robert Whiston

    Unbelivabe characters, poor writing skills. This fantasy book can't even keep the internal logic of it's world going. And the god character is just such a unrelenting villian that it's a real downer. Unbelivabe characters, poor writing skills. This fantasy book can't even keep the internal logic of it's world going. And the god character is just such a unrelenting villian that it's a real downer.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Matthew

    My review: Life. What I am learning from this book: Salvation. Life. Joy. Truth. Hope. Courage.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Thom

    Poorly written fiction.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Sid

    This sucks. It doesn't have enough frogs. And. It could be gayer. This sucks. It doesn't have enough frogs. And. It could be gayer.

  12. 5 out of 5

    Kai Santana

    Made me go to therapy for 5 years, could be gayer.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Daniel Colt

    Boring!

  14. 5 out of 5

    torque

    If I had taken notes while reading I would have a lot more to say. I was actually reluctant to reading the bible when I was younger as I was actually worried I would be beliver. However, this book can make an atheist out of anybody. It's pretty obvious to me that these books were written at different times by different people, not inspired by one God (unless he's got many, many personalities), who have at least one thing in common, namely controlling other people using fear, although maybe for d If I had taken notes while reading I would have a lot more to say. I was actually reluctant to reading the bible when I was younger as I was actually worried I would be beliver. However, this book can make an atheist out of anybody. It's pretty obvious to me that these books were written at different times by different people, not inspired by one God (unless he's got many, many personalities), who have at least one thing in common, namely controlling other people using fear, although maybe for different reasons. Some wants to just threaten the 'wicked' into living more peacefully in order to have a more stable society. While others wants to make sure people don't rebel against authorities, don't eat or mix foods that are likely to make you sick (way back when there were now refrigerators and people were generally more unsanitary), women are lower than men, slaves listen to your owners. Masturbate, and God will strike you dead, at least he did once, and it made it to the bible. God can harden peoples hearts, just so that they behave badly, so that later he can punish them for it. There were of course some good advice here and there, but nothing other religions also doesn't provide. I think it was interesting that Jesus didn't know that stars are a little too big to fall down to the earth in "Revelation". When I see the preachers on tv that are scamming people for money, I realized that it's the same kind of preachers who wrote these books, just thousands of years ago. One thing I realized while reading this book is that: All prophets are false prophets. I could go on and on about the controversies throughout the bible, (which by the way also is super boring to read at times and just boring other times.) but I've got to read the book of mormon now. For anyone interested, google absurdity in the bible and several fun pages pops up as I just discovered.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Jon Adams

    Worst fantasy/speculative fiction novel of all time. Although, I guess it is GDAF; there's a veritable shit ton of murder. I mean, seriously, what kind of microuniverse was the Ark? Sure, turning water into wine would be a badass party trick, but physics! Don't even get me started on how a population formed from two people (both with belly buttons even though they were "created"...) that had 3 sons. Meh. Worst fantasy/speculative fiction novel of all time. Although, I guess it is GDAF; there's a veritable shit ton of murder. I mean, seriously, what kind of microuniverse was the Ark? Sure, turning water into wine would be a badass party trick, but physics! Don't even get me started on how a population formed from two people (both with belly buttons even though they were "created"...) that had 3 sons. Meh.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Jenna Mills

    At 20% Joshua Another deeply depressing book. I'd compare it best to violent computer games nobody ever wants kids to play. For some bizarre reason, it's ok that cities are destroyed (down to the last donkey, never mind the children), so long as God is on your side. The God in this book is heartless and vengeful, and even stoops so low as blackmailing Joshua towards the end! I'll continue helping you to kill people and take their land and wealth for yourselves so long as you have nothing to do wi At 20% Joshua Another deeply depressing book. I'd compare it best to violent computer games nobody ever wants kids to play. For some bizarre reason, it's ok that cities are destroyed (down to the last donkey, never mind the children), so long as God is on your side. The God in this book is heartless and vengeful, and even stoops so low as blackmailing Joshua towards the end! I'll continue helping you to kill people and take their land and wealth for yourselves so long as you have nothing to do with anyone who isn't 'chosen' afterwards. I'm so bewildered as to what type of person would choose to worship such a God! Anyway, when it's not disgustingly violent, it's just plain boring with lists of which tribe is getting what (except for the poor old Levites who are doomed never to get any of the spoils). At 22% Judges. More of the usual war, murder and rape, which is all ok so long as you are following the right god. Samson - what a fellow! Murdering (pretty standard, I know, and giving away his wife (who didn't get much of a choice in anything) to his 'best man'. A complete imbecile though. She's busy trying to find his weak spot using her womanly wiles, with the purpose of having others make use of the knowledge, and he tells he different things. People try it out and he doesn't seem to twig that she's in on it! Idiot! (of the murderous sort). This book does make my blood boil. At 25% Samuel 1 David kills Goliath, Saul takes him as a son (and son in law - but there's a fair amount of wife swapping goes on there), David kills more and more people and collects some foreskins, Saul gets jealous that David has murdered more people than he has so tries to kill him (numerous times), David keeps running away and Saul keeps finding him, Saul likes David again and David decides not to kill Saul, Saul changes his mind, David goes to stay with the very people he was murdering and wonders why they don't like him, David murders some other people, Saul commits suicide and someone chops his head off. Very uplifting. At 27% Samuel 2 More murdering. Most of it the 'Lord's' wishes. At 30% 1 Kings Rulers of Israel are basically all pretty bad and incite the Lord to anger and killing...or proclaiming that he'll reap destruction on their sons instead. At 33% 2 Kings. More murder, sacking and general nastiness. Wondering when the love bit kicks in... At 35% 1 Chronicles. War, of course, dictated by the Lord. Evidently some people inferior to others (talk of 'aliens'). Would, however, highly recommend this book for those looking for an unusual name for a child or pet. Pages and pages of lists of unusual names - many very cool ones! At 38% 2 Chronicles. The rulers of the house of David. Some doing right in the eyes of the Lord, but mostly not. Puzzled that battle can be right (particularly when against the Philistines), but dare to light some incense and you are struck down with leprosy. At 39% Ezra. Again, some pretty abhorrent views. Interracial marriages not allowed, and those who married foreign women have to put away their wives. Still waiting for the love... At 40% Nehemiah. Walls of Jerusalem. Lots and lots of lists of names (interesting when you still need a boy's name for your baby). The ending nicely reminds us that bigots are not a new thing and people have thought foreigners = bad for many, many years. Doesn't make it right though. At 41% Esther. An interesting enough tale. Began with a display of horrendous sexual discrimination, followed by plots (the baddie got his comeuppance) - thankfully the one to kill all the Jews was foiled, but there was of course still an awful lot of murder. Finally festivals to finish it off. At 44% Job. God gets into some stupid competition with Satan which results in thousands of animals being killed alongside a load of human beings. The end of the book says that Job ends up richer than he was with even more children. I don't think it works that way God. Seems to me that God, Satan and Job are all as horrible as each other in this book. Makes me pretty furious actually.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Liv

    This review has been hidden because it contains spoilers. To view it, click here. Spoiler alert- J Dog dies. Really sad. Mary got knocked up by god and basically her child is god. Rated 1 star, not very funny.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Danko

    Ew

  19. 5 out of 5

    ☆Pelumi☆ (Going on hiatus because school exists)

    Not enough gay but then..... "Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” 21 When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” So the saying spread abroad among the brothers[b] that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say Not enough gay but then..... "Peter turned and saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following them, the one who also had leaned back against him during the supper and had said, “Lord, who is it that is going to betray you?” 21 When Peter saw him, he said to Jesus, “Lord, what about this man?” Jesus said to him, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow me!” So the saying spread abroad among the brothers[b] that this disciple was not to die; yet Jesus did not say to him that he was not to die, but, “If it is my will that he remain until I come, what is that to you?” Hmmm definitely some chemistry here: After saying these things, Jesus was troubled in his spirit, and testified, “Truly, truly, I say to you, one of you will betray me.” The disciples looked at one another, uncertain of whom he spoke. One of his disciples, whom Jesus loved, was reclining at table at Jesus' side, 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥 so Simon Peter motioned to him to ask Jesus of whom he was speaking. So that disciple, leaning back against Jesus, said to him, “Lord, who is it?” In summary, Jesus x John is my OTP ship.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Adam Calvert

    The best English translation of the Bible available. The goal of the translators was to make this as readable as the NIV and as literal as the NASB. If that goal could ever have been achieved (translation in itself really is a difficult task), God used the translators of the ESV to do it. The one place I have an issue with is Daniel 9:25. It seems clear from the text that "there shall be seven weeks. Then for sixty-two weeks it shall be built again..." should have been translated, "there shall be The best English translation of the Bible available. The goal of the translators was to make this as readable as the NIV and as literal as the NASB. If that goal could ever have been achieved (translation in itself really is a difficult task), God used the translators of the ESV to do it. The one place I have an issue with is Daniel 9:25. It seems clear from the text that "there shall be seven weeks. Then for sixty-two weeks it shall be built again..." should have been translated, "there shall be seven weeks and sixty-two weeks; it shall be built again..." I'm still a little baffled as to why they used "then" instead of "and" and separated the structure like that. But on the much more positive side, the rest of the translation is absolutely wonderful. While retaining deep theological terms such as transgression, atonement, propitiation, etc. (because until our English language develops modern words equivalent to those, I don't think we should settle for modern terms that do not get across those meanings), they make the Word of God very readable and even provide better insight into older terms that no longer support the value of the original languages. For instance, in the translation, "All Scripture is inspired by God," the word "inspired" means much less today than it did when originally translated that way. So the ESV translators simply translated it for what it is: "All Scripture is breathed out by God" (2 Tim. 3:16). I also especially enjoyed the fact that they leave sentences much more aligned with the length of the originals. While this is really impossible to do at times (especially with Paul's writings), it really helps a lot when studying the Scripture. For instance, 1 Peter 5:6-7 in the NIV is translated this way: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." This makes it seem like two separate thoughts. (1) Humble yourself, and (2) Cast all your anxieties on Him. The ESV translates it this way: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you." Thus, it retains that one-thoughtness of Peter's original writing. (1) Humble yourself BY casting your anxieties on Him. I don't want to pick on the NIV here. I think it is a great translation especially for younger people. However just as the NASB is criticized for being too literal, the NIV can certainly be too readable so as to lose the thought of the original. Thus, I really do believe that God has used the ESV to fill that gap and really be as readable as the NIV yet as literal as the NASB. While I certainly suggest reading multiple translations (or even the original languages if you can), if there is one Bible that you do your primary study from, I would recommend with my most earnest exhortation to use the ESV - especially in the NT epistles. When I first switched from the NIV to the ESV my spiritual world was drastically reawakened. I pray this translation will help all who read it to know God better and grow deeper in their relationship with Him.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Hallo Weena

    fuck this science fiction propoganda

  22. 4 out of 5

    Matt Shaqfan

    Disappointing. I wish this book was about Shaq.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Lima

    Very boring. Wouldn't read it again. Kind of dragged on. I was really waiting for the Jesus to die part but it was kind of anti-climatic. A lot of family history that I can't keep up with. Lots of plot holes. This book is a mess. 5/5 if it was a murder novel but it's religious fiction. Very boring. Wouldn't read it again. Kind of dragged on. I was really waiting for the Jesus to die part but it was kind of anti-climatic. A lot of family history that I can't keep up with. Lots of plot holes. This book is a mess. 5/5 if it was a murder novel but it's religious fiction.

  24. 5 out of 5

    Agustin

    First of, I'm going to analyse a few of the many self-contradictions and plotholes in the most influential book ever written. I suggest most die-hard fanatics to avoid reading this, otherwise you'll be offended as hell (no pun intentioned). So let me get this straight: 1. God, THE perfect entity, created humans in his own image, after his likeness (or shall I say "their", as, quoting Genesis 1:26: Then God said, “Let us make man[h] in OUR image, after OUR likeness." After all, he didn't say "my" i First of, I'm going to analyse a few of the many self-contradictions and plotholes in the most influential book ever written. I suggest most die-hard fanatics to avoid reading this, otherwise you'll be offended as hell (no pun intentioned). So let me get this straight: 1. God, THE perfect entity, created humans in his own image, after his likeness (or shall I say "their", as, quoting Genesis 1:26: Then God said, “Let us make man[h] in OUR image, after OUR likeness." After all, he didn't say "my" image and likeness. Okay, God, who is apparently perfect and flawless, creates humans, who ARE unperfect and full of flaws. So how can a perfect, flawless entity create something unperfect and full of flaws, especially when that creation of his is made in his own image and after his likeness? 2. Now, one of the Commandments is "Thou shall not kill", yet God's law is quite murderous and tells the Hebrews to commit murderous acts, like stoning to death WOMEN who had sex before getting married (Deuteronomy 22:13-21:13 “If any man takes a wife and goes in to her and then hates her 14 and accuses her of misconduct and brings a bad name upon her, saying, ‘I took this woman, and when I came near her, I did not find in her evidence of virginity,’ 15 then the father of the young woman and her mother shall take and bring out the evidence of her virginity to the elders of the city in the gate. 16 And the father of the young woman shall say to the elders, ‘I gave my daughter to this man to marry, and he hates her; 17 and behold, he has accused her of misconduct, saying, “I did not find in your daughter evidence of virginity.” And yet this is the evidence of my daughter's virginity.’ And they shall spread the cloak before the elders of the city. 18 Then the elders of that city shall take the man and whip[b] him, 19 and they shall fine him a hundred shekels[c] of silver and give them to the father of the young woman, because he has brought a bad name upon a virgin[d] of Israel. And she shall be his wife. He may not divorce her all his days. 20 But if the thing is true, that evidence of virginity was not found in the young woman, 21 then they shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones, because she has done an outrageous thing in Israel by whoring in her father's house. So you shall purge the evil from your midst). So, if a woman was proven to have lost her virginity before getting married had to be stoned to death, but if her husband was proven to be liying about her, he simply had to pay a fine? Wow. So, you shall not kill unless a woman had sex without getting married? Oh, but if her husband was just incriminating her, it's okay, he just has to pay some money and everything solved! 3. Then, everything that said women had to be stoned to death for having sex without being married dissapeared with the New Testament, right? Does that mean that one day, out of nowhere, God suddenly changed his mind and decided it was time to redeem humanity and stop all that stoning to death shit? Why did he have to wait so many years? 4. Jesus is supposed to be both God himself and at the same time, the Son of God. This doesn't make much sense, does it? Let's suppose Jesus is God himself and the Son of God: God impregnated his own mother (who is a creation of God) with himself, he's born, he repeatedly calls himself his "father" in 3rd person. When he's crucified, he says in Matthew 27:46 and Mark 15:34: “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?”. Does this mean that he forsook himself and yet he asks himself in 2nd person why he has forsook himself? WTF? I would also like to point out that, even though homosexuallity and having sex before getting married (or, accoridng to Christians, "fornicating") are seen as sins by the Bible, therefore, according to the book they're immoral and wrong. Yet, the Bible says nothing against rape and slavery. Actually quite the contrary: it codones them. It says that there's nothing wrong with slavery, and it says that if a woman is raped she has to marry her rapist, who doesn't have to be punished. Does this mean that, while homosexuallity and fornication are immoral and wrong, there's nothing wrong about rape and slavery?

  25. 5 out of 5

    Ryan

    George Mueller read the bible over 200 times in his life. One of my friend's preacher Grandfather read the bible right at 400 times before he died. I'd like to land somewhere in there if God lets me live long enough and Jesus waits to come back. I've been reading for the last 14 years and the things i have learned would take a book to explain. But it has made me a better preacher a better husband a better person in general. "these are not mere words, they are your very life" Deuteronomy 32:47 George Mueller read the bible over 200 times in his life. One of my friend's preacher Grandfather read the bible right at 400 times before he died. I'd like to land somewhere in there if God lets me live long enough and Jesus waits to come back. I've been reading for the last 14 years and the things i have learned would take a book to explain. But it has made me a better preacher a better husband a better person in general. "these are not mere words, they are your very life" Deuteronomy 32:47

  26. 5 out of 5

    Lilly Tanner

    I liked it. It was great fiction. I enjoyed the parts with Jesus and his twelve boyfriends and the drama between them. I do think that Jesus was a little bit overpowered. Otherwise it was great.

  27. 4 out of 5

    Brenda Funk

    Well, I did it! Read through the whole Bible this year. Many parts of it left me confused and dismayed. I must confess that my understanding of what this all means is not very complete. But -- one thing I have taken great hope and joy in is the underlying theme that runs through it all, that is the bottom line -- of the redemptiveness of God's love, of restoration and hope and healing that is coming. When I read these passages I am stirred almost to tears, I am filled with 'home-sickness' as I t Well, I did it! Read through the whole Bible this year. Many parts of it left me confused and dismayed. I must confess that my understanding of what this all means is not very complete. But -- one thing I have taken great hope and joy in is the underlying theme that runs through it all, that is the bottom line -- of the redemptiveness of God's love, of restoration and hope and healing that is coming. When I read these passages I am stirred almost to tears, I am filled with 'home-sickness' as I think of what this means to our broken and hurting world, including the worlds that are ours. From Micah: "It shall come to pass in the latter days that the mountain of the house of the LORD shall be established as the highest of the mountains, and it shall be lifted up above the hills; and peoples shall flow to it, and many nations shall come, and say: "Come, let us go up to the mountain of the LORD, to the house of the God of Jacob, that he may teach us his ways and that we may walk in his paths." For out of Zion shall go forth the law, and the word of the LORD from Jerusalem. ...and they shall beat their swords into plowshares, and their spears into pruning hooks; nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war anymore; but they shall sit every man under his vine, and under his fig tree, and no one shall make them afraid, for the mouth of the LORD of hosts has spoken. ....but we will walk in the name of the LORD our God forever and ever. ....Who is a God like you, pardoning iniquity and passing over transgression for the remnant of his inheritance? He does not retain his anger forever, because he delights in steadfast love. He will again have compassion on us; he will tread our iniquities underfoot. You will cast all our sins into the depths of the sea. This is the vision of God that I want to hold on to from my reading of the Bible this year.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Paul Bryant

    I thought of a very short summary for those who don't have the time to read the whole thing. It's along the lines of the synopsis of Moby Dick I read somewhere: Boy meets whale; boy loses whale; boy gets whale back again So for the Bible it's God meets people; God loses people; God gets people back again In theological terms that's covenant; apostasy; incarnation and atonement I admit my summary misses out the part where the incarnated God is deliberately killed by people and then resurrects himself I thought of a very short summary for those who don't have the time to read the whole thing. It's along the lines of the synopsis of Moby Dick I read somewhere: Boy meets whale; boy loses whale; boy gets whale back again So for the Bible it's God meets people; God loses people; God gets people back again In theological terms that's covenant; apostasy; incarnation and atonement I admit my summary misses out the part where the incarnated God is deliberately killed by people and then resurrects himself (and they do make rather a lot of that part of the story), but if I included that it wouldn't have been so neat.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Francesca

    not enough gay people :(

  30. 5 out of 5

    Sean Morrow

    In Part I God makes a bunch of rules, and ruthlessly punishes his chosen people for not following said rules. In Part II God sacrifices himself to himself so that he doesn't have to punish people for breaking the rules any more. The rest of Part II is mainly about how most of the old rules don't apply any more, except for the ones that do (namely, don't be gay or a sorcerer). Then a bunch of weird apocalyptic shit happens. In Part I God makes a bunch of rules, and ruthlessly punishes his chosen people for not following said rules. In Part II God sacrifices himself to himself so that he doesn't have to punish people for breaking the rules any more. The rest of Part II is mainly about how most of the old rules don't apply any more, except for the ones that do (namely, don't be gay or a sorcerer). Then a bunch of weird apocalyptic shit happens.

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