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Talking to Children About Divorce: A Parent's Guide to Healthy Communication at Each Stage of Divorce: Expert Advice for Kids' Emotional Recovery

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Marriage and family therapist Jean McBride has helped over 20,000 families navigate divorce. Now she shares her expertise with an in-depth guide to discussing divorce with your kids so you can support your child’s adjustment throughout the entire divorce process. In Talking to Children About Divorce, Jean McBride provides you with the tools and encouragement to effective Marriage and family therapist Jean McBride has helped over 20,000 families navigate divorce. Now she shares her expertise with an in-depth guide to discussing divorce with your kids so you can support your child’s adjustment throughout the entire divorce process. In Talking to Children About Divorce, Jean McBride provides you with the tools and encouragement to effectively communicate with your child about divorce. McBride brings her more than twenty-five years of specializing in divorce to guide you through crucial but difficult conversations and cultivate an environment of love and support throughout the divorce process. You’ll learn how to have honest conversations about different situations and emotions that may arise during divorce—from breaking the news to understanding resistance. Whether you’re beginning the divorce process, or have been working through it for a while, Talking to Children About Divorce offers practical advice that will contribute positively to your child’s emotional wellbeing. Learn to initiate open communication, with: Concrete actions to help your children weather the emotions of divorce. Useful scripts to guide you through a variety of situations throughout the divorce process. Simple steps to improve communication, both with your former spouse and with your children. 10 tips to maintain co-parenting success and promote healthy, happy, well-adjusted children.


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Marriage and family therapist Jean McBride has helped over 20,000 families navigate divorce. Now she shares her expertise with an in-depth guide to discussing divorce with your kids so you can support your child’s adjustment throughout the entire divorce process. In Talking to Children About Divorce, Jean McBride provides you with the tools and encouragement to effective Marriage and family therapist Jean McBride has helped over 20,000 families navigate divorce. Now she shares her expertise with an in-depth guide to discussing divorce with your kids so you can support your child’s adjustment throughout the entire divorce process. In Talking to Children About Divorce, Jean McBride provides you with the tools and encouragement to effectively communicate with your child about divorce. McBride brings her more than twenty-five years of specializing in divorce to guide you through crucial but difficult conversations and cultivate an environment of love and support throughout the divorce process. You’ll learn how to have honest conversations about different situations and emotions that may arise during divorce—from breaking the news to understanding resistance. Whether you’re beginning the divorce process, or have been working through it for a while, Talking to Children About Divorce offers practical advice that will contribute positively to your child’s emotional wellbeing. Learn to initiate open communication, with: Concrete actions to help your children weather the emotions of divorce. Useful scripts to guide you through a variety of situations throughout the divorce process. Simple steps to improve communication, both with your former spouse and with your children. 10 tips to maintain co-parenting success and promote healthy, happy, well-adjusted children.

30 review for Talking to Children About Divorce: A Parent's Guide to Healthy Communication at Each Stage of Divorce: Expert Advice for Kids' Emotional Recovery

  1. 4 out of 5

    Wafa Ouazeta

    Contents : - Introduction : 1. Developing healthy communication habits……p12 - the power of language………p13 - Being the best parent you can be…..p14 - Managing anger and conflict……….pp18 - Keeping kids out of the middle……p23 - Separation from your spouse, No your kids……p24 2. Getting kids to open up :………….p26 - Scheduling one on one time…..p28 - Listening with empathy………p29 - Cultivating and conveying hope…..p30 - Interpreting the signals your child is sending……p32 3. Preparing for talk:……………p40 - Ear Contents : - Introduction : 1. Developing healthy communication habits……p12 - the power of language………p13 - Being the best parent you can be…..p14 - Managing anger and conflict……….pp18 - Keeping kids out of the middle……p23 - Separation from your spouse, No your kids……p24 2. Getting kids to open up :………….p26 - Scheduling one on one time…..p28 - Listening with empathy………p29 - Cultivating and conveying hope…..p30 - Interpreting the signals your child is sending……p32 3. Preparing for talk:……………p40 - Early warning …..p41 - Come prepared with a parenting plan……p42 - who should be present……….p46 - when to tell the kids……..p48 - where to have the talk……..p52 4. Having the talk:…….p53 - the big message…………….p54 - tune in to body language……..p55 - three types of divorce…….p56 - children’s needs at different ages…….p62 - infants and young toddles: birth to 18 months……p62 - older toddles: 18 months to 3 years……….p65 - preschoolers: 3 to 5 years………p66 - Early school agers: 6 to 8 years……p68 - Preteens: 9 to 12 years……p69 - Adolexents: 13 to 19 years………..p72 5. Children’s reactions and worries:……..p76 - Why is this happening to me?..........p77 - is this my fault?...........p78 - what’s going to happen to me?.......p80 - what will the future bring?......p81 - I feel invisible………p83 - Whose side should I be on…? Mom’s or dad’s!………p86 - is dad okay?.........p88 6. Answering your child’s tough questions: - where’s mommy?.......p94 - who’s going to make dinner?.......p95 - why don’t you have daddy anymore…..p96 - will you and Mom get back together?.....p98 - what do it tell my friends…….p101 - why are you crying?......p102 - Is dad coming to my birthday party?......p104 - Why are you fighting?.........p107 7. Responding to sticky situations:……….p110 - Talking sides…………p111 - two homes, two sets of rules……p113 - understanding resistance……p117 - issues with affection…………p121 - troublesome transitions……p121 8. Looking forward:………..p124 - staying connected……p125 - warning up to now relationship…..p127 - when the other parent has a new relationship…..p128 - when you have a new relationship………….p129 - My child doesn’t like my new partner…….p131 - Conclusion……………………………………………………….p135 Summary of book: 1. Walk you through concrete actions you can talk to help your children weather the emotions of divorce. 2. Give you exact words to use in a variety of situations that commonly arise. 3. Teach you simple actions you can take every day that will improve communication both with your former spouse and you children ease your children’s stress and help them feel safe and secure. 4. Explore the most current research about divorce and help you apply it to your own family. Ch01: developing healthy communication habits: - Before we get into the details of talking with your children about divorce, let’s set the stage for successful communication in general. - How to maintain quality parenting through divorce and ways to keep your children room feeling caught between two people they love. - How to manage anger and protect your children from any adult conflict that may arise. - Effective co-parenting (short for cooperative) entails and offer 1à tips for co-parenting success. The power of language: - Divorced parents often must be better at comminuting with each other than they were when they were married. - Good communication skills smooth out –day to day interactions and keep discussions of tricky topics from getting out of hand. Choosing your words: - Let’s start with some word choice basics, when talking about the other parent with you children uses their role. - Many divorced people use (my ex) when referring to the other parent, which this has become common, avoid it, you may be an ex-spouse but neither of you will ever be an ex-parent. - Talking to children about divorce prepares you to initial open discussion with: 1. Concrete actions to help you children weather the emotions of divorce. 2. Useful scripts to guide you through a variety of delicate situations. 3. Simple steps to improve communication and reduce conflict, both with your former spouse and with your children. 4. Up to date divorce research to apply to your family. 5. 10 tips to maintain co-parenting success and promote healthy, happy, well- adjusted children. Explaining why parents separate or divorce Previous Next The break-up of parental relationships is confusing and upsetting for children, and their first question is often, “Why?” It is a question that, if left unanswered, can create a lot of worry and anxiety in children. When they are left to wonder why their parents are splitting up, children often blame themselves – did they do something wrong? Telling your children the reason(s) for the separation or divorce is, of course, up to you and the other parent. Many factors must be taken into consideration, including their age, maturity, level of understanding, and the sensitivity of the issues at hand. You may want to explain the difficulty you had in deciding to end the relationship, and that you tried very hard to fix the relationship problems. While some parents explain why their relationship is ending when they tell the children about the separation or divorce, others may not be ready to discuss the reasons for their decision. Emotions might be too raw or there may be intensely personal issues that should not be shared with children. It must be stressed, however, that if you cannot – or are not willing to – give your children reasons for your decision to separate or divorce, you must tell them that they are not to blame for the break-up. This will help prevent children from feeling guilty about their parents splitting up. You can explain that the problems in the relationship are adult problems between you and the other parent. Emphasize to the children that the two of you are ending your adult relationship, but will continue to be loving and supportive parents. Children will benefit from reading the guides on this website that are written just for them. It may also be useful for parents to read them. In the kids’ guide, children learn about why some people decide to separate or divorce, and more. Teens can also read about why couples break-up and more in the teen guide. Both guides make the following points very clear to children: • They are not the reason for their parents splitting up; kids do not cause separation or divorce. • They are not at fault. • They are not alone; thousands of kids get through their parents' separation or divorce every year, and they will too. • Parents divorce each other, not their children. • Your parents are yours forever. Keeping the lines of communication open: Previous Next: After you tell the children about the separation or divorce, keep the lines of communication open between you and your children. Here are some tips on how to do that. Make opportunities to talk: • Hold family meetings on a regular basis to give children a chance to talk about what's on their mind. • If you have more than one child, make opportunities for one-on-one time with each of them; some children may feel more comfortable talking about their concerns without their siblings around. • Talking in the car while driving somewhere is also another opportunity. Encourage conversation: Do what you can to keep the dialogue going between you and your children. One of the best ways to keep your kids communicating with you is to have conversations with them about everyday things too. If every conversation seems to be about separation and divorce, they may soon start to avoid them altogether. To encourage conversation with your child, choose phrases or questions that require more than a one-word or yes/no response. Try, “What did you do at school today?” or “Let's talk about what we want to do this weekend” to get a discussion going. Here are some more tips: • Do not force discussions, particularly about the separation or divorce; always consider their mood and frame of mind. Kids have bad days too! • Appreciate their 'space' and need to be alone with their thoughts sometimes. • If you sense they are tiring during a discussion or “have had enough”, end the conversation and continue it at another time. • Reassure them that they can talk to you about anything that worries or concerns them. Listen to what they have to say: • Give your child your full attention when they ask questions or are talking to you. • Do not interrupt them; let them finish what they have to say. • Treat their comments or questions seriously, especially about the separation or divorce. Encourage their questions : • Tell your children that it is OK to ask questions about the separation or divorce, even if they think the question might upset you or the other parent. • Reassure them that you will answer as truthfully and as best as you can, but that sometimes you may not know the answer yourself. • In your answers, do not badmouth or criticize the other parent. Answer their questions Children may ask questions that are difficult to answer throughout – even months or years after – the separation or divorce. Do not avoid a question or give your child a misleading answer; if they have the courage to ask, try to find the courage to answer. If you don't have an answer for them, be honest about it – say you don't know, or haven't made a decision yet. See Responding to children's questions for more information on how to answer children's questions about the separation or divorce. In the Speak Up! sections of both the kids' guide and teen guide, children are encouraged to speak up: talk about their feelings, ask parents questions, and let their parents know when something concerns them. If you are concerned that your child has become increasingly withdrawn and is not willing to communicate with you since learning about the separation or divorce, talk to your family doctor. Responding to children’s questions: Previous Next: Children will want to know what the separation or divorce means to the family and, most importantly, who will take care of them. Listen carefully to your children, treat their questions seriously, and answer their questions as honestly and openly as you can. Expect questions such as: • Do we have to move? • Who will I live with? • Will I have to change schools? • Where will I go for Christmas? • How often will I see my parents? Younger children want to hear how their needs will be met; reassure them that they will still go to their swimming lessons and have someone to help them with homework and cook dinner for them. Although this age group may not ask many questions at first, they will have many worries and fears about their future. Read Why? and Feelings in the kid’s guide to help you prepare for what younger children may ask at this time. Teenage children have more life experience and therefore will be more aware of how the separation or divorce may impact them. They need the same reassurances as younger children, and may also need encouragement to express their fears. Learn more about the concerns your teenage children may have in the teen guide’s Frequently Asked Questions section. Allow your children to express their feelings. Recognize that emotions such as sadness, anger, confusion, and guilt, are normal. See the Feelings and Emotions section of this guide for advice on how to help your child work through their feelings. Be patient with your children. It may take them some time to digest the information; although children may appear to understand something you are telling them, they may not be listening because they are “stuck” on something you said early on in the discussion. Don't be surprised if they bring the conversation back to something that was discussed a while ago. General tips for handling your children's questions: • Think before you speak; it's OK to take a few moments to consider the question before you respond. • Try to keep your answers simple; too much information will confuse the children, and too many details may only upset them further. • If you don't have all of the answers, be honest about it and then explain that you will let them know as soon as you can. Make sure you follow through with this promise. • Be careful not to lay blame on or disrespect the other parent. • Use age-appropriate language. Once the children know about your decision to separate or divorce, use the suggestions in Keeping the lines of communication open to encourage continued conversations between you and your children.

  2. 4 out of 5

    Nate Bate

    My parents got divorced during my late teen years, and so I have an opinion about these things because of my own experience. Coming from a Christian background where divorce is taboo, my perspective is that many Christians going through divorce can often be less equipped do deal with it properly. Take your view of when you should and shouldn't divorce out of the equation. Divorce still happens when you think it shouldn't. And when you, your peers, or life mentors don't think it should happen, an My parents got divorced during my late teen years, and so I have an opinion about these things because of my own experience. Coming from a Christian background where divorce is taboo, my perspective is that many Christians going through divorce can often be less equipped do deal with it properly. Take your view of when you should and shouldn't divorce out of the equation. Divorce still happens when you think it shouldn't. And when you, your peers, or life mentors don't think it should happen, and yet it is happening, the people getting divorced will often find themselves isolated when they need community and care the most. They also need coaching while they navigate a tough time in their life. Jean McBride takes a common sense and methodical approach to how divorce can be done as well as possible. She takes into account the struggles the adults are having while coaching them how to help their children. The book is relatively short, and it is easy to read. If my parents had even done a third of the things McBride talks about in this book, it would have been a dramatic help to me and my younger sisters. If you know someone who is going through a divorce, buy this book and read it. Put aside your opinions about whether they should divorce, come along side of them, and help them work through it with the practical items Jean McBride gives us. I understand sometimes you need to challenge a brother or sister in Christ about whether they should be getting a divorce. I am not saying you shouldn't do that. What I am saying is that you SHOULD NOT abandon them once they are going forward with the divorce.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Shelley

    Straightforward, practical advice not only on telling your kids about divorce but also on basic coparenting guidelines. I recommend this book to all of my clients going through a divorce with children.

  4. 4 out of 5

    PAOLA ALFARO

    Talkong to Children about divorce give me hope That with this guide I can move forward, and my kids too. In a healthy enviroment. Thank you so much

  5. 5 out of 5

    April

    Whole no one wants to be in this situation, the ideas and concepts suggested here are really good ones. I would recommend this to anyone going through a separation or divorce.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Cindy

    A must read for this situation!

  7. 4 out of 5

    George Schimmek

    A difficult subject Never an easy topic. It is so critical that kids understand and do not feel responsible. We all need more tools

  8. 4 out of 5

    SOMDReigel

    Talking to Children about Divorce is a good resource for parents coping with the challenges of divorce and parenting. It gives pointers on having honest conversations about some of the different issues and emotions that arise prior, during, and after divorce proceedings. Shows it’s possible to get through divorce without shame, fear, blame, and anger. In this book you will be given ideas on how to help your child get through the emotions of divorce, sample dialogue of situations that commonly oc Talking to Children about Divorce is a good resource for parents coping with the challenges of divorce and parenting. It gives pointers on having honest conversations about some of the different issues and emotions that arise prior, during, and after divorce proceedings. Shows it’s possible to get through divorce without shame, fear, blame, and anger. In this book you will be given ideas on how to help your child get through the emotions of divorce, sample dialogue of situations that commonly occur during divorce, teach ways to improve communication with both your ex-spouse as well as your children, and breaks down what to say and what to do based on different age groups. Some of the biggest outtakes I took from this book was choosing your words, watch your tone and body language and to keep your kids out of the middle. I feel most of the book would benefit those going thru a “cooperative” divorce. The book does gives suggestions for those going thru the “angry” and “distant” divorces. In an ideal world both parties will read and benefit from this book. I felt this book was easy to read and laid out well. I have not had a personal experience of divorce. However, I am in the child care field and found this book helpful as some of my clients have gone thru divorce. Now I have a wonderful reference I can recommend if the need should arise. I think parents, family members, child care providers, and teachers could benefit from this book. "I received this product at a discounted rate in exchange for my honest and unbiased review."

  9. 4 out of 5

    Burgandy

  10. 5 out of 5

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  19. 5 out of 5

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  20. 4 out of 5

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  21. 4 out of 5

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  22. 5 out of 5

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  23. 5 out of 5

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  24. 5 out of 5

    Victor Gyulnazaryan

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