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There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love

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The creator of the viral hit "Empathy Cards" teams up with a compassion expert to produce a visually stunning and groundbreaking illustrated guide to help you increase your emotional intelligence and learn how to offer comfort and support when someone you know is in pain. When someone you know is hurting, you want to let her know that you care. But many people don’t know wh The creator of the viral hit "Empathy Cards" teams up with a compassion expert to produce a visually stunning and groundbreaking illustrated guide to help you increase your emotional intelligence and learn how to offer comfort and support when someone you know is in pain. When someone you know is hurting, you want to let her know that you care. But many people don’t know what words to use—or are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. This thoughtful, instructive guide, from empathy expert Dr. Kelsey Crowe and greeting card maverick Emily McDowell, blends well-researched, actionable advice with the no-nonsense humor and the signature illustration style of McDowell's immensely popular Empathy Cards, to help you feel confident in connecting with anyone experiencing grief, loss, illness, or any other difficult situation. Written in a how-to, relatable, we’ve-all-been-that-deer-in-the-headlights kind of way, There Is No Good Card for This isn’t a spiritual treatise on how to make you a better person or a scientific argument about why compassion matters. It is a helpful illustrated guide to effective compassion that takes you, step by step by step, past the paralysis of thinking about someone in a difficult time to actually doing something (or nothing) with good judgment instead of fear. There Is No Good Card for This features workbook exercises, sample dialogs, and real-life examples from Dr. Crowe’s research, including her popular "Empathy Bootcamps" that give people tools for building relationships when it really counts. Whether it’s a coworker whose mother has died, a neighbor whose husband has been in a car accident, or a friend who is seriously ill, There Is No Good Card for This teaches you how to be the best friend you can be to someone in need.


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The creator of the viral hit "Empathy Cards" teams up with a compassion expert to produce a visually stunning and groundbreaking illustrated guide to help you increase your emotional intelligence and learn how to offer comfort and support when someone you know is in pain. When someone you know is hurting, you want to let her know that you care. But many people don’t know wh The creator of the viral hit "Empathy Cards" teams up with a compassion expert to produce a visually stunning and groundbreaking illustrated guide to help you increase your emotional intelligence and learn how to offer comfort and support when someone you know is in pain. When someone you know is hurting, you want to let her know that you care. But many people don’t know what words to use—or are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. This thoughtful, instructive guide, from empathy expert Dr. Kelsey Crowe and greeting card maverick Emily McDowell, blends well-researched, actionable advice with the no-nonsense humor and the signature illustration style of McDowell's immensely popular Empathy Cards, to help you feel confident in connecting with anyone experiencing grief, loss, illness, or any other difficult situation. Written in a how-to, relatable, we’ve-all-been-that-deer-in-the-headlights kind of way, There Is No Good Card for This isn’t a spiritual treatise on how to make you a better person or a scientific argument about why compassion matters. It is a helpful illustrated guide to effective compassion that takes you, step by step by step, past the paralysis of thinking about someone in a difficult time to actually doing something (or nothing) with good judgment instead of fear. There Is No Good Card for This features workbook exercises, sample dialogs, and real-life examples from Dr. Crowe’s research, including her popular "Empathy Bootcamps" that give people tools for building relationships when it really counts. Whether it’s a coworker whose mother has died, a neighbor whose husband has been in a car accident, or a friend who is seriously ill, There Is No Good Card for This teaches you how to be the best friend you can be to someone in need.

30 review for There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love

  1. 4 out of 5

    Sheri

    You know how you always feel awkward when bad stuff is happening to people you care about? You never quite know what to say to or what to do. This book is a practical guide on how to be supportive in tough situations. I highly recommend this excellent book that is well worth the read!

  2. 5 out of 5

    Laura

    This book should be mandatory reading for every human.

  3. 4 out of 5

    ❄️✨ Kat ✨❄️

    EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK! It discusses what to do to help people who are in distress - what you can say, and if you aren't great at talking/listening, what you can do to help. It also states phrases that are very common, that really aren't that helpful.. such as "I know how you feel" or "Maybe you should (insert unwanted advice here.)" All in all, this is a great, super informing read. EVERYONE SHOULD READ THIS BOOK! It discusses what to do to help people who are in distress - what you can say, and if you aren't great at talking/listening, what you can do to help. It also states phrases that are very common, that really aren't that helpful.. such as "I know how you feel" or "Maybe you should (insert unwanted advice here.)" All in all, this is a great, super informing read.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Meredith

    This is a guide to giving support to people in particularly difficult situations. It's fantastic to encourage people to show up for others in need. People want to do this but often have no idea how, which is why this is a great topic for a book. I was very excited when I saw There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love. However, it was a lot less helpful than I thought it would be. What I found helpful The authors remind those receivin This is a guide to giving support to people in particularly difficult situations. It's fantastic to encourage people to show up for others in need. People want to do this but often have no idea how, which is why this is a great topic for a book. I was very excited when I saw There Is No Good Card for This: What To Say and Do When Life Is Scary, Awful, and Unfair to People You Love. However, it was a lot less helpful than I thought it would be. What I found helpful The authors remind those receiving support to value what is being given even if it's not what they want and remind those giving support to give what they can give and what they want to give instead of what they feel they should give. Yes, right on! Be grateful for what you receive, and don't give out of resentful obligation. As part of the self-evaluation in preparation for giving support to others (page 38), readers are asked to think of times when they needed support but did not receive what they felt they needed. This exercise then challenges them to ask themselves: * if they had fully admitted their needs at the times * if they fully appreciated what was being offered instead of what they thought should have been offered * if they asked the person for more then s/he could give at that time or over a series of times * if that person is a different person now A reoccurring theme in the book is that people expect support but are hesitant to ask for what they need and/or feel disappointed because they receive inadequate support. Being honest about what your needs are and if someone is capable of giving you that kind of support can prevent this from happening. Being appreciative of what is offered even if you would have rather had something else is also beneficial. See the previous point. The idea of a person appointing a communications guru (page 158) is fabulous advice. This point person is then in charge of updating someone's circle of family and friends, which relieves the suffering person of the burden of telling everyone individually. This way s/he needs only to tell one person, and that person will take care of notifying everyone who needs to be notified. This is an especially good idea to prevent someone from having to relive the trauma of an event or experiencing distress with each retelling. The authors list three instances when attempting to help someone is a bad idea (pages 81 -- 82). Sometimes you just can't help someone, and it's important to recognize this. The list of Go-To Phrases (page 131) is great. Chapter 7 (pages 227 to 243) contains cheat sheets of what to say and what not to say as well as helpful gestures, arranged by topic. Likewise, Chapter 6 "Please Never Say This (Thanks!)" (pages 185 to 226) is a good resource for things that people in need of support generally find unhelpful. There is a list of unhelpful statements on page 206. One of the things this book does well as point out situations in which one can easily stick one's foot in one's mouth and provides helpful scripts and tips such as being aware that if an emotional response is provoked in you as a listener that could cause you to respond in an unhelpful manner. It's not the thought that counts even though "your kindness is your credential," so watch your mouth. The authors give a few reasons why offers of help might not be accepted (page 165), but they leave out several other valid reasons such as someone may feel uncomfortable allowing someone whom they don't know very well do [X] for them. Kudos to the authors for recognizing that some people still value their privacy. Topics requiring discretion are listed on pages 170 to 174. The idea that small gestures can make a big difference is an important theme. Remember: "Adequate is awesome" (page 181). What I found to be unhelpful/questionable This book advocates only supportive listening. Supportive listening is listening in which the person doing the listening: * encourages the person in need of support to talk as much as s/he likes * listens without judgement even if the unfortunate situation for which someone requires support is the direct result of his/her own actions * doesn't imply in any way that the speaker has any responsibility for what happened * doesn't try to extract any meaning from what is being said * doesn't attempt to identify any of the speaker's emotions * doesn't ask any clarifying questions * doesn't offer any advice or attempt to fix the problem * doesn't share any related/similar experiences from his/her own life * expresses no knowledge of the situation/event/illness * under no circumstances says anything that can be construed as pity * makes only reaffirming non-committal remarks that are neither encouraging or discouraging So, basically the listener is a mostly silent sounding board on which the person in need can unload. I agree 100% that sometimes people need someone to just listen to how they feel without trying to problem solve, but there is a place for therapeutic support as well, and this book seems to disregard that. There are no caveats on when supportive listening crosses the line into enabling or encouraging self-destructive behavior and mindsets. The example from page 93 in which the gentlemen describes how supportive his friends and family were of allowing him to talk "ad nauseam" about how is relationship with his wife was "going south" for "many years" until he finally decided to do something demonstrates this. Didn't anyone point out to him that if his marriage is on a downward trend, then maybe he should be talking to his wife instead of everyone except her or better yet talk to both his wife and a marriage counselor? That's something that a therapeutic listener should suggest, but supportive listeners aren't allowed to give advice or ask questions such as "Have you told your wife how you are feeling?" or "Have you considered seeing a marriage counselor?" There's another divorce example in which the listener asks the person announcing her decision to file for divorce if she's considered how this will affect her children, which earns the listener ire from the authors. Now this response is totally inappropriate for acquaintances, co-workers, and casual friends who should just offer their condolences and ask if there is anything they can do to help her through this difficult time, but for a close friend or relative, this may be a valid question especially if her reason for getting a divorce is "I'm not in love anymore" or "I'm just not happy" or "I met someone whom I like better than my current partner." If you're going to completely destabilize your children's lives, you owe it to them to have a compelling reason, and someone may have to kick you if you're only looking out from #1 and feel like walking out of a relationship with which you are bored. This is, of course, therapeutic and not supportive. There are no guidelines for when to cut someone off from your support. At what point, after how many months or years, should one say, "If you aren't going to do something about this, then you need to stop talking to me about it." In one of the examples, a woman knew her husband was cheating on her for 6 out of 7 years of their marriage. The authors then criticized her sister for being unsupportive because, instead of just placidly listening, whenever the wronged wife vented to her, her sister told her that her husband was a jerk and that she should file for divorce. Even if her sister had been a "supportive" listener, when should she have drawn the line and said either stop lamenting and accept the situation or end the relationship? After 1 year, 2 years, 3 years ... ? And why should her family and friends support her decision to persist in clearly unhealthy behavior. This is never explained, and it should be. There is also a lot of entitlement and obligation to reach out, which I personally didn't like. One reason other generations are down on Millennials is that they reveal their innermost feelings to total strangers and expect others to actualize them and unconditionally support their every action, belief, thought, and feeling no matter what. There are a lot of unrealistic expectations on the part of the person needing support. For example, there is an anecdote in which the neighborhood butcher tells acquaintances about her divorce and then is offended when they respond with sympathy because she's actually happy about getting divorce. How are acquaintances supposed to know that? And why is she divulging details about her personal life to near strangers? Is she fishing for dates? I've always admired you when you visit my meat counter. Now that I'm getting divorced, we should hook up. If it's great news that she's sharing, then maybe she should have prefaced this revelation with "I have great news," which would have clued in the listener to the response she wanted. In another example, the person is offended because she felt optimistic about her cancer diagnosis, but the person to whom she was talking responded with an "I'm sorry. This must be terrible for you." Usually, people are offended when others are dismissively optimistic about things like serious illnesses that are potentially fatal (see pages 204 to 207). What kind of response did she expect? Why was correcting the listener that this is something about which she feels optimistic not enough to prevent lasting hurt feelings? That's another thing. There is a lot of contradictory advice. The reader is told both that s/he should and shouldn't say "I'm sorry" and that s/he should and shouldn't ask "How are you?" Sometimes reaching out to someone who may need support is what one should do and sometimes it's wildly insensitive. You can feel bad for them, but hell hath no fury if that sympathy crosses the line into anything that could be interpreted as pity. I was very confused by this. This is precisely why people who want to reach out often don't. They don't want to put their foot in a no-win situation in which it's not the thought that counts. I agree that people often say horribly insensitive things with the best intentions. (And I'm not talking about jackasses giving snide armchair commentary here.) While it's hurtful, it's best not to personalize this -- personalization being one of the ten most common cognitive distortions -- and remember that it's the thought that counts. But this book emphasizes that it isn't the thought that counts; it's being helpful that counts. Then to compound that, basically every way a person can respond besides silence and reaffirming nothings that encourage someone to talk is framed as detrimental. This strikes me as somewhat dubious.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Emma Deplores Goodreads Censorship

    This is a great primer on how to help when things go seriously wrong for other people in your life. It’s largely aimed at those who want to reach out and help but don’t know how, but in its discussions of what is and isn’t helpful when someone is suffering, I suspect it would be helpful to most people. We tend to learn what to say in the face of other people’s distress from the things other people have said to us or in our presence, much of which isn’t actually helpful. This book will help you w This is a great primer on how to help when things go seriously wrong for other people in your life. It’s largely aimed at those who want to reach out and help but don’t know how, but in its discussions of what is and isn’t helpful when someone is suffering, I suspect it would be helpful to most people. We tend to learn what to say in the face of other people’s distress from the things other people have said to us or in our presence, much of which isn’t actually helpful. This book will help you with that, and it’s a very quick and easy read, full of fun graphics and illustrations, that can easily be devoured in a single sitting. Its contents will be obvious to some, but with this sort of book I think the point is less to reveal new and shocking information and more getting people to examine things they hadn’t really thought about before. Some key takeaways: - It can be really hard to know what to do when something awful happens to someone you know. How do you know what’s the right thing to say, or how you can best help? Is it your place to say or do anything, or would you just be intruding? What if you want to show that you care, but are busy or overwhelmed by your own life and don’t have the bandwidth to do much? Most of us have a shameful story about someone we let down because we didn’t feel up to dealing with their situation. (And here I thought it was just me.) - But if you genuinely care, even just a little (as opposed to being curious or a little gleeful about someone’s downfall), it’s almost always better to reach out than not, even if it’s just to say “I’m sorry.” - “I’m sorry” is a great starting point in most situations, and in some cases may be all you need to do. Asking people how they’re doing is also a good idea, unless they are obviously in crisis. “How are you today?” when someone’s been dealing with something for a little while, or “how are you now?” when the issue is largely behind them, are also ways of showing you genuinely care. - If you want to provide some kind of help, don’t just vaguely say “let me know if I can do anything” and leave the person in crisis to figure out what they need, wonder if that’s too much to ask of you or if you just meant to be polite, and risk being turned down if you can’t help in that way. Offer the thing(s) you can provide. Or if you’re thinking of something small like buying candy, just do it rather than pestering someone in crisis for all the details of their preferences. - Don’t respond to someone else’s crisis with positive platitudes. Sentiments like “I’m sure it’ll turn out all right” or “everything happens for a reason” or “you just have to stay positive” send the message that you’re not interested in hearing about the actual difficult emotions and experiences that the person is having, and shuts down the conversation. I think people do this out of a sense that we’re supposed to “fix” the problem, and if it’s too big a problem for us to actually fix, then we have to leave the subject on a positive note somehow. We feel like failures if we can’t offer some help, and if we actually can’t, we resort to insisting on positivity. But of course the reality is that offering someone a platitude not only doesn’t help them, but can send the message that you can’t handle a real talk about whatever they’re experiencing. - Don’t respond by trying to ferret out the cause of someone’s misfortune, which can be indistinguishable from blaming them for it. (“Your father has lung cancer? Well, wasn’t he a smoker?”) - Don’t respond with unsolicited advice or dire warnings. Assume the other person has spent far more time googling their situation than you have. Affirming your faith in their judgment and competence can be helpful for someone in crisis. If you really do have specialized knowledge related to their situation, you can always say, “I’m happy to give you advice if you want it.” There’s a lot more good, sensible advice in the book than I have time or space to include here. And in general, I think the authors do a great job of taking into account the wide varieties of situations in which people might find themselves, and differences among people who won’t all want to be supported in the same way. There are a few suggestions here that I wouldn’t take, like saying “that can be hard” to account for the fact that some people feel good about their divorces or optimistic about their diagnoses. To me that seems to suggest that you have broad experience with the person’s particular issue, and would sound full of it coming from someone who doesn’t. The book also talks a lot about the importance of listening and not turning the conversation to your own similar experiences, which is important if the suffering person wants to talk, but not everyone wants to pour out their heart to you (or to anyone) about their difficult time. Though I suppose erring on the side of listening makes sense, especially for those who have to work at it. At any rate, the point of a book like this is to present its mostly common-sense advice in an engaging, easy-to-digest format and to get people thinking about it, so they’ll actually be prepared to handle difficult situations in their own lives. And at that the book succeeds.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Kathryn

    This book is such a good idea. All of us are faced with what to do or say when tragedy strikes family and friends. This books is colorful, has whimsical illustrations and talks about how to listen, what to say, how to act and what not to do. Did I learn very much? Not really yet it was so nice to be reminded that doing something, no matter how small is oh so important.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Samaire

    2018 has been a rough year so far: a work colleague's house burned down, a dear friend had a mastectomy, an extended family member passed away. Tragedy has a terrible way of making me feel powerless in the wake of my loved one's suffering. This book helped me take back some control and work toward helping the people in my life. Main thoughts: DO SOMETHING - try to express your sympathy in some meaningful way, DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU - and don't compare, JUST LISTEN - enough said. The illustratio 2018 has been a rough year so far: a work colleague's house burned down, a dear friend had a mastectomy, an extended family member passed away. Tragedy has a terrible way of making me feel powerless in the wake of my loved one's suffering. This book helped me take back some control and work toward helping the people in my life. Main thoughts: DO SOMETHING - try to express your sympathy in some meaningful way, DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOU - and don't compare, JUST LISTEN - enough said. The illustrations are adorable, but very hard to view on kindle format (so small). Recommended for helping readers to build empathy and compassion, and gives a variety of tools and suggestions to give sympathy from a first world/ American perspective.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Lindsaygail

    I loved this book, and wish everybody would read it. We've all been in the situation where someone we care about has had awful news or loss of some kind, and we WANT to help, but we're afraid. What if we say the wrong thing and upset them more? What if they don't want anyone to know, or bring it up? What if they cry?! This book is a step-by-step guide (complete with delightful illustrations!) for navigating exactly these situations. It offers concrete examples and advice for being a more empathet I loved this book, and wish everybody would read it. We've all been in the situation where someone we care about has had awful news or loss of some kind, and we WANT to help, but we're afraid. What if we say the wrong thing and upset them more? What if they don't want anyone to know, or bring it up? What if they cry?! This book is a step-by-step guide (complete with delightful illustrations!) for navigating exactly these situations. It offers concrete examples and advice for being a more empathetic, caring person to those who need you. (All while reassuring the reader that you can only do so much, people probably need less from you than you're worried they might, and that you should play to your strengths while figuring out how you can help.) It examines a lot of our natural impulses in these situations and points out the kinds of things we SHOULDN'T say, while at the same time admitting we all make mistakes in this area, almost always well-intentioned ones. This book is forgiving and judgement-free, and can teach you so much. I came out of it feeling much more confident in my ability to be a good friend when the people I love are having problems. I think most people could benefit from it, and it's a quick read as well!

  9. 4 out of 5

    Cari

    Should be required reading for all people.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Sara

    Everyone should read this! How many times in your life have you wanted to be helpful towards someone going through a rough patch but felt awkward about what to do or say? This book outlines how to really "be there" for others in terms even the most emotionally/socially backward among us can comprehend. Here's the great part--it doesn't take much! Turns out our smallest efforts can make the biggest difference for those we care about. Great resource for real life! Everyone should read this! How many times in your life have you wanted to be helpful towards someone going through a rough patch but felt awkward about what to do or say? This book outlines how to really "be there" for others in terms even the most emotionally/socially backward among us can comprehend. Here's the great part--it doesn't take much! Turns out our smallest efforts can make the biggest difference for those we care about. Great resource for real life!

  11. 5 out of 5

    Emily

    A great book for someone like me (i.e the socially awkward and ) Also good for regular people too

  12. 4 out of 5

    Colona Public Library

    I saw this book in an article that listed some books about self-improvement for the new year (Jan. 2018 is fast approaching!) And I thought this book was an incredible idea! I see and talk to so many patrons and when they are experiencing a loss or some hard times and I always wondered if I'm saying or doing the right things. If you can remember that your kindness is your credential, listening speaks volumes, and small gestures make a big difference then you will go a long way. This book covers I saw this book in an article that listed some books about self-improvement for the new year (Jan. 2018 is fast approaching!) And I thought this book was an incredible idea! I see and talk to so many patrons and when they are experiencing a loss or some hard times and I always wondered if I'm saying or doing the right things. If you can remember that your kindness is your credential, listening speaks volumes, and small gestures make a big difference then you will go a long way. This book covers a lot, has examples of conversations, the pages have an easy reading format (some fun fonts and illustrations occasionally), and I like the reviews of what was covered at the end of chapters. This book was very helpful, there are a few things in here that are going to stick with me for sure! I highly recommend! ~Ashley

  13. 4 out of 5

    Offbalance

    In the crazy, far-off land known as Corporate America, citizens are often required to take exams on certain topics (such as Cyber Security or Ethics) every year or so to make sure they're in a certain level of compliance. While draconian and annoying, it's just the way things go, and something I never thought much of until I read this book. Until I read this book, I never thought citizens in the actual world should have an analogue to this process, but now I believe that every year, every human In the crazy, far-off land known as Corporate America, citizens are often required to take exams on certain topics (such as Cyber Security or Ethics) every year or so to make sure they're in a certain level of compliance. While draconian and annoying, it's just the way things go, and something I never thought much of until I read this book. Until I read this book, I never thought citizens in the actual world should have an analogue to this process, but now I believe that every year, every human who interacts with other humans should have to read this book and pass a test based on it. I've never read anything more valuable about interacting with people having a rough time that you're either close or simply adjacent to. It's simple, direct, and incredibly effective. It's a blissfully brief read, too, with lots of plain language, pictures, and charts. It's easy to skip around to parts you immediately need, too. Do not delay - you need this book, even as a refresher course.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Melissa

    If you've ever had a family member, close friend or casual acquaintance go through something difficult, you've probably deliberated over whether or not to reach out, and how exactly to do that. You may have fretted over doing or saying the wrong thing. Until now, I've never come across a book that addresses this topic in a practical, yet humorous sort of way. A blend of social science research and quirky illustrations, this book is one-of-a-kind. It's an excellent primer on showing empathy and e If you've ever had a family member, close friend or casual acquaintance go through something difficult, you've probably deliberated over whether or not to reach out, and how exactly to do that. You may have fretted over doing or saying the wrong thing. Until now, I've never come across a book that addresses this topic in a practical, yet humorous sort of way. A blend of social science research and quirky illustrations, this book is one-of-a-kind. It's an excellent primer on showing empathy and exercising compassion, and explaining exactly how those two things are different. It breaks down the kinds of conversations and ways of reaching out that are helpful to grieving people, and points out the well-meaning but often poorly received types of glib phrases we tend to say when people go through hardship. The concluding section reminds readers why it matters that we care to show up for others in the first place, in a concise and beautiful way. In short, read this book if you want to be a better human.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Rose Ann

    I think everyone should read this book! Whether you currently know someone in a crisis or not. It really makes you step back and take a minute to realize how things you say (or don't say) affect people. And most importantly...to listen. So much more to say about this book....I have it littered with post-it's! Easy to read! I think everyone should read this book! Whether you currently know someone in a crisis or not. It really makes you step back and take a minute to realize how things you say (or don't say) affect people. And most importantly...to listen. So much more to say about this book....I have it littered with post-it's! Easy to read!

  16. 5 out of 5

    Stacy

    Some of this was pretty common sense information, especially for anyone who has been on the receiving end of condolences. But the book gives good all purpose advice on avoiding blunders and on avoidance in general (a blunder) when expressing sympathy. It also actually gives information about good listening skills.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Fictionista Du Jour

    Super helpful book if you are looking to be a more open, giving person. Its lovely, easy to read, and full of helpful illustrations and lists. Every single person should read this before ever being exposed to a grieving or in-crisis person.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Jay

    Having run across a virulent stretch of bad news among co-workers and friends in the recent past, I’ve come to realize that I am probably not reaching out or responding in a way that matches my good intentions. I often stumble for the words to express my regret and to offer solace. I thought this book sounded like a good way to learn how to make this part of interacting with others a bit more accessible when needed. I had a couple of other reasons to listen to this audiobook. First, I had read S Having run across a virulent stretch of bad news among co-workers and friends in the recent past, I’ve come to realize that I am probably not reaching out or responding in a way that matches my good intentions. I often stumble for the words to express my regret and to offer solace. I thought this book sounded like a good way to learn how to make this part of interacting with others a bit more accessible when needed. I had a couple of other reasons to listen to this audiobook. First, I had read Sheryl Sandberg’s book “Option B”, which included some pointers in what not to say to people in grief. I wanted more. (And I was not surprised that this book quoted the passages I most remembered from “Option B”.) Also, I had my college-age daughter in the car while listening to the audiobook. She is in a major where she may get a job dealing with families facing rough patches, and I suspect that dealing with families with compassion is not deeply covered in her curriculum. She says it isn’t covered at all. I’m hoping that she picked up some of the advice offered in the book, as I discussed it with her. This kind of advice can make the difference between her starting her career off well and not, as she interacts with her first clients. Lastly, I wanted to read this book considering the perspective of a receiver of other’s attentions due to my own grief. My father passed away recently, and I found that I often didn’t know how best to respond to people showing their concern. While this book wasn’t written with this perspective in mind, it does help by making you understand what people are thinking and what their intentions are based on what they say and do. Overall, this was just what I was looking for. Not too deep, but deep enough. Just the right amount of the author’s personalities comes through to keep this interesting and human. The audiobook version of this book felt like it contained the right kind of material for listening. No forgettable long lists, although there are some lists in the text. I read in other reviews that there are checklists, etc. in the book, so that might be good for a longer term reference if needed. The audiobook narrator was very good and I felt engaged throughout. I found this interesting – even though the book is called “There Is No Good Card For This”, one of the authors sells cards for grief. And one of their cards says, “There Is No Good Card For This.” Seems a bit Escher. I often read books written by consultants who use the book to sell their consulting services. And I often don’t like these kinds of books, feeling like I paid to be advertised to. Here, I don’t see a problem if the author sells some cards. And, strangely, it looks like reading the messages on the cards is like a summary of the book.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Melle

    I would like to think I am an empathetic and supportive person, but my words and actions sometimes fail me, as they sometimes do many of us. This is a great book for encouraging us to reach out to one another when we need it most, despite the inevitable awkwardness and missteps. It presents the ways many of us have erred while also presenting better examples of words and actions we can use to show the care and support to others in need. Should be required reading for human beings. Will be endeav I would like to think I am an empathetic and supportive person, but my words and actions sometimes fail me, as they sometimes do many of us. This is a great book for encouraging us to reach out to one another when we need it most, despite the inevitable awkwardness and missteps. It presents the ways many of us have erred while also presenting better examples of words and actions we can use to show the care and support to others in need. Should be required reading for human beings. Will be endeavoring to be a better human being and thankful to have read this for some added push.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Kris

    This is an easy, but important, read. Everyone will eventually be on both sides of tough situations - either you will be in the tough situation, or you will be the friend, loved one, or acquaintance wondering what to say and do. There is both practical advice and a general explanation of empathy. So many people mean well, but either say or do nothing for those who are struggling, or they do damage through saying really hurtful things. Other than truly egregious things, it is usually better to er This is an easy, but important, read. Everyone will eventually be on both sides of tough situations - either you will be in the tough situation, or you will be the friend, loved one, or acquaintance wondering what to say and do. There is both practical advice and a general explanation of empathy. So many people mean well, but either say or do nothing for those who are struggling, or they do damage through saying really hurtful things. Other than truly egregious things, it is usually better to err on the side of trying to listen and help, and this book will be helpful in doing that.

  21. 4 out of 5

    Jen

    (3.5). It’s a reference book for anyone who feels awkward and unsure how to be there for strangers, acquaintances, co-workers, family or close friends who have something bad happen. It’s well-written and cute, with practical examples and reference charts. Unfortunately the people who really need to read this book, probably won’t, but everyone else wishes they would. Should be mandatory reading for all humans who don’t already get it, and even helpful to improve your empathy skills to those who d (3.5). It’s a reference book for anyone who feels awkward and unsure how to be there for strangers, acquaintances, co-workers, family or close friends who have something bad happen. It’s well-written and cute, with practical examples and reference charts. Unfortunately the people who really need to read this book, probably won’t, but everyone else wishes they would. Should be mandatory reading for all humans who don’t already get it, and even helpful to improve your empathy skills to those who do.

  22. 5 out of 5

    Brooke

    Thank the lord this is over. I am not cut out for non fiction. This book was helpful but also silly. When I started this way back in January I was skeptical, some of the activities were too awkward for me to bother with, but then I unfortunately needed this book when an unfortunate event came along. I think when the “ what do I do??” Moments come up in life’s hard moments The book is helpful in offering opportunities to help, that one doesn’t normally think about.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Annie

    This was an excellent book. I'm buying a copy for my home library. Clearly written, to the point, and so useful in seeing my own issues with dealing with hurting people and recognizing it in how people have treated us during our hard times. This should be required reading for everyone!!! This was an excellent book. I'm buying a copy for my home library. Clearly written, to the point, and so useful in seeing my own issues with dealing with hurting people and recognizing it in how people have treated us during our hard times. This should be required reading for everyone!!!

  24. 4 out of 5

    Cheyanna

    This is a book I highly recommend for anyone who has ever wondered what to say to someone when they are hurting. This book is approachable, funny, and the illustrations help summarize the key concepts in highly accessible ways. I recommend this for teenagers and adults.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Anu

    Having lived through more than my fair share of tragedies, I can attest to the fact that most people are not good at expressing their care and concern for their loved ones in times of crisis. We’re scared of saying the wrong thing or too uncomfortable to even acknowledge the pain the other person is obviously going through. This is a good handbook to aid in saying and doing helpful things when people around us are in a crisis dealt by death, disease or divorce. Grief and loss are complex and unc Having lived through more than my fair share of tragedies, I can attest to the fact that most people are not good at expressing their care and concern for their loved ones in times of crisis. We’re scared of saying the wrong thing or too uncomfortable to even acknowledge the pain the other person is obviously going through. This is a good handbook to aid in saying and doing helpful things when people around us are in a crisis dealt by death, disease or divorce. Grief and loss are complex and uncomfortable, but not showing up for our loved ones when they’re reeling in either, only makes it worse for them. Worthwhile read.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Devon

    Whelp. This book seems to have come at the exact right time for me. It was full of so many helpful tips I wish I could remember even more than have already landed with me so thoroughly. And within the week I have been presented with an opportunity to practice them all as my most beloved person in the entire world has received some frightening health news. If this book helps me love and support her better through this process then it has earned my eternal gratitude and an immediate upgrade to fiv Whelp. This book seems to have come at the exact right time for me. It was full of so many helpful tips I wish I could remember even more than have already landed with me so thoroughly. And within the week I have been presented with an opportunity to practice them all as my most beloved person in the entire world has received some frightening health news. If this book helps me love and support her better through this process then it has earned my eternal gratitude and an immediate upgrade to five star status.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Tina

    Honestly, I got this book to better understand my own reactions to how people were communicating with me after both my parents died. I often felt annoyed and angry and wasn’t totally sure why—especially when people were trying to be nice by calling me brave or strong. I also felt that I had been assigned an extra amount of responsibility over other people’s feelings because so many conversations I have still end up with me comforting other people for how they feel about my situation. This is a h Honestly, I got this book to better understand my own reactions to how people were communicating with me after both my parents died. I often felt annoyed and angry and wasn’t totally sure why—especially when people were trying to be nice by calling me brave or strong. I also felt that I had been assigned an extra amount of responsibility over other people’s feelings because so many conversations I have still end up with me comforting other people for how they feel about my situation. This is a helpful book for everyone, especially part three.

  28. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    This was an excellent wake-up call for me. I grabbed it just out of vague interest but this entire book has been a big lesson. I DO ALL THESE TERRIBLE THINGS! I give unwanted advice, I try to find ways to fix the problem, I push solutions, and I share my similar experiences because I always thought that it would help for them to know they aren't alone. I didn't even realize I was making things about me. So this book is a life-saver (or maybe a friend-saver?) because now I can stop driving people This was an excellent wake-up call for me. I grabbed it just out of vague interest but this entire book has been a big lesson. I DO ALL THESE TERRIBLE THINGS! I give unwanted advice, I try to find ways to fix the problem, I push solutions, and I share my similar experiences because I always thought that it would help for them to know they aren't alone. I didn't even realize I was making things about me. So this book is a life-saver (or maybe a friend-saver?) because now I can stop driving people away. I am really grateful for this book and how straightforward, easy to understand, and quick it was. I definitely recommend this to anyone who has friends or people they care about who could potentially go through something difficult. So everyone. This book really taught me something!

  29. 4 out of 5

    Marsha Hay

    I need some of these cards! Not exactly an earth shattering book but I think a lot of people could learn a lot from it.

  30. 5 out of 5

    Joan

    Full of excellent down to earth advice about what to say when confronted with someone you care about who is having a horrible event. It isn't full of pompous useless bromides such as "you'll be stronger because of this", or "learn something from this" or imply it is somehow their fault. It suggests the simple statements: "I'm so sorry". It suggests keep the conversation on the person in crisis. They can wait to hear your experience with your dying hamster another time. It suggests specific offer Full of excellent down to earth advice about what to say when confronted with someone you care about who is having a horrible event. It isn't full of pompous useless bromides such as "you'll be stronger because of this", or "learn something from this" or imply it is somehow their fault. It suggests the simple statements: "I'm so sorry". It suggests keep the conversation on the person in crisis. They can wait to hear your experience with your dying hamster another time. It suggests specific offers of help IF you feel you are up to helping out. Such as telling the person I'm available on Tuesday to give you rides if you need them. It also gives you permission to do as much or as little as you are able. It does state strongly that you only offer what you know you can do. What a person in crisis does NOT need is a "friend" who doesn't help with what they said they would help with. It also points out the many different ways of helping. If you are an organizer, offer to organize the papers connected with the event (death of a loved one, divorce, illness of self or loved one, infertility, etc). If you are a cook, then cook. etc. I'm very glad I read this!

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