I began writing this memoir drunk many years ago. My disease progressed as did my dysfunction. My day to day experiences involved vomit, bile, heart palpitations, sweating, and shaking towards my end. I will never know why I lived through those withdrawals and some days wish that I had not. Recovery was not and is not easy, especially as a young woman. I have few friends i I began writing this memoir drunk many years ago. My disease progressed as did my dysfunction. My day to day experiences involved vomit, bile, heart palpitations, sweating, and shaking towards my end. I will never know why I lived through those withdrawals and some days wish that I had not. Recovery was not and is not easy, especially as a young woman. I have few friends in recovery. After living through certain death, I continue to struggle with issues I had outside my alcoholism. Being a young woman who will never be young enough, pretty enough, or smart enough. That's why girls like me need God. To handle other women's bullshit and combat our disease.