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In his first book, author Jason Smith explores the depravity and desperation required to maintain an opiate addiction so fierce, he finds himself jumping continents to avoid jail time and learns the hard way that some demons cannot be outrun. While teaching in Europe, he meets a prostitute who secures drugs for him at the dangerous price of helping out the Russian mafia; i In his first book, author Jason Smith explores the depravity and desperation required to maintain an opiate addiction so fierce, he finds himself jumping continents to avoid jail time and learns the hard way that some demons cannot be outrun. While teaching in Europe, he meets a prostitute who secures drugs for him at the dangerous price of helping out the Russian mafia; in China, he gets his Percocet and Xanax fix but terrifies a crowd of children and parents at his job in the process; and in Mexico, Smith thought a Tijuana jail cell would be the perfect place to kick his Fentanyl habit, but soon realizes that the power of addiction is stronger than his desire to escape it. The Bitter Taste of Dying paints a portrait of the modern day drug addict with clarity and refreshing honesty. With a gritty mixture of self-deprecation and light-hearted confessional, Smith’s memoir deftly describes the journey into the harrowing depths of addiction and demonstrates the experience of finally being released from it. "Jason is a great writer who's clearly done the life-destroying research that I can relate to. This is the voice of a new generation of drug addicts." – Jerry Stahl, NY Times bestselling author of Permanent Midnight and Happy Mutant Baby Pills


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In his first book, author Jason Smith explores the depravity and desperation required to maintain an opiate addiction so fierce, he finds himself jumping continents to avoid jail time and learns the hard way that some demons cannot be outrun. While teaching in Europe, he meets a prostitute who secures drugs for him at the dangerous price of helping out the Russian mafia; i In his first book, author Jason Smith explores the depravity and desperation required to maintain an opiate addiction so fierce, he finds himself jumping continents to avoid jail time and learns the hard way that some demons cannot be outrun. While teaching in Europe, he meets a prostitute who secures drugs for him at the dangerous price of helping out the Russian mafia; in China, he gets his Percocet and Xanax fix but terrifies a crowd of children and parents at his job in the process; and in Mexico, Smith thought a Tijuana jail cell would be the perfect place to kick his Fentanyl habit, but soon realizes that the power of addiction is stronger than his desire to escape it. The Bitter Taste of Dying paints a portrait of the modern day drug addict with clarity and refreshing honesty. With a gritty mixture of self-deprecation and light-hearted confessional, Smith’s memoir deftly describes the journey into the harrowing depths of addiction and demonstrates the experience of finally being released from it. "Jason is a great writer who's clearly done the life-destroying research that I can relate to. This is the voice of a new generation of drug addicts." – Jerry Stahl, NY Times bestselling author of Permanent Midnight and Happy Mutant Baby Pills

30 review for The Bitter Taste of Dying: A Memoir

  1. 5 out of 5

    Sky Fuller

    I’ve been avoiding this book as I figured it would be too dark and painful. Had a few hours to kill yesterday and breezed through it. Wouldn’t quite call it uplifting but certainly not the depressing tale I was expecting - and it ends on a very positive note. It’s a great firsthand account of prescription medication addiction that could happen to anyone. The author was a clean cut kid, good student, stellar athlete, from an intact family - who suffered through a 16 year pain medication addiction I’ve been avoiding this book as I figured it would be too dark and painful. Had a few hours to kill yesterday and breezed through it. Wouldn’t quite call it uplifting but certainly not the depressing tale I was expecting - and it ends on a very positive note. It’s a great firsthand account of prescription medication addiction that could happen to anyone. The author was a clean cut kid, good student, stellar athlete, from an intact family - who suffered through a 16 year pain medication addiction as a result of a football injury at age 17. The language is rotten and I know lots of people who wouldn’t be able to finish the book as a result of that. This aspect was slightly disappointing. I think I was more drawn to this story because the author is from my home town. Otherwise, I would have probably put it down and opted for a memoir that told the same story but stuck to higher literary standards. If nothing else it’s worth reading the 5 page afterword & acknowledgements. There is a really great paragraph that describes the superior problem solving abilities of drug addicts, who can use the same skills they used to feed their habits, to do something positive in the community - if given a chance once clean. Definitely gave me a much needed new perspective on this problem. Thanks to whomever recommended it to me. Can’t remember but I know a few people did and I was quick to dismiss the recommendation as something that wouldn’t work for me.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Jen from Quebec :0)

    Fantastic! A memoir that read like a real, structured NOVEL. A brutal and graphic depiction of a teen dealing firsthand with a family member's death by drug overdose--Jen from Quebec :0) Fantastic! A memoir that read like a real, structured NOVEL. A brutal and graphic depiction of a teen dealing firsthand with a family member's death by drug overdose--Jen from Quebec :0)

  3. 4 out of 5

    Christa Wojo

    Just a few years ago, Jason Smith was lying in his bloody bathtub, the blood slowly draining from his slit wrists. Now he is here to tell us how he reached the point of suicide after his long, dark descent into prescription opiate abuse. The Bitter Taste Dying is a story of resurrection told by an author who has literally come back from the black grip of death. Today’s junkies are not just on the street corner anymore. Big Pharma are the suppliers, and doctors are the pushers, cultivating (perhap Just a few years ago, Jason Smith was lying in his bloody bathtub, the blood slowly draining from his slit wrists. Now he is here to tell us how he reached the point of suicide after his long, dark descent into prescription opiate abuse. The Bitter Taste Dying is a story of resurrection told by an author who has literally come back from the black grip of death. Today’s junkies are not just on the street corner anymore. Big Pharma are the suppliers, and doctors are the pushers, cultivating (perhaps inadvertently, but that’s debatable) a massive population of addicts from all demographics. After a severe car accident, Smith has back surgery and is given a perpetual menu of painkillers and muscle relaxers by his physicians. It doesn’t take long for the high schooler to realize that by taking more than the recommended dosage, he could obtain the warm, euphoric mental and physical comfort only opiates can bring. But all too soon he also discovers the pangs of withdrawal whenever his medication runs out. If anyone has difficulty understanding what an addict feels like, Smith describes it with painful accuracy. “You know that feeling of having your head held under water, the last of your oxygen depleted, where very fiber of your being screams at you to get to the surface for more air? That’s the feeling of needing more drugs…” As Smith grows into a man, his addiction grows to mammoth proportions and he must go through heroic efforts to keep himself in pills and Fentanyl patches. Smith tells the story in an approachable, conversational tone that may have you laughing out loud at some parts. As horrendous as it is watching how far he would go and how morally low he would sink to get more drugs, it’s difficult not to marvel at his ingenuity and boldness. Smith also writes with tender honesty and cutting unabashedness that is rare in any writer, much less any human being. The reader immediately feels very close to him, making his shocking confessions feel like blows. The Bitter Taste of Dying is an important book that underscores the urgency with which society has to address the prescription drug abuse epidemic. It allows us to watch with uncomfortable closeness how easy it is to develop an addiction to pain medication and how quickly and mercilessly it can devour one’s entire life. From aspiring football star to international criminal, Smith shows us step by step how opiate addiction can happen to anyone you know, and very likely destroy them. Most importantly, The Bitter Taste of Dying reveals the light at the end of the tunnel–even the most hopeless addict can make it out alive.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Judy Herzanek

    A Wild Ride: Disturbing, frightening while brutally honest, witty and sarcastic. Author Jason Smith has a rare talent . . . and an amazing story. The Bitter Taste of Dying is his memoir of addiction, struggle, despair, discovery and ultimately, recovery. The book is engaging, brutally honest, dead serious while at the same time, sarcastic and “laugh-out-loud funny.” The Bitter Taste of Dying leaves the reader with graphic mental images of life and death, struggle and surrender. We witness the insi A Wild Ride: Disturbing, frightening while brutally honest, witty and sarcastic. Author Jason Smith has a rare talent . . . and an amazing story. The Bitter Taste of Dying is his memoir of addiction, struggle, despair, discovery and ultimately, recovery. The book is engaging, brutally honest, dead serious while at the same time, sarcastic and “laugh-out-loud funny.” The Bitter Taste of Dying leaves the reader with graphic mental images of life and death, struggle and surrender. We witness the insidiousness of addiction as it slowly and completely consumes Jason. Jason describes the all-consuming nature of drug addiction: “Drug addiction is a love affair, pure and simple. It’s hot, and passionate, and seductive, and engrossing. It’s captivating, in that it makes an addict think about the drug non-stop, never content because you know what you have won’t last, regardless of the size of the most recent score. Maintaining addiction is a game of chess, ever contemplating the NEXT move, the NEXT score, for fear that when what you have is gone, you’ll be without.” He describes the moment he realized he was addicted: “The drugs didn’t get me high anymore. They just kept me from being sick. It’s like the drugs have turned on you, refusing to hold up their end of the bargain. No matter how much I did, I couldn’t get high. I went from chasing a high to running from a detox.” And we read about an ingenious little trick he learned from watching an episode of the “Intervention A&E series.” “I never thought of doing drugs like that. It took about 30 seconds, and when it hit, it hit hard. Woooosh. Euphoria, Instant Euphoria. For the first time in a year, I FELT SOMETHING. Sure, the high was great. But I was just relieved to be able to feel again. I had energy. I could eat. I could leave the house. I could interact with people again. I had life.” Just when we are sure Jason will “reach his bottom” and turn his life around, he veers off onto another detour. Through his honest “no-holds-barred” descriptions, we ever-so-slightly, glimpse into his dark world. “ I wanted to stop with every fiber of my being, but could not. Nothing obliterates the human spirit and self- esteem more than using a substance against your own will, while hating every second of it. I was homeless, living outside of a train station, stealing bread and drinking from public toilets. And when given money to survive, to eat, to re-hydrate, to live like a civilized primate, I chose the drugs.” The vivid memories of his time spent incarcerated and detoxing alone in a Tijuana jail cell is disturbing and frightening. He speaks of his fear of withdrawal: “The only thing worse than a journey through hell is knowing that you’re about to go on a journey through hell.” 16 years later, Jason finally got clean and sober. He writes: “It took me losing everything to appreciate anything.” This memoir reveals great gems of wisdom as it nears the conclusion. Through powerful and painful episodes with his wise, experienced sponsor, Jason eventually learns what it takes to stay clean and sober and truly comes to know that “you help yourself by helping others.” An excellent read and source of hope and wisdom. ~Judy Herzanek/Changing Lives Foundation Co-author of: Why Don't They Just Quit? What families and friends need to know about addiction and recovery.

  5. 5 out of 5

    Jason Pettus

    (Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography [cclapcenter.com]. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.) So what's the most heartbreaking thing about the times we live in, when there have been literally hundreds of millions of books published at this point and several million more getting printed every single year? Well, that would be that, no matter how intriguing or shocking or riveting a true story any par (Reprinted from the Chicago Center for Literature and Photography [cclapcenter.com]. I am the original author of this essay, as well as the owner of CCLaP; it is not being reprinted illegally.) So what's the most heartbreaking thing about the times we live in, when there have been literally hundreds of millions of books published at this point and several million more getting printed every single year? Well, that would be that, no matter how intriguing or shocking or riveting a true story any particular person has lived through by now, there have already been thousands of books already published on that exact subject, making the chances likely that many of them are better than the newest one being penned. Take Jason Smith's The Bitter Taste of Dying, for an unfortunately perfect example; for while Smith absolutely gets an A for his earnestness and honesty when detailing a heroin addiction that consumed him in his youth, the simple fact is that there wasn't a single thing in this entire volume that I haven't already read dozens of times by other writers over the years, and Smith's beginner, single-sentence-paragraph writing style just can't hold a candle to such authors as Jim Carroll or William S. Burroughs who have written so much more powerfully and poetically about this subject. It used to be that the mere fact that Smith actually lived through this tale made it inherently worth reading; but unfortunately this is 2016 when such a statement is no longer true, and it makes me sad to have to admit that Smith's undoubtedly intense experience simply doesn't come across here as very literary or very readable. It is not recommended to a general audience; although as always with books like these, it's well worth the time of someone battling a drug addiction themselves and who wishes to get yet another outsider's perspective on it. Out of 10: 5.5, or 7.5 for recovering drug addicts

  6. 5 out of 5

    Jami

    Wow. This book really grabs onto you and doesn't let go. I was very excited for this book as I have followed Jason's writings on the prescription drug epidemic (and other short stories on Medium) for some time. First and foremost, Jason is a natural storyteller and I am quite certain that he could write a mundane story about going to the grocery store that would be interesting, thought-provoking, and make you laugh out loud. But this is no mundane story. As someone who has not personally struggl Wow. This book really grabs onto you and doesn't let go. I was very excited for this book as I have followed Jason's writings on the prescription drug epidemic (and other short stories on Medium) for some time. First and foremost, Jason is a natural storyteller and I am quite certain that he could write a mundane story about going to the grocery store that would be interesting, thought-provoking, and make you laugh out loud. But this is no mundane story. As someone who has not personally struggled with drug addiction, this was a fascinating read and I felt like I was right there along for the journey...which was honestly terrifying at times. The ride was scary and heart-breaking but also funny and enjoyable, and I couldn't put it down. It is a rare author that can combine all of those things into one book. I have read other autobiographical works regarding addiction that were interesting to read but none felt as heartfelt and authentic as this. I knew Jason when he was that football star and I never would have guessed all that he was going through and continued to go through. Words can't express how glad I am that he is still here to tell his story (or should I say stories). Bottom line, I see more great things to come from Jason and cannot wait for his next book!!

  7. 5 out of 5

    Karla

    A candid look at the extraordinary lengths an addict will go to to feed the flames of their addiction, and how far they will continue to go long after logic, reason, and everything and everyone they ever loved has left them. For the addict, this book is a chance to see the similarities. For the co-addict, this book is a chance to understand the choices, or truly the lack of choice, that addicts have when caught in the throes of their addiction. For everyone, it is a chance to read a good story wel A candid look at the extraordinary lengths an addict will go to to feed the flames of their addiction, and how far they will continue to go long after logic, reason, and everything and everyone they ever loved has left them. For the addict, this book is a chance to see the similarities. For the co-addict, this book is a chance to understand the choices, or truly the lack of choice, that addicts have when caught in the throes of their addiction. For everyone, it is a chance to read a good story well told. For anyone that has been around addiction in any shape or form, there are so many relatable moments. I love the analogy of 'now me', 'tomorrow me', and 'yesterday me', and the clarity when describing his part in things. I've found myself sharing parts of his book or recommending it to people on an almost daily basis since I finished it. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, and I can't wait for the next one from Jason!!

  8. 5 out of 5

    Amber

    Absolutely awesome! If I read a book in a day, I know it was one of the top books I've read. Jason's writing was very sincere and cut to the chase. The book seems to be a truthful account of someone's life stuck in addiction without an overly exaggerated "pink cloud" for an ending. I'm not spoiling it, but I appreciate the writing as well as Jason's openness in this book. It is his story without filler words or chapters...every chapter had me hanging on to the book to get through to the next and Absolutely awesome! If I read a book in a day, I know it was one of the top books I've read. Jason's writing was very sincere and cut to the chase. The book seems to be a truthful account of someone's life stuck in addiction without an overly exaggerated "pink cloud" for an ending. I'm not spoiling it, but I appreciate the writing as well as Jason's openness in this book. It is his story without filler words or chapters...every chapter had me hanging on to the book to get through to the next and I couldn't put it down! Thanks for sharing your story, Jason. I hope your life continues in the direction you dream for!

  9. 4 out of 5

    Michael Klein

    An amazing journey of one man's struggle for 16 years to rid himself of addiction. I struggle with drugs myself and have a daughter struggling with alcohol addiction, so for me this journey,this life story was very poignant. I could not put this book down. Even if you never struggled with addiction, you still will enjoy the read, however it is easier to identify with the author,when you,'ve faced the demons yourself. Thank you Jason for sharing this touching,,grueling and at times embarrassing st An amazing journey of one man's struggle for 16 years to rid himself of addiction. I struggle with drugs myself and have a daughter struggling with alcohol addiction, so for me this journey,this life story was very poignant. I could not put this book down. Even if you never struggled with addiction, you still will enjoy the read, however it is easier to identify with the author,when you,'ve faced the demons yourself. Thank you Jason for sharing this touching,,grueling and at times embarrassing story of your life.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Lyvierre

    I loved this book, read it all in one sit. He's brutally honest, and starts to conceptualize the rationale of a modern day drug addict. He vividly describes the lengths he will go to to feed his addiction. He has a very powerful message in the mentalitly of why relationships fail when you are an addict. A definite reccomendation. I loved this book, read it all in one sit. He's brutally honest, and starts to conceptualize the rationale of a modern day drug addict. He vividly describes the lengths he will go to to feed his addiction. He has a very powerful message in the mentalitly of why relationships fail when you are an addict. A definite reccomendation.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Lauren

    I really enjoyed reading this--it's the latest in the Awesome Addict Memoirs rabbit hole I've fallen down this year (and am loving!). This guy's story is tragic and crazy; he writes with an honesty that is sharp and captivating. I was a little skeptical of the high reviews at first, but now that I'm finished with the book, I totally get it. I really enjoyed reading this--it's the latest in the Awesome Addict Memoirs rabbit hole I've fallen down this year (and am loving!). This guy's story is tragic and crazy; he writes with an honesty that is sharp and captivating. I was a little skeptical of the high reviews at first, but now that I'm finished with the book, I totally get it.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Margaret Carpenter

    Thank you Jason Smith, for inviting us to read about your incredible story. Having been around addiction for most of my adult life, I found your story intriguing and very emotional. I would highly recommend The Bitter Taste of Dying to anyone. Thank You!

  13. 4 out of 5

    Lindsay

    Incredible story about what an addicts life is and becomes. Quick and enlightening read. Thanks Jason (a high school classmate) for having the courage to tell your story so publicly. I am so glad you ended up on the other side.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Katie

    review to come, but excellent book.

  15. 5 out of 5

    June Gillam

    An astonishing account of what it's like to be an addict--would be a great book for a freshman comp class. An astonishing account of what it's like to be an addict--would be a great book for a freshman comp class.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Zainab Hasan

    All about drug addiction, drug addicts and how it feels to be a sick when withdrawing. Such an amazing book, well written and detailed book. If you ever knew or know a drug addict, read this.

  17. 5 out of 5

    J.Elle

    This is a first for me, reviewing a book written by someone I once knew. It's odd, especially given that this is a memoir. I was prepared to hate this, especially given the fact that the author wrote an online article several years ago that eviscerated many people that I still have a lot of respect for. And which the events of, transpired during the time I knew him, and I can say with 100% honesty that not everything he wrote in that article is true. It's peppered with complete lies, half truths This is a first for me, reviewing a book written by someone I once knew. It's odd, especially given that this is a memoir. I was prepared to hate this, especially given the fact that the author wrote an online article several years ago that eviscerated many people that I still have a lot of respect for. And which the events of, transpired during the time I knew him, and I can say with 100% honesty that not everything he wrote in that article is true. It's peppered with complete lies, half truths and gross exaggerations which weave around the few truths I can recognize. However, this book glossed over the period mentioned in the article completely which allowed me to compartmentalize easier than I expected. This memoir was riveting and I'll be honest, given my interactions with the author, written better than I expected. I have several family members who are recovered addicts, so this was compelling for me because of that as well. However, if everything written in this book did indeed happen exactly as described, I would be shocked. Given the article's "honesty", I have my doubts about this book. It would be odd to see the author again at this point since apparently, the entire time I knew him, he was on a four patch Fentanyl, plus 16-17 Norco habit. I admit that I have no idea what he's like sober. I also can admit that I was incredibly naive, it never would have crossed my mind that someone so addicted would be able to function so "normally." Nor that I would be encountering someone like this daily. Lesson learned. I hope he's still clean. No one deserves to be an addict. I don't run in circles that get any word of him, but I wish him the best, despite the stinging article from several years ago. I do have one question though, do Fentanyl and Norco make you sweat? I never understood why he drenched himself in cologne until perhaps, now.

  18. 5 out of 5

    Jim

    another 12 step war story. author writes that this is the way that works and subsequently adds the 12 cliche that if you have a better way to get clean, write about it. the second paragraph in the book almost ended it for me when the sponsor says "how about you get the ... out of my house and come back when you're ready to try things my way." 12 step programs help only 3 to 5% of those who try it. telling addicts to get lost is sending many of them to their deaths. this book is so 12 stepper cli another 12 step war story. author writes that this is the way that works and subsequently adds the 12 cliche that if you have a better way to get clean, write about it. the second paragraph in the book almost ended it for me when the sponsor says "how about you get the ... out of my house and come back when you're ready to try things my way." 12 step programs help only 3 to 5% of those who try it. telling addicts to get lost is sending many of them to their deaths. this book is so 12 stepper cliche driven. like a cult, the catch phrases and mantras are passed down from sponsor to sponsee and so on, until you're stuck with stories like this where every moment in life is horrible until you're rescued by a 12 step program. yet, the author often contradicts that line of reasoning. For instance, his 8 months of clean time sounded pretty good the way he described it, until after he picked up again and then states that he was so "miserable" for that 8 months of clean time. just another typical 12 step yarn.

  19. 4 out of 5

    Kate

    A traveling-on-drugs memoir. Damn, people's bodies are resilient. Kind of amazing what he put himself through. The more I read recovery memoirs, the more I realize that human beings (addicts or not) use substances because we can't stand to feel our feelings. It seems crucial that we teach meditation and mindfulness to kids, so they can learn from the outset how to watch their feelings like the weather, to let the clouds and storms pass, and to know that they are NOT their feelings but are a vast A traveling-on-drugs memoir. Damn, people's bodies are resilient. Kind of amazing what he put himself through. The more I read recovery memoirs, the more I realize that human beings (addicts or not) use substances because we can't stand to feel our feelings. It seems crucial that we teach meditation and mindfulness to kids, so they can learn from the outset how to watch their feelings like the weather, to let the clouds and storms pass, and to know that they are NOT their feelings but are a vast, deep, consciousness richer and calmer than any storm. Kids need to know their feelings aren't THEM...and emotions won't kill them. If they learn early on this internal power--and how to be peaceful in their bodies and minds--they will be less likely to becoming dependent on destructive forces. Funny aside: To my surprise, some of the action takes place in my small hometown of Auburn, California.

  20. 5 out of 5

    Lora Covrett

    The author doesn't pull any punches when talking about what he was thinking while in his addiction. He makes a comparison that really hit home with me. This author describes an addict's behavior to that of a dog. When an addict steals or manipulates you for money, he doesn't realize or care how hard you worked to get that money. He just knows he has needs and he's getting those needs met one way or another. The same way a dog will jump on the stove to eat whatever you may have spent hours prepar The author doesn't pull any punches when talking about what he was thinking while in his addiction. He makes a comparison that really hit home with me. This author describes an addict's behavior to that of a dog. When an addict steals or manipulates you for money, he doesn't realize or care how hard you worked to get that money. He just knows he has needs and he's getting those needs met one way or another. The same way a dog will jump on the stove to eat whatever you may have spent hours preparing. Both are acting on a level that sober humans do not understand. If anything, I think we are more understanding of a pet eating our dinner than the behavior of an addict we love. I thank the author for telling such an honest account of his life. Readers can maybe come away with some understanding before it's too late.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Jean Poole

    Incredible series of anecdotes... he's lead a colourful life, and has climbed his way back from rock bottom - but aye carumba - this book is written in such a very, very heavy handed way... ((....lots of his memories are so clunkily reconstructed and then over-explained...... much of the dialogue is improbable ( in terms of how people actually speak - rather than the content of what they're saying)..... and the moralising is delivered with sledgehammer subtlety... )) a kind of distrust settled i Incredible series of anecdotes... he's lead a colourful life, and has climbed his way back from rock bottom - but aye carumba - this book is written in such a very, very heavy handed way... ((....lots of his memories are so clunkily reconstructed and then over-explained...... much of the dialogue is improbable ( in terms of how people actually speak - rather than the content of what they're saying)..... and the moralising is delivered with sledgehammer subtlety... )) a kind of distrust settled in after a while.. the power of some of these stories somewhat diluted by the blunt efforts to shape his life into an airport thriller / crime novel... Needed a quick prose palette cleanser after this one...

  22. 5 out of 5

    sheryl gray

    Wow.... Extremely well written....true to the feelings and hits the nail on the head! Jaspn, you are the first one to explain the path I traveled in active addiction. The path that lead to that place where I literally "prayed" those same words, after my suicides attempt ....."I can not live with the drugs, and I can not live without them. I can not die. Now what?". You brought me right back to that experience....and what a gift that is...because following those words, I too had a"feeling" and a s Wow.... Extremely well written....true to the feelings and hits the nail on the head! Jaspn, you are the first one to explain the path I traveled in active addiction. The path that lead to that place where I literally "prayed" those same words, after my suicides attempt ....."I can not live with the drugs, and I can not live without them. I can not die. Now what?". You brought me right back to that experience....and what a gift that is...because following those words, I too had a"feeling" and a spiritual experience. It is always beyond awesome to relive the minute my life began....the moment I was able to become the person I am !want to be. Thank you and congratulations on your recovery. Sheryl

  23. 4 out of 5

    Ms Tambo

    THE TRUTH ABOUT JASON SMITH. (is that even his real last name?) For one he is a hypocrite. Witness's have confirmed he is back on drugs and he is allowed to run a homeless shelter (right hand auburn shelter) and is doing a very poor job at it. Doubt he will be there much longer. I can't find anyone who like Jason, not his staff not anyone at the shelter, so how did he become boss? Must be WHO YOU KNOW, not what you know. Jason's ego is very huge and he doesn't have any real compassion or empathy THE TRUTH ABOUT JASON SMITH. (is that even his real last name?) For one he is a hypocrite. Witness's have confirmed he is back on drugs and he is allowed to run a homeless shelter (right hand auburn shelter) and is doing a very poor job at it. Doubt he will be there much longer. I can't find anyone who like Jason, not his staff not anyone at the shelter, so how did he become boss? Must be WHO YOU KNOW, not what you know. Jason's ego is very huge and he doesn't have any real compassion or empathy for anyone but himself, a true narcissist. So take this book that a ghost writer probably rewrote for him with a grain of salt.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Greg Taylor

    This book fulfilled its promise I'd read Jason's writings on Medium before I heard his book was coming out. Like he alludes to in the book, the first half of an addict's story is much like the first half of every other addict's story, because addicts all share the tour of thinking that allows them to love their drug more than anything else. With all he put his body through, I find it amazing that's he's not only alIve, but thriving. His story is powerful, compelling, extremely well-written, and h This book fulfilled its promise I'd read Jason's writings on Medium before I heard his book was coming out. Like he alludes to in the book, the first half of an addict's story is much like the first half of every other addict's story, because addicts all share the tour of thinking that allows them to love their drug more than anything else. With all he put his body through, I find it amazing that's he's not only alIve, but thriving. His story is powerful, compelling, extremely well-written, and highly recommended.

  25. 4 out of 5

    Ckthinks

    Here is a very important book about drug addiction. A lot of society has opinions on addiction with no understanding or experience of how it works, here you get to see the gloomy grim details in all their horrifying brilliance. I have placed this book on my must read list because it is important to see and understand drug addiction and how we as a society contribute to the loop holes that many fall through. I think this book will help many people to tread with caution through slippery slopes and Here is a very important book about drug addiction. A lot of society has opinions on addiction with no understanding or experience of how it works, here you get to see the gloomy grim details in all their horrifying brilliance. I have placed this book on my must read list because it is important to see and understand drug addiction and how we as a society contribute to the loop holes that many fall through. I think this book will help many people to tread with caution through slippery slopes and quick sand. Thoroughly enjoyed and highly recommend.

  26. 4 out of 5

    Melissa Lockwood

    This was the authors first published book, but there was no way of telling that by the writing. The highly personal imagery and the roller coaster of emotional turmoil gives the reader a chance to feel as though they are sharing Jason's pain. His raw writing is also welcoming in what has become an epidemic in our country, in terms of opiates. I highly recommend this book to everyone, because this is an addiction that, even if it hasn't affected you personally, I can guarantee you know someone wh This was the authors first published book, but there was no way of telling that by the writing. The highly personal imagery and the roller coaster of emotional turmoil gives the reader a chance to feel as though they are sharing Jason's pain. His raw writing is also welcoming in what has become an epidemic in our country, in terms of opiates. I highly recommend this book to everyone, because this is an addiction that, even if it hasn't affected you personally, I can guarantee you know someone who it has.

  27. 5 out of 5

    Jack Boyle

    Recovering I'm not much for reviewing anything because I'm a selfish prick and only care about me, me ,me. However, this book shook me to my very core. The raw truth Jason divulged unto these pages was more than I've heard anyone say about their experiences with addiction and recovery. I never understood why I couldn't get better until I read his book straight through and this was all while kicking. I would recommend this book to addicts, alcoholics and especially anyone who has a relationship w Recovering I'm not much for reviewing anything because I'm a selfish prick and only care about me, me ,me. However, this book shook me to my very core. The raw truth Jason divulged unto these pages was more than I've heard anyone say about their experiences with addiction and recovery. I never understood why I couldn't get better until I read his book straight through and this was all while kicking. I would recommend this book to addicts, alcoholics and especially anyone who has a relationship with either.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Cat

    I’ve read other addiction/recovery books but this one was much more visceral. The description of him giving CPR to his uncle was heartbreaking and horrifying. The jail time in Tijuana was the kind of tale that should be required reading for someone who wants to take drugs. I’m trying to get my head around the cause of the opioid epidemic. This book tells of one person’s quick and easy drop off into the abyss. His honesty was helpful to understanding how addicts can separate themselves from their I’ve read other addiction/recovery books but this one was much more visceral. The description of him giving CPR to his uncle was heartbreaking and horrifying. The jail time in Tijuana was the kind of tale that should be required reading for someone who wants to take drugs. I’m trying to get my head around the cause of the opioid epidemic. This book tells of one person’s quick and easy drop off into the abyss. His honesty was helpful to understanding how addicts can separate themselves from their conscious. A good read.

  29. 4 out of 5

    Sarah Riddell

    This book is very intriguing and the author has a sense of authenticity; there is no doubt he's writing from a place of radical self-acceptance. It's quite refreshing. I read this book quickly once I actually picked it up. My only real issue with it is that it's not very well written. I think the editor could have made the prose more fluid without sacrificing Smith's voice. This book is very intriguing and the author has a sense of authenticity; there is no doubt he's writing from a place of radical self-acceptance. It's quite refreshing. I read this book quickly once I actually picked it up. My only real issue with it is that it's not very well written. I think the editor could have made the prose more fluid without sacrificing Smith's voice.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Elisa

    A no holds barred memoir of author and recovering drug addict, Jason Smith. A grim look at the desperate measures, manipulation, clever resourcefulness, lack of shame, and failed accountability over the course of 16-year of drug addiction. It's nothing short of a miracle that this man is even alive to tell his story. A no holds barred memoir of author and recovering drug addict, Jason Smith. A grim look at the desperate measures, manipulation, clever resourcefulness, lack of shame, and failed accountability over the course of 16-year of drug addiction. It's nothing short of a miracle that this man is even alive to tell his story.

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