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It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence

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Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding a way out, victims difficulties are solved: their life is good, they are safe, and recovery will be swift. However, survivors know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare -- it is the beginning of an often difficult and challenging journey toward healing and happiness. Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding a way out, victims difficulties are solved: their life is good, they are safe, and recovery will be swift. However, survivors know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare -- it is the beginning of an often difficult and challenging journey toward healing and happiness. It s My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance, emotional reassurance, and psychological awareness that survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence need to heal and reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers. Since its publication in 2000, It's My Life Now has been highly successful as a working manual for survivors who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship. This valuable book combines direction on practical and emotional issues with worksheets and self-exploration exercises. Now, in the second edition, Dugan and Hock include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider range of individuals and the relationships in which abuse and violence occur. The new edition also provides a new emphasis on safety assessment, which has increasingly been shown to be a critical factor in recovery. In addition, this new edition includes current resources and information about organizations for victims along with revised and enhanced strategies to help survivors move forward on the path of recovery."


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Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding a way out, victims difficulties are solved: their life is good, they are safe, and recovery will be swift. However, survivors know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare -- it is the beginning of an often difficult and challenging journey toward healing and happiness. Those who have never experienced an abusive or violent relationship often believe that upon finding a way out, victims difficulties are solved: their life is good, they are safe, and recovery will be swift. However, survivors know that leaving is not the end of the nightmare -- it is the beginning of an often difficult and challenging journey toward healing and happiness. It s My Life Now offers readers the practical guidance, emotional reassurance, and psychological awareness that survivors of relationship abuse and domestic violence need to heal and reclaim their lives after leaving their abusers. Since its publication in 2000, It's My Life Now has been highly successful as a working manual for survivors who are starting their lives over after an abusive relationship. This valuable book combines direction on practical and emotional issues with worksheets and self-exploration exercises. Now, in the second edition, Dugan and Hock include updated information and resources while encompassing a wider range of individuals and the relationships in which abuse and violence occur. The new edition also provides a new emphasis on safety assessment, which has increasingly been shown to be a critical factor in recovery. In addition, this new edition includes current resources and information about organizations for victims along with revised and enhanced strategies to help survivors move forward on the path of recovery."

30 review for It's My Life Now: Starting Over After an Abusive Relationship or Domestic Violence

  1. 5 out of 5

    Charlotte

    I'm not sure if it's because of my level of familiarity as a reader at this point or because the book could have gone into more depth in some places, but I don't think I learned anything too earth-shattering. Nonetheless I think it provides a great deal of super helpful, practical information for people who might be incredibly overwhelmed and not sure where to start in understanding their emotions and figuring out what to do next.

  2. 5 out of 5

    Caroline

    Probably closer to 3.5. A bit of a disclaimer about my review -- I actually happened to go to therapy during the midst of an abusive relationship, and ended up having a few couples' counseling sessions with my ex before we broke up (then continued to go to therapy after the break-up). I was also fortunate in that my therapist had worked with abusive men prior, and didn't get caught up in some of the pitfalls of couples counseling within the context of an abusive relationship that are mentioned i Probably closer to 3.5. A bit of a disclaimer about my review -- I actually happened to go to therapy during the midst of an abusive relationship, and ended up having a few couples' counseling sessions with my ex before we broke up (then continued to go to therapy after the break-up). I was also fortunate in that my therapist had worked with abusive men prior, and didn't get caught up in some of the pitfalls of couples counseling within the context of an abusive relationship that are mentioned in the book (i.e. focusing on both sides creating the problem and unintentionally giving the abuser support). This, in the end, was what I found to be most therapeutic, and by the time I read this book, I had already worked through many of the feelings that are discussed -- in fact, a section of the book even discusses therapy as a good way of working through feelings/starting over after an abusive relationship. So, in that sense, be aware that I am perhaps not the best judge because it wasn't as enlightening for me personally as it may be for others. That said, it was a good book that gets across much of the common feelings felt after this kind of situation (and indeed, talked about a lot of things that I myself either felt right after the break-up, or am feeling now). I think it's definitely worthwhile in terms of refocusing after such a dramatic situation, and to inspire women to stay focused on getting away from the cycle of abuse and move towards healing. If you're looking for more of an explanation for WHY abusive people act the way they do and understanding the psychology behind it, this is likely not going to be as helpful as other books out there; while it discusses this briefly, it doesn't get as in depth about it as other books ("Why Does He Do That?" by Lundy Bancroft is EXCELLENT for this, though). However, if you're looking to get some explanation and validation for your feelings and purely want to come up with some strategies for moving on when you're stuck, this is a great, straightforward book that has some good exercises to help women do just that -- refocus and reclaim their own lives after an abusive relationship/experiencing domestic violence.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Namid

    Very helpful and informative book. This book greatly helped me on my journey to heal.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Kerie

    p.145 Needs to be more info on psychopathic revenge tactics - triangulation - denial in the face of admissions evidence - and smearing the victim. Lies of the Abuser should be #1. It's so common - they always deny, blame, do things for revenge and smear their wives. It's pretty sickening, but it's true. Good book though - helpful at times xo

  5. 4 out of 5

    Jill Hayhurst

    Very insightful book for anyone that's been in an abusive relationship. You feel so very alone and lost during and after being in this kind of situation, this book brings to light the truth and real reason for the abuse and it makes you see that you are far from alone as most abusers have similar tactics.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Laurie Garcia

    A great book about moving past abuse. It focuses on the different stages one goes through when dealing with the trauma of an abusive relationship. I highly recommend this book for those that struggle, have struggled, or know someone that struggles with an abusive relationship. This book really helped me.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Carly Thom

    Extremely eye-opening. I knew that my relationship was unhealthy when I left, but reading this book validated, not only my decision to leave, but also my mixed feelings and struggles after the fact. I would suggest it to anyone who may think they may be in an abusive relationship.

  8. 4 out of 5

    Cat

    Helpful advice, common sense, personal quizzes, and a list of resources for those who have managed to escape from an abusive relationshp. Deals with friends—before, during,a and after; emotions—fear, anger, guilt regret, contact with abuser after leaving; children and their emotions; building a new life—budgets, jobs, self-care.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Caroline Abbott

    Really liked it. Looked at healing from abuse from a psychologist's point of view. Very helpful info.

  10. 5 out of 5

    Larissa

    every victim should read this and do the writing exercises- it helped me let go and regain my strength

  11. 5 out of 5

    🌹Lisa June Sanders🌹

    I thought it was an awesome book. I highly recommend it to all who have ever been in or is in an abusive situation!

  12. 5 out of 5

    Aurora Glory

    I really had high hopes for this book. I saw it as being my path to healing and finding myself again. Unfortunately, it didn't really offer what was promised. The entire book was very 101, it was practically just common sense. Throughout the whole book, there were probably only about 2 areas I found new and useful. I actually got angry almost every time I picked this up for monetizing on women's pain and suffering, without offering something genuinely useful in return. This was my first book on I really had high hopes for this book. I saw it as being my path to healing and finding myself again. Unfortunately, it didn't really offer what was promised. The entire book was very 101, it was practically just common sense. Throughout the whole book, there were probably only about 2 areas I found new and useful. I actually got angry almost every time I picked this up for monetizing on women's pain and suffering, without offering something genuinely useful in return. This was my first book on the subject, it can't be put down to me having read it elsewhere. It just really is all common sense stuff that barely scratches the surface of what is going on inside. It deals with the practicalities after abuse well enough, but the trauma recovery? I found it to be almost useless. The only reason I've given it 3 stars is because I feel it is better than nothing. Whilst it's far from healed me, it has made me feel as though I've done something. I've cared for me, prioritised me and made a further step towards escaping him and all of the effects of him.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Tauri Cox

    In my new novel, my protagonist has recently liberated herself from an abusive relationship, pressed charges, and is in the process of starting over her life. Having not lived through that situation, I needed some help channeling the feelings, thoughts and coping mechanisms of someone who has. Enter Meg and Roger. After reading their book, I feel fully equipped to write my character with integrity – shining light on the severity of domestic abuse without romanticizing or leaving the reader witho In my new novel, my protagonist has recently liberated herself from an abusive relationship, pressed charges, and is in the process of starting over her life. Having not lived through that situation, I needed some help channeling the feelings, thoughts and coping mechanisms of someone who has. Enter Meg and Roger. After reading their book, I feel fully equipped to write my character with integrity – shining light on the severity of domestic abuse without romanticizing or leaving the reader without hope. Thank you guys! I strongly recommend for writers or even the everyday person who may be dealing with this struggle – whether themselves or a loved one.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Beth

    Chose this to help me understand what happens in an abusive relationship. It did give me some idea of why the abused and the abuser might make some of the choices they make. Although much did not apply to the situation I care about, enough did that I was glad to have listened to it. So sad to think this book is as needed as it is.

  15. 4 out of 5

    Becky

    "You probably spent a long time loving your abuser before you finally realized just how bad the situation was. Then you probably spent more time hoping and believing things would change. Next you believed it was all your fault. It's unrealistic to think that these feelings would have disappeared overnight. All the justifications, rationalizations, and excuses you used and believed for so long became part of your perception of yourself and him. "Every time you wonder how you could have loved such "You probably spent a long time loving your abuser before you finally realized just how bad the situation was. Then you probably spent more time hoping and believing things would change. Next you believed it was all your fault. It's unrealistic to think that these feelings would have disappeared overnight. All the justifications, rationalizations, and excuses you used and believed for so long became part of your perception of yourself and him. "Every time you wonder how you could have loved such a person, stop to consider what it says about you as a loving person. If you didn't love your ex-partner so much, this would not be so difficult. Despite what he told you during that relationship, this shows how deeply you can care for another. It is time for you to become strong, to love yourself as much as you can love a partner. Now that you are free of the abuse, you can begin to re-create the love for yourself that he stole from you." (page 68)

  16. 5 out of 5

    Sarah Smith

    This discusses how to recover once you escape from an abusive relationship, because honestly escape is just the first step there is a lot of work and a lot of healing that must happen after. There were some great resources listed and book suggestions that I actually took. It was a great first step down healing. For additional reviews please see my blog at www.adventuresofabibliophile.blogspot... This discusses how to recover once you escape from an abusive relationship, because honestly escape is just the first step there is a lot of work and a lot of healing that must happen after. There were some great resources listed and book suggestions that I actually took. It was a great first step down healing. For additional reviews please see my blog at www.adventuresofabibliophile.blogspot...

  17. 4 out of 5

    Louise Allana

    Didn't finish this one...

  18. 5 out of 5

    Mom

  19. 5 out of 5

    Sue Schmidt

  20. 4 out of 5

    Sarah Kahn

  21. 5 out of 5

    Elizabeth

  22. 4 out of 5

    Summer Vickery

  23. 5 out of 5

    Annemarie Matulis

  24. 4 out of 5

    Jade

  25. 5 out of 5

    Robin L. Wulf

  26. 4 out of 5

    Amanda

  27. 5 out of 5

    Elizabeth

  28. 5 out of 5

    Laurann

  29. 4 out of 5

    Dena

  30. 4 out of 5

    Victoria Merkiel

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