web site hit counter If You Stay - Ebooks PDF Online
Hot Best Seller

If You Stay

Availability: Ready to download

24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole. Seriously. He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match. But he’s got his reasons. His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count. As Pax grew up, he tr 24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole. Seriously. He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match. But he’s got his reasons. His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count. As Pax grew up, he tried to be the kid his father always wanted; the perfect golden boy, but it didn’t work. His dad couldn’t overcome his grief long enough to notice and Pax couldn’t keep up the impossible perfect façade. So he slipped far, far from it. Now, he uses drugs and women to cope with the ugliness, the black void that he doesn’t want to deal with. If he pretends that the emptiness isn’t there, then it isn’t, right? Wrong. And it’s never more apparent than when he meets Mila. Sweet, beautiful Mila Hill is the fresh air to his hardened frown, the beauty to his ugly heart. He doesn’t know how to not hurt her, but he quickly realizes that he’s got to figure it out because he needs her to breathe. When memories of his mother’s death resurface from where he’s repressed them for so long, Mila is there to catch him when the guilt starts making sense. Mila is the one…the one who can save him from his broken troubled heart; from his issues, from the emptiness. But only if he can stop being an asshole long enough to allow it. He knows that. And he’s working on it. But is that enough to make her stay?


Compare

24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole. Seriously. He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match. But he’s got his reasons. His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count. As Pax grew up, he tr 24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole. Seriously. He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match. But he’s got his reasons. His mother died when Pax was seven, leaving a hole in his heart filled with guilt although he doesn’t understand why. What he does know is that he and his dad are left alone and with more issues than they can count. As Pax grew up, he tried to be the kid his father always wanted; the perfect golden boy, but it didn’t work. His dad couldn’t overcome his grief long enough to notice and Pax couldn’t keep up the impossible perfect façade. So he slipped far, far from it. Now, he uses drugs and women to cope with the ugliness, the black void that he doesn’t want to deal with. If he pretends that the emptiness isn’t there, then it isn’t, right? Wrong. And it’s never more apparent than when he meets Mila. Sweet, beautiful Mila Hill is the fresh air to his hardened frown, the beauty to his ugly heart. He doesn’t know how to not hurt her, but he quickly realizes that he’s got to figure it out because he needs her to breathe. When memories of his mother’s death resurface from where he’s repressed them for so long, Mila is there to catch him when the guilt starts making sense. Mila is the one…the one who can save him from his broken troubled heart; from his issues, from the emptiness. But only if he can stop being an asshole long enough to allow it. He knows that. And he’s working on it. But is that enough to make her stay?

30 review for If You Stay

  1. 5 out of 5

    Tough Critic Book Reviews

    That my friends is how you open a book... 3.5~stars The first chapter of If You Stay made me want to jump up and applaud! A standing "O" if you will. It was a bold, risky move but Courtney Cole nailed it. She nailed it without coming across as being seedy or cheap. BRAVO! What came next was a a whole bunch of different. It was raw. It was unique. It was a story about redemption. I loved the circumstances surrounding Pax and Mila's relationship. Being able to see inside Pax's head was the pulse of t That my friends is how you open a book... 3.5~stars The first chapter of If You Stay made me want to jump up and applaud! A standing "O" if you will. It was a bold, risky move but Courtney Cole nailed it. She nailed it without coming across as being seedy or cheap. BRAVO! What came next was a a whole bunch of different. It was raw. It was unique. It was a story about redemption. I loved the circumstances surrounding Pax and Mila's relationship. Being able to see inside Pax's head was the pulse of the story. You fall in love with a dick while falling in love with, well...his dick. He wears asshole like a runway model and is perfectly imperfect. I think what really made this book good was how Courtney Cole just jumped right in. No toeing the water. She took a running start and dove in head first. She wasn't afraid to make Pax the asshole. In doing that, the reader gets to experience falling in love right along with Mila. It helps the reader understand how someone like Mila can see beneath the assery. Courtney Cole also has an insane talent for writing steam. There were a few scenes where I needed to bust out the plastic knickers. Even if I wasn't a fan of the story, Pax and the first few chapters were enough to completely satisfy me. Everything else was just an added bonus! READ ON! Reviewed at http://www.toughcriticbookreviews.com

  2. 4 out of 5

    ♥ Sarah

    I was really excited for this book, because I’m just as enthusiastic about self-proclaimed, “bad boy” assholes with tats and a sketchy past, as everyone else. I am, however, immune to bullshit. I don’t like lazy, formulaic, and trite writing; I’m also tired of reading the same old clichéd, played-out stories of the heroine, justifying the hero’s rude and inexcusable behaviors, because of his “dark” past. And, I don’t think sexist, and/or misogynistic behavior/lingo, is romantic at all. Sorry. I I was really excited for this book, because I’m just as enthusiastic about self-proclaimed, “bad boy” assholes with tats and a sketchy past, as everyone else. I am, however, immune to bullshit. I don’t like lazy, formulaic, and trite writing; I’m also tired of reading the same old clichéd, played-out stories of the heroine, justifying the hero’s rude and inexcusable behaviors, because of his “dark” past. And, I don’t think sexist, and/or misogynistic behavior/lingo, is romantic at all. Sorry. I swear, I'm going to STOP reading books featuring an ASSHOLE hero, with a passive, submissive, desperate, "good-girl" heroine. *I was STRUGGLING to finish, and I would've rated this a 1/5 if not for the ending. So, I’m going to try and explain my reasoning behind my generous rating. Here goes: The first chapter had me intrigued, I was hopeful, to say the least.Lines of coke + blowjob + intense OD moment = POTENTIAL. And, the sentiment or overall message of the story was good. I could see what the author was attempting to accomplish. I didn’t necessarily buy it, but it was a nice thought: second chances, forgiveness, love conquers all, hope, and all that jazz. But, that was just about all that I liked about the story. I couldn’t stand PAX and MILA. The story was told in DUAL POVs, but I couldn’t differentiate between the two; they sounded the same – like they were one person. Annoying. And the cheesy insta-love angle? Instant turn-off. On top of that, Pax kept using the term, “pussy” in every other sentence, in a very degrading manner. He called all kinds of women: bar slut, hoe, whore, wench, etc. But wait! HE’S A "BAD BOY" SO IT’S OK, RIGHT? NO, it’s not OK, and it’s fucking offensive. Also, the whole “good girl” thing MILA had going on? SPARE ME THE BULLSHIT. I don’t like sluts either, and sometimes you just have to call out a girl for her nasty actions, BUT this construction of good girl v. bad girl, desirable v. undesirable – is so aligned with offensive, sexist, hegemonic, patriarchal ideology, that I just couldn’t stomach it. (As a woman myself.) Another issue that rubbed me the wrong way was, the dude overdosed on cocaine. Yet he kept claiming he wasn’t “addicted” and that he didn’t have “drug problems.” Um, wtf? That’s extremely hard to believe; he just quit all of a sudden, no withdrawals, nothing. But he’d been taking sleeping pills and other variations of drugs since he was 7 years old... I just don’t get how he wasn’t “addicted” and didn’t “really” have any drug problems; it was just a coping mechanism to fill the void? Sure, I can buy that, but that shit comes with a cost – and it’s called ADDICTION. I don’t really want to get into the issues I had with MILA, because she was so frustrating, stupid, and a desperate pushover. But I guess I will mention that her father hit her mother occasionally. I guess that’s somehow supposed to explain her behavior + explain her attraction to the druggie. [blank face] Still, I had a hard time with the rationale behind the domestic abuse; Mila justified her parents’ actions by stating that it was just because they were so “passionately” in love... I’m not saying everyone involved in abusive relationships should just break it off completely and find someone new. Sometimes, people make mistakes, but they can change for the better. And sometimes, it takes a strong woman to forgive the lowlife that hit her. Or, it could just be that the woman is scared to death, has her children to worry about, and other socio-economic reasons why she chooses not to leave. She could also just be humiliated. I don't know. There could be many reasons why a woman chooses to stay. Regardless, I’m not judging. However, I just don’t like the fact that the author, or MILA, chooses to explain domestic abuse as if it’s no big deal, as if it’s romantic somehow – because that’s what “passionate” lovers do. THAT is what I had a problem with. I strongly disagree. It IS a big deal, and it doesn't signify "healthy" passion (at the very least). It's straight up wrong; there's no justification for domestic abuse. Finally, there was NO CHEMISTRY between PAX and MILA. I just wasn’t feeling it. The whole “big bad wolf” thing was creepy and cheesy. All in all, this story offered me nothing new, or unique. I felt bad for Pax and his unfortunate childhood, but so what? I didn't CARE in the end. Overall, the story was just bland, played out, cliché, and cheesy. I say, skip this one.

  3. 5 out of 5

    Kristin (KC) - Traveling Sister

    3.75 Stars Love Never Fails... Pax Tate is, as the author so honestly warns, an asshole. But he's not your typical 'bad-boy'; he's suffers from a tragic past that invades and torments his future. He turns to drugs and sex to cope and would be perfectly happy permanently disappearing into the blackness of oblivion...until Mila. Mila Hill is sweet and good and full of life; everything Pax is not. She gives Pax a reason to want to change--a reason to want to live. As his defenses slowly crumble, 3.75 Stars Love Never Fails... Pax Tate is, as the author so honestly warns, an asshole. But he's not your typical 'bad-boy'; he's suffers from a tragic past that invades and torments his future. He turns to drugs and sex to cope and would be perfectly happy permanently disappearing into the blackness of oblivion...until Mila. Mila Hill is sweet and good and full of life; everything Pax is not. She gives Pax a reason to want to change--a reason to want to live. As his defenses slowly crumble, they reveal a secret so gut-wrenching it threatens to push him back into oblivion for good... I wasn't initially sure how connected to Pax I'd become; but as I read further, I found myself sinking more comfortably into his story. On one hand, Pax was crude, cold-hearted, and made no apologies--but on the other, he was REAL and consistent and I honestly ended up liking him. I appreciated the fact that he fulfilled his asshole destiny and didn't immediately become 'cured'. Although he very much cared for Mila, his bad boy qualities were a stubborn habit to kick and weren't magically dissolved after falling for a girl. The author did a wonderful job in bringing Pax's drug and emotional problems to life without making it feel overdone. This story was extremely visual and certain scenes were a little difficult to read, but its in-your-face reality was refreshing. Pax and Mila's emotional relationship felt genuine. Pax's internal struggle was palpable and it broke my heart see how unworthy he found himself—I truly wanted to see him redeemed. Book Stats: ▪ Genre/Category: Romance/New Adult ▪ Steam Caliber: Very steamy ▪ Romance: Complicated and emotional, but one to root for. ▪ Characters: Damaged, arrogant, but redeemable hero. Sweet, understanding heroine. ▪ Plot: Evolved at a believable pace. Heavy storyline centered on teetering on the edge of addiction. ▪ Writing: Raw, gritty, and bold. Successfully pulls the reader into the story. ▪ POV: First person: Alternating dual perspectives. ▪ Cliffhanger: None. ▪ Next Installment: Follow up, continuing story.

  4. 5 out of 5

    Giselle

    Actual Rating: 3.5 stars Starting with a bang--and I mean really: check out the opening paragraph for yourself ;)--If You Stay is narrated mainly by Pax, a drug addict with a past that has led him to want to give no shits about his life. Our second POV is a sweet and innocent young girl, Mila, who meets Pax in the most unfortunate of ways. I think this is one instance where a single POV would have been much better for me. While I understand the appeal of a dual POV when it comes to a love story, Actual Rating: 3.5 stars Starting with a bang--and I mean really: check out the opening paragraph for yourself ;)--If You Stay is narrated mainly by Pax, a drug addict with a past that has led him to want to give no shits about his life. Our second POV is a sweet and innocent young girl, Mila, who meets Pax in the most unfortunate of ways. I think this is one instance where a single POV would have been much better for me. While I understand the appeal of a dual POV when it comes to a love story, especially of this nature where both characters are such opposites, I felt like one character (Pax) was much more developed than the other, more likeable, too, which might seem improbable when you first meet him, turning this book into a good read that could have been great if only I had cared for both sides equally. Fortunately for me, it's Pax's story above all. We meet him in his lowest of the lows as a drug addict who just doesn't give a f*ck. He's the ultimate bad boy whom every girl should stay away from. He's not created for us to "like" him as a character, not to mention a love interest, but he was created as an obviously broken character who you have the strange impulse to want to fix. This is what makes his character sympathetic. You get to understand what's going on in his head and how badly he wants to change--which makes all the difference. I came to see him as someone very sweet who needs to be given a chance. Mila takes that risk. This girl, though, did not click with me. She is the definition of a "good girl", but this is not the reason why I disliked her. She was simply too naive for my taste. She jumps into a relationship with this guy with the immediate belief that he will change to become the perfect boyfriend material, even after Pax tells her that "he will try not to her her"--he emphasizes on "try". Automatically, this would have become a red flag for me, Mila seemed to be oblivious to this warning, giving her heart to him so easily. I also didn't like how she reacted when Pax finally unfolded his past. Getting pissed at how he shut her out when he was dealing with such a traumatic memory was just not ok for me. He needed someone to understand and leave him to deal, not someone who made him guilty for it. Our personalities just did not mesh, mine and hers. Even without our clashing minds, however, I never felt like I truly understood or got to know Mila. She wasn't as fleshed out a character as Pax, which leads me to think I would have enjoyed this book much more had we not gotten her perspective at all, and only saw her through Pax's eyes. The romance in the book is extremely hot and definitely R rated, they also do not lack chemistry, but on that note it's a primarily physical relationship. Instead of taking time throughout the book to get to know each other on a more emotional level, they focus on their physical attraction; which, in reality, is fine as some couples do base themselves on their physical relationship, but as a reader I felt like the romance was more superficial. This book, however, is more than a love story. It's ultimately about Pax dealing with his past, and finding a way to get through it without ruining his life in the process. It was an emotional read, for sure, with some very hard to imagine scenarios where you can't help but want to put yourself in the MC's shoes to try to take some of their pain away. This is the part of the book that I liked the most and I think it was well executed. Hard to read at times, but If You Stay is also an inspiring story when you consider how far Pax comes. While I didn't love both characters, I predict that Mila will resonate with some readers better than I, making it a great reading experience all around as it's far from being a bad book. -- For more of my reviews, visit my blog at Xpresso Reads

  5. 4 out of 5

    ~ Becs ~

    I don’t think there are many books that start off with the hero vomiting all over the heroine but this one does and it’s quite a jaw-dropping beginning that’s for sure and I’m happy to report that there is NO cliffhanger!! Our hero, Pax Tate, is a 24 year old super-rich trustfund baby. He’s doing absolutely nothing with his life other than a long line of bar-whores and every drug he can get his hand on. His past is troubled with dark secrets long since buried. Pax is angry, grief-stricken and hea I don’t think there are many books that start off with the hero vomiting all over the heroine but this one does and it’s quite a jaw-dropping beginning that’s for sure and I’m happy to report that there is NO cliffhanger!! Our hero, Pax Tate, is a 24 year old super-rich trustfund baby. He’s doing absolutely nothing with his life other than a long line of bar-whores and every drug he can get his hand on. His past is troubled with dark secrets long since buried. Pax is angry, grief-stricken and headed down an ever more destructive path where the sweet, forgiving darkness of oblivion is just another line of coke away. Mila Hill is herself not a stranger to loss and sadness but is dealing with things much better than Pax. She first comes across him one dark, starry night on the beach when he is half hanging out of his car completely out of his face, covered in vomit and a couple of heartbeats away from an overdose-induced cardiac arrest. She calls an ambulance just as his heart stops beating and she has to perform CPR and he vomits all over her. The paramedics arrive and take over but Mila can’t stop thinking about him and goes to visit him in hospital When Pax awakes and realises how close he came to losing everything and Mila walks into his hospital room, he is instantly taken by her. She is his polar opposite – the light to his darkness, the unclouded day to his stormy skies. He sees something in her that awakens his own deeply-buried sense of self-preservation and he feels instinctively that he has to sort himself out to be a better man for her. It’s never going to be easy – Mila doesn’t really understand why he behaves the way he does, nor does Pax really and they follow a long and tortuous path to get to the truths buried in the past, to deal with these, and they are real shockers, and to be able to move on from them together. Pax was actually a great hero – it really wasn’t the most auspicious beginning, vomiting all over our heroine but he redeems himself and he does it well. It’s not like flicking a switch – he doesn’t go from drug-addled poor little rich kid to alpha hero overnight. It takes time and Courtney Cole does an amazing job of allowing this to develop slowly throughout the novel. He makes mistakes, he atones for them, suffers the consequences and just has to weather the storm until Mila can finally accept him and everything that has happened and how he has behaved. Mila’s a bit of a sweetheart – she’s lost her parents and she and her sister are struggling to continue running their restaurant and she’s really not without her own demons. I have to say that she exhibited the patience of a saint when dealing with Pax and all his problems right up until the point where she feels she just can’t do it anymore. Pax needs her though and is prepared to give her time to come to terms with all that has happened and all that has been revealed but is it too late? This was a beautifully paced, very poignant romance with a multi-layered story as the central couple had to deal with revelations and their own, sometimes angry, reactions to the situations they found themselves in. It’s a cautionary tale of drug-use with some tough lessons to be learned. Mila also has an older sister, Madison, who has suffered the same devastating loss and her story is coming up in book two and I’m really looking forward to this and I connected well with her during this one. 4 stars contemporary romance For more reviews, please visit Sinfully Sexy Book Reviews or visit us on Facebook.

  6. 4 out of 5

    Kristen

    3 stars Overall I liked this book but I felt disconnected from it, too. I felt like I was reading a fascinating and intriguing documentary about a couple with text book problems that were brought to life through well constructed dialogue. Even though I felt like I was on the outside looking in, I still enjoyed this book. Odd I know...but there it is.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Autumn Review

    Starting off with a BANG, IF YOU STAY sucked me in, stole my heart, turned me on, and easily became on of my all-time favorite books. I can tell you right now that this book will be on my Top Ten Books of 2013. Courtney Cole has delivered one hell of a story that is sure to stay on your mind and in your heart for a long, long time. I'll start with Pax, because well...this is his book. The first time I read the beginning of this book, my mouth dropped. Now, it takes a lot to surprise me, but Pax Starting off with a BANG, IF YOU STAY sucked me in, stole my heart, turned me on, and easily became on of my all-time favorite books. I can tell you right now that this book will be on my Top Ten Books of 2013. Courtney Cole has delivered one hell of a story that is sure to stay on your mind and in your heart for a long, long time. I'll start with Pax, because well...this is his book. The first time I read the beginning of this book, my mouth dropped. Now, it takes a lot to surprise me, but Pax certainly did. And I loved every minute of it. Pax broke my heart, made me *giggle*, turned me on (big time), and made me fall in love with him. When you first meet him, you really do think he's an asshole, but I promise you, you will fall in love with him too. Pax is more than just a pretty face/dirty mouth/trouble maker though. He is a deep and complex character. He's had to deal with some pretty serious trauma in his life. As a result, he chose self-destructive ways of dealing with his grief. That is, until he meets Mila. While their initial "meeting" is less than ideal, these two form a bond. Yes, there is some attraction as well, but there is a true connection and chemistry between them. Mila has also had some not so great things happen in her life. I think they recognized that they shared a similar type of loss. Although, they dealt with it in totally different ways. Despite Pax's reputation and her concerns about what being with him would truly be like, Mila can't help but fall for him. Let's talk about the steam level. This book is seriously HOT. I knew Courtney Cole could deliver on the sexy, but because Pax is such a raw character, the sex scenes were that much better. I could go on in detail about my favorite scenes, as there are many, but I'll just highlight two key moments for me. The painting and the shower. Seriously. Wow. I want to briefly mention Mila's sister Madison. I loved her and I appreciated the relationship she and Mila had. We don't see Madison all that much in this book, but I really developed strong feelings for her character. I think Madison also has an interesting story to tell. I truly could go on and on about how much I loved this story, but I feel that it is best for the reader to experience on their own. I will tell that I've read this book three to four times now and it just got better every time I read it. IF YOU STAY is raw, gritty, sexy, and in your face fantastic. This is without a doubt my favorite book by Courtney Cole to date. Quotes: (note that my copies were BETA copies, so the final quotes/locations may be slightly different) ~"I will try very hard not to hurt you," he says. "I'm fucked up. So I can't promise that I won't. But I promise I will try." "Okay," I whisper. "But try very hard."-Loc 1118/ARC/BETA ~"I'm just not that good at relationships. I haven't had any practice. But if you stay with me, if you stay...I promise that I will never leave you again. I will never shut you out again."-Loc 2845/ARC/BETA

  8. 4 out of 5

    Christy

    When I read the synopsis of this book, I just knew I would love Pax! 24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole. Seriously. He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match. But he’s got his reasons. Pax is a user. He uses drugs, alcohol and women to deal with his issues, to fill a void he has. His mother died when he was young and he’s never dealt with it. He wants to be numb. It’s just easier that way. Things change for Pax when he meets Mila. Mila saves Pax, in more ways than one. When I read the synopsis of this book, I just knew I would love Pax! 24-year old Pax Tate is an asshole. Seriously. He’s a tattooed, rock-hard bad-boy with a bad attitude to match. But he’s got his reasons. Pax is a user. He uses drugs, alcohol and women to deal with his issues, to fill a void he has. His mother died when he was young and he’s never dealt with it. He wants to be numb. It’s just easier that way. Things change for Pax when he meets Mila. Mila saves Pax, in more ways than one. For the first time since I can remember, I don’t want to be numb. Mila makes me want to feel things with her and for her. She wants me to be a better person simply so that I can be around her. Mila is dealing with the loss of her parents, but she copes in a different way. She is an artist. She has her studio and helps her sister run the family restaurant. When she finds Pax on the beach one night, it changes her. She knows he has issues, but she wants to be there for him, to be around him, to be with him. Mila tries to help Pax with things, she supports him, encourages him and starts to fall for him. Pax is falling for Mila too. She is unlike any other woman he has ever met, and he wants to change for her. They have a connection to each other, some definite chemistry. “I’ve imprinted on you,” I tell her laughing softly. “You’re mine now.” And it’s true. She might not know it yet, but it is true. I think the author describes this story best... This story is really about a man teetering on the edge. he could have fallen either way, into the dark or into the light. And he chose to land on his feet in the light, even though the light is harder and takes more work. Pax’s journey was emotional, he was able to get past his issues and redeem himself. Pax and Mila’s story was beautiful. The ending was perfect! I really enjoyed this one! “Love never fails, Mila. And I’ll never fail you again. Thats a promise.”

  9. 5 out of 5

    Jennifer Kyle

    3-4 Stars "Love never fails" "He's gorgeous, and flawed and sexy. And I have no idea what I'm getting into." Well that quote just about says it all for Mila. She stumbles upon Pax and their lives are NEVER the same!! If You Stay is a short story which is told in alternating povs. As a reader you are immediately sucked in from the first couple of pages. I found Pax's road to redemption and recovery well told. Pax and Mila's connection and chemistry was strong. I loved that there wasn't a cliffha 3-4 Stars "Love never fails" "He's gorgeous, and flawed and sexy. And I have no idea what I'm getting into." Well that quote just about says it all for Mila. She stumbles upon Pax and their lives are NEVER the same!! If You Stay is a short story which is told in alternating povs. As a reader you are immediately sucked in from the first couple of pages. I found Pax's road to redemption and recovery well told. Pax and Mila's connection and chemistry was strong. I loved that there wasn't a cliffhanger ending but a hea. Overall, a good read!

  10. 4 out of 5

    *TANYA*

    4.25 stars!!! Great book. Pax was really an A-hole but an honest one. I liked how both characters said what was on their mind to each other. No half truths or BS left unspoken. Pax's dark tormenting secret was horrid. I loved him. Heehee. And Mila was an excellent character as well. She was so good to him and for him without being a doormat. I would have given this book 5 stars if it wasn't for the authors overuse of the word "P*SSY". Besides that minor detail this was an amazing find.

  11. 4 out of 5

    Jamie

    Because true love never fails.  It never dies.  It just goes on and on and on.  Forever. Mila found Pax unconsciouse one night and from that point on, neither of their lives were the same.. [image error] Pax is hard partier and he does it all-- coke, booze, pills.. and he's a manwhore. He seems to always be living on the edge trying to push himself to the extream... he does not care about anyhing or anyone except numbing himself to the world around him. He's got plenty of money from an inheri Because true love never fails.  It never dies.  It just goes on and on and on.  Forever. Mila found Pax unconsciouse one night and from that point on, neither of their lives were the same.. [image error] Pax is hard partier and he does it all-- coke, booze, pills.. and he's a manwhore. He seems to always be living on the edge trying to push himself to the extream... he does not care about anyhing or anyone except numbing himself to the world around him. He's got plenty of money from an inheritence so he's got the funds to get what he wants when he wants it. Mila is sweet, beautiful, and strong.. She'll do anything for anyone and has a huge heart. She felt a pull towards Pax from the first moment she laid eyes on him.. she knows he's the epitome of "bad boy" but she can't stay away.. she wants to fix him, to heal him, and make him whole again Can she? Its a struggle.. but True love never fails.. and Mila won't give up. Pax has some serious ghosts haunting him.. the loss of his mother at a very young age. He's buried secrets deep and can't remember the night he lost his mother.. It plays such a huge part of who he is, and when it's discovered and he remembers.. its very very explosive. I was turning Kindle pages as quick as I could hoping Pax could survive this and hoping he would let Mila help him. You'll have to read the story and expierence their journey.. I think this book will fit just about anybody. If you love LOVE, enjoy a determined strong woman that won't give up on him, a bad boy in need of that strong woman, and a heart wrenching secret.. then you will love his one. I really enjoyed this book so much.. Mila and Pax were so opposite in every way but yet they were still the missing puzzle piece for each other.. Get it, read it, love it...

  12. 5 out of 5

    .Lili.

    If You Stay is the story Pax and Mila. Pax is the asshole bad boy, who abuses drugs and uses women. Except he's not. He is a broken man who abuses drugs and uses women to dull his pain. When the two meet they are immediately drawn to each other. Mila, is innocent and sweet- and soon becomes his light. She gives him hope that he can overcome his demons. Soon after meeting her he searches for the answers that will help him to become the man he never he he'd be or deserved to be. I wish I could writ If You Stay is the story Pax and Mila. Pax is the asshole bad boy, who abuses drugs and uses women. Except he's not. He is a broken man who abuses drugs and uses women to dull his pain. When the two meet they are immediately drawn to each other. Mila, is innocent and sweet- and soon becomes his light. She gives him hope that he can overcome his demons. Soon after meeting her he searches for the answers that will help him to become the man he never he he'd be or deserved to be. I wish I could write more but that would spoil their story. Their journey is written in a way that is believable. It never felt rushed or forced. It was pure and their feelings for one another were felt on every page. Their story moved me to tears. I would definitely recommend this book. It's not your typical bad boy book and I think the blurb doesn't it do it justice. 5 moving stars ♥

  13. 4 out of 5

    Akanksha❤ Søren♰

    DNF!!! The summary seems very promising giving us hope of a angst hot tattooed bastard and even the first chapter gives you a lot of hope that the book is going to rock But after that it just goes downhill.. Its not dragged I'd say, but its very DRY! Like nothing compelling.. very boring.. I couldn't connect to the book or anything about it.. It was pretty blah for my liking so hence I dumped it. I went ahead and saw that the whole drama was about, like the main story and stuff but even that sucke DNF!!! The summary seems very promising giving us hope of a angst hot tattooed bastard and even the first chapter gives you a lot of hope that the book is going to rock But after that it just goes downhill.. Its not dragged I'd say, but its very DRY! Like nothing compelling.. very boring.. I couldn't connect to the book or anything about it.. It was pretty blah for my liking so hence I dumped it. I went ahead and saw that the whole drama was about, like the main story and stuff but even that sucked. Like it was 'Ohh.. hmm so that happened, ohk... weird!' The cover is hot thought, and the author's writing style is nice and stuff but this book wasn't for me.

  14. 5 out of 5

    Ash Wednesday

    A little spoilery but no plot twists given away. So much promise from that first chapter... Actually, it wasn't just the first chapter, Pax Tate was beautifully written it was painful to watch him go down in flames. THIS is how you write a douchebag. Because I've been reading a lot of tortured, tatted and damaged heroes who are trying so very hard to be assholes. With Pax, it was just so organic and I have to commend the writer on this. It's not easy to write something from a guy's POV and ma A little spoilery but no plot twists given away. So much promise from that first chapter... Actually, it wasn't just the first chapter, Pax Tate was beautifully written it was painful to watch him go down in flames. THIS is how you write a douchebag. Because I've been reading a lot of tortured, tatted and damaged heroes who are trying so very hard to be assholes. With Pax, it was just so organic and I have to commend the writer on this. It's not easy to write something from a guy's POV and make his asshattery (is that a word?) charming. Not to mention his obsession in not turning into a p*ssy (right to the last few pages). That's tough. It's not that I wish he remained an ass throughout, I just wish he didn't turn into the heroine in the end. See whenever we shift to the heroine's POV it just goes... bad. I rationalized for Mila, made excuses to like her. I thought at first, yeah, she's a bit of a Pollyanna but she perfectly sets off Pax' jaded personality. I figured, she writes the hero so well, she can't possibly be literal with the heroine, right? She will have something redeeming right? Unfortunately, Mila just dragged Pax' distinct voice in the muddle of the predictable and the prosaic that in the end, their POVs sound like they're one person. And some might find that romantic (two become one and all that shiz), but that just sounds SAD. She makes it so easy to hate her. After unblocking the horrid past from Pax' brain through hypnosis, the therapist instructs that he shouldn't be left alone. And what does our virtuous, loving heroine do? "I won't bother you, Pax. But the doctor said you shouldn't be alone. So you do whatever you'd like. You think about things, you process it however you'd like, but I'm staying. I'M JUST GOING TO RUN INTO TOWN AND GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FILLED AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK." WTF? Of course something bad happened after because suddenly, we're back in Logic Land again after that WTF-ery. I won't even get into the last 20% where the usual trope of having the hero and heroine get separated only to be reunited again because it was so annoying to witness (mostly because Mila's logic is somewhere east of Mars x.x) but you know who takes the cake? Maddy. After being against the idea of Pax and Mila together the entire time, she takes Pax' side in the last 20% because he's going to help them with their financial troubles with the restaurant. Wow. Mila doesn't call her out on her shit, she was just impressed with Pax. I can't even.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Kristen Proby

    This book is BRILLIANT!! I was lucky enough to receive an ARC from the author, and I can't wait for everyone else to read this. I will post a full review closer to release day.

  16. 4 out of 5

    Tessamari ♥Many Waters...♥ ~ Sweet Spot Book Blog

    Four Stars She’s like a breath of fresh air. I may be the Big Bad Wolf, but even wolves need to breathe. Meet Pax (the Big Bad Wolf) This was just the kind of book I needed. It was one of those can’t-put-it-down ones that I often crave on my day off. Though this was a short read, it packed quite a punch. On the surface, it’s a story of opposites attracting. The sweet and beautiful Mila paired with Pax, the bad boy with an awful reputation. They first meet under the direst of circumstances, w Four Stars She’s like a breath of fresh air. I may be the Big Bad Wolf, but even wolves need to breathe. Meet Pax (the Big Bad Wolf) This was just the kind of book I needed. It was one of those can’t-put-it-down ones that I often crave on my day off. Though this was a short read, it packed quite a punch. On the surface, it’s a story of opposites attracting. The sweet and beautiful Mila paired with Pax, the bad boy with an awful reputation. They first meet under the direst of circumstances, with Pax barely clinging to life and Mila saving him. What happens after the incident is when things start really to heat up. I feel like there’s a certain sadness to him, probably because his eyes hint at things that I don’t yet know about him, troubled things. His body is hard, his face is hard, and his eyes are hard. Like stone. And even still, I am pulled inexplicably to him. I can’t explain it. It’s not logical. Our Hero, Pax, is not your typical Hero. He uses drugs, liquor and woman to cope with his hidden demons. He comes from a very wealthy family, but after the death of his mother, he and his father are not the same. Pax has so much potential, but he continuously wastes it away with his wild lifestyle. When he accidently overdoses, is he at his lowest point. This is when Mila first meets him: Slumped and sprawled in his car with no help. Mila just prays that it wasn’t too late when he was finally taken by ambulance. When Pax first wakes up in the hospital, he can’t remember what happened. But what surprises him even more is when Mila walks into his room, checking to see if he is ok. He doesn’t remember her, but what he notices immediately grabs his attention. She’s staring at me with clear, green eyes and she’s holding a vase of flowers. And she’s fucking beautiful. My gut immediately tightens in response. Holy shit. Mila is not the type girl Pax normally hang around with. She gives off an aura of wholesomeness and goodness that is very foreign to Pax. All I know is… I’m drawn to her. She’s everything that I’m not and it fascinates the hell out of me. Pax tries to get Mila out of his mind, but he is determined to find out who she is. Why? He doesn’t even know. He knows she’s too good for the likes of him, but that doesn’t stop him from pursing her. Pax manages to fuck up a few more times before Mila reluctantly tries to establish a relationship with him. How he manages to clean his messes up is beyond me. Frankly, I wouldn’t have been as forgiving as Mila, but then again, he is trying. “Something about you makes me think that I can be better, maybe even get my shit straight. I haven’t felt that way in a very long time.” ~ Pax Mila is still holding a bit of herself back; hesitant and scared of the incident happening again. Pax is definitely hiding something. She convinces him to seek help and reluctantly agrees. But once he uncovers his secrets, how will Pax cope? Will he resort to drugs again? Will Pax allow her to help him or will he push her away? “I’m just not that good at relationships. I haven’t had any practice. But if you stay with me, if you stay… I promise that I will never leave you again.” This was such a good read and I’m so thankful for Trish for recommending it to me. It was a tad bit on a darker side, but it was crafted very well. I really liked it and would definitely recommend it.

  17. 5 out of 5

    Crista

    If You Stay begins a series that is called the "Beautifully Broken" series, and it is aptly named. As much as this book is a romance and a love story, this book is primarily about Pax and his journey towards emotional healing and wellness. Pax experienced a horrific and painful event in his childhood that he has suppressed and has no memory of. He uses Jack Daniels, cocaine, and prescription medications as a way to escape from (and "numb") the pain that is always right underneath the surface. Thi If You Stay begins a series that is called the "Beautifully Broken" series, and it is aptly named. As much as this book is a romance and a love story, this book is primarily about Pax and his journey towards emotional healing and wellness. Pax experienced a horrific and painful event in his childhood that he has suppressed and has no memory of. He uses Jack Daniels, cocaine, and prescription medications as a way to escape from (and "numb") the pain that is always right underneath the surface. This book has one of the most powerful first chapters that I've ever read. Pax is receiving a sexual favor from an nondescript woman while drunk and snorting cocaine. He overdoses and ends up alone and near death in his car. Mila happens upon his car and stops to help. She administers CPR and saves his life (in more ways than one!) I loved Mila's character. I loved that she was willing to walk along side Pax as he committed to getting sober and changing his life. I appreciated the boundries and limits she set and that she didn't enable his behavior. The relationship between Mila and Pax was based around truth, not lies, and this was such a refreshing and welcome change. Pax is a tormented man. Even though I despised some of his behaviors and the choices that he made, I also felt sympathy for him, and when his past is revealed, I felt this to even a greater degree. This is a tragic story. The subject matter is VERY heavy, and this story will evoke strong emotions. There were times where it almost became too much to handle, but thankfully this book ends on a very positive, hopeful, and uplifting note. Mila's sister Madison is up next, and I have a feeling her book will be just as heavy. Recommended when you are in the mood for a book with serious subject matter.

  18. 4 out of 5

    • Lisa •

    'If you stay' was a refreshing welcome change, I found it to be an open, honest, well written account of opposites finding love in the strangest of places. If you are looking for a love conquers all, tragic, unrelenting love story then this one is for you. The story shows the journey of one broken man dealing with his dark past and the brutal consequences of drug abuse, and a tragic past. The author brilliantly introduces the reader into his world in the first few chapters of the book and the re 'If you stay' was a refreshing welcome change, I found it to be an open, honest, well written account of opposites finding love in the strangest of places. If you are looking for a love conquers all, tragic, unrelenting love story then this one is for you. The story shows the journey of one broken man dealing with his dark past and the brutal consequences of drug abuse, and a tragic past. The author brilliantly introduces the reader into his world in the first few chapters of the book and the reader is thrown into this story of one broken man and his soul mate. Pax Tate beautifully sexy, complex, tattooed man with a broken heart, life and soul. I loved that as a reader I had to learn to love him. He was dark, troubled and needed a life line in order to survive. Mila Hill - creative, beautiful, genuine and touched by life and it's cruelty is like sunshine in the book of two opposites falling in love. I enjoyed the book but I didn't fall in love, it was interesting and more soul searching than your average story of love. Somehow I didn't fully connect with the story and sadly it didn't wow me from beginning to end. A solid 3 stars maybe 3.5

  19. 4 out of 5

    Courtney

    This book definitely hit home for me. However, that's not why I am giving it 5 stars. Courtney's writitng and the way she drew me in is what has earned this book the 5 stars!!! Right from the beginning we saw how messed up Pax is and that he really doesn't care about anything in life. He's someone that we all pass in our lives and never think twice about. Mila is a woman who rarely comes across the dark side of life, let alone have it actually effect her in any way. She's the quiet girl that is n This book definitely hit home for me. However, that's not why I am giving it 5 stars. Courtney's writitng and the way she drew me in is what has earned this book the 5 stars!!! Right from the beginning we saw how messed up Pax is and that he really doesn't care about anything in life. He's someone that we all pass in our lives and never think twice about. Mila is a woman who rarely comes across the dark side of life, let alone have it actually effect her in any way. She's the quiet girl that is nice to everyone but not naive either. Mila is drawn to Pax because she can see something more in him but also because she feels the need to "fix" him. The pull Mila has on Pax is so new and unusual, he of course wants to see what it's all about. They can't get each other out of their minds and not because of the physical pull they have - but because they both know that something else is lingering there. The bond between Mila and Pax is very strong. I love how quickly this bond forms between them and yet at the same time they both know how weird it is. Mila definitely keeps her walls up because she knows about Pax and his habits. She isn't stupid and knows that at any point, he can crush her. Pax is just waiting for the day that Mila walks out of his life. He is coming into new terriotry that he has never encountered before in his life. All the feelings are new to him and he has no idea what to do. He knows that Mila is too good for him and yet he doesn't want her to be anywhere else. Mila and Max are pushed to their limits in what they can handle. Can they both overcome their fears and face them? Is love really enough?? Can Mila move beyond Pax's history and have faith in him to not repeat it? Can Pax deal with his past, make ammends and not fall back back into his old habits? Where they end up, the paths they choose, and how far they both come with their lives is amazing. I felt so much heartache, anguish, hope, guilt, pride, love and passion. The trust, compassion and faithfulness these two have for each other is definitely tested alot. This book is exceptionally well written. It's extremely hard to write from two different people's POV and yet still keep the story moving and not get lost. Courtney does an excellent job of switching between Mila and Pax POV's and building the plot at the same time. It also adds depth to the story - I don't think the book would have been as great as it is without both their POV's. Being able to see how they both react, feel, and think in the different situations really makes them so more real. The details of where they live, where they work, etc is just breath taking. The description of the characters and their characteristics are perfect. I felt like I was walking in their shoes. As I said before, this book definitely touched me in ways I was not expecting. I hope everyone takes something away from this book. This book and these characters will stay with me forever. One of my favorite quotes/scenes in the book: "That wasn't an option," I answer. "It was never an option. Love never fails, Mila. And I'll never fail you again. That's a promise." THANK YOU COURTNEY COLE for sharing this story with us!! AMAZING! BEAUTIFUL!

  20. 5 out of 5

    Jodie

    I started this laughing out loud and then looking at my husband and saying Dear god I can’t believe I am going to read this I have a feeling I might need to move to the bedroom NOT KIDDING THAT WAS SAID!!! I can’t be sure that the girl said my name. Her voice is muffled and unintelligible and hard to understand, mostly because my d*** is in her mouth. Slumping against the black leather seat of my car, I push the girl’s head down further, wordlessly urging her to bury more of me in her throat. I started this laughing out loud and then looking at my husband and saying Dear god I can’t believe I am going to read this I have a feeling I might need to move to the bedroom NOT KIDDING THAT WAS SAID!!! I can’t be sure that the girl said my name. Her voice is muffled and unintelligible and hard to understand, mostly because my d*** is in her mouth. Slumping against the black leather seat of my car, I push the girl’s head down further, wordlessly urging her to bury more of me in her throat. “Don’t talk,” I tell her. “Just Suck.” Pax is a broken, lost, self medicating bad boy who knows he is empty but does not have a desire to fix it until he is thrown in the path of Mila. "He's gorgeous, and flawed and sexy. And I have no idea what I'm getting into” “I roll my eyes. 'Are you trying to find some sort of reason that I've become such an asshole? The reason is... I'm an asshole. There are some things in life that can't be explained. Period. Assholes are assholes. Rainbows are pretty. Kittens are cute. Chic flicks are sad. It's the way of things, no explanations.” Mila is an artist, who like Pax, has a history that would leave others cold, and closed off. She is so strong and different then the girls we are use to reading about it was almost refreshing! From the moment Mila sees Pax there is undeniable chemistry that you almost feel jumping from the book. Mila doesn’t run from the bad boy she sees instead she looks past that image and stands next to him wanting to fight for the man she sees, wanting to support him, and encourage him to fight for himself. “I will try very hard not to hurt you," he says. "I'm fucked up. So I can't promise that I won't. But I promise I will try." "Okay," I whisper. "But try very hard." When I finished I was left with three words “Love Never Fails” and a beautiful note from a mother! This book is a beautiful story of love, addiction, self destruction, redemption, strength, and did I say LOVE because this is one of those love stories that leaves you with a smile instead of a cliffhanger!! "You've seen me at my worst. Maybe you should see me at my best." "When are you at your best?" "In bed." What are you waiting for you need to meet Pax and you definitely want to see him at his best!!! Can’t wait for Book 2 and not because I need to read it to finish a story but because I want to read it !!!!

  21. 5 out of 5

    Beatrice Masaluñga

    If You Stay is a good book that explores grief and addiction. The beginning left a bad impression to me as the hero (view spoiler)[gives a blowjob to some woman. Both of them are high and not to be mean, it's a pitiful sight and I cringed. (hide spoiler)] . Pax Tate has a troubled past and succumbs himself to drugs and sex. Definitely a jerk and a womanizer. When he almost die of overdose, someone saved his life. Mila Hill is an artist and her parents' tragic death traumatized her. She still grie If You Stay is a good book that explores grief and addiction. The beginning left a bad impression to me as the hero (view spoiler)[gives a blowjob to some woman. Both of them are high and not to be mean, it's a pitiful sight and I cringed. (hide spoiler)] . Pax Tate has a troubled past and succumbs himself to drugs and sex. Definitely a jerk and a womanizer. When he almost die of overdose, someone saved his life. Mila Hill is an artist and her parents' tragic death traumatized her. She still grieves over them and by fate, she saved Pax but she must stay away from hi,. Both got along instantly because of their similar experience. They have a minimal chemistry and very insta-love. There are dull parts in this book and the characters underwhelmed me. They are platonic and forgettable. On the good side, the therapy sessions are great. I like the hero considered getting help to overcome his addictions. Also, the revelation on Pax's suppressed memory was heartbreaking. Overall, it's a decent book but romance wise, don't expect highly.

  22. 5 out of 5

    JoJo - JJJ (Jo Anna) Janesko

    I am so sad to say that I didn't love this book. I wanted to. From the synopsis it sounded awesom and had so much potential however this book just fell flat for me. I do plan to read other works by this author and am actually excited to read Maddison's book. I am hoping it will have a better outcome.

  23. 5 out of 5

    Drita

    Courtney Cole you never seize to amaze me, always different but yet amazing! I LOVE this book...so raw right down to the nitty gritty! The story is so much more than what the cover shows and far more than the description leads you to believe that it is...I love books that are personal because we tend to relate more to the story. We've all been there at some point in our lives, haven't we? ...I loved Pax and Mila they were so real, and I loved how love helped both characters when at times they bot Courtney Cole you never seize to amaze me, always different but yet amazing! I LOVE this book...so raw right down to the nitty gritty! The story is so much more than what the cover shows and far more than the description leads you to believe that it is...I love books that are personal because we tend to relate more to the story. We've all been there at some point in our lives, haven't we? ...I loved Pax and Mila they were so real, and I loved how love helped both characters when at times they both felt lost and hopeless...There is just something about Pax and Mila that draws you in. They really made this a special read for me! This book will definitely capture you within the first page! "Love never fails, Mila. And I'll never fail you again. That's a promise." ~Pax ...Amazing story...Bad boys aren't always so bad, after all. Courtney Cole you never disappoint!!! Kudos to you!!! ♥

  24. 5 out of 5

    Maria

    Seriously, what was I thinking reading that book? It's like Broken and Screwed all over again. I couldn't freakin' connect to it. I didn't like the female character because she seemed like a sex starved girl who was drooling over a OD-ing guy. Usually, the guy makes up for my hate of the female MC but in this case, I didn't like him either. He was just a typical bad-boy with family issues which was why.. He drinks and f*cks and drinks some more and f*cks some more. Urrggh. I think I'm gonna hurl ju Seriously, what was I thinking reading that book? It's like Broken and Screwed all over again. I couldn't freakin' connect to it. I didn't like the female character because she seemed like a sex starved girl who was drooling over a OD-ing guy. Usually, the guy makes up for my hate of the female MC but in this case, I didn't like him either. He was just a typical bad-boy with family issues which was why.. He drinks and f*cks and drinks some more and f*cks some more. Urrggh. I think I'm gonna hurl just thinking about it.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Ilaria 81

    I have a pet peeve fur drug addiction stories I mean I do NOT believe that love can heal you from this disease . So I started this book really skeptical and I had to give the author the credit that she did a good job Mila and Pax are nice and well mixed so I enjoyed their story and they grow together and I confess bad boys tattooed are one of my “addiction” Mila sends him packing when needed and he grovel and there you have me 1 star less is for the withdrawal crisis or lack of thereof this is no I have a pet peeve fur drug addiction stories I mean I do NOT believe that love can heal you from this disease . So I started this book really skeptical and I had to give the author the credit that she did a good job Mila and Pax are nice and well mixed so I enjoyed their story and they grow together and I confess bad boys tattooed are one of my “addiction” Mila sends him packing when needed and he grovel and there you have me 1 star less is for the withdrawal crisis or lack of thereof this is not believable they are a physical reaction you can’t avoid them

  26. 4 out of 5

    Elizabeth (Liz)

    *purchased trad pubbed ebook version*

  27. 5 out of 5

    Gitte TotallyBookedBlog

    Reviewed jointly on: http://totallybookedblog.com/2013/02/... Gitte: 4 Stars Jenny: 3.5 Stars Gitte: If You Stay is the raw, dark and beautiful story of Pax and Mila. I thought it was a real emotional ride that had me in tears one minute, laughing and feeling hopeful the next. Oh and I have to mention how I don’t think I have ever read a book that starts the way in which this one does. Kudos to Courtney Cole, this Author sure knows how to grab a reader’s attention and hook you from page one! We have Reviewed jointly on: http://totallybookedblog.com/2013/02/... Gitte: 4 Stars Jenny: 3.5 Stars Gitte: If You Stay is the raw, dark and beautiful story of Pax and Mila. I thought it was a real emotional ride that had me in tears one minute, laughing and feeling hopeful the next. Oh and I have to mention how I don’t think I have ever read a book that starts the way in which this one does. Kudos to Courtney Cole, this Author sure knows how to grab a reader’s attention and hook you from page one! We have Pax, a real tortured soul with a black hole in his memory, who is broken and unable to find his place in the world, feeling like there is nothing or no one to believe in or love for that matter. When we meet him he couldn’t really have left a worse impression with Mila or us as readers. Yet it is just a first impression for sure! Then we have Mila who has gone through real tragedy herself yet is a rock to Pax, despite her own share of heartache she is determined and strong and is a true inspiration. Their journey is one of heartbreak, hope, love and determination. Jenny: First off I have to say, what a way to start a book! I was in between books and thought I’d just check out the first chapter and see what it was like……well, there was no putting this down from there. Totally agree Gitte…..what a way to grab your attention! Pax Tate certainly has demons to deal with. He has issues from his past that he doesn’t deal with then well at all. He drowns them in drugs, booze and sex. Pax feels it’s better to be in a sinking haze than deal with everyday life. As a small boy, his heart was broken when his mother died. His father, left alone with a small boy, made the decision to uproot him and start afresh. Pax is cut off from his grandfather and has a tense relationship with his father at best. Mila is a breath of fresh air. She enters Pax’s life at time when he is at his lowest. She is everything Pax isn’t. She is beautiful, sweet and is drawn to Pax. Mila also deals with heartache and is quite a lonely soul. Mila deals with her loss through painting; it’s her escape, unlike Pax who chooses a more dangerous route to escape from his issues. Gitte: I have to say Jenny, I loved Pax. Despite the way we meet him, actually perhaps because of the way we meet him I felt a connection with him immediately. You know within the first few pages that this is one sexy but broken guy. He had me in tears, he had me laughing out loud and he certainly had me swooning!!! “You’ve seen me at my worst. Maybe you should see me at my best……” – Pax “……When are you at your best?” – Mila “…….In bed.” – Pax We love our bad boys don’t we Jenny, and Pax is certainly one of those, though he doesn’t hide who he is, he owns it, which I have to say I loved about him. His behaviour with women, alcohol and drugs leaves a lot to be desired but I got why he thought he needed it once we got deeper into his past. He has subconsciously suppressed a memory which affects his every waking day and some nights in the shape of horrific nightmares. To deal, he numbs his pain and tries to forget what he does remember and feel. His life can only be described as not living and he hates it. “It isn’t long before the blackness comes back. I welcome it with open arms. I sing to it, I croon to it. I cradle it in my arms. I do whatever the fuck I want to do to it because it’s blackness, the darkest of nights, and it doesn’t care. If I am alone in the dark, nothing matters. I can’t hurt anyone but myself, and I fucking deserve it. I close my eyes and let the darkness cradle me. It can fuck me for all I care.” Jenny: I agree Gitte, Pax really did enter into my heart and I loved him, even though there were times I could have throttled him I understood him and the wrong decisions he made. He’s existing, not living and on his way to feeling love for the first time in his life. He will do anything for Mila, even face his past. I have to say I was unprepared for what Pax started remember and the details surrounding his mother’s death were heart breaking. I ached for Pax and Mila. Pax, because he was forced to remember, and was left with the fallout of guilt and shame. Mila for having to witness Pax remembering and to witness first-hand the pain he was going through. Gitte: Now Mia; shehas her own pain dealing with the loss of her Mum and Dad. However, she has an outlet at her fingertips; painting. In order to not bury her emotions, Mila lets it all out through paint strokes and colours. She has a huge heart and determination yet guards her heart heavily. I loved how she was adamant that Pax needed to want to change, rather than her trying to save him. Mia and Pax begin their journey when one ugly and traumatic night forces them together; forges a connection, when one saves the other from a horrific ending. This meeting of can I call it fate? Kismet? Chance? Luck?…sees light entering Pax’s life spurring on changes, enables the building of dreams and makes him realise that love can and really does change everything and everyone. Jenny: I think it was fate Gitte. These two lost souls who not only found one another through a tragic circumstance, but they also found a piece of themselves in each other. I absolutely adored Mila. I loved her sensitivity, her tenacity, her devotion to Pax and how she gave herself so completely. Mila was the light to Pax’s dark and the whole story was raw, filled with emotion. ARC provided by the author for an honest review

  28. 4 out of 5

    Megsly

    I have a thing for bad boys. Omg do I have a thing for bad boys. And I like Courtney Cole’s new bad boy, Pax. He’s a bad boy for a reason. Pax is all hard and dark and broody and tattooed with a taste for drugs and alcohol to dull the pain of his guilt over his mother’s death. He couldn’t tell you why he feels guilty over his mom dying, because he can’t remember much about her death, but he definitely feels guilty. And his less than present dad definitely doesn’t help improve Pax’s outlook on li I have a thing for bad boys. Omg do I have a thing for bad boys. And I like Courtney Cole’s new bad boy, Pax. He’s a bad boy for a reason. Pax is all hard and dark and broody and tattooed with a taste for drugs and alcohol to dull the pain of his guilt over his mother’s death. He couldn’t tell you why he feels guilty over his mom dying, because he can’t remember much about her death, but he definitely feels guilty. And his less than present dad definitely doesn’t help improve Pax’s outlook on life. Poor guy. The opening scene of If You Stay is dark and definitely sets the mood for a gritty, raw adult romance, not to mention it pretty much lays Pax out for the world to see. And when Mila finds our bad boy trapped in a very dangerous situation, it’s obvious she’s his polar opposite, and we all know what they say about opposites! If You Stay isn’t a book for young adults, or the faint of heart. It is raw and dark and true to life. Pax is a broken man, and for once, we have a character who has a true reason to be broken. He’s endured something that many cannot comprehend, and he has a hole in his memory that doesn’t allow him any closure from the tragedy of losing his mom. Mila, who’s also endured her share of hard times, is there to help him after he hits rock bottom. She’s determined to help him find his way, and Pax quickly realizes she’s the one woman who could turn him around. What follows is a rocky journey of love, hope, and inspiration. I love the characters of this book, Mila especially (as a photographer who dabbles in art, I can definitely say I have no problem what so ever with a heroine that is an artist/photographer.) Pax just warms my heart. In the beginning he’s so lost and forlorn, and so broken, and by the end…well, I can’t tell you the end because that just wouldn’t be fair. Needless to say, it’s nice to have a bad boy who has a REASON to be a bad boy. It’s not “oh woe is me, my girlfriend dumped me,” or “It’s fun to be bad,” with Pax. He isn’t bad to be bad, he’s not even really bad. He just makes some really bad choices in the guise of hiding from his pain and guilt. The things that Mila and Pax encounter with one another aren’t out of this world or unreasonable, Courtney Cole is a pro at keeping things realistic and true to life, so that while you’re reading, you find yourself on a journey that you can believe. Believing is what makes the difference in good story, and a great story. And the ending of If You Stay is perfect, I cried, I laughed, and I smiled the whole way through the book, and the ending just pulled all of my emotions together into a sense of contentment and satisfaction with the story. 5 Stars

  29. 5 out of 5

    Karen

    4 stars To say this book had my attention from the opening page would be an understatement (um, wow). More importantly, I am extremely happy to report that it held my attention all the way through to the very last page of the book. I started this book last night and stayed up into the wee hours of the morning because I had to see it through to the end. I needed to know. I have been in a bit of a reading slump as of late so I was very hopeful this book would break my “meh” streak. I was not disapp 4 stars To say this book had my attention from the opening page would be an understatement (um, wow). More importantly, I am extremely happy to report that it held my attention all the way through to the very last page of the book. I started this book last night and stayed up into the wee hours of the morning because I had to see it through to the end. I needed to know. I have been in a bit of a reading slump as of late so I was very hopeful this book would break my “meh” streak. I was not disappointed. The entire time I was reading Pax & Mila’s story I was constantly surprised by the level of communication between the two of them. They were consistently honest about their feelings; laying it on the line about what they wanted from each other and even more daunting, feared from each other. Zero games were played. Their relationship faced extraordinary challenges and still they never denied their feelings for each other whether hopeful or hurtful. But the best part? You won’t believe it…there wasn’t one single moment wasted on a miscommunication or misinterpretation of a situation. We were spared meddling ex-lovers, jealous friends and ridiculous stand-offs where time is wasted licking wounds all the while loving from a far. My God, it was refreshing. If You Stay focused on two people learning to trust one another and their love for each other. Of course, there is much more to the story to be discovered. As Pax and Mila’s emotional journey starts to unravel, we’re slowly pulled into a very dark place that almost seems impossible to escape. I won’t ruin a moment of this book for you by giving away too much. I will say that at the core of If You Stay is a story of second chances, forgiveness, faith in the power of love and the strength & will to try and fight crippling addictions. The fragility of Pax & Mila’s relationship felt believable and never became exhausting for me as a reader. Although, Pax tested me a few times; I never stopped rooting for him. The alternating POV enables the reader to bond with both Pax & Mila and strengthened my understanding of both characters. I truly loved them equally both as individuals and ultimately as a couple. So now I sit here a bit angry with myself for inhaling this book too fast. I am also once again feeling really satisfied with a really great read that was worth the wait. This was my first Courtney Cole book and definitely will not be my last.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Markéta

    4 stars!**** Bad boy turns good for the nice girl. Cliche-ish theme with some original twists and turns. And it worked. It was gripping, catchy and interesting. Jax does drugs. But he's not an addict, he just wants to numb himself. Except one day he takes too much and overdoses. Mila finds him and saves him and then visits him in a hospital. She immediately calms something inside of him. Maybe because she's nothing like the girls he usually sleeps with. She's pure, sweet and beautiful. They start t 4 stars!**** Bad boy turns good for the nice girl. Cliche-ish theme with some original twists and turns. And it worked. It was gripping, catchy and interesting. Jax does drugs. But he's not an addict, he just wants to numb himself. Except one day he takes too much and overdoses. Mila finds him and saves him and then visits him in a hospital. She immediately calms something inside of him. Maybe because she's nothing like the girls he usually sleeps with. She's pure, sweet and beautiful. They start to hang out and eventually they fall in love, but Jax's got secrets that are burried so deep that even he doesn't know about them. And those life changing secrets are about to come out and change both of their lives. I liked this book. It seemed bit too unpredictable and unbelievable at times, but I didn't care about that while I was reading it. At that time I devoured every word with a lightning speed. I just had to know what will happen next. I didn't really liked Mila, but I also didn't hate her. But Pax.. Oh sweet lord. I wish he was real. And mine. He was hot. And the sex scenes were hot, steaming and sexy. I read this one in czech and it was really weird. The word like fuck, cock, dick, blowjob, pussy sound so.. crude in czech. It just sound better in english. Wayyy better. This book was on sale and I'm glad I bought it. Definitely worth it. For more reviews visit: http://do-notdiewondering.blogspot.com Or check out my bookstagram: https://www.instagram.com/mlovesreading/

Add a review

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Loading...
We use cookies to give you the best online experience. By using our website you agree to our use of cookies in accordance with our cookie policy.