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A smart, urgently needed book that helps parents and their kids navigate today’s online landscape—from the founder and CEO of the nation’s leading authority on kids and the media. Now, more than ever, parents need help in navigating their kids’ online, media-saturated lives. Jim Steyer, founder and CEO of Common Sense Media, the nation’s leading kidsand- media organization, A smart, urgently needed book that helps parents and their kids navigate today’s online landscape—from the founder and CEO of the nation’s leading authority on kids and the media. Now, more than ever, parents need help in navigating their kids’ online, media-saturated lives. Jim Steyer, founder and CEO of Common Sense Media, the nation’s leading kidsand- media organization, and the father of four children, knows that many parents and teachers—unlike their technology-savvy kids—may be tourists in the online world. In this essential book, Steyer—a frequent commentator on national TV and radio— offers an engaging blend of straightforward advice and anecdotes that address what he calls RAP, the major pitfalls relating to kids’ use of media and technology: relationship issues, attention/addiction problems, and the lack of privacy. Instead of shielding children completely from online images and messages, Steyer’s practical approach gives parents essential tools to help filter content, preserve good relationships with their children, and make common sense, value-driven judgments for kids of all ages. Not just about Facebook, this comprehensive, no-nonsense guide to the online world, media, and mobile devices belongs in the hands of all parents and educators raising kids in today’s digital age.


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A smart, urgently needed book that helps parents and their kids navigate today’s online landscape—from the founder and CEO of the nation’s leading authority on kids and the media. Now, more than ever, parents need help in navigating their kids’ online, media-saturated lives. Jim Steyer, founder and CEO of Common Sense Media, the nation’s leading kidsand- media organization, A smart, urgently needed book that helps parents and their kids navigate today’s online landscape—from the founder and CEO of the nation’s leading authority on kids and the media. Now, more than ever, parents need help in navigating their kids’ online, media-saturated lives. Jim Steyer, founder and CEO of Common Sense Media, the nation’s leading kidsand- media organization, and the father of four children, knows that many parents and teachers—unlike their technology-savvy kids—may be tourists in the online world. In this essential book, Steyer—a frequent commentator on national TV and radio— offers an engaging blend of straightforward advice and anecdotes that address what he calls RAP, the major pitfalls relating to kids’ use of media and technology: relationship issues, attention/addiction problems, and the lack of privacy. Instead of shielding children completely from online images and messages, Steyer’s practical approach gives parents essential tools to help filter content, preserve good relationships with their children, and make common sense, value-driven judgments for kids of all ages. Not just about Facebook, this comprehensive, no-nonsense guide to the online world, media, and mobile devices belongs in the hands of all parents and educators raising kids in today’s digital age.

30 review for Talking Back to Facebook: The Common Sense Guide to Raising Kids in the Digital Age

  1. 5 out of 5

    Exina

    The book intends to help parents to guide their children through online world and social media. The first part is descriptive and too theoretical, the practical part is not practical enough. It doesn’t give any new information, and though the author mentions the positive aspects of the online world, the focus is on the negatives. 2 stars

  2. 5 out of 5

    Sarah

    I am a bookish Millennial looking for tips as I act more of an aunt than a parent. And wow, this book made me nostalgic than anything. Let me explain why I read this. I was a teenager when the kids began to come, myself only being a kid and exploring the newly opened Facebook. I grew up with the internet, suffering that classic screeching of the internet connecting. I would fight with my brother to get off the computer so I could have a turn with that painful Harry Potter series, before giving up I am a bookish Millennial looking for tips as I act more of an aunt than a parent. And wow, this book made me nostalgic than anything. Let me explain why I read this. I was a teenager when the kids began to come, myself only being a kid and exploring the newly opened Facebook. I grew up with the internet, suffering that classic screeching of the internet connecting. I would fight with my brother to get off the computer so I could have a turn with that painful Harry Potter series, before giving up to go read a book. Now the kids want to watch try not to laugh clean on YouTube. We bond over Pokemon. I bring my 3ds over so we can share games. We are in a different world where common sense is not as common. I know the digital language, how trolls appear amongst comments, and that makes me anxious. The common sense presented in Part 2 helps. However I find that Part 1 is lacking an objectivity. The author works in personal parenting fears with the material, potentially isolating millennial parents trying to slow down their kids foray into the Wild Web West. I wonder if he has any new material with all the changes to Facebook and Youtube recently. It would be worth it to at least update this book.

  3. 4 out of 5

    Marcia

    My staff summer reading choice. I am a big fan of Commonsense Media and use their digital citizenship curriculum with my 2-6th graders. Being familiar with their philosophy, this book held no new information, only solid, helpful reminders. I love that they don't demonized the Internet. I also appreciate their model of steering kids away from advertising. I think the most useful part of the book is the discussion on privacy, and what that has come to mean, as well as what infringements we allow, My staff summer reading choice. I am a big fan of Commonsense Media and use their digital citizenship curriculum with my 2-6th graders. Being familiar with their philosophy, this book held no new information, only solid, helpful reminders. I love that they don't demonized the Internet. I also appreciate their model of steering kids away from advertising. I think the most useful part of the book is the discussion on privacy, and what that has come to mean, as well as what infringements we allow, as members of Facebook nation. I think this would be an especially good book for parents of 3/4 graders to read. That is the age when the big push for online independence occurs, as well as pleas for cell phones and FB accounts. Too many parents are caving in to peer pressure, because they don't want their child left behind and perceive that everyone is doing it. There are dangers (cognitive probably more than predatory) to be aware of as well as developmental repercussions. Worth a quick read.

  4. 4 out of 5

    Caitlin

    Author Jim Steyer is CEO and Founder of Common Sense Media. Saw him speak at my school (middle school, high school, and staff/parent luncheon). He had good, honest conversations with our students. This book is definitely directed towards parents and not necessarily educators, but has great practical tips.

  5. 4 out of 5

    Jacqui

    James Steyer, acclaimed founder of Common Sense Media, has written often in articles and websites on the affect that social networks are having on our children. In his latest book, "Talking Back to Facebook" (Scribner 2012), Steyer discusses worries on every parent's mind about the social media engulfing our children. With so much of education and play time revolving around digital devices like iPads, computers, Wii, apps, and more, parents have a right to be concerned and should question whether James Steyer, acclaimed founder of Common Sense Media, has written often in articles and websites on the affect that social networks are having on our children. In his latest book, "Talking Back to Facebook" (Scribner 2012), Steyer discusses worries on every parent's mind about the social media engulfing our children. With so much of education and play time revolving around digital devices like iPads, computers, Wii, apps, and more, parents have a right to be concerned and should question whether this tsunamic trend is healthy for a child's developing cognitive and psychological functions. Steyer's premise is that the obsession with Facebook and its ilk, as it seeps into younger and younger age groups, can be dangerous and must be controlled. To support his hypothesis, he covers important topics such as: *Self image *Addiction issues *Your child's brain on computer *Loss of privacy *Why your child is at risk *The end of innocence *Embracing the positives of digital media *Kids as data to marketers He also provides a much-needed guide for parents on digital media topics their children face at different ages and what parents can/should do about it, including: *An age specific summary *What parents want to know *What parents need to know Pleasantly, much of his advice is common sense. Moderation is good. Extremes are bad. Pay attention to your child's life. Don't be afraid to step in. He gives parents permission to trust their instincts and create rules/guidelines for the digital natives they are raising. His approach in dispensing advice is to act as a mentor--a trusted adult from whom we seek advice. Rather than a pros-and-con factual summary of available information, he chooses data that supports his hypothesis. I'm not denigrating this approach. It's one of two common approaches by which we-all arrive at a conclusion: *Deductive reasoning--look at all the facts and draw a conclusion *Inductive reasoning--state a hypothesis and do the research to prove (or disprove) it. Of course, if Steyer had disproved his premise, he wouldn't have written the book For as long as man has problem-solved (which could be as long as a million years, but I'll leave that factoid to the paleoanthropologists), we have used either deductive or inductive reasoning. I'm fine with his use of inductive. What made me scratch my head a few times was what he considered 'supporting evidence': *I don't know why Chelsea Clinton is qualified to write the forward on a book about parenting and social media. What is her expertise? I was left wondering if it was her celebrity. *I have to believe there are more reliable sources on technology in education than MoveOn.org (page 85). ISTE comes to mind. How about the Department of Education? *Too often (which in my case is more than twice), Steyer made broad statements and/or cognitive leaps that he presented as commonly-accepted facts, not bothering with proof. Yes, we as parents may believe them, but we're reading the book to buttress our argument. For example: "In Egypt...one of the most important leaders of the movement that overthrew President Hosni Mubarak after nearly three decades of dictatorial rule was a Google executive who posted key messages on the Internet that helped coalesce the protests."(pg. 85) Really? I've never read that before. My mind is open, but where's the proof? Here's another: "...in 2004, Google announced it would digitize all the books in the world. That was a cool idea. But the company didn't bother to ask the permission of the authors who wrote those books... Google folks apparently failed to consider or at least underestimated the intellectual property and personal ownership issues involved..." (pg. 89) Am I supposed to believe a behemoth like Google figured no one would notice their infringement on intellectual property laws around since 1978 (or longer)? Prove this and I'll pull all my books from Google Play. He provides no proof. In fairness to Steyer, there are many times he provided evidence from sources everyone would accept as legitimate. Maybe the above examples are simply bad editing--he could have cleaned them up, but Scribner didn't think it necessary. Who knows? What I do know is their presence in an otherwise exemplary book casts doubt on his agenda in writing the book. In the end, though the premise of the book is manifestly believable, empirical evidence is lacking at critical moments. For the reader to reach Steyer's conclusions often requires a high level of trust in the author's words and logic. That's why I gave it three stars.

  6. 5 out of 5

    Simay Yildiz

    Türkçesi Zimlciious'ta. Originally published on CommunityBookStop. I remember when Jurassic Park hit theaters in Turkey, I begged my mom and aunt to take me and my sister to see it. All my friends at school had seen it, which then meant I had to had to! see it as well. After they saw what it was all about, mom and aunt referred the situation to my father. He went and saw it with his friends, then decided to not to take us; his reasoning was that "everyone looked very scared when they were getting Türkçesi Zimlciious'ta. Originally published on CommunityBookStop. I remember when Jurassic Park hit theaters in Turkey, I begged my mom and aunt to take me and my sister to see it. All my friends at school had seen it, which then meant I had to had to! see it as well. After they saw what it was all about, mom and aunt referred the situation to my father. He went and saw it with his friends, then decided to not to take us; his reasoning was that "everyone looked very scared when they were getting out of the theater." In middle school when I finally watched the movie, I realized and understood the reasoning behind my parents not letting me see it when we were so young... When I was at the grocery store the other day, I saw a small kid sitting in the shopping basket, playing with her mother's phone, watching videos as the mom was comparing prices on an item. Of course, this made me remember my Jurassic Park anecdote. If I were a kid today, I would have found that movie online and watched it without anyone even knowing. James P. Steyer, founder of Common Sense Media, touches upon social media, which can be even more dangerous than movies, and its place in children's lives in his book Talking Back to Facebook. When I was a child, most of my friends' mothers were stay-at-home mothers like my own. Before my mother gave me a book to read, she would read it herself first and decide if it was appropriate. My mother, aunt and grandmother would watch cartoons and movies with us, knew what was being coded into our brains as we enjoyed the colorful moving pictures. Today, however, most parents have to work and work hard all day and don't really have the time to pay that kind of attention to their children. I'm not judging anyone; I know personally how hard it is to make a living. But I also cannot deny feeling sad when I see parents handing their children an iPad or an iPhone so they can chat and have their tea in peace. This looks innocent, but it also leads me to think that they do not really know or think too much about the fact that technology has a very dark side. In the book, James P. Steyer gives examples from his own life with his kids and their relationship to social media as he gives clues about how children can benefit from technology's advantages and be protected from the hard it can cause. At what age should your child be introduced to the digital world? What kind of problems does the overuse of digital media cause? How can you prevent your child from being addicted to their computer or TV? How should you monitor what they're sharing on social media? These are the kinds of questions Steyer is trying to answer. It's very obvious that in order to protect children, a lot falls on the shoulders of parents, as well as governments and the founders of social media giants. I won't go into too much detail because there is a lot to talk about and it's all in the book, but I can say that everyone should read this whether or not they have children. Sometimes, you'll go "I already know this," but then when you think about it a little bit, you'll realize you don't dwell on it too much, and that it'd be better if you did. I really wish there was an organization like Common Sense Media in Turkey as well because both children and parents really do need to be educated on how technology, especially social media should be used correctly and carefully.

  7. 4 out of 5

    Courtney Huskisson

    Quotes: “Millions of people...are increasingly connecting to other people only via text messages. This means that they don’t have to look people in the eye or even hear their voices over the telephone. It may seem more efficient, but there also seems to be a connection between the frequent use of technology and the tendency of people to be less intimate and emotional in their human interactions.” (22) [quoted from Jonathan Franzen] “Our lives look a lot more interesting when they’re filtered thro Quotes: “Millions of people...are increasingly connecting to other people only via text messages. This means that they don’t have to look people in the eye or even hear their voices over the telephone. It may seem more efficient, but there also seems to be a connection between the frequent use of technology and the tendency of people to be less intimate and emotional in their human interactions.” (22) [quoted from Jonathan Franzen] “Our lives look a lot more interesting when they’re filtered through the sexy Facebook interface. We star in our own movies, we photograph ourselves incessantly, we click the mouse and a machine confirms our sense of mastery....We like the mirror and the mirror likes us. To friend a person is to merely include that person in out private hall of flattering mirrors.” (26) “Many teen girls photoshop their Photoshop--digitally alter---their photos to appear thinner and carefully select photos for their facebook profiles that make them look thinner....Many teen girls constantly monitor how photogenic they look, checking and rechecking their appearance in photos again and again.” (27) “Teens send more than a third of their texts after lights are out.” (41) [quoted from Stephanie Brown] “Addictions happen when people are trying to control their emotional state. You find something that makes you feel better and then you want more of it, but then there is emptiness in the payoff.” (43) “Teens often use digital devices to keep feelings at a distance and hide behind a deliberate outward appearance of nonchalance.... teens [that] use their phones so constantly eliminates the privacy and solitude required for true intimacy as well as the space necessary for self-reflection.” (44)

  8. 5 out of 5

    Julie

    I got through this pretty quickly--it's not a long book and you can skim the first part without missing out on anything. The first part was a little dry--goes into the history of digital media a little & the various challenges, such as diminishing privacy, we have today. Common Sense Media is mentioned frequently (the author is the founder) so there's a drinking game for you. Mostly I left the first part feeling pretty hopeless about my kids' future in this digital world; he tries to point out p I got through this pretty quickly--it's not a long book and you can skim the first part without missing out on anything. The first part was a little dry--goes into the history of digital media a little & the various challenges, such as diminishing privacy, we have today. Common Sense Media is mentioned frequently (the author is the founder) so there's a drinking game for you. Mostly I left the first part feeling pretty hopeless about my kids' future in this digital world; he tries to point out positives of course, but it's the negatives that stick with you. Your kids will have behavioral, social, academic and attention problems AND be overweight from all this screentime. Great. The second part where he outlines how to approach controlling digital media for each age group was much more practical. My main takeaways were limit kids screentime to 2 hours a day (which we've always tried (& failed in the summer) to do); don't let them have a facebook account until they are 15; don't let them have a phone until they enter high school; and model digital media restraint myself (whoa nelly, that'll be hard). I also learned there are "kid-friendly" browsers out there--"Kidzui"--so if they are on Youtube, it'll only show vetted age-appropriate videos. Though there probably isn't much most parents don't already know here, I'd recommend this book mostly because it'll put a fire under your butt to want to strictly enforce your family's digital media rules.

  9. 5 out of 5

    Gloria Denoon

    Steyer has presented a hope for us – somewhat desperate parents struggling in dealing with digital native children in their usage of information technology and communication. The basic theme of the book is excellent: how to take back control from information technology and highly networked web world so that we can protect our children and their privacy in this increasingly volatile and complicated digital age. The book provides practical safety tips for parents in guiding children of different a Steyer has presented a hope for us – somewhat desperate parents struggling in dealing with digital native children in their usage of information technology and communication. The basic theme of the book is excellent: how to take back control from information technology and highly networked web world so that we can protect our children and their privacy in this increasingly volatile and complicated digital age. The book provides practical safety tips for parents in guiding children of different ages to use information technology. I especially appreciate Styer’s analysis on how technology gurus and moguls uphold the golden value of “information” and how that serves the vested interest of business world; better information leads to better targeting customers. And, how this explains the current phenomenon of information explosion/overload. I also agree with him on the naiveté in believing that there’s no cost in having total transparency and frictionless sharing on the web. Beside the privacy and potential negative consequences discussed in this book, I am also concerned with the exhibitionist culture on the web and people’s constant need for external validation – because this hinders our potential to go deeper on important subjects in life and to connect with the true authentic self and meaningful life.

  10. 4 out of 5

    Dan

    Is it just me? I'm pretty certain about the limits I want around digital technology and screen time; I'm just looking for strategies to help implement them in the face of overwhelming societal pressure to the contrary. The vast majority of this book seemed geared towards affirming the dangers of too much screen time and recommending limits, and neglected to dive into the sticky subject of: "Ok, but how?" One thing I'm actually considering, though, is using the book as a jumping-off point with my Is it just me? I'm pretty certain about the limits I want around digital technology and screen time; I'm just looking for strategies to help implement them in the face of overwhelming societal pressure to the contrary. The vast majority of this book seemed geared towards affirming the dangers of too much screen time and recommending limits, and neglected to dive into the sticky subject of: "Ok, but how?" One thing I'm actually considering, though, is using the book as a jumping-off point with my 10-year old. I'd like to have her read the chapters on "ages 9-10" and "ages 11-12." I am fortunate that she seems to understand (intellectually, if not always in-the-moment) the dangers of excessive media consumption and the value in "unconnected" activity. But wow does she react to his warnings and recommendations? Beyond helping both of us get on the same page about the subject, we might also tease out this strategy piece I felt was lacking in the book.

  11. 5 out of 5

    Levi

    Overall I think this is helpful. He puts in laymans terms all of the things parents need to consider regarding digital natives. I was hoping for something more research heavy. He often refers to research, but this is written for parents and not necessarily for educators. The first half sets up the problem that parents and digital natives face moving forward, but he second half of the book is the most helpful. He breaks down age restrictions for students gives helpful tips for managing digital me Overall I think this is helpful. He puts in laymans terms all of the things parents need to consider regarding digital natives. I was hoping for something more research heavy. He often refers to research, but this is written for parents and not necessarily for educators. The first half sets up the problem that parents and digital natives face moving forward, but he second half of the book is the most helpful. He breaks down age restrictions for students gives helpful tips for managing digital media for each age group.

  12. 4 out of 5

    Kathleen Brunnett

    The author of this book is the founder of Common Sense Media which rates movies, tv, video games, etc for age appropriateness and content. While some of the background information on internet privacy policies (or lack there of) was a bit much to navigate, it was an interesting read just the same. If anything, I was able include new information in a discussion with my son about safe internet use, privacy issues and the like.

  13. 4 out of 5

    Sara

    This book is very timely. In fact, it is so timely that it will doubtless be horribly out-of-date in just a few years, referring to games and TV shows and websites that children are no longer interested in. But for today, this is an important book to read for any parent who isn't sure how to handle their children's access to the digital world. Common-sense practical advise is provided, broken down by age. This book is very timely. In fact, it is so timely that it will doubtless be horribly out-of-date in just a few years, referring to games and TV shows and websites that children are no longer interested in. But for today, this is an important book to read for any parent who isn't sure how to handle their children's access to the digital world. Common-sense practical advise is provided, broken down by age.

  14. 4 out of 5

    Natalee

    This is an important book for parents and teachers to read. We are living in a digital age where the kids are natives, but not always literate, and the adults are tourists. James Steyer provides helpful and realistic strategies for parents to teach their kids how to have a healthy, balanced relationship with the technology in their lives.

  15. 5 out of 5

    Jessica

    This is a quick, very good read that should enlighten parents on the dangers of the online world. A previous reviewer thought that most parents knew this stuff already, but I disagree. I think most folks, myself included, are pretty transparent online. Worse yet, our children may be following in our footsteps. This book will make a parents more proactive with their children's online habits. This is a quick, very good read that should enlighten parents on the dangers of the online world. A previous reviewer thought that most parents knew this stuff already, but I disagree. I think most folks, myself included, are pretty transparent online. Worse yet, our children may be following in our footsteps. This book will make a parents more proactive with their children's online habits.

  16. 5 out of 5

    Sandra

    You will find yourself hating Facebook at some points in this book for how much it has taken over the lives of ourselves and our kids. It does make you think about the Internet in a different, and more cynical and cautious way. At the end of the book there are a lot of good tips, separated by age, on helping your kids get the most out of the Internet without allow it to take over their lives.

  17. 4 out of 5

    Julie

    I suppose this one was preaching to the choir. I worry about the messages we see our children getting every single day with the constant barrage of technology in our lives. I really connected with the author's concern for our children's privacy as they enter their adult lives. Once their images are out there in the "web", there is no undue button. I suppose this one was preaching to the choir. I worry about the messages we see our children getting every single day with the constant barrage of technology in our lives. I really connected with the author's concern for our children's privacy as they enter their adult lives. Once their images are out there in the "web", there is no undue button.

  18. 4 out of 5

    Kevin Hodgson

    Steyer is CEO of CommonSense Media, which I like as a resource for teaching and parenting, but which I also filter through a "this is bad" lens on most digital media. Still, it's an important website to bookmark and worth a view. Steyer is CEO of CommonSense Media, which I like as a resource for teaching and parenting, but which I also filter through a "this is bad" lens on most digital media. Still, it's an important website to bookmark and worth a view.

  19. 5 out of 5

    Alex Pang

    I'm not entirely sure what to make of this yet. It's good, if somewhat more focused on policy than I think is useful. I keep thinking about how I would write it, which makes it hard to appreciate on its own merits. I'm not entirely sure what to make of this yet. It's good, if somewhat more focused on policy than I think is useful. I keep thinking about how I would write it, which makes it hard to appreciate on its own merits.

  20. 4 out of 5

    Allison

    I found the first half-mostly about the potential dangers of media-to be awfully redundant. The tips in the second part were practical, but I think you could get the same information from the author's website, commonsense.org, without taking the time to check out the book. I found the first half-mostly about the potential dangers of media-to be awfully redundant. The tips in the second part were practical, but I think you could get the same information from the author's website, commonsense.org, without taking the time to check out the book.

  21. 5 out of 5

    Whitney

    As the subtitles suggests, a lot of this book is basic common sense but it is a good reminder that we need to take precautions to protect our kids as they start engaging on the internet. Also provides some basic guidelines for parents which I thought were helpful.

  22. 4 out of 5

    Stacie Lindsey

    This was an Education Week suggestion. This has been a big topic of discussion in our neighborhood lately. The latest statistics on texting, facebooking etc. were shocking. The social impact, made me a little nervous.

  23. 4 out of 5

    Matt Heavner

    Tough issue -- raising kids in the digital age explosion. This book is thought provoking and has good discussion, but there are no easy answers! The second half of the book has age specific ~6 page Q/A and suggestions -- from 2 years old to ~13 in two year increments.

  24. 4 out of 5

    Polly

    About how young people are affected by digital media in terms of their relationships, attention/addiction issues, and privacy issues...quick read and pretty scary. Worth checking out if you can get past the promotion of the author's foundation, repetition, and super serious tone. About how young people are affected by digital media in terms of their relationships, attention/addiction issues, and privacy issues...quick read and pretty scary. Worth checking out if you can get past the promotion of the author's foundation, repetition, and super serious tone.

  25. 5 out of 5

    Melissa Daley

    As someone who already has a good grasp on technology I felt the book didn't offer anything extra to me. Most of the information I felt was common sense. May be beneficial to a parent who has no understanding of technology. As someone who already has a good grasp on technology I felt the book didn't offer anything extra to me. Most of the information I felt was common sense. May be beneficial to a parent who has no understanding of technology.

  26. 5 out of 5

    Karen

    Every parent should read this book!

  27. 5 out of 5

    Erika

    I read this book to review it for my company's newsletter and learned a lot about Facebook's disregard for privacy. A very interesting book. I read this book to review it for my company's newsletter and learned a lot about Facebook's disregard for privacy. A very interesting book.

  28. 4 out of 5

    Molly

    A look at how parents should approach Facebook and social media in regards to their children. Another cautionary look at how much private information we are giving away.

  29. 5 out of 5

    Limeminearia

    kinda alarmist but useful for people with kids who aren't sure when to introduce them to what. kinda alarmist but useful for people with kids who aren't sure when to introduce them to what.

  30. 4 out of 5

    Cami Jones

    Not quite what I expected, but it was good :)

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